issues with friend

LegacyUser

I've been friends with this person for about 4 years now and we've had issues in the past where she has betrayed me, used me for a cheap laugh and I have tried to cut her out of my life a few times, and either I backed down and forgot about what happened, after having told her how she had hurt me, or she apologised and we just got back friends again.

Recently enough we had a row in a pub over something small, I got up to go down the road to the bank machine as she was blanking me, but told her where I was going and that I'd be back. Anyway she wasn't listening to me which is quite frequent actually and took it up that I was leaving the pub, and when I got back she was outside with the owners giving out about me abandoning her (she was staying the night with me and her car and keys were in my apartment) and when we did get back to my place I told her she hadn't listened to me and that was my local pub and I was embarrassed about the scene she made.

So her response was to put me up against the wall by my neck and said 'you're lucky I don't do more to you'. ok so I obviously was finished with her after that but six months on she crawled her way back into my life (ok still my own fault for letting her) and she really did seem to have changed. Then last week she told me how she had punched a guy friend of hers in the face for leaving her on her own on the street (have to wonder about the whole story there), and I am now thinking she hasn't learned anything and I don't think I can be comfortable around her.

She felt me backing away, calling less, etc. and I am definitely less willing to hear about her problems as I'm seeing more and more that they are of her own doing. She is great craic and we have lots in common, but I'm starting to wonder if she can ever change...and I would appreciate some general advice on how to handle her. thanks

How Strange

It's funny, I had such a similar situation I almost thought it was a friend of mine posting a story about a mutual friend.

My 'ex' friend was a great social person, the funny, gregarious one who would chat to everyone. Then she would put me down in front of people for kicks and treat me like sh*t whenever I let her away with it. She would throw full blown tantrums like a three year old if things didn't go her way - tears, shouting the works. She was/is as deep as a puddle and only thought of herself. I've cut all contact with her and on the one or two occasions that I hear from her by mail or text my replies are brisk one liners.

Sometimes you just meet nasty, vindictive people who use others who may not stand their ground as readily as they should and tell them to f*ck off.
I suggest you cut ALL contact and if she tries to contact you just tell her you can't/don't want to meet. Eventually (after a few months) she will move on to someone else. I don't think there is much point in listing the reasons why because, if she is like my 'ex' friend, she thinks she never does anything wrong so she won't even hear what you are saying.

She sounds like a real nasty piece of work especially considering the violent tendancies. Next time she might just hit you.

Lizzykins

Couldn't agree more with the idea of cutting all ties with her. Life is too short to waste on people like that who undermine your self esteem. I know a few prime examples who should have been drowned at birth!

Niamho!

....its just a pity it takes some of us so long to realise and do something about it... i had a similar mate too....

LegacyUser

Hi
I had a similiar friend too, my so called best friend! every time we were anywhere together she used to make a big joke and laugh out of me. I would even dread meeting her in a social capacity. I spoke to other friends about her and they reckoned she was jealous of me and couldn't deal with it. She had a dead end job going no-where whereas I had picked myself up from tradegy and got on with my life, finished college and gotten a good job with career prospects. I would never rub this in her face at all. But i could tell there was tension and anminosity between us where ever we went anywhere. I have tried to cut her out of my life on many occassions but it is very hard when you share the same friends! it all came to a head when we were on holiday together and she took it upon herself to attack me! I actually felt like she was going to push me off the balcony. So finally i stood up to her and wouldn't let her push me around anymore, told her to never contact me ever again, i wanted nothing more to do with her. I cut all ties deleted her number off my mobile and deleted her as my friend from bebo and to be honest i have never been happier in my life. Recently she has tried to contact me and i have ignored it, soon she will get the picture.
I would advise doing the same for your own piece of mind and happiness, it is in my experience that these people bring you down to their level. Be strong and dont let her wheedle her way back into your life again.

star-pants

syncokal wrote: »

So her response was to put me up against the wall by my neck and said 'you're lucky I don't do more to you'.

That right there should tell you enough. No-one should EVER do that.

I had a friend (seems there's a few people who've had odd friends like this) who I think has a lot of issues - I'm not going into details, but suffice to say I did my best to be there for her, even when it grated on me. We hit a breaking point and I stopped contact with her for...6 or 7 months, but then we got back in contact, friendship took off shakily etc..

Lasted about a year - then I'd really really had enough of her - and when I was honest - she blamed me!! :eek: I had done nothing but be there for her, even when I didn't agree with things she did. I tried my best - but we had a massive row and she crossed a line.
That ended it for good -about 6months ago now. And to be honest, I don't wish anything bad against her, but I do *not* want her back in my life.

You should eliminate this friend - it's tough - especially if they have problems & you feel you should be there for them. You don't -- they don't deserve you because they don't care.

Walk away and don't look back pet -- it's the best thing.

DawnMc

Must agree with you all here. I've had similar friendships and was convinced it was something to do with me but it is possible to attract psycho friends.

I just cut all ties with one particular 'friend'. It's the only thing to do.

LouOB

Too weird had a friend exactly as above. We were the best of friends but would go into moods when out eg start picking fights with people and overall paranoia. All came to ahead when she attacked me one night. I stood up the her after being talked and put down the whole night. She never apologised or even recognised that her behaviour was not exactly normal, ie to attacked people.
Have not had contact with her since. Anyone who uses violence, emotional or physical as a weapon is not worthy of friendship