Moving in with girlfriend / buying somewhere together

LegacyUser

Hi,

I've been seeing the most amazing girl I've ever met for just short of a year. We both live at home, and have a very intense relationship. We talk about anything and everything and feel very close and comfortable with each other.
Soon I know we're going to want to live together, and we talked about renting somewhere. We both came to the conclusion it would probably be better to hold off on renting, and allow us to save and then buy somewhere together once we've saved enough.

I know many people would probably advise on renting first for a year... learn about each other more, and then look to buy somewhere.
To anyone outside of us, does this seem mental to be thinking about buying somewhere together even though we've only known each other for less than one year. I'm pretty sure it's the right thing we should do. I guess I just want to know if others have 'dived in' and have done something similar. Would you recommend it?
Thanks

ballooba

Buying with a GF usually ends in tears. Wait until she's a wife.

Commonsense

Buy dont even think about renting it is just dead money. Was in same position as you nearly four years ago with boyfriend and delighted that i bought. Like yourself, the relationship was still young and intense (huh huh). We had teething times but same with everyone who moves in with their partner for the first time. And we are still together and happy in a nice house.

Go for it

Commonsense

been burnt ballooba - bet you got good deal in the resulting sale huh

LegacyUser

good advise Ballooba.
If we last the whole saving and planning stage, I'd definetely get engaged to her as I know this is the girl I want to be with.
We're both 26 by the way, and both lived away from home before.

How Strange

Rent together for a couple of years and if you are still crazy about each other then buy a place.

You only know each other less than a year and have never lived together so you are probably on your best behaviour most of the time. There is nothing like a bit of mundane domesticity to bring out people's true selves.

Also, it's not a race. Rent somewhere, take it easy, enjoy your financial freedom and don't be rushing into shackling yourself with a mortgage too soon.

Rent might seem as dead money to some people but it will be alot more expensive to sort out selling a house if you break up.

Commonsense

more expensive to sort out selling a house if you break up

Errr no - if you bought in the last few years you will be making a fortune on selling - depening where of course.

ballooba

Commonsense wrote: »

been burnt ballooba - bet you got good deal in the resulting sale huh

Nope. Seen it happen too many times. People take on double income mortgages and get burnt because those mortgages can't be supported on a single income.

I'm glad it worked out well for you. So far.

dudara

Guys - try not to focus on the "Rent is dead money" argument, that is not the point of this thread.

dudara

Poppers1888

Commonsense wrote: »

more expensive to sort out selling a house if you break up

Errr no - if you bought in the last few years you will be making a fortune on selling - depening where of course.

em yeah - they say if you buy now the value is only going to go down - he is talking about buying now and not a few years ago.

ballooba

Commonsense wrote: »

Errr no - if you bought in the last few years you will be making a fortune on selling - depening where of course.

As a judge mentioned in a case taken by a bank recently:

It's not the best time to be selling houses.

rent together first and see how it goes or there'll be more pressure on the relationship to make it work because of the commitment of buying

bandit197

Rent for a while, for starters its not a great time to buy just now. Prices seem to be leveling off and may drop next year. Rent for a year...use that year to find out more about each other without the pressure of a mortgage. Also it gives you time to think about what type of house you would eventually like to be in. Dont listen to people saying renting is dead money, thats very negative. Whats more important is that ye dont ruin what seems to be a great relationship at the moment for the sake of a years rent. Best of luck with your decision whatever it may be..

Commonsense

Ok
Take it from a person who has been in the situation of 'timetomove'. I am delighted that I moved and the choices I made.
Decision up to yourself but if you have decided to move in with girlfriend does it matter where?
If you can afford to buy do, but if short term this not a possibility rent could be cheaper.

Commonsense

I was saying that if someone bought their house afew years ago and is selling now, they will make more than what they paid for the house at the time.
The guy is thinking about buying the house

How Strange

Commonsense, I'm glad to hear that it has worked out very well for you but realistically the road to co-owning, domestic bliss is littered with acromonious break-ups and bitter battles over houses.

I suppose its a case of each to their own. If the OP feels buying is the right thing to do then he should do that and the very best of luck to both of them but if he has any doubts about buying together then they should rent for a while and see how it goes after a year together.

muppetkiller

Trust me you know very little about your girlfriend/boyfriend until you live with them. Especially after only a few months...
Rent together for a year and then consider buying in a year or two.

And by the fact that you are living at home I presume you guys are still very
young. The last thing you need is a huge mortgage over your heads even if you don't go your individual ways. Renting will rarely cover your mortgage these days if you decided to travel.
Have you both finished college ? Careers based in the same location ?

Suse

OP, rent somewhere for a while with your GF. You'll have a ball, all the lazy weekend lie ins and the privacy of your own bedroom!!!!! It worked for me and my fella and we didn't regret it for one minute. The number 1 thing couples argue about is money. Don't do it yet. Enjoy the early times in your relationship. Also remember that Girls (myself included) go way over the top with spending on a new house. We used to argue argue argue over the small things like why we needed another plant or why we have to do up the spare room immediately. Plus the property market is very rocky at the moment and maybe not the best time to be buying.
I would suggest you get yourselves a nice one bedroom (that way no one can come and stay over ) apartment for the next six months and enjoy yourselves and maybe then think about buying after that.

Mighty_Mouse

Renting could in fact be "sensible money" in a market-place with falling property prices.
Madness to contemplate buying a place with a girl you havent lived with.

I mean IMO you can have zero contemplation of what a 3-4 year "living together" full-time relationship feels like
when ye having only been dating & living at home for less than a year.

Clairecluck

I think it would be crazy to buy straight off with someone without having even lived together before. Aside from the huge legal contract you would both be entering into, don't you think it would put unnecessary strain on a relationship that's so young? If the relationship is as good as you say it is you will still be together a few years down the line and you can buy then. For now, enjoy the early stages of the relationship without the hassle and worry of a mortgage. Rent for a year and ease yourselves into it. That way you can enjoy the 'living together' experience without the heavy burden of a mortgage and then when the time is right, take the plunge. You'll have a much stronger relationship in the long run and you won't have killed each other before you reach year two because of money.

Enjoy the carefree early stages of your relationship while it lasts, cos it wont last forever. There will be plenty of time for the two of you to worry about bills and mortgaages and kids in the near future.:)

wardyeire

Isn't it amazing the way it all comes down to money and not what the whole idea of moving in togther means>>>>>>>

I moved in with the girlfriend after 3 months and nearly 3 years and one georgeous child later we're still as happy as larry.....sometimes it may cost a bit more financially but how many people live in lovely houses but have no one to share it with. If your sure this is the right thing to do, do it?

biko

I would rent somewhere while looking for a nice property. At the same time you can see how you get on once the initial flare dies down a bit and you get to see the other side of each other (the smelly farting burping monster inside all of us)

dudara

I moved in with ny bf after 3 days and that was over 8 years ago. Different strokes for different folks. I'm not particularly interested in owning a house so this has never been a topic for us.

I can understand wanting to move in together, but why in particular are you thinking of puchasing a property? You would need a tight legal contract to exist between the pair of you.

ixoy

Rent first! Get to know each other and understand each other without having anything crippling you.

It's important to remember that the price you might pay for a monthly rental will get you a better place than you could if you bought - nearer to work for example. It willl remove undue stress and let you focus on each other. A mortgage is an unnessecary financial burden at this point and not necessarily a wise one either right now(an argument better suited to the Accomodation & Property forum).

If you do rent, rent by yourselves. I'm living with the bf now in our own place since May but before that we rented in a shared apartment. It's not a good idea for couples and you don't get your own space that you require. It'll be extra money but it's definitely, 100%, worth doing. Best decision I've ever made.

I wouldn't buy in the current economic climate.
I don't think it is too soon at a year though.

Ickle Magoo

timetomove wrote: »

Hi,

I've been seeing the most amazing girl I've ever met for just short of a year. We both live at home, and have a very intense relationship. We talk about anything and everything and feel very close and comfortable with each other.
Soon I know we're going to want to live together, and we talked about renting somewhere. We both came to the conclusion it would probably be better to hold off on renting, and allow us to save and then buy somewhere together once we've saved enough.

I know many people would probably advise on renting first for a year... learn about each other more, and then look to buy somewhere.
To anyone outside of us, does this seem mental to be thinking about buying somewhere together even though we've only known each other for less than one year. I'm pretty sure it's the right thing we should do. I guess I just want to know if others have 'dived in' and have done something similar. Would you recommend it?
Thanks

I would recommend renting for at least a year first...you'll waste no more than what you'd have to pay in legal fees, etc for splitting a house.

I moved in with my fella after 2wks - that was a wedding, 2 kids & eight yrs ago now - it can & does work but having bought our first house a yr ago, I can honestly say the extra financial pressure is something I am glad we did not have to face in the early days. Just rent, have fun & see how you get on. Living with someone 24/7 is wildly different to even spending a lot of time with them. hth & best of luck!

NextSteps

I agree with the other posters - rent a nice place for just the two of you and enjoy yourselves for a while. Much more fun than traipsing around sorting out mortgages, solicitors, builders and so on. That's pretty stressful, even for couples who have had tons of time to get used to living together (and it's great, but it takes a while!) - why do that to yourselves just yet?

echosound

Yep, rent first, not a good time to be thinking about buying anyway.
Rent will most likely be cheaper for now too rather than paying off the early stages of a mortgage, so you'll have more money to enjoy yourselves with, rather than having to sit in night after night trying to save enough to furnish your gaff or pay the bills.
I don't think it's too soon to be thinking about moving in, different stokes for different folks. I was in fact sharing a house with 2 other guys, started going out with one of them, so we were living together before we were even going out. We've lived together from day 1 of our relationship, moved on to get our own place by ourselves (not a good idea to share with other people as you'll want your privacy) and we're now married. So it's never too soon to move in if you feel ready for it IMO.

However, renting seems like a better idea to me for you both at the moment, enjoy the relationship without adding the pressure of legalities and mortgages for the moment til you are 100% sure you want to buy together - I remember reading somewhere that money arguments were generally the biggest causes of strife in a couple's lives, so don't bring that on yourselves just yet, rent and enjoy and sure you can always buy down the line.

chump

Rent is dead money. Save for 6 years, and then BUY BUY BUY

echosound

chump wrote: »

Rent is dead money. Save for 6 years, and then BUY BUY BUY

Depends how you crunch the numbers. The interest you pay on a mortgage is also dead money, and if you find it cheaper to rent and save the difference you would be paying out on a mortgage (maybe plus a little extra too), you'll have a huge chunk of deposit to put towards a house in the future, especially in the current climate with the housing market the way it is. Check out the drops in prices in the past year or so, the trend is supposedly set to continue, makes more sense to me to wait it out for a little while and see where the market is going, rather than end up stuck in a starter home with negative equity.

nicolo

be very carefull, a years not enough time to fully know someone, your still in the honeymoon period, i moved in with my ex-girlfriend after 6 months because we were mad about each other and both of our leeses where up, but once you move in the time you have together slowly becomes less precious, the stress of just the move is headwrecking enough and then the stress of who cleans up/does the shopping arguments start, plus the sex life starts to vanish when its on tap, like when you only get to see each other a few times a week you really cherish the time you have together, once your waking up next to them snoring every morning and then step on their dirty underwear on the way to an empty fridge the sheen starts to wear off, my advice is to give it a few years, me and my ex-girlfriend where mad about each other like head over heels mad about each other and if we'd just waited a year or two more we might have made it or lasted a bit longer.
best of luck!

OLDYELLAR

Why not, MEH LIFES FOR LIVING!! renting togethers all well and good but at the end of the day its nice to have a nice house :)Beats the stress of renting and wanting to kill each In a tiny space!

DD

Hiya, its a good thing to buy a house, but u dont know each other, when ur deeply in love u cant see things, takes a while to sort out the things in ur life.
Of course could be a good thing, maybe u will be great together and u shouldnt need to worry, but its a big step, cos if u buy it together takes so much stress and nerves and money if u break up.
I know 2 friends ..its an unique case, i havent heard smth similar, but they were together for 6 years , living in the same city. After 6 years they got married and after the wedding they bought a house, big mortgage, long period. After few months living finally together they realised they are not good together at all, fights, they just couldnt live together anymore so they are now in divorce. The problem is now the house and it will take a lot to sort it out, in the meantime no one has where to live, its funny but it happens.
So,even if u think u know ur gf and she knows even for a longer period, life can have so much surprises....
So my advice would be just rent smth for a short period if u want and see how it goes. If its great and ur still in love and find living together amazing then go for buying a house together.
good luck with it

timetomove wrote: »

Hi,
I've been seeing the most amazing girl I've ever met for just short of a year. We both live at home, and have a very intense relationship. We talk about anything and everything and feel very close and comfortable with each other.
Soon I know we're going to want to live together, and we talked about renting somewhere. We both came to the conclusion it would probably be better to hold off on renting, and allow us to save and then buy somewhere together once we've saved enough.
Thanks

RealJohn

Marry the girl if you're so sure and buy. If you're not sure, don't move in with her. Pregnancy is more likely than most people realise and then you're stuck with her anyway so you're better off to have a house set up and going by the time it happens.

Might actually stay together too if you have something concrete to keep you together rather than break up at the first fight as happens to many cohabiting couples.

the_syco

At the moment, you both have "me time". When you are in each others hair all the time, you'll have less "me time", and thus may get in each others way.

Learn to deal with it, and your grand. But learn to deal with it whilst renting.

ian_m

You will be tied to nothing if you rent, only your word. It would be a big waste if everything went wrong and you ended up fighting over a house after twelve months. Buying, selling and splitting up over a house is an extremely long and drawn out process.

I suggest you take some time to rent for a while. One year will fly by if you are happy together. And after a year, you can then buy a house with the confidence you have in your relationship together.

MonkeyWrench

There are essentially 2 things to think about here.

1) The relationship: 1 year is not long enough to know whether you want to be with this person for good. Renting is the perfect option here to test the water so to speak. As stated before, you do not really 'know' someone until you live with them and are with them 24/7. There are no legal obligations if ye part, I have experience of work folk and friends who have gone through the courts to try and sort out their piece of the property and whats in it and these have been after years of marriage. Rent for at least a year and then see how things are then.

2) Finance: The current market is terrible at the moment for buying a house. Rent is not dead money, just go over to the 'House Bubble Bursting' thread and give a quick glance at that to see the real stats and figures. Effectively if you bought a place now you could be sitting on negative equity for years and years with the probably decline in house prices over the next 4 to 5 years at least.

getfit

DO NOT BUY!!!!
If you do even a little bit of shopping around you can find a place that is way cheaper to rent than buy.

House prices are going down and after you pay legal costs, house fit out, insurance etc. you will already be in a situation where the house must go up in value to just break even, then factor in legal costs and estate of selling fees on the way out and the price needs to go up by over 5% on a 200k place just to break even....

No one noticed this over the past few years because houses were just sky rocketing in price...

I rented for 2 years with my then girlfriend (now wife) and it was a much better way to ease into things before we took the plunge on a house purchase.... Rent is only dead money if - the rent is greater then the interst portion of the potential mortgage on the property....