:(

LegacyUser

Ok folks, a quick one.

Im seeing a girl bout 6 months now and she has a daughter(4) This has never been an issue for me, I like her for her and I'm obviously aware that she comes as a packaged deal. I have met her daughter twice as a friend only. Lovely little kid. But lately something is really pissing me off, the daddy is a complete waster hardly ever turns up, and always changes his plans to put my girlfriend out at the last minute. i get so frustrated sometimes, how can someone be so insensitive towards there own flesh and blood. He barely even helps to support the child a bit here and there but nothing to call home about.

I have definite intentions of staying with this girl and obviously that would mean being more involved in her daughters life. I wonder at any point would I have the right to say anything to the waster or would it just make things worse for my girlfriend.

ARGINITE

It would just make things worse for your girlfriend.

Sephiroth_dude

I'd say just stay out of it and if she asks you to say somthing to the dad then do sure.

biko

Take her lead, otherwise stay out of it.

Dragan

biko wrote: »

Take her lead, otherwise stay out of it.

Bingo. It will be important to your girlfriend that her daughters father play some kind of role in her life. As such you can just help and support the both of them as THEY need it and that won't always be how you'd like to.

dirtydress

I agree with all of the above, if she asks your opinion then you can gently tell her what you think but you're only together 6months...its not long enough to get involved in this family situation. You just need to be supportive towards her, thats the best you can do.

WHIP IT!

Agreed with everyone else here, you're not in a position to start offering strong opinions on this yet...

This is one of the most sensitive situations you could be in so thread carefully and remember - the ex-boyfriends actions are merely designed to create problems and friction between you and your girlfriend, so no matter how many times she has to tell you "sorry, but we can't do X,Y&Z tonight cos he's let me down with taking (kid's name here!) again." smile and say 'No problem."

Don't look annoyed or sigh or exasberate (sp?) the situation...

It's tough, but DeadbeatDad will always be around in some way shape or form so you can be the bigger man that you obviously are...

star-pants

Agree with all said above, I have a friend who's child's dad is a bit of a idiot alright - he frustrates me because I see the stress my friend goes through, but she wants his dad in his life so I just support her.
Best to say nothing & just be supportive unless she says otherwise.

I know it's frustrating but it's the best you can do.
x

SEPT 23 1989

what about seeing it from the childs flesh and blood eg the father point of view maybe he feels pissed off that some blow in is trying to take his place as the childs father maybe he is not around because it hurts too much to see another man trying to take his place just a thought

Nevyn

If that was the case then he should be making the effort to have a better relationship with the child and spend more time with them.

Wing Walker

Hi there,

Speaking from personal experience, stay well away from criticising the father. As useless as he may be, it is not your place to reprimand him.

Having said that, if he physically/mentally (other than messing up plans at the last minute) creates havoc, then maybe have a word. Speak to your gf first though. And never, ever do it in front of his child.

Best of luck with it.

How Strange

I agree that you should say nothing. You are seeing this girl for 6months and I don't think she would appreciate you getting involved and possibly making things worse for her.

Really, this is along the lines of family and its a completely no go area to criticise your partner's family regardless of the problems they are having.

All you can do is listen when she needs to talk about it and offer some objective advice if she asks for it. But don't criticise and don't get involved by saying anything to him directly. Bottom line, it's none of your business. Not yet anyway.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replys folks,
I just feel lke i should be more involved, as ive said even though its only been 6 months i feel quite strongly for the girl and as time go's on will become more involved in her little girls life.
He can be quite abusive to her sometimes, abusive in person ond by txt messages.

I just feel like I want to give him a good awl kick up the hole to make him copy on.

I will keep my cool for now so.

thanks again

WHIP IT!

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

what about seeing it from the childs flesh and blood eg the father point of view maybe he feels pissed off that some blow in is trying to take his place as the childs father maybe he is not around because it hurts too much to see another man trying to take his place just a thought

Good Lord... are you for real?

I've heard a few dodgy excuse for useless Dads in my time, but that's right up there with the best of them...

HashSlinging

Just be aware that your only seeing the girl for 6 months, its early days really. You could really hurt the child more than her dad is, if you get close and it dosent work out. Just be aware he will always be her father, unless you plan to change that through the courts if you can support them both. Sometimes thats for the best.

SEPT 23 is dead right, did she tell you why they broke up, maybe he's finding it hard being away, and is depressed at the thought of not seeing his daughter for a couple of days... its typical for someone in that situation to stay in their bubble and not to put themselves through the inevitable separation come sunday night..monday...tuesday... Just think how it must be for him as he drops off his daughter to see your GF playing happy families while he goes home to his mothers, where he'll probably be called a waster, scumbag etc for probably something he had no control over.. its easy to judge from afar.

Carrigart Exile

StepDad! wrote: »

Ok folks, a quick one.

Im seeing a girl bout 6 months now and she has a daughter(4) This has never been an issue for me, I like her for her and I'm obviously aware that she comes as a packaged deal. I have met her daughter twice as a friend only. Lovely little kid. But lately something is really pissing me off, the daddy is a complete waster hardly ever turns up, and always changes his plans to put my girlfriend out at the last minute. i get so frustrated sometimes, how can someone be so insensitive towards there own flesh and blood. He barely even helps to support the child a bit here and there but nothing to call home about.

I have definite intentions of staying with this girl and obviously that would mean being more involved in her daughters life. I wonder at any point would I have the right to say anything to the waster or would it just make things worse for my girlfriend.

keep out of it and just be the dad he isn't, that will hurt him more (if he is a real dad) or see him exit the scene (if he is a waster).

McGinty

what about seeing it from the childs flesh and blood eg the father point of view maybe he feels pissed off that some blow in is trying to take his place as the childs father maybe he is not around because it hurts too much to see another man trying to take his place just a thought

It is called life; he has to deal with it, not take it out on the child.

SEPT 23 is dead right, did she tell you why they broke up, maybe he's finding it hard being away, and is depressed at the thought of not seeing his daughter for a couple of days... its typical for someone in that situation to stay in their bubble and not to put themselves through the inevitable separation come sunday night..monday...tuesday... Just think how it must be for him as he drops off his daughter to see your GF playing happy families while he goes home to his mothers, where he'll probably be called a waster, scumbag etc for probably something he had no control over.. its easy to judge from afar.

Again the father has to suck it up and deal with it, the mother of the child is entitled to a personal life.

Op, first of I commend the fact that you care so much but like the other posters have said, please don't say anything, however, you can lead by example, actions are far more powerful than words, if you do become more involved long term both with your girlfriend and her child, you can show a good example by not acting out or slagging of the father, by all means have a good rant to friends or somewhere but keep silent and be there for both of them and eventually your actions will prove themselves against the arsewipe of a father.