EX Boyfriend Woes

gcgirl

where do i start ? was with my ex for 7 & years some times were good then sometimes were just so bad we have 3 kids together, he is quite immature, we broke up july 06 he wanted to chase 19 years olds he is 30, he moved out bought house for himself then we got back at xmas 06 all he said was lose weight and we could properly give our relationship going in which i did i lost 4 & half stone since our youngest was born in feb 06! for nearly 7 months we were going fine though he does suffering from depression he did get the odd time when it was unbearable to live with him he moved back march 07 full time and let out his house though he did not tell his family that we were back together esp his brother whom i have never been good enough for!

Then one night in july 07 he decides to go to a 21st with his brother which i was non too pleased about i don't like his brother he is a trouble maker when he is out he is one of those guys thats gets argrro when he dose not get a women at the end of the night and starts fights! well he went out at 5pm our son has accident at 7pm i could not get through to him he turned off his mobile i got through to him and he did not beleive me that our son had accident! he did not come home til 8 the following morning by the way he was i knew he was with someone so he got his stuff and left!

he tried to come up and see the kids he was very aggro and i had to call the guards anyway i found out the following weekend that he was with some young one i get a protecting order because of the aggro and the preivous time i had to call out guards he had gave me a right whopper on the face !
We go to court he won't to see kids i offer Tuesday, Thursday and Sundays he said he can only do Wednesdays and sundays supervised access it was with my mum supervising it!

He comes and see the kids one sunday he does not make it not a phone call nothing to say he was not coming also must add when he comes he did not bring them anything toys or sweets! Wednesday he comes says he is suffering from depression! fast foward to sunday last he turns up at 2pm he was suppose to there at 3pm what was i suppose to do i let him in and to cut a long story short he was all over me ! he made a major play for me and we ended up in bed! then yesterday he asked if he could bring me and the kids to the cinama so we went he was paying for the tickets and i see some photo of some young one in his wallet turns out that the girl he had basically left me and the kids for he went out with her for 2 & months she was a 20 year old Slovack he said she was very sexually inexperianced he was lucky if he got it twice a week (where as with me it was litterly any time any place) he is now 3 & half grands worth of dept because of her(when our daughter went back to school he did not pay a penny towards anything uniform books ect) she used him and went back home and last night he stayed but this morning i don't think i want to have anything to do with him because he has hurt me so much and he stil does not see what your one did to him was wrong and now he has no money!

I was just wondering what do you's think of this guy and i don't know what way to go on it's very confusing!

jawlie

gcgirl wrote: »

I was just wondering what do you's think of this guy and i don't know what way to go on it's very confusing!

Why did you choose a guy as you describe to have children with? You chose him and it seems a little late for advice as you have 3 children together. And now you say he’s a “little immature”, “he made a major play for me and we ended up in bed!”, ( aare you saying he forced you into bed or that you ended up voluntarily going to bed with him?) “we broke up july 06 he wanted to chase 19 years olds he is 30” and so on and so on.

It seems that your confusion is in the messages you give out to him, and no matter what he does you accept him back.

You have chosen to make 3 babies with him so, no matter what you decide, you are linked with him forever through the children you have made together.

Do you really need someone else to tell you what you need to do about a partner who cheats, who prefers carnal pleasures elsewhere to taking care of his family, and who does what he wants and seems to have no respect for your decisions or the example he is setting to his children?

LegacyUser

This guy sounds to me like a class A w4nk3r. Unfortunately he treats you the way he does because by the sounds of it no matter what he does you go back to him again and again. This man sounds like he has no respect or love for you at all and I think you know this. You may feel good in the heat of the moment and things might feel great then and there but there is no way this guy makes you happy and by the sounds of it he may never.
You have to think of your children at this point. How it effects them having their father popping in and out of their life, do you want them to be around next time he wollops you in the face?
You deserve better and if you want it you will get it. Read the book, "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne. It will change your life and you may finaly find happiness.
Good Luck with everything x

gcgirl

sometimes he can be the most charming guy as last sunday i thought i was compleatly over him ! he can be really really nice !

How Strange

OP, according to your post he did the following things:
Left you for a 19 yr old
Came back but told you to lose weight
Ignored the fact that his son had an accident
Hit you
Was aggressive towards you
Neglected to pay for his children
Irresponsible and irrespectful

What you have done
Taken him back time and time again.

You both are parents and there are three children caught up in this mess that you call a(n) (ex) relationship. Both of you are adults, you can make choices to walk away from each other at any point but your kids are stuck in the middle of the soap opera.

You've put up with a lot from this guy but essentially if you want your kids to grow up as stable, emotionally grounded people then sort this bloody mess out. The guy is a complete waster and there is nothing you can do about it but what messages are you sending your kids if they see that their Mam is beaten, treated aggressively and constantly desserted by their Dad.

If you can't see what is wrong from your post then you need counselling but please consider the emotional damage to your children while you two are engaging in the dramatics of I love him/I hate him.

I'm sorry if this is harsh but I really think that the children are the silent victims in this scenario.

PS - please use full stops next time because it is very hard to read a post without them.

Marksie

Gcgirl: your post is very hard to read. At least some punctuation would help

CrazyNoob

He is a cheating w*nker
He puts himself first before his children OR you

You sleep with him again - more fool you

Have nothing to do with him, Thats it in a nutshell

Seraphina

lol

confusing? dont get back into bed with an ex who is clearly an idiot and maybe you wont be so 'confused'

you sound as bad as him tbh

Mazeire

What do i think op?
I think: :eek:.
Sorry, i wish i could be a little more constructive about this but in my opinion you should run for the hills while you still can.

padser

You had three kids with him, you made your bed and now its time to lie on it imo.

Seriously I don't know how you can criticise all the stuff in the past if you slept with him last Sunday. You obviously didn't care about it then so why do you decide to bring it all up now?

You said he is immature but from reading your post (which was pretty damn tough to do as Marksie has already mentioned) he is not the only one with growing up to do.

gcgirl

as far as last Sunday goes it was a mistake, a major mistake and i am not going down that road again ! I have told him today that there is no way going back ever ! I really think i need to relocate and get out of the area i live in! I know i should not have slept with him but you cannot help who you fall for ! Before sunday i did not have any contact with him for 3 and a half months and that suited me i am having no further contact with him, he will see his kids with my mums supervision while i get out of the house for a couple of hours!

MagicMarker

Gave up reading after the first few lines.

LegacyUser

....and our courts are tied up with this too!!! I mean, really..by the sounds of things Roddy Doyle's Charlo sounds like a saint compared to your boyfriend !! My advice is if you lie down with dogs you get up with fleas! Have a little self respect or you'll end up having another child with him before you know it!!!

Marksie

Magicmarker: Please read the charter as regards off topic/unhelpful posting

Sherifu

He's a loser. That's what I think about him.

greenteaicedtea

my relative's husband suffered from depression. He was a pain in the neck, my cousin finally left him last year - they were together maybe 15 years altogether. He would leave her and come back a lot.

Now I suffer from depression from time to time as well, so he had my sympathy to a certain extent, but we are all responsible for how we behave.

I think you should do what you think is right for you, look out for your own well-being.

How Strange

Wednesday he comes says he is suffering from depression!

It really annoys me when people like that 'claim' to suffer from depression as if that is an all encompassing excuse for awful behaviour. Maybe he does and maybe he doesn't but ffs grow up and accept responsibility for your behaviour. IMO, it completely undermines the seriousness of depression and anyone would think it was a contagious disease the way most people claim to suffer from it. Bad behaviour is bad behaviour plain and simple. Depression is a separate thing altogether.

OP, to reitterate my previous point, think about your children and the damage that both of you are doing to them. Then decide what you are going to do. As another poster said, you will be making baby no.4 pretty soon if you continue as you are.

gcgirl

How Strange wrote: »

It really annoys me when people like that 'claim' to suffer from depression as if that is an all encompassing excuse for awful behaviour. Maybe he does and maybe he doesn't but ffs grow up and accept responsibility for your behaviour. IMO, it completely undermines the seriousness of depression and anyone would think it was a contagious disease the way most people claim to suffer from it. Bad behaviour is bad behaviour plain and simple. Depression is a separate thing altogether.

OP, to reitterate my previous point, think about your children and the damage that both of you are doing to them. Then decide what you are going to do. As another poster said, you will be making baby no.4 pretty soon if you continue as you are.

there is never going to be baby No 4 since i did the decent thing and got the tubes done. He does suffer from depression i am not making any excuses for him what he has done to me and the kids has been unreal ! Apart from his brother he does not have any friends ! I am having nothing to do with him ! I think sunday i was just horny and it was a case of right time wrong guy but i did think he thought he was getting his way back in but i basically told him its never gonna happen! I would be letting down my family