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lookin for a bit of hel wit dis.

  • 29-10-2007 10:33pm
    #1
    imasmeasmecanbe
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 129 ✭✭


    Got a first verse below but cant tink were to go next with it.



    Like the rosebuds of May lying dormant in clay
    Or the sun lying silent in remains of the day,
    The wide-eyed awe before a star shoots,
    Ill wait anywhere forever and you


Comments

  • #2
    smcgiff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,943 ✭✭✭smcgiff


    imasmeasmecanbe wrote: »
    Got a first verse below but cant tink were to go next with it.

    Like the rosebuds of May lying dormant in clay
    Or the sun lying silent in remains of the day,
    The wide-eyed awe before a star shoots,
    Ill wait anywhere forever and you

    ... bring plenty of Notes (preferably in unmarked 20s)

    Seriously, your first, second and especially the third lines are vivid, and I can follow how the first line and last line fit, but how does the second line relate to the following lines. What are you trying to convey with the second sentence?

    Thanks


  • #3
    oclugg
    Closed Accounts Posts: 72 ✭✭oclugg


    Cop on and finish the poem yourself.


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