Awkward with older people

LegacyUser

I have this problem that when I meet or talk to certain people, like my parents friends, my friends parents and others associated with them I cant talk to them properly,

I also have a problem with talking to people or socialising in academic settings, like making conversation with people in college or with lecturers and the like, but if im with the same people in my class outside of college its generally much easier,

I think its related to when I was young and my perception of adults as being figures of authority,

im 18 now and it still happens, I can get by it with a few drinks, but that’s not sustainable,

but I feel bad with my girlfriends parents, I just cant uphold a conversation with them,
I feel quiet rude,

I feel bad cause there really nice people and are interesting,

I am generally very outgoing and have no problem talking to anyone regardless of the situation,

for example I used to work with my dad and I couldn’t uphold conversation or anything with anyone who worked here,

but I have a new job and no one there is related to anyone I know,
and I get along great with every one,

does any one have any suggestions about how I can change my mindset or any advice on how to make conversation easier,

thanks,

gubby

I know what you mean.. I think my son is like that. mind you he can talk to us ok but I see him with other adults and he cant make conversation to save his life. I would not worry about it too much it will come with maturity. Try to talk about stuff that you are interisted in and that will make you more at ease. I find that some of my sons friends can come in here to this house and chat away quiet easy but there is one guy who has been calling here since he was 4yrs old and still cant hardly put two words together except he always asks me will he make tea? it has become a kind of joke with us now and I always tell him to make tea even if I dont want it. Dont worry about it if you can. in a few short years you will be one of those people who other young people cant talk to

Dizzyblonde

Don't be hard on yourself, it's quite normal. The more you focus on it the harder it'll be. And let's face it some people are harder to talk to than others anyway.
I'm probably in your parents' generation and I wouldn't expect every 18-year-old to come in and chat in a relaxed manner, it's not easy for everyone.
Set yourself reasonable goals, a sentence or two at a time and don't beat yourself up about it if you feel uncomfortable. You'll find it'll get easier as you get older.
The fact that you can chat to people in your current job proves you're not socially inept.
Definitely don't get in the habit of drinking to cope with it, it'll do more harm than good.
And give yourself a break, don't sweat about it.

biko

Don't worry. I've had this issue with friend's and gf's parents through the years. Quite common. It's somewhat easier when you find a common interest, like a band or sports.
It's kinda the same when I'm at weddings alone and am placed next to people I don't know -takes ages to break the ice.

bordrlinepsycho

im exactly the same..have a really big problem talking to anyone whos older than me (my best friends mam actually doesnt like me because i cant really talk to her)...im very shy thou..even with some of my friends....strating to be more outgoing though cos i know i really am deep down lol

LegacyUser

Hi Op


after years of suffering with a fear of anyone i felt was better then me, to such an extent that i used to get totally confused in work or collage, and just wanted to get out of there all the time, i was diagnosed with social phobia by a counsellor


i was told to seek the counsellor twice a week, but what i found to be an instant cure was to spend time alone, i started spending all my lunch breaks and spare time at work sitting in the car, and after a few weeks i really started to feel more relaxed.

i still freak out around people that i put on pedestals but by totally avoiding them its helped me to get on with my life

LegacyUser

Thanks I suppose it probably is something that will come in time,

Its just irritating when you pass a few words with someone and it just ends, and cant be revitalised,

I find my sense of humour even changes as in I end up not having one.

LegacyUser

forgot to mention, social phobia is like shyness except its around people you know that you feel inferior too. so its the exact opposite to shyness, although people think thats whats wrong with you