Always quick to anger

LegacyUser

Guys, bit of a regular, but not obviously gonna log in for this.
My problem is, I'm very quick to anger with loved ones. Particularly my Mother and my Girlfriend. I used to be same with my brother, but we have grown apart recently, and our relation has become a lot more cordial - more polite, but less familiar. Basically it seems, anyone who I am very close to takes the brunt of my temper.
And it's such a horrible temper. I get aggitated to the point where I end up screaming, roaring, calling names, and sometimes throwing things. I am an immense bully to people who don't have the energy to fight me. And then when I walk out on the street I look as if I wouldn't hurt a fly. The only thing I will say is that, for some reason (and I don't know why because I've lost all control) I never get physically violent.
But tonight, after roaring at my girlfriend over the phone because of some minor argument, I have realise that this is out of control. I need help.
Some background: as in a lot of Irish families, physical punshment was par the course, my dad never really hit me, but my mam used to come down hard on me. And as a child she definitely bordered on severe physical abuse (I never got injured badly, but I can still remember the feeling of pure fear when she got into a temper). Also I've pretty much spent my life as an underachiever (a quitter?/a loser?), blessed with a decent amount of charm and brains, I've never really done anything successful. Like I said, an underacheiver. And I'm frustrated by that.
Basically I'm looking for advice, who to see, where to go. I'm pretty sure there is some unknown source for all this unreasonable amount of anger that comes pouring out at will. Believe me, I'm a kind, gentle guy. I'm a good laugh, I care about people (there has to be a reason why people stick by me afterall) I get a little grumpy (a by-product of my anger - impatience is the source of that), but otherwise I'm happy-go-lucky. Until something happens a certain way and I explode.
I'm not trying to shirk accountability for this. I know I have a problem, and I know it is ultimately ME who does this. But I realise I need help to get through this, to sort this out. I love my girlfriend and I don't want to lose her (I've lost others through this). So what do I do? What can I do?

Strokesfan

I think after your childhood or maybe it's due to genetics - that you're pre-disposed to these kind of outbursts. You can't switch it off. I would suggest that you either go talk to someone (maybe get Cognitive Behavioural Therapy that will allow you identify triggers and change the way you react) or you could do some internet research and order a book off amazon that is about dealing with anger.
Alot of people have this problem so don't feel too bad - be prepared to work hard for a number of months and hopefully you will find a way of dealing with it healthily.

LegacyUser

Hi OP, To start, its a great thing that you're writing here to ask for help, it means you're aware or yourself and willing to try to change. I used to experience similar feelings when I was younger, and was just generally angry and aggresive. It took a while to occur to me, but when I realised how wrong it was, I felt I could never let myself have a violent outburst again. Thinking about it, I put it down to my childhood, I grew up in a very violent household where outbursts were normal and acceptable. I think talking to a counsellor is definitely a good idea, its something that I'm looking into doing myself at the moment. The thing is to talk about it, and that's how you will realise where it comes from, why you do it, and then you can start to reprogram your reactions.
Anyway, best of luck, let us know how you work out.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys, yeah I had a long chat with my girlfriend today, I told her I'm going to try get through the next month without getting angry at her, and take it one day at a time (she's so understanding, I know how lucky I am to have her). I need to realise why and when I'm getting angry. I have spent the day online looking at options for Anger management, so I'll have a ring around tomorrow. Here goes. Thanks again.