I need advice regarding my mental health

TheThing!

Before you read this I must inform you that although my story sounds outlandish, it is a reasonable account of my condition. I believe that my mental condition is rapidly deteriorating and has been doing so for a number of years. I am 18 years old. Since the age of 13 I have been able to recognize the fact that the inner workings of my mind are quite far removed from those of a normal healthy human being. My problem is as follows; for extended periods of time I am fine, I experience no anger, fear, sadness or any other emotions. Then for apparently no reason I descend into a spiral of incredible, almost unbridled rage. I often have to lock myself in my room and turn off the lights, because I know that if I carry out some of the things which rush through my mind, I would more than likely find myself in the confines of a prison cell. After roughly 2-3 agonizing weeks, this rage passes and I can once again live normally, or as close to normal as my circumstances allow. I no longer have any real friends because I cannot maintain these links for the duration of my absences. I cannot contact any mental health agency or doctor because of a terrible crippling fear of being institutionalized for the rest of my life. Does anybody have any suggestions as to how I should overcome this situation, or indeed, has anyone done so.

dudara

Contact a medical professional as soon as possible. The charter of this forum contains links to professional organisations.

jos28

Go to your GP immediately. You will not be institutionalised. You will however receive the treatment and help that you need. Your problems can be dealt with and it will probably be much easier than you think. You will more than likely be treated with medication and therapy. In my experience there are incredible professionals out there. They can and will help you. The first step is going to your GP.

Victor

We all have thoughts like that now and again. Hey, I'm sure I've put two plots to kill Bertie Ahern on the Politics board and they haven't locked me up yet.

I think what you might be missing here is some outside perspective and safe outlets for this rage. Do I get the impression some of this rage is stress related? You might look up some ways of dealing with stress and ask the GP about them.

Try talking to your GP and explaining that you get these angry episodes and that they are affecting your ability to be functional. He will probably recommend some sort of counselling and possibly medication. It is highly unlikely for someone to be locked up for something they haven't done.

Where is your family in all this? And work / study?

One good thing is that you recognise that these thoughts are wrong, some people don't and act out in socially irresponsible ways.

TheThing!

I need to clarify my position. I fear being institutionalized because I cannot be certain that I will be able to control myself if I enter a “bad patch” during the course of a doctors meeting or a similar occasion. If this were to happen I believe it is highly, and I do mean highly, probable that my actions would result in the most serious sanctions the state can offer, I know this from experience and I will not elaborate on this as it is an issue which causes me great anxiety. To address the question of my parent’s reaction, I must inform you that I no longer live at home, and both of my parents spend extended periods of time abroad. Neither of them ever had much time for me anyway, but it is important that you understand that this in no way caused me to become what I am today. Regarding my studies, they have not suffered due to my position as I have always been a very conscientious student, and I can make up ground quickly enough while I am at a good place to allow me to stay on par with other students even if one of my episodes forces me to miss lectures or classes. The real problem with my position, apart from the danger of committing terrible acts and the fear of doing so, is the alienation it can create. I don’t know many people and those I do know; ours is only the most superficial of relationships.

mikemac

Victor wrote: »

We all have thoughts like that now and again. Hey, I'm sure I've put two plots to kill Bertie Ahern on the Politics board and they haven't locked me up yet.

Death to traitors!

Seriously OP, go see your GP and they will refer you to a specialist.

Unfortunatly there is a stigma about mental health in this country so do your family know?
You might think they won't understand or might label you with some unkind term but doesn't 20% of people have mental health issues at some stage so I'm sure they will understand.

dudara

If you are concerned to be in a room with someone then explain that and ask for an extra person to be present. To be quite honest, as you have not approached a professional, you do not know what is possible.

TheThing!

dudara wrote: »

you do not know what is possible.

I most certainly do

antoinolachtnai

Let's take this one step at a time.

When you visit the doctor, ask the doctor at the outset to sit between you and the door. Sit well back from the doctor.

Many doctors' surgeries are arranged this way anyway.

You can't tackle this alone. You need help. There are people out there who can help. If you don't deal with this, something awful might happen. Isn't that what you are afraid of?

I know you know the fear of insitutionalization is irrational. Really, it is. Very few people get institutionalized anymore. You must talk to a doctor about this.

Best of luck with this, if you face up to your problem, it can be managed and can be ok.

Esel

When you lock yourself in your room for weeks at a time, do you bring food? What do you do about bodily functions?

Your newbie status, and these examples of your posts, make me wonder if this is a pisstake. If it is, get a life. If not, see a rugby-playing doctor.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=54300749#post54300749

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=54299753#post54299753

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=54299743#post54299743

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=54295766#post54295766

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=54274155#post54274155

TheThing!

esel wrote: »

When you lock yourself in your room for weeks at a time, do you bring food? What do you do about bodily functions?

Your newbie status, and these examples of your posts, make me wonder if this is a pisstake. If it is, get a life. If not, see a rugby-playing doctor.

I really wish I was making this up.

In response to your comment that my previous posts lead you to believe that I am not genuine, let me tell you that if they appear to be strange or disrespectful it is only because I misinterpreted the mood of the thread, this may be due to my “newbie” status or my poor socialization.

I must also clarify one of my earlier statements. When I said I lock myself in my room, this is not for the entire 2 week period, it is only when I feel I that I may be unable to reliably control myself. This rather more intense period of raging instability lasts only a few hours, but for its duration I usually lock myself in my room. It is similar to how an individual who suffers from migraine reacts to their condition.

I can accept your suggestion that I may appear to be falsifying this entire story, I did say at the outset that I realize that my story appears to be quite outlandish. What I cannot accept is your suggestion that I visit a rugby playing doctor. I find this a deeply offensive comment. Is it not obvious that I have suffered enough through my condition without being joked about when I, for the first time, actually managed to confide, albeit anonymously, in somebody.

Esel

TheThing! wrote:

What I cannot accept is your suggestion that I visit a rugby playing doctor. I find this a deeply offensive comment.

I suggested this because of your fear of what might happen during your visit to the doctor. It was not intended to be offensive.

ansionnachclist

You're only 18. My brother was the same as you, he's 21 now and fine.

You say that you have been feeling like this since 13? Some people take to puberty just fine but others just go completely nuts and change character. This could be happening to you and are likely still going through changes within your body.

Thats just my opinion, but if you're really concerned... talk to some family members and get their opinion on you, tell them how concerned you are about this and then just visit your local GP.

Ishindar

this guy is no way 18 imho, way too literate and mature.

TheThing!

Ishindar wrote: »

this guy is no way 18 imho, way too literate and mature.

Thanks for the compliment but I can assure you that I am 18 years of age. Perhaps my literacy levels are due to the number of books I read

Mazeire

TheThing! wrote: »

I most certainly do

Why what do you think is possible? I mean the obvious way to get help would be to speak to a GP or therapist but that does not seem to be the route you want to go down. what way would you like to get help?

Marcus.Aurelius

TheThing! wrote: »

I really wish I was making this up.

In response to your comment that my previous posts lead you to believe that I am not genuine, let me tell you that if they appear to be strange or disrespectful it is only because I misinterpreted the mood of the thread, this may be due to my “newbie” status or my poor socialization.

I must also clarify one of my earlier statements. When I said I lock myself in my room, this is not for the entire 2 week period, it is only when I feel I that I may be unable to reliably control myself. This rather more intense period of raging instability lasts only a few hours, but for its duration I usually lock myself in my room. It is similar to how an individual who suffers from migraine reacts to their condition.

I can accept your suggestion that I may appear to be falsifying this entire story, I did say at the outset that I realize that my story appears to be quite outlandish. What I cannot accept is your suggestion that I visit a rugby playing doctor. I find this a deeply offensive comment. Is it not obvious that I have suffered enough through my condition without being joked about when I, for the first time, actually managed to confide, albeit anonymously, in somebody.

I have a friend who experienced much the same as yourself. As it turned out, he went to college and forced himself to interact with others, he turned out much better adjusted. He still thinks too much, and is overly analytical and critical of himself, but it has improved a lot over the last 5 years or so. Try not to immerse yourself in a daily routine and try to get out more and talk to people.

If you see a psychiatrist, don't worry, the do not have the power of commital, they require next of kin approval and mountains of paperwork. I doubt you are a hazard to anyone else, and the talk could do you wonders.

If in doubt, pls contact a group like the samaritans, who are excellent listeners and can recommend far many good courses of action than I ever could.

MagicMarker

If this only happens every now and again for short periods. Why not just go to the doctor when you're having one of your better spells?

TheThing!

MagicMarker wrote: »

If this only happens every now and again for short periods. Why not just go to the doctor when you're having one of your better spells?

As I stated in a previous comment, the unpredictable nature of my condition makes any social situation difficult. At almost any moment it can emerge. This coupled with my natural fear of being institutionalized causes me to avoid making appointments with my GP or any other medical professional.

MagicMarker

TheThing! wrote: »

As I stated in a previous comment, the unpredictable nature of my condition makes any social situation difficult. At almost any moment it can emerge. This coupled with my natural fear of being institutionalized causes me to avoid making appointments with my GP or any other medical professional.

Ok, well you won't be institutionalized. Secondly, you interact with people on a daily basis and get on fine, so there's no reason to think anything would happen in a doctors office in a period of 15 minutes. If this were the case then i don't see how you could perform in any other sociable circumstances in everyday life.

ILTS

You definitely need to talk to your GP. You are very literate as shown here. Why not put exactly how you feel in writing and take it with you when you go see him. Then if you feel one of your "episodes" coming on, give the GP your letter then just get out of there and go home. You say you always stay in your room when you feel like this, does that mean that there are some warning signs of these feelings coming on so that you know not to go out?

Do seek professional help. There are lots of different treatments for every sort of illness, physical or mental that there is bound to be something to help you. Do this before you hurt someone, or someone else if I'm reading your posts correctly you have already done something, and you are terrified of this happening again. Please get help.

TheThing!

Thanks to all of you who are offering advice. I may give the GP course of action another think in light of your suggestions, however I am still open to other suggestions if anyone has any

Santa Claus

TheThing! wrote: »

Thanks to all of you who are offering advice. I may give the GP course of action another think in light of your suggestions, however I am still open to other suggestions if anyone has any

I think talking to a health professional is the only option really. Not much more advice that anyone here can offer you !

Da Bounca

Try deep self analysis.
Imagine the situation from an outside perspective.
Find out what's up with yourself... yourself.
Write as you travel through the inner workings of your mind.
Who knows, you may even get a book out of it. Irish Psycho.

Victor

If you want, how about you phone the Samaritans or talk to someone like, say, local clergy.

Da Bounca wrote: »

Irish Psycho.

Thats not fair. In any case, diagnosis can only be made by a medical professional in conjunction with the patient. Neither you, nor I, nor TheThing! can make a diagnosis.

star gazer

The GP is a good place to start with and going when you are not in a distressed state could help you deal with the issues on your own terms. It might be something in your 'normal' routine that builds up over time and only manifests itself in bursts over hours/a couple of weeks. Take a look at your life and try to figure out if there are situations where you find yourself surpressing emotions like anger and try to limit your exposure to the most intense of such situations. There are other ways of being social outside of the pub and a good rule of thumb is to go with what you find least distressing. There could be something a medical professional can properly help you with so do use all the help that is available and go to the GP to tap into that. Maybe you feel a need to distance yourself from friends at times but that neednt necessarily end your friendships. If you can tell your closer friends an idea of what is going on (a reason they can understand for switching off for periods of time), some of them could surprise you with their understanding but some may go the other way.

I agree with Victor the Samaritans for anonymous conversation with someone trained to listen could help you get a handle on where you are at.
1850 609090

dudara

TheThing! wrote:

dudara wrote:

you do not know what is possible.

I most certainly do

You are not a medical professional. You must seek proper assistance. You can research to your heart's content on the internet and through literature, but in the long run, an experienced educated professional is the only person to talk to for serious advice.

Mullah

What bull****. Professional attention seeker.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055173498&highlight=thething%21

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055173409&highlight=thething%21

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055172830&highlight=thething%21&page=3

dudara

Mullah Please leave the modding to the mods.

Mullah

My apologies.

TheThing!

Mullah wrote: »

What bull****. Professional attention seeker.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055173498&highlight=thething%21

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055173409&highlight=thething%21

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055172830&highlight=thething%21&page=3

Hey, thats crazy man...I mean...I must have written that...when I was crazy...or something...I think I need to lock myself in my room again...man...oh man

Commonsense

I can relate to your situation as i have 'spirals' too. But i call mine 'shame' spirals and cant get out of them. In my opinion you are still young (i hate that phrase too cause im sure you dont feel young) and have lots to experience. If you are not comfortable with GP why not contact someone in counseling ie via a hospital.
But sounds like you are not attuned to your emotional status if you feel nothing for ages then get into a spiral of emotion with yourself for not speaking/acting at the time. Sounds like you are very angry with your situation and yourself for allowing yourself to feel like this. It is human to feel - if you didnt id be more worried.

2Scoops

Ishindar wrote: »

this guy is no way 18 imho, way too literate and mature.

This OTT pseudo-erudite language is a sure sign of immaturity, tbh.

TheThing!

2Scoops wrote: »

This OTT pseudo-erudite language is a sure sign of immaturity, tbh.

Listen, the point of this thread isn’t my grasp of the English language, or the lack thereof, its my mental health, so please limit posts to that subject

LegacyUser

OP, are you actually going to help yourself or are you just going to hang about the forum posting? As it's been said before, there are professionals who deal with mental health issues, why not go see them? And the excuse that you might do something you regret sounds just like that, an excuse.

Santa Claus

TheThing! wrote: »

Hey, thats crazy man...I mean...I must have written that...when I was crazy...or something...I think I need to lock myself in my room again...man...oh man

Do you notice any colour change in your skin when you start to feel like this ?? (Sorry but your post does sound a bit like a troll parodying the hulk)

TheThing! wrote: »

Listen, the point of this thread isn’t my grasp of the English language, or the lack thereof, its my mental health, so please limit posts to that subject

Plenty of people have told you that the only person who can help you is a health professional such as a GP or a district nurse.....not really a lot more to be said on the subject !

hairyfairy00

Hey OP i think you should consult a GP, i did recently about my mood swings and because of family history with depression etc. both my doctor and i came to the conclusion that medication was my next step.
I've been to the doctor 3 times in the past 1 1/2 months about this issue and he didn't just dish out pills which i was glad about, he sat me down and we had a really good chat, he is going to post out a questionare to me to see what type of medication would suit me best. When i get the meds he's going to see me after 4 weeks to see how i'm progresing.
Good luck in whatever you do, just remember no matter how 'irrational' you think you feel, there is help out there for you.