my M&Ms study

magick

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.


Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.


When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to:


M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc. Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A.


along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."


This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one.

Rhyme

I am interested in your discovery and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

Terry

That's ****ing brilliant.

Nice one, magick.

- bo -

I used to have an M&Ms obsession too, actually I did a Powerpoint presentation on M&Ms in college a couple of years ago

mcauley

- bo - wrote: »

I used to have an M&Ms obsession too, actually I did a Powerpoint presentation on M&Ms in college a couple of years ago

what sort of college did you attend???

Creature

Any space of your research group? I always wanted to do my doctorate on M&Ms.

- bo -

mcauley wrote: »

what sort of college did you attend???

Dundalk IT, we had to do a presentation on "anything we want"

Sabre0001

Question though - wouldn't the M&Ms with less rounds to compete in have a better chance of making the final....Seems as the winner has to keep competing until outright winner or is beaten?

So in theory, a "reject" M&M could actually win - you could, in fact, be sending rejects to the company for breeding purposes!!! What have you done?!

StupidLikeAFox

Join a gym or club, or take up a hobby

Sabre0001

ColHol wrote: »

Join a gym or club, or take up a hobby

I think you need to rephrase to "socially acceptable hobby" - he clearly already has a hobby.....

Mint Sauce

magick wrote: »

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.


Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.


When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to:


M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc. Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A.


along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."


This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one.

i have discovered a flaw in your operation, as the next M&M picked to do battle is a random procedure, the last M&M out of the bag is faced against a M&M who has already done battle, hence will already have an advantage as the reigning winner may have been weakened or have unseen injury.

:rolleyes:

Sabre0001

irish-stew wrote: »

i have discovered a flaw in your operation, as the next M&M picked to do battle is a random procedure, the last M&M out of the bag is faced against a M&M who has already done battle, hence will already have an advantage as the reigning winner may have been weakened or have unseen injury.

:rolleyes:

Beat you to it...

Pigman II

irish-stew wrote: »

i have discovered a flaw in your operation, as the next M&M picked to do battle is a random procedure, the last M&M out of the bag is faced against a M&M who has already done battle, hence will already have an advantage as the reigning winner may have been weakened or have unseen injury.

:rolleyes:

Agreed. This research should be done in a round-by round basis (ala Karate Kid 1) rather than a winner-stays-on format. The findings are meaningless otherwise.

Mint Sauce

Pigman II wrote: »

Agreed. This research should be done in a round-by round basis (ala Karate Kid 1) rather than a winner-stays-on format. The findings are meaningless otherwise.

yes, and have a random draw for each round, we could even get in sponsor, or a glamour girl to over see procedings

Random

Please link me to your mailing list

longshanks

magick wrote: »

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately.

what if, unbeknownst to you, one thumb and forefinger are a lot stronger than the other? it doesn't bear thinking about. flawed results, inferior breeding, the eventual collapse and downfall of humanity...

humbert

Brilliant! Wild applause

remus808

omfg, funniest thing i'v EVER read. i'm in tears.. kudos

Slutmonkey57b

Google it, you'll find hundreds of people with the same mailing list.

pretty-in-pink

You could seperate them into teams, and then the winne rof a plays b etc. Like the way the world cup works

also blue tastes better, and should get more points

Sabre0001

Magick, I think you need to recruit a few consultants from this thread to make sure your findings are accurate We also may be somewhat interested in any future grants.....

StupidLikeAFox

Sky will buy the telvision rights for €150 million. Setanta will buy the rights to twenty M&M match ups, but they will only be between blue ones, yellow ones and green ones, and wont have any of the match ups involving red or brown m&m's.

Sabre0001

Match of the Day will also cover highlights but will eventually annoy the manager of the yellows and will not be able to interview him....

Mint Sauce

a governing body would need to be introduced though, i sugest the MNMSA (M N' M Sporting Asocation), with strict rules, cant have a refridgerated M&M having an unfair advantage over an off the shelf M&M

johnnyskeleton

Isn't an M&M's reason to be that they will eventually be eaten? By this standard, the ones that get eaten first are the genetically (?) superior ones and the hard, inedible ones are inferior.

I mean, what sort of mutant super M&Ms are you trying to breed, and to what end?

StupidLikeAFox

To win the FA Cup obviously

Mint Sauce

johnnyskeleton wrote: »

Isn't an M&M's reason to be that they will eventually be eaten? By this standard, the ones that get eaten first are the genetically (?) superior ones and the hard, inedible ones are inferior.

I mean, what sort of mutant super M&Ms are you trying to breed, and to what end?

wonder what the MNMSA would have to say on that

irish-stew wrote: »

a governing body would need to be introduced though, i sugest the MNMSA (M N' M Sporting Asocation), with strict rules, cant have a refridgerated M&M having an unfair advantage over an off the shelf M&M

AlmightyCushion

Mmmmm m&ms.

BaZmO*

I'm not surprised that the red ones are stronger than most considering that the red food colouring used in M&M's is made from ground up Beetle shells.

Also, the M&Ms that are more egg-shaped will be inherently more strong due to the biomechanical strength found in the shape of a structure that is egg-shaped. Try to crush an egg between the palms of your hands lengthways for proof.

So therefore Red Eggshaped M&Ms are the strongest.

magick

i am encouraged by this feedback and shall be using it for my other encounters to find the apex of food stuffs


and to think when i orginally posted this in personal issues i got banned for it !

nikolaitr

Nicely STOLEN

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/tpa/409930561.html

in_da_club

mmm.....M&Ms!

Jesus Wept

nikolaitr wrote: »

Nicely STOLEN

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/tpa/409930561.html

Indeed, I read that m'n'm thing years and years ago on the interweb, tried finding it a few times since without joy.

The craigslist post is not the origin either.

Toto Wolfcastle

I move that peanut m&ms be included, or at least have their own tournament, one that will be less successful and get less funding and coverage, a sort of ladies rugby of the m&m world.

I also move that I conduct this part of this highly scientific experiment as I am highly qualified to do so, in that I have a BA.

Mint Sauce

janeybabe26 wrote: »

I move that peanut m&ms be included, or at least have their own tournament, one that will be less successful and get less funding and coverage, a sort of ladies rugby of the m&m world.

I also move that I conduct this part of this highly scientific experiment as I am highly qualified to do so, in that I have a BA.

unfortunatly the MNMSA did originally object to this, as it created the new MNMPSA (M N' M Peanut Sporting Asocation), and along the SSA (Skittles Sporting Asocation), who are made of the forset fruits, sours and original leauges. the MNMSA feared that it would create a new governing body that would oversee everything and wouldn't understand the essence and the traditions of the games

Tree

longshanks wrote: »

what if, unbeknownst to you, one thumb and forefinger are a lot stronger than the other? it doesn't bear thinking about. flawed results, inferior breeding, the eventual collapse and downfall of humanity...

i think if you apply the force through a central axis where the mnms meet this is irrelevant.