Snoring

LegacyUser

I've been going out with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years... and we haven't spent one happy night asleep together because of his snoring. I can't sleep in the same room as him, I've tried a number of times but I spend the entire night tossing and turning. And sometimes I kick him out of frustration to wake him up to temporarily stop the snoring, so it's not much fun for him either! He's tried some over the counter remedies but nothing works. I use earplugs but he's really loud and they don't help enough.

Now he wants us to have a weekend away together and we'd have to sleep in the same room. But I know I won't get any sleep at all based on past experience. There doesn't seem much point in paying to go on a "holiday" if I'll just be miserable from exhaustion the whole time! I know it's only a couple of nights, but even one night of it is bad enough. It's not just the exhaustion the next day, but the experience of lying awake all night knowing there's nothing I can do, staring at the walls while time drips by... it's just unbelievably frustrating and I get so angry and upset.

I really don't know what to do. What if we end up moving in together and we have to sleep in separate rooms!? I could learn to live with that (because the alternative of being constantly sleep deprived just isn't an option if there's a spare room), but he's told me he wouldn't be ok with that at all. I like to think that I'd get used to it over time if it's happening every night... but realistically I'm not sure I would. Is/was anybody else in this situation? Is there anything I do about it? Any help would be appreciated! Thanks for reading

BoozyBabe

I'm in the same situation & I've no advice for you.

My ex was the same & I resorted to sleeping in the spare bedroom.
Believe me, you will NOT get used to that. You will be completely miserable if you go down that route. I was.

Problem is, my current partner is also a heavy snorer. We dont live together yet, so it's ok. I use ear plugs (& a few drinks) when we are together for a night & it works fine, but when we do move in together, I don't know what I'll do, because I'm not going down the seperate rooms road again. It was more depressing than a lack of sleep.

My partner hasn't tried any remedies yet, as like I said, it isn't an issue for us yet. But when it is, he'd better try everything under the sun.

Like you, I find it hard to believe it's something you can get used to, but I hope it is, for my sake!!!

LegacyUser

I am prob like your bf, I snore quite a bit and my gf is a very light sleeper.

There is one thing that works for us, it's a throat spray that you can get in the pharmacy called silence.

According to my girlfriend it works a charm.

Cathmandooo

Thats an awful situation. Snoring is actually really bad for your health (and your partners). I've seen information on another forum in this place giving you loads of information about snoring and sleep apnea and all that stuff. I'll try find it now. He'll have to go to a sleep clinic and they'll look after it.

found it: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2054969071

good luck!

seeshell

i dont know if this would help but apparently u have less of a tendency to snore when u sleep on ur side then whne u sleep on ur back...

whippet

your story is very similar to mine, except I was the snorer.

After years of having to sleep in seperate rooms I was finally forced to do something about it. It turned out I have OSA (Obstructive Sleep Apnea). None of the over the counter remidies did any good, those magic rings were a waste of money.

I went to my GP who sent me on a Sleep Study in the Mater and then I was prescribed a CPAP machine which now eliminates my snoring.

Apart from the noise the snoring was affecting my sleep, my health and everything else.

Have a look at http://www.isat.ie .. this will give you a good idea of the condition and if after reading you feel the need talk to your Boyfriend and ask him to visit his GP and look for a referral.

Obviously there can be many reasons for the constant snoring (most people snore occasionally .. due to drink, illness etc) but only a qualified Sleep Specialist consultant can make a diagnosis.

BoozyBabe

Whippet:- Would you be a bit overweight? As I always thought that Sleep Apnea was linked to this, & my BF isn't overweight at all. In fact he'd be very fit:- plays a lot of sports etc.
Also, he has a back problem so I can't turn him over on his side or he's crippled with paint eh next day.

whippet

I am 31 at the moment and just above average weight.

After many discussions with my consultant we have discovered that I have suffered with OSA since I was about 16 years old. At that time I was a junior international footballer so weight was definitly not an issue.

During my twenties, I did get somewhat heavy, but like a yo-yo, depending on injuries and how regularly I could actually train.

I used to drink a bit in my younger days (like any typicial student) but now boozing is an infrequent occasional thing and I still play footie regular.

My build has always been broad shoulders, but despite the ups and downs of my weight the snoring was always there.

Apparently I do have quite a narrow windpipe and my lower jaw may be a little shorter than normal which restricts the flow of air to my lungs when I sleep. Culminating in me actually stopping breathing at regular periods all through the night, that is what the snoring is ... gasping for breath, breathing stops, blood pressure rises and the body wakes itself up for a large gasp of air after a short period of actually stopping breathing.

Since I have been using the CPAP I have found more energy during the day, which leads to more training etc. I have lost a bit more weight but the snoring is still there, loud as ever. I can't even doze off on the couch with out waking up the whole household.

The CPAP is now part of me, everywhere I go it comes with my, including a recent round the world trip !! As it stands my consultant has no plans to take me off it, so I really don't know for how long I will have it as a nocternal partner!

If you have any more questions let me know, I have done quite a bit of research on the condition as it totally freaked me out when it was even mentioned to me.

ergonomics

I dunno if this will work for you but it worked for me.

My boyfriend is a snorer too and for ages I couldn't sleep. Then I started concentrating on his breathing. While he snored he would breath in deeply and breath out deeply. Because I was breathing in time with him I was able to relax and fall asleep and also got used to his snoring because I associated it with the deep breathing. Now if he doesn't snore I can't sleep!

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies! It makes me feel better to know I'm not alone.

My boyfriend has tried that silence stuff... it helps a bit, but not a whole lot. And any good it does only lasts about an hour or two (at which point his snoring wakes me up again!), so it's not much of a solution for us unfortunately.

Thanks for the links about sleep apnea. It's crossed my mind before that he might have it, but obviously I can't know for sure. He's said a few times that he'll go to the doctor to ask about help for snoring, but I don't think he ever went. And I hate bringing up the issue with him, because it's obviously not his fault and I feel like I'm nagging him. And his reply is always "I'll get the surgery". Apparently he's heard about some throat surgery that *might* help. But it could also alter his voice. And he loves music, so there's no way I'd let him get the surgery (if he gives me any say!) because it could leave him unable to sing.

The snoring's not *as* bad when we both sleep on our sides facing away from each other, but I think it's just because the noise isn't being directed right at my ear. I've told him this, but he says he can't sleep in the one position all night (he changes position about every half hour, so if I'm lucky I might just be drifting off and then he turns over and the noise is louder again and wakes me up again).

He's overweight, which I know can contribute to snoring. But he's going to the gym regularly and starting to lose weight, so I'm hoping that might help. But there are other factors that are probably contributing as well from what I've read (he generally has a broad build, so has a naturally thick neck. He suffers from allergies. He's had his nose broken before). Even when he's awake his breathing seems louder than anyone else! So I'm not sure if it's something that can ever be totally fixed

I've actually tried the concentrating on his breathing before, and had limited success. Part of the problem is that I'm a light sleeper and it takes me at least a half an hour to fall asleep even when I'm on my own and have no distractions. So even when I focus on his breathing, it's not regular for long enough to help me get to sleep (because he rolls over, or just generally the type/sound of the snore varies as well). And other times I've gone to bed earlier than him so he'd fall asleep after me, but the noise doesn't just keep me from falling asleep, it actually wakes me up as well!

I feel terrible just saying this, but a part of me hopes he has sleep apnea, because at least then we'd have identified the problem and be able to do something about it

Sorry for rambling btw!

texas star

I feel your pain.I get really angry and it nearly always end up in a row no fun for either of us.You said you kick him,I hold his nose and porposly wake him up, if Im not sleeping neither is he.I just want sleep.So now I just go into the other room or I kick him out.Its not nice but it has to be done:)

Cathmandooo

dont feel bad for hoping that, its cureable (i think) so its much better if he has something identifible!

Surgery seems like a complete last resort, show him the links to those sleep clinics and he can make an informed decision about what he wants to do about it. Sleep is vital, we cant cope without it!!

ScouseMouse

Just a quick line on this issue and sleep apnea. Does he get seriously tired during the day. I used to dose off when on the couch in someones house. I used to have aches and pains in all of my limbs. I was diagnosed with SleepApnea and have a CPAP machine. I have not looked back since...

LegacyUser

He does get tired, but I don't know if it's more than anybody else does. When he's at work he's really busy and gets what he needs to do done and more. A lot of the time he has to get up really early for the shift that he works and has a lot of long days as well, so it's understandable that he's tired when I see him.

I'd really like him to go see a doctor, but I don't know how to bring up the subject with him. We haven't talked about it in a while. Usually I just avoid spending the night with him so there's nothing to discuss (and I really don't want to have to suffer another night of snoring just to bring up the subject :P). Even if I manage to bring it up in a non-offense way, I'd have to keep checking up on him to see if he did anything about it. Because in the past it just seems he gets too busy and it slips his mind. But I know I'll just sound like I'm nagging him (especially since he'd just be doing it to make me happy) and it would probably lead to fights.

I'll have to find the courage to bring it up at some point though I guess

Suse

My friend and her fella went through this. Just after they got engaged my friend just lost it and couldn't cope any more with the snoring. This was very serious and she wasn't even sure if she could go ahead and marry him.
He saw his GP quite swiftly and he did have some obstruction in his nasal passage/sinus. He underwent a small operaton and was out of hospital within 2/3 days.
He no longer snores - at all. They got married and are very happy.

Moral => maybe get your guy to the GP !!!

LegacyUser

Could be polyps
He may need to get a steriod called Fluxinade and use an antihistimine
If he goes to the doctor we will be able to tell him within thirty seconds

Anti

I snore myself, pretty badly i must admit. And it really irratates my girlfriend. Which i can understand. I find ( or im told ) i snore worse when sleeping on my back or after ive been on the beer.

When im on my side i dont snore at all, same if i sleep on my chest. And obviously if i havent had any alcohol.