Pls help me

barbaraw19

Pls help, I feel so alone, upset, ive no one to discuss my problems with. I found the samaritans to be unhelpful. So if someone could give me some advice id be so grateful .

I dropped out of college two years ago , because I was badly sexually assaulted the about a week into college, I had no good friends at the time, and told no one about it. I was withdrawn at college, didnt make friends and found trying to concentrate too difficult. So I left college. The second time I went back to college, I found the experience too overwhelming and too much to take. I dropped out of college again. I upset my parents beyond words, to see their bright and ambitious child leaving university again. They didn't know why I left and I never told them. I became a figure of ridicule amongst ex school friends and family. After barely staying in college for two months each time.

Anyway I am back at university for a third time. I still have made no friends. While I like the course I'm finding the work so stressful, to the point that I can't sleep. I have a lot of exams,essays.Because of the hurt I caused my parents by dropping out twice, the pressure both myself and my parents are putting on me to do well at college is unbareable. I will feel like a failure if i dont pass the year, and all the anxieties are hindering my concentration and eating away at my confidence. Im about to crack.

Pigeon Reaper

I think you should contact the rape crisis centre as they'll be able to help you better than anyone here. Being at university will be highly stressful and understandably so after your previous experiences but the rape crisis centre and university support services will be able to help.

How Strange

OP, go to the college counsellor and talk to them.

Did you anything between the gaps in going to college? Why is college so important to you? If you really aren't able for college at this stage in your life then why not shelve it and go get a job until you are able to rationally consider it again.

I think it is obvious that you need to speak to a professional. I am very curious as to why you keep returning to the one place where something awful happened to you (even if they are different colleges). You would obviously have terrible associations with college so why are you putting yourself through this torture?

Have you ever had counselling since the assault? If not then you haven't dealt with it and being in college is akin to picking at a scabby wound that hasn't healed.

wba88

I think you should talk to your parents about it, you will feel better after telling someone (maybe not straight away but defo in the long run)

Do you go on many college nights out?

OP u have to tell somebody about this. U cant be trying to cope on your own. That is a burden that nobody can bear on your own. Nobody is going to judge u, they are going to be on your side. The only person who should be judged is the scumbag who did this to you.


If u tell your parents then they can help u and maybe get u counselling.


U have nothing to be ashamed of. I didnt do particularly great in college and I had no reason not to. Nobody in my family cares, they appreciate mefor who I am, yours will of course do likewise.


Seriously OP, I would strongly advise u seek professional help, try the rape crisis centre maybe?

Nobody on this board is qualified to give u the help that u need to get to get over that.


I had a rough time of college in so far as coping with the workload and pressure etc so in that regard if theres anythig I can do to help u then let me know. But I think its vitally important u get help for this.


PM if ya need anything.

IRISH RAIL

You have my deepest condolences over the attack,
you have tried the samaratins and didnt think they were any good thats fine but dont stop looking.
There are some amazing counsellors out there maybe grab the golden pages and have a scout thru it for someone local who can help briefly tell them whats gooing on and they will let you know if they an do anything.
The stress in college is another huge problem.
You need to clear your head first before you can go on otherwise it will drive you crazy.
Maybe go somewhere really peaceful for a bit after college then head home,
I do this I cycle home down the canal and the peace and quiet looking at the wildlife really keeps me in check. Then its home and back to the stress but I wander off to places I like every so often to get away.
Its not going to be easy for you but with the right help it can make things a lot better.

If you need to talk about it and dont fancy posting just drop me a pm.
Id love to give something back to the people on boards who helped me out a
lot.

amimad07

RCC: 1800 778888

Hun get on to these guys asap they are trained to help and will know what you are going through

Once you feel better in yourself college and life in general will be a doddle

Try not to worry the worst has happened things can only get better from now on

Good Luck

xx

Rhiannon14

I'm so sorry that your first college experience was so traumatic Are you going to the same school at which the assault took place? If so, you might consider transferring to put those ghosts to rest.

You definitely need to talk about what happened to you, if you still haven't. It doesn't matter who, someone you trust, a counselor, or a stranger like me! Unless you make peace with your past it's going to make facing the future so much more difficult.

If you feel you have recovered sufficiently you might want to think about why you are going to college. Are you doing it for someone else? Out of guilt? I know many people who had to wait until they were truly ready for college, and it turned out to be the right decision for them. Every situation is different, but it's something to think about. Feel free to PM me. *hug*

foams

You are very brave to try collage againn, well done. Talk to a councilor
it will help. You obiviously have great courage but people need support everyone does .

Maple

OP, get yourself to your college counsellor and explain whats happening in your life. Once you make this step, they can help with your tutors and classes and you'll get some leeway with exams and essays etc. That will help ease the pressure of college.

Secondly ring the Rape Crisis Centre, they're excellent and will be able to provide you with info regarding counselling etc.

Thirdly, what has happened is not your fault. Please try and accept that. I know its tough but try not to think of it as your dirty little secret, get it out in the open, stop letting it take over your mind and your life.

Electric

OP I have to say I think you are very brave for going back to somewhere which has associations with such awful memories. Personally I think you should really talk to the RCC, I have been to them for counselling and they are wonderful. There's no judgement or accusations and they take everything at your own pace.

If you feel like you're not able to tell your parents right now, then maybe don't, but DO talk to someone. Trust me if you don't deal with these things they fester and build up and come out in the most unimaginable ways.

acorntoast

On a practical level - informing your university of the issues you are facing at the moment will help to ease a lot of the pressure. While I was at college I had personal counselling from the college counsellor and she provided me with a letter to take to the Dean of Students. I met with the Dean, and she made arrangments for me to reschedule submission dates for essays, and take exams when I was ready to. There are probably similar facilities available at your university, and they will possibly make similiar allowances for you. In my experience there are lots of safeguards to prevent someone from dropping out - if you go and talk to the right people.

I echo all the posters who have advised going for counselling. I found it amazing. It's had a huge impact. It's ten years on now, and I know that the self-confidence I have in my relationships, friendships and career are really down to the work I did in counselling. I would never have thought I would be this free of what happened to me - so seriously - think about making the call.

Talliesin

I was raped my first year in college. A lot of blocking things out and having always been the sort of kid who did well in tests got me through that year.

After that though, it all went pearshaped. Prone to depression at the best of times I really couldn't cut it. I bowed out of the pressures and found myself plenty of distractions (some of those distractions would actually have been good things if they were part of a more balanced life, but they weren't).

So, when I finally started getting my **** together it was too late to get it together enough to get back on track academically. Since repeating a second time wasn't affordable, that was the end of my academic career.

Now's not the time for getting into the merits or otherwise in having a degree, but it's arguably something that set me back more long-term than dealing with the trauma did.

I've quite likely missed some great opportunities because I dealt with things so late. Maybe not, it's hard to say, but it's likely.

In one sense it isn't that important - dealing with the trauma itself is, and if that means another break from college, then that's just what it'll have to take. In another sense though, when it comes time to pick up the pieces, the more pieces you've got left to pick up the better.

Call your local Rape Crisis Centre. Talk to your college counsellor. And if you can at all manage it, do talk to your parents.

It's hard, I understand that, believe me, it's very hard and it may not seem at first to have been worth it (I did have an immediate sense of relief, but it didn't seem to last). But it's a starting point. A very important starting point, from which you can move forward.

It's a long haul, but it can get better.

I'd love for you to come back in this forum next summer and tell us that you've managed to get through to your next year in college. I really hope you manage to take the first step and then build on that.

There's never exactly a happy ending in a situation like this, but it would be great to hear that you managed to turn things around sooner rather than later.

randylonghorn

Talliesin wrote: »

Call your local Rape Crisis Centre. Talk to your college counsellor.

In a nutshell.

College counsellors tend to be good and helpful people, and generally they are expert in student support and in helping the student deal with the somewhat bureaucratic structures of universities. And acorntoast is absolutely correct:

acorntoast wrote: »

On a practical level - informing your university of the issues you are facing at the moment will help to ease a lot of the pressure.

If they are aware of the issues, there is much which the college counsellor and other university personnel can do to support and help you through this. (Btw, I do not intend to suggest that the counsellor would share any confidential information about your case with other personnel ... s/he will know how to enlist their help without giving them detailed or private information without your permission).

However, the experts in supporting you in dealing with the specific issue of sexual assault are the RCC counsellors. I am sure that many college counsellors have some expertise and experience in this area as well, but it is not the central core of their everyday work.

By enlisting these two different players, with their different expertise, you are drawing on strong support for the time ahead.

And realise that a lot of very different people around Ireland and even further afield will read this thread, will keep you and all who have been harmed in this way in their thoughts, and will try, even in that small way, to lend you a little of their strength.

Beruthiel

barbaraw19 wrote: »

I have a lot of exams,essays.Because of the hurt I caused my parents by dropping out twice, the pressure both myself and my parents are putting on me to do well at college is unbareable. I will feel like a failure if i dont pass the year, and all the anxieties are hindering my concentration and eating away at my confidence. Im about to crack.

You poor thing. My heart goes out to you.
Honey you have waaaay too much to carry on your shoulders alone.
First off, as has been said, go talk to a professional immediately, the only way to learn to live with this terrible trauma is to get professional help. They will give you the tools to live with this and get on with your life. It will also be a huge burden lifted when you tell someone else.
Speaking as a parent, I would want to know what my daughter was going through. I would be so hurt if she couldn't feel she could come to me with such a problem, I would bend over backwards to do whatever it takes to help her, because first and foremost is her happiness and health, everything else, including college, is secondary to that.
Your parents love you and want the best for you. I'd bet just about anything that they would want to help you in the same way I'd help my daughter. Think about telling them, I think the love and support that they will give you unconditionally will be a wonderful source of strength for you. This is not your fault and you do not have to feel shame or guilt or whatever it is that's preventing you from telling them.
Take care of yourself.