In love with my best friend..

*tOpLaSs

I've known my friend for a year now, and we've become really close. The problem is, since about a week after I met him, I've had a thing for him. I met him this time last year, when he was single, but I only plucked up the courage to tell him how I felt after he had gotten a new girlfriend. He didn't really respond by telling me how he felt (obviously he couldn't) but instead said how it was hard for him because it was "unexplored territory".

Since then, he has broken up with the girlfriend and is currently single. The problem is, I've told him I'm over him when I'm clearly not. Every time we meet up we get on well, but I am totally unsure if he feels in any way the same as I feel. I think I love him, but I really can't tell him, because I have no idea if he would ever like me as more than a friend.

What should I do? I don't want to tell him, incase it wrecks our friendship, or incase he doesn't feel the same at all, but I know that seeing him move on and get another girlfriend would break my heart. Help..! I really need advice!

Kali

If you've told him once and you're still friends then I'm sure your friendship will survive you telling him again.. go for it, maybe he's thinking the same now?

Kali

Kali wrote: »

If you've told him once and you're still friends then I'm sure your friendship will survive you telling him again.. go for it, maybe he's thinking the same now?

There's your answer right there. he's your best friend, no matter what he'll understand.

howaya

must dissent from Kali's suggestion here. I'm generally all for speaking one's mind. However, when you say something, then take it back, then consider saying it again ... - best to let the chemistry work its magic and have things take their course.
Since you're pals, I assume that you are around him a good deal, and he cannot but know that you are hotness incarnate.

I think that you've got to just be fabulous, and hope that he comes to you.

Having read your post, I doubt very much that he would really think that you don't have 'feelings' for him any longer.

If he wants it to happen, I'd say he will go for it. "Unexplored territory" :rolleyes: sounds like he is a bit of an operator.

He'll know that you are all soft and mushy for him, and if he is interested, he'll show it.

good luck!

Knockoff Nige

You probably dont need to say anything. Just flirt with him, asking him about his big muscles and sparkling eyes. He'll get the message.

Ickle Magoo

I'd be upfront & say something. He's your best friend, the worst he can say is he's not interested & won't ever be - and let you move on with your friendship intact. If you constantly flirt & bat your eyes at him, even unwittingly because you fancy him & he doesn't feel the same & can't tell you, you risk making him feel awkward & ruining your friendship. hth

*tOpLaSs

You see I'm afraid that
a) his ego will grow if I tell him again, like "oh she is SO in love with me"
b) if I tell him and he doesn't feel the same (again) that I'll find it really hard to hang out with him
c) I won't be able to get over him (I've barely looked at anyone else in a year)

I really want him!

Knockoff Nige

Dont ask him, flirt. If he's not flirting back, move on. I think the most common love potion is being attached. When he sees that someone else is going out / interested in you, he'll think of you more than as a friend. But start with flirting.

l3LoWnA

You say you're afraid of wrecking your friendship with this guy! What good is a friendship when you're pining after a guy you can't have because you won't let him know you want his ass. Are you guna sit there comfortably on the fence and tell him nothing and watch him fall in love with someone else and be happy for him because he's your best friend!??!

I think you should say something to him! If he's really and truly your best friend you shouldn't care about boosting his ego a bit anyways

You say you won't be able to get over him - well it would be a hell of alot easier if you found out he wasn't interested NOW instead of wondering if he possibly is interested and never really knowing whilst watching him hook up with other girls - do ya get me?!

Go for it! Can't lose!

*tOpLaSs

Okkk so now that we've established that I'm going to tell him sometime in the near future, the next thing is HOW do I tell him?
Text? In person? Online?
And WHAT do I say?
How does one casually say "I love you!" ?! Ahhh thinking about it makes me feel nauteous..
:eek:

LegacyUser

How old are you? I assume early twenties anyway. When a (straight) guy and a girl that age are best friends you can nearly always be sure that they're attracted to each other in some way. I don't even know you and I'd be really, really surprised if he turned you down. I don't think a lot of girls realise how easy men are.

I don't agree with those telling you to flirt and see his reaction. I'm a 25 year old who can rarely tell when a girl is flirting with me. When I do know that a girls flirting with me it still doesn't change anything. I don't know how to flirt back. For example. I was sitting at the bar in my local pub. One of the regular good looking Americans came over to chat. She was asking me whether I worked out. She complimented my bone structure in my face (odd one?) and actually rubbed my face. I just thanked her and smiled. I didn't come across shy, just ultra laid back but not interested (even though I was). She jokingly had to ask if I was gay. In the end nothing came of it. God knows how I get any women tbh.

Get drunk and go in for the kill.

magick

*tOpLaSs wrote: »

Okkk so now that we've established that I'm going to tell him sometime in the near future, the next thing is HOW do I tell him?
Text? In person? Online?
And WHAT do I say?
How does one casually say "I love you!" ?! Ahhh thinking about it makes me feel nauteous..
:eek:

no put so much pressure just suggest a few pints together , now i mean a few dont get blotto otherwise he might think its the drink talkin. Nice relaxed time in a quiet pub

l3LoWnA

yeah, I know I'll probably get SLATED for this but I'd use the easy way out and probably text saying "Seeing as we're both single at the moment, how bout me and you go out "properly" just the two of us some night "

Maye that is too subtle - some men just dont understand things haha - maybe he'd think you wanna go on the pull with him!

OH I don't know, I suppose only you know ur friendship with him and wot the best way to approach it would be - what about suggesting he meets ya for a few drinks and wait until you've had a least THREE double-dutch-courages before you blurt it out into your own vomit under the table he's sitting at?!?

Hope to Help!

Piste

*tOpLaSs wrote: »

How does one casually say "I love you!" ?! Ahhh thinking about it makes me feel nauteous..
:eek:

One doesn't


I was in a similar situation but reversed, as in I was the best friend. About a month after him telling me his feelings we got together and are happy now, though I'm pretty sure if I hadn't felt the same we would still have continued being BFFs, so do tell him! Preferably to his face, to properly gauge his reaction you'll have to pay attention to more than his words y'know!


g'luck

Lawless_Samurai

*tOpLaSs wrote: »

You see I'm afraid that
a) his ego will grow if I tell him again, like "oh she is SO in love with me"
b) if I tell him and he doesn't feel the same (again) that I'll find it really hard to hang out with him
c) I won't be able to get over him (I've barely looked at anyone else in a year)

I really want him!

You see all that matters there is that little bit at the end... You really want him and yes you could get shut down and yes it might wreck a friendship but on the other hand he could feel the same.... Good Luck!

LegacyUser

http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html

I think you'll be alright..

*tOpLaSs

*tOpLaSs wrote: »

Okkk so now that we've established that I'm going to tell him sometime in the near future, the next thing is HOW do I tell him?
Text? In person? Online?
And WHAT do I say?
How does one casually say "I love you!" ?! Ahhh thinking about it makes me feel nauteous..
:eek:

Actually if I were u Id hold back on tellin him that u love him until u guage whether or not he feels the same way.


Go for drinks just the two of u and tell him u have strong feelings for him still and see what he says, if he reciprocates then tell him, if he wants to stay friends just say "I understand, dont worry about it, I just wanted u to know how I have been feeling". Dont put pressure on yourself by telling him you love him right off the bat.

BoozyBabe

Been there, done that!
It's our 2 year anniversary this Sunday!!! & I've never been happier.

Just tell him, face to face, not online or by text!!!!
What have you to lose? Even if things don't work out, you'll still be friends, but atleast either way, you'll know.

Dinxminx

Go for it. He's your friend. Even if he doesn't feel the same he's not going to hurt you - you're best friends! Just take it easy. If you never say it to him, you'll always regret it.

LegacyUser

I was great mates with my current girlfriend for a year before we got together, we're going out a year come november.

We both agree that part of the reason we feel so happy together is because we were great friends first.. plus she's seriously ****ing hot!

*tOpLaSs

Thanks guys, I'm feeling a bit better about the whole thing now.
Except one thing, most of my friends who know this guy are strongly advising me NOT to tell him..
I am so confused.
I want him to know without having to say it, but I figure guys aren't exactly the brightest crayons in the box when it comes to picking up on hints..
I also am dreading the part where he goes back and tells everyone else "God, she is still so totally in love with me.."
Also, if I do decide to tell him, and do it face to face as advised^, I'm not looking forward to spending the rest of the time (if we go for a drink or whatever) with him, in mortified silence if he turns me down. I'll probably cry..
AHHHH!:eek:
Maybe I'm just making a mountain out of a molehill, but I don't wanna mess things up, y'know?:o

Dinxminx

*tOpLaSs wrote: »

I also am dreading the part where he goes back and tells everyone else "God, she is still so totally in love with me.."

If he's your friend, he won't do this to you.