Should I tell my ex these things or just drop it?

LegacyUser

Ok, Im gonna give the background on this situation first, so be ready for a long post

I was going out with my girlfriend for about a year and a bit, then she ended it about 2 weeks ago. Im 23, shes 20. We were each others first loves and so on for many things. Things are going ok, Im actually taking it really well. She said that she felt the relationship had fizzled out and she loved me and cared about me, but didnt love me the way I loved her anymore... I kinda felt that things were fizzling out of the relationship too, so neither of us were too upset about the relationship ending at the time. Just said our goodbyes and the 'lets stay in touch' things and that was that.

But now I really miss her. Im not getting very-down over it, but I would love to tell her how I feel and want to try again before calling it quits because I still do love her, even though I know she'll say no... But heres another problem (on top of the fact she pretty much said she doesnt love me), we broke up about 7 months ago. She broke up with me but came back a few weeks later asking to go out again. She mentioned this when we broke up and said it was different this time. She broke up with me back then because at times I can be very introverted and reticent and it got to her. I acted that way for the last few weeks or so before she broke up with me again and Im pretty sure thats what pushed it over the edge. Basically I had started final year of college, I was worried about my younger brother and under LOADS of stress and was an asshole to be around. I was very distant and made very little effort for the relationship at the time. Cant deny that. She even said she felt at times I was 2 different people; 1 was funny and great fun to be with and made her happy, but the other was quiet, introvert and distant, which she simply couldnt stand... She changed her Bebo profile almost right away to update it saying shes single, and made out shes quite happy with it.

I honestly dont think there is much chance of her taking me back again, but I really want to just let her know that I still love her and I am sorry for how I was. So my questions are

1) Is it a good idea to throw this out there even though I myself think that the odds of her accepting it are non existant? would anybody in the position of my ex-girl consider another chance hypothethically?

2) How should I go about this?

3) Is this just a bad idea that Ill regret doing in a few weeks?

4) Is it actually possible to salvage the relationship given all thats happened?

I honestly dont think I can be just her friend, so if trying this means she doesnt wanna see me then I can accept it, and I dont feel too down about the relationship being over from the point of view I can still get on with things and so on, I just think Ill regret not saying it. Its her birthday in about 2 weeks or so, so I think I should wait til after that if I do anything.

I guess I just really feel I wanna do this before I can put everything to rest once and for all and have absolutely no doubts in my mind.

Anyway, sorry for the long post

Thanks for reading

Esel

Give it a try mate, but you should be planning to treat her a lot differently next time. We all have problems and worries to deal with - that's no excuse to make people you care for suffer though.

If you do get back with her, you had better explain your issues to her, and tell her (and mean it) that you will try to change. If you get dumped again, you really will have only yourself to blame.

Even if you don't get back with her, I reckon you should re-appraise yourself so that this scenario does not play itself out again and again in the future.

LegacyUser

Hi, Im the OP of this thread

What I was thinking of doing was just writing her a poem or something on a card for her birthday saying I still think of her and wish her all the best or something and then meeting her the following week and saying what it is I want to say, then leaving and letting her do whatever she wants. Want to do something thoughtful so even if it fails she'll remember it and hopefully feel it was a sweet gesture. Anybody think this is good/bad idea or anything?

Thanks

MattKid

To be honest looking back at past experiences, she probably won't see it as a sweet gesture, she'll see it as pathetic and make a joke about it with her friends (or maybe my first few girlfriends were just pure evil!)~

A clean break and a new start are what you need. I know it's the hardest thing for you to want to do and to actually do. But there is nothing less attractive than a moping bloke, this isn't the movies.

You need to be selfish for a while and focus on yourself and learn to be a independant single guy. Hit the gym harder than before (if you go to the gym, if not start going). It's a great time for some self improvement so next time you see her, she wonders why she broke up with you, and by then you'll be completely over her and have no interest

Wibbs

Unreglmacc wrote: »

1) Is it a good idea to throw this out there even though I myself think that the odds of her accepting it are non existant? would anybody in the position of my ex-girl consider another chance hypothethically?

No. Once someone loses the physical attraction for you it's very hard to get it back, especially for men. The dreaded friendzone.

2) How should I go about this?

Let it and her go and move on. Do not be her friend. It will not get her back and it will wreck your head.

3) Is this just a bad idea that Ill regret doing in a few weeks?

Guaranteed. Well probably anyway. Write the letter/email/carrier pigeon and sit on it for a month. Re read it and see if you still want to send it. I suspect not, or at the very least you'll edit it more.

4) Is it actually possible to salvage the relationship given all thats happened?

Generally no and certainly not this soon. Anything you do now will just confirm her original decision to leave. If there's any chance of getting back together it's down the line, but I wouldn't base my life around that.

MattKid pretty much nailed what you should do next.

LegacyUser

hi
just leave her alone, vanish from her planet, i was in similar situation and left her alone she came back after a few weeks, please done pester her it will push her away