Frigid

LegacyUser

I thought I would post here today to ask advice on what to do. I am suffering from extreme frigidness. I don't know what has brought it on, I have been like this for a year and a half, or so. It's not fair for my boyfriend, he has stuck by me and is understanding, even though we don't know what is wrong to understand.
I wonder if it is female impotence? I have no rational reason for being this way, I was never abused etc, and enjoyed a normal healthy sex life before. Now the mear thought of sex disgusts me, and I hate to be touched. I try sex out every now and again to see if I will enjoy it, but I never do. I just clench my teeth, wait for it to be over, and pretend to enjoy it, so I don't worry bf.
I am not really into Catholicism or very religious, so I don't think it may be Catholic guilt. I have been for about 4/5 hypnotherapy sessions, and enjoyed having someone to talk to, but it hasn't really changed anything in me. Does anyone else have any suggestions or even simi;ar experiences? I am really beginning to feel inhuman, and I feel bad for my partner. He is wonderful, but he is also human and deserves decent sex. As so I.

pookie82

Firstly, you're really lucky to have such a good boyfriend, though it sounds like you already know that!! Did you change any medication in the last year and a half (in particular, a method of contraception) that may be linked to this change in you? Different types of contraceptive methods can often be responsible for a lowering or killing off completely of sex drive. If you're on the pill, it may be an idea to try changing it. Even if it agreed with you for the first while that you were on it, sometimes people can find that a change of pill might help problems like this.

I presume you've seen your gp already about this?? It might be an idea to get yourself physically checked out to see if everything is as it should be and that all of your hormone levels are normal. If there's no medical reason to be found it sounds psychological, but surely the hypnotherapy would have uncovered something and you say you have no recollection of bad experiences such as sexual abuse etc. Maybe you need to perservere with it??

Try a change of pill or contraception if you use one though. Hope you find a solution to this soon. Best of luck.

estar

whatisit? wrote: »

I thought I would post here today to ask advice on what to do. I am suffering from extreme frigidness. I don't know what has brought it on, I have been like this for a year and a half, or so. It's not fair for my boyfriend, he has stuck by me and is understanding, even though we don't know what is wrong to understand.
I wonder if it is female impotence? I have no rational reason for being this way, I was never abused etc, and enjoyed a normal healthy sex life before. Now the mear thought of sex disgusts me, and I hate to be touched. I try sex out every now and again to see if I will enjoy it, but I never do. I just clench my teeth, wait for it to be over, and pretend to enjoy it, so I don't worry bf.
I am not really into Catholicism or very religious, so I don't think it may be Catholic guilt. I have been for about 4/5 hypnotherapy sessions, and enjoyed having someone to talk to, but it hasn't really changed anything in me. Does anyone else have any suggestions or even simi;ar experiences? I am really beginning to feel inhuman, and I feel bad for my partner. He is wonderful, but he is also human and deserves decent sex. As so I.

is possibly a nicer way of putting it than frigid. frigid has such negative
connotations.

loss of sex drive can be for many reaons, loss of interest in life, lack
of love for the self, stress in work, being really busy. there must have
been some trigger event, you didnt just go from being interested to not.

explore that time period and your feelings around that time.
how do you feel about yourself
do you find your partner attractive
are there any worries in your life
do you need to have control over things? do you not like losing yourself
in the act?

usually, and i am far from an expert here, the first thing to do, is
to decide not to have sex for a while. many therapists would avoid
penetration until you actively want it, and instead focus on everything
else. this may frustrate your partner, but its important that you
reconnent with your ability to enjoy all the sensual acts around
penetration. you shouldnt just lie back and take one for the team.
thats going in to increase your aversion.
what about toys you could use to increase your arousal.

set aside time with your partner where penetration wont be on the
agenda but enjoyment will.

Miss Fluff

Is it lack of sex drive with just your boyfriend or have you stopped masturbating as well?

[Jackass]

How long are you with your boyfriend and has it started since you've been with him? Are you sure your sexually attracted to him?

What circumstances does sex arrise? Are you both living at home or do you have a place available at all times?

Maybe try to build the mood more. Try and remember what you enjoyed about sex and set an intimate atmosphere and try and inticipate the things that turn you on (maybe even discuss with your bf what turns you on or at least has in the past)

Have a nite in together, some food and some wine, cuddle up on the couch or in bed and watch a dvd or listen to some music to set the mood.

Have a gradual build up, passionate kissing for a while, moving on to light petting etc. etc. you know yourself Does he ever perform oral sex on you?

Anyway i think the key is to set a very relaxing, intimate setting to get the mood right. A drink or two (no more) may help you relax if required and try and have lots of foreplay and no penetration for a long time until you either cum before he gets a chance, or you will be sufficiently turned on to really enjoy it when it does happen. Good Luck

spurious

OP. speak to your doctor.

Dalfiatach

The first question you really have to answer, truthfully, is whether it is the idea of sex with your boyfriend that disgusts you, or the whole notion of sex generally.

If the latter then professional help would seem to be in order. If it's the first then you might have to confront the fact that your relationship is really one of best friends or brother/sister rather than lovers...

l3LoWnA

I was like this with my last boyfriend. I just suddenly could not stand intimacy with him. I dumped him. I hadn't been with him long enough to say I was in love (few months....) but I had great respect for him. I just didn't fancy the fellah anymore. Good friend though. I had to dump him. It was unfair on everyone involved if I stayed putt just for the closeness, friendship & companionship aspects!

just food for thought!

Ickle Magoo

OP,

Are you still horny at other times? Is it just the thought of having sex with your bf that makes you feel that way or do you still masturbate? Did you notice a slow decrease of libido or did it just abruptly stop & can you recall any particular changes in your life at all at that time? Do you enjoy cuddling & kissing your bf?

A lot of things can cause a drop in libido, maybe talk to your GP about how you are feeling & if you are taking any medication, see if you can try a different kind. If it's just the thought of your bf touching you that is making you feel that way then it could be you have just stopped finding your bf sexually attractive. hth

LegacyUser

Hi, thank you everyone for your repies. I am going to answer a few questions here.
It is the whole idea of sex that makes me feel ugh. I'm not turned on by anything, porn makes me feel sick, I never really ever masturbated (I know everyone says thats a lie, but it isn't) Whenever I try, I don't feel like it turnns me on. I don't like kissing my boyfriend for long periods of time, I feel kinda closterphobic (i've never been closterphobic before) but it's not him that turns me off, because if it were, then wouldn't I feel attracted to other men? I was on various pills and depo before, but I stopped taking them to see if this was the problem, and I don't feel much different. It may be poor self image or slight depression, but I don't feel horney enough to do anything. I went to doctor before and she wasn't much help. I was prescribed mild anti depressants, but I lost the prescription and havent been back since as I feel embarrased. I burst out crying in the room and she was a bit unsympathetic (I don't often look for sympathy) this was about 4 months ago now, so maybe I should see someone else. As I said, I don't think psychotherapy did much for me.

Ickle Magoo

Depression can be a big libido killer, it also eats away at your self-confidence. Get yourself another GP & tell them your symptoms. If you need anti-depressants then there is no shame in that, better taking medication than feeling so miserable. Thinking of you

l3LoWnA

I think you need to get a more empathethic doc! Ask anyone you can talk to do they know a good one in your area? A GP might be able to reccommend someone else you could talk to about it you know? or if she/he prescribes tabs, take them for gods sake. I know I would if I thought they'd give me a boost!!! You seem to be very down alright about it all - feel so sorry for you :mad:

LegacyUser

I was on various pills and depo before, but I stopped taking them to see if this was the problem, QUOTE wrote:

How long have you been off the depo injection? I lost my libido when I went on it (I used to be nicknamed "the energiser bunny" cos I was mad for sex all the time). I came off the injection in Jan 07 and am only now starting to get back my sex drive. I'm still not wanting it as much as I used to but I can enjoy it now once he starts it going. I still don't want to initiate it - although I do sometimes - to keep him happy.

LegacyUser

How long have you been off the depo injection?

Hi, I was on it for almost 2 years and came off it at the beginning of last year, so nearly 2 years off it now which is a long enough time to get it out of my system!

Just another thing to add. I find I have no lubrication at all and I 'seize up' I wonder if my problem is phsycological / physiological. I guess only a doc could tell for sure but I would be interested in hearing similar experiences. Thank you.