What to do ...tension..drama..not good for me

KilbarrackBlows

Hi
ok so this is my issue and im not even sure wether i shold post it or not im kinda trying to let it blow over but its been playing on my mind all week.

Last week when i was in college i was sitting around doing some work in one of the hallways on the campus we were sent out to do some drawings and a older guy from class he's around 30 joined us and started talking about something that happend the other day which he wasnt present for (he usualy miss's 2/4 days were in and is late when he shows up) so we were chatting about it and laughing away there was myself and about 5 others from the class when he joined us.

So he was talking about what went on and then started rambling on about another guy from our class and comparing him to a certin prime minister during ww2 and trying to say that we all were counting this person in our class out, basicly trying to say were all bullying him/dismising his opinions. So we were all disagreeing with him and i didnt even say much was just drawing away not taking it to seriously i thought he was messing.

Then after about 10 minets of him comparing this guy with churchill and people shaking there heads in disagreement i just said i cant beleave your comparing [insert name here] to churchill. He snaped and started calling me a moron and hurling abuse at me in the corridor and slaging off my apearance and calling me thick and all these crude childish names and then tried to acuse me of being a bully basicly. Now ive never been spoken to like this in my life and i had a pritty brutal time in secondery school and this was more abusive than all of that combined kinda

So then he stood up and went to walk past me and stood on my feet (i was sitting down) as he passed me and i was like dont stand on my feet and he went ballistic again and was yelling at me in the hallway and i have a problem with my nerve's and i got the shakes from all the agro of him and he seen this and started taking the piss out of me and i said i had a anxiety problem and expected he'd leave it at that but no he stood shouting abuse at me.I was telling him to just go out and calm the **** down but nope stood given me more abuse.

I was pritty cut up after this its my first time back in college after a few years trying to get over my depression and anxiety problem its taken almost 4 years (ive posted abiout it before i think) and i told the tutor after it happend about (he got in another argument with another guy that day after he had one with me) so im not feeling very comfterble in class i feel tension and i feel like i cant be myself around him ive got a review next with a tutor but i was exspecting something to be said to me after i brought it up on the day but i havent heard a thing and this guy hasnt even attempted to say sorry to me .


Now i dont know what to do? I dont want to seem like im going on and on about it but i cant handle situations like this after it took me so long to get back to normality i was having anxiety attacks for days after it and its got me down because i was on such a high finaly doing normal stuff again.
And on top of that its like i dont feel like i cant talk to people when he comes over i dont feel like i can be myself in class when he is there now, its really getting to me because i tried so hard to get to know everyone and it was going great.

So i have a 1 on 1 with our tutor on wensday and im wondering if i shold bring it up again last time i tried it brought back to meny depressing memorys and i couldnt get the words out i chocked up and felt like a fool.

Electric

I would definitely bring it up with your tutor. Bully and harassing behaviour is not acceptable. Just because your in college doesn't mean that someone can scream and shout at you like that.

As far as I know all institutions are required to have an anti-bullying/harassment procedure in place. So you may want to look this up and see what it says.

If you feel that it maybe difficult to talk about this with your tutor then maybe write it all down, it may make it easier for you.

The other thing is, if you let this go then this person may feel like they can get away with it and either have a go at you or someone else again.

Mention to your tutor that other people were present, that way they can talk to them.

Bullying is very serious. Most people think that it only happens in school and once you leave it will never happen again. But it can be quite prevalent in business and industry which is why companies have taken big steps to stamp it out. Not only because it can open them up to huge liability but also because it can have such a devastating effect on staff morale.

And who wants to work/study in that kind of atmosphere?

Davei141

Stand up for yourself, sorry i cant help more

Scoobydoobydoo

Quick points:

Were you being mean to/about the person he compared to Churchill?

Talk to your tutor or somebody if you're really bothered, you shouldn't keep things in and let them fester.

Most importantly, don't let this cause a relapse of anxiety, it's not worth it. every once in a while you will face obstacles, this is one, but you have to get past it.

Stay calm, avoid coffee (can cause panic attacks). Look after your diet/sleep/exercise and your general self. Don't let this weirdo get to you. Maybe he has problems of his own.

Look after yourself.

Overheal

afaik all third level institutes have a zero tolerance policy on violence and harrassment. Bring it up - in fact you should have it all written out in report form from your relationship with the other person to the time the incident occured to whats been going on up to the present.

Scoobydoobydoo

Overheal wrote: »

afaik all third level institutes have a zero tolerance policy on violence and harrassment. Bring it up - in fact you should have it all written out in report form from your relationship with the other person to the time the incident occured to whats been going on up to the present.

Excellent point from Overheal - make a note of everything, write it all down, dates, times, witnesses, what was said.

the_syco

KilbarrackBlows wrote: »

He snaped and started calling me a moron and hurling abuse at me in the corridor and slaging off my apearance and calling me thick and all these crude childish names and then tried to acuse me of being a bully basicly.

This is a common way to try to stop you from reporting him, as he's trying to make you think what you did was wrong. The only reason he'd fear you reporting this would be that he's snapped at someone before, who reported him.

My advice is to write down what you wrote above, in bullet format, so if you get choked, or mental block when trying to remember what happened when talking to the tutor, you can look at your notes, or maybe show them to the tutor.

If he gets away with it once, he'll think he has "won", and may torment you in the future, thinking that you'll say nothing to the tutor.

Finally, seek the help of the college Chaplin. Although I despise the church, the college Chaplin usually is a sound bloke who has come across this many times before (as people will talk to the priest rather than a "stranger"/tutor), and know whom to contact about getting it resolved. He may also know of a way to calm you down.

KilbarrackBlows

Davei141 wrote: »

Stand up for yourself, sorry i cant help more

I did...

Scoobydoobydoo wrote: »

Quick points:

Were you being mean to/about the person he compared to Churchill?.

Thats the thing ive gone out of my way to get chatting with everyone and i get on very well with everyone and theres no way id ever pick on anyone im just not that type of person.This guy who flipped at me just seems to have made some delusional situation up in his head.

And i wouldnt say the guy was bullying me but every was in shock at what happend he went completely over the top and even after it happend people told me he tried to blame it another guy who was there and then he was aparently eyeballing me out of it in class crushing balls of paper :eek:

I guess il bring it up with the tutor again.. like were only in this course 2 months so far and he's the only one ive never really spoken to aswell so it was basicly like some stranger going ballistic at you for no reason.

and thanks for the replys

bronte

This guy was out of line op.
I'm sorry you had such a crap experience, this must have been awful for you.
He seems to have issues controlling his anger. You should of course mention it to your tutor. That's what they're for! You deserve to feel safe and have a happy learning environment...remember that. Don't worry about what this guy thinks of you...his opinion really doesn't mean much when you think about it.


Hope you're feeling better.

Esel

Make notes, as advised above. Speak to your tutor.

AFAIK, a single incident is not considered bullying, at least in the workplace. If it happens again though, you are definitely being bullied. You do not have to take this.

It might be difficult for you to do, but I think you should consider speaking to this person privately and tell them their behaviour was unacceptable, and that you will not tolerate it again. If you can do this, it might be very good for your self-esteem. If he freaks out, just walk away.

Did you get any feedback from the other people who witnessed this incident?

I don't have anxiety issues myself, so can't advise you there. Look after yourself, and try to keep things in perspective. I hope will soon have a circle of friends in college - normal people who know how to treat each other with respect.

karen3212

Definately bring it up again and again until you get help. Talk to your friends and the people in your class, they'll be some who will love to help you.
It's disgraceful behaviour, but yeah there are bullies of all ages around who have problems that we can only guess at. Well done for managing to tell your tutor, and as I said keep going and telling until you get help.