Trouble

killer_cain

Right lads, here's the story (most of it), i was going out with my girl a month before she found out that i had a longterm girl already in a far off land.
so after a short break up i ended it with the first one, but i stayed in contact, th odd text, mail, just being friends, not telling the current one.
she just found this out and she really blew a head gasket i tried talking it out that it's nothin more than friends(which is true), but she is havin none of it and is giving me 3 days to do something to show i love her or it's over for good (she's put up with a lot from me), she is absolutely livid i feel rotten about it and i really love her but she is so angry i don't know how to convince her,
what can i do? somebody please help me

faceman

what do you want yourself? which girl do you want to go out with? Are you just looking for a casual relationship?

killer_cain

no, its serious, i only want to be with the one i have now, she wants a serious gesture

auggie2k

If it's serious and you only want to be with the one you have now... then why go off with the other girl in the first place?

spinandscribble

this isnt a movie and she aint meg ryan.
grand gestures are meant to come from the heart. the fact shes demanded one is just going to cheapen whatever you do.
but if you must burn everything of the other girls you own, buy balloons and splash some cash. but tbh you cant buy her trust.

faceman

killer_cain wrote: »

no, its serious, i only want to be with the one i have now, she wants a serious gesture

well best thing to do is to come clean with her. Cut contact with the other girl. If you are serious about girl number 1 and she is serious about you, then it should be easy.

you are probably going to get many replies questioning the morals of what you did and asking lots of why did you do this that and the other etc, but ignore that. What you are going through does happen to people and not always because people want to play the field. As long as you want to put things right, then focus on that.

But like i say, nip it in the bud. If you are serious about girl number 1 then go for it. Knock all the other stuff on the head now before its too late.

Storm_rages

some very wise words.. i think to be honest the only way to win back trust is to have a very long and honest talk. Tell her the truth and if you do mean to be with her ask her to give you time to prove yourself.
(by the way what the hell were you thinking!!)
i'm still a little confused is it long term girlfriend that got dumpted or the other one?

star-pants

sorry OP -- to be clear
You were dating girl A (who lives far away)
met girl B and went out for a month -- she found out about original gf - went nuts - you broke up with A and stayed with B?

-- B obviously has every right to blow a head gasket as you've said - because you'd lied to her before.
--spinandscribbles right -- you can't buy her trust, but perhaps cut girl A out completely and give lots of attention to girl B in the hopes you can earn her trust back. Tbh breaking trust can be very foundation shaking... and hard to win back. She'll need lots of reassurance from you

killer_cain

thanks for the advice lads, not sure what to do yet(i already tore up pics of the ex in front of her), but it gives me somethin to start with

Mr. Incognito

What a load of childish crap. Whay should you have to be subject to her insecurity. When you meet someone you are only feeling out a relationship. You don't go from 0 to 60. You were perfectly entitled to stay in contact with your long-term girl. It's not like you two were cosing up.

Grand gestures on demand- she really is living in cloud cuckoo land.

FFS, your current girls sounds immature and spoilt imo. I wouldn't cater to her whims. You were honest with her and then when you decided it was serious you made a choice. You shouldn't have to PROVE anything. It's called trust and if she can't trust you and is prone to these childish outbursts you're better off without.

Aura

You've knocked the girl for six and it's going to take some on-going reassurance for her to feel secure in the relationship again. gestures are well and good but you can't as stated buy back trust so be patient and as reassuring as you can with her and hopefully you can build things up again.

Good luck.

A.

vorbis

eh a month?! You were only seeing your gf for a month before you broke up with your previous long term gf. I fail to see the problem. I scored a girl three weeks into "going out" with my current gf. It was hardly exclusive after just a month. Your gf is acting a bit precious if you ask me. In most cases, a month isn't long enough to say you're boyfriend and girlfriend.

I'd stand up to her about cutting contact. It's physically impossible that you're cheating on her given the distance involved. If she does break up with you then you should count yourself lucky as you saved yourself a lot of future aggro!

ats

SetantaL wrote: »

Grand gestures on demand- she really is living in cloud cuckoo land.

FFS, your current girls sounds immature and spoilt imo..

couldn't agree more with this, you are together a month for Christ sake it's not like it's wedding bells all round.

Now i can understand her being a tad upset with you having contact with an ex, especially one you only recently broke up with. She may think you're keeping your options open.

Just out of curiosity does your ex know you are now in a relationship with this lass? coz if not she may be hanging on the hope at you'll come round if she stays in contact and might turn up on your door then you'll have two raving loonies to deal with.

bets bet cut all contact with the ex (even for just a while), tell the other one to kop on to herself or kick her to the kerb.

Miss Fluff

Two questions:

Is your "girlfriend in a far off land" an online girlfriend?

What age are you?

killer_cain

well im in late 20's but this is only the 2 serious relationship ever(used to be so shy was crippled)no, the far off girl isn't anything anymore, i've thrown out everything that has to do with her (makin things worse i've been moved in with girl B only a week), i tried talking with her again, she has herself convinced i still love girl A(dont give a damn about her anymore), B is now completely paranoid & thinks i'm killin time with her, i still want her I really don't know what i can do to get her to belive a word i say, is there anything i can do so she can trust me?is there anyway back???

karen3212

Aw you are both fairly new to relationships then, and with all the tv we are watching these days I'm not surprised she has asked for a grand gesture. But.... it will take time. She probably just doesn't realize that yet. Keep talking to her, and let her know how you feel about her as often as you can. Patience on your part will really help.

killer_cain

im fairly new but shes bin around the block, but no time really, she gave it til tomorrow, what does a woman want to know you love her, as a sign that she can trust you?? girls??

curiousxxx1

Listen, stop all this. Girl B, has to take your word for it. There is no need to tear pics e.t.c... very childish!!!
Make her a nice breakfast and tell her that afterall you are with her now, you care for her and you want to be with her. So she shouldn't nag!
Time would show how you feel not getting her gifts, the best gift is you showing her how much you care.. "ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!!!!!"

gal_anonim

well you could always ask what sort of proof she means.
But to convince her you're honest with her and you don't have any contact with your ex will be difficult and will take time.

karen3212

killer_cain wrote: »

im fairly new but shes bin around the block, but no time really, she gave it til tomorrow, what does a woman want to know you love her, as a sign that she can trust you?? girls??

Don't ever let her see that post!;) Really it will take time for her to trust you, but as I said she probably doesn't even realize that. You've only been together a short time, and in fairness I don't think it is right if she is asking for a big gift or something. What does she love to do, perhaps you could do all of her favourite activities this weekend, or take her to see something special to her, perhaps a place or view or something.

spinandscribble

im currently going through a trust issue with my bf.

yes i want a quick fix like your gf but the truth is there isnt one. unless somehow your ex comes back looking likke a supermodel and you tell her to feck off in front of your gf. somehow i think thats unlikely to happen.

you have to tell her you know how hut she is and you'd buy her everything but the truth is you cant buy trust. deep conversion needed.

its funny because my bf keeps buying me things now. it does ease the pain somewhat but its the conversion i had with him that put us straight.

on the flip side your gf might just be materialistic. in which case bring her to BT2

Beruthiel

killer_cain wrote: »

no, its serious, i only want to be with the one i have now, she wants a serious gesture

I'm extreemly hungover this morning, so I don't mean to be harsh, but seriously like, wtf?
As someone else mentioned, this ain't the movies, it's real life. I can't imagine what the hell she means by 'serious gesture' and whatever you do, I'm guessing it would be short of that imaginary white line in her head.
If you wish to be with her, talk to her straight, be honest and tell her what you want. Stick to your word.
If that's not enough for her, I'm not sure why you'd be bothering.

syklops

I know its maybe a bit late but anyway...

Am I missing something with this? Your with your gf a month, and you just moved in with her. WTF? A month? A month! And you say you love her. If she wants a grand gesture, I would move out, and get some space. Think about what you want, like really want. If the chick who moved away is the one you want, then focs yourself on that. Dont be with this one just cause you want sex on tap. Spend some time away from her, and see if you miss her. her, not her vageegee.

Seriously, your with her a month and you say you love her. Love at first sight does not happen very often, especially when your in a relationship, albeit a long distance one.

To sum up, my advice is sit back a bit. think what you want, and make a discision. As for her, this grand gesture she wants, she is either looking for an expensive gift to feel better, or has watched to much Dawsons Creek, Friends, or the OC. And no offence, but she sounds as mature as you come across.