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Angel Amid The Smoke (feedback appreciated)

  • 14-10-2007 5:58pm
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,049 ✭✭✭


    We could empty our arsenals
    Disband our armies
    Cease fire
    What for?
    Sit now, share a drink before the war

    Emerald paintbrushes
    Deception to an art
    Tombstone stare
    Tolling graveyard heart

    Seagull in your wheatfield
    Cloud that will not pass
    Undertow in my waters
    Viper in my long-grass

    Tune in, to ruin
    Feel it to your bones
    My condition, perdition
    I will not be damned alone

    Notice the omens
    Neither optimistic or kind
    “Temporarily inside my body
    Permanently within your mind”

    Without blinking
    “I won’t be your Lincoln”
    Be assured
    You won’t be my Robert Ford

    “Your honeyed lies
    Cast shadows under my eyes”
    Grains of truth within, honey…
    To sweeten your poisoned whims

    Still believe in magic?
    That you can make me disappear
    That I could saw you in half
    So at least the division is clear

    We died, in a landslide
    Empty, if not alone
    You’re now a stone angel
    Erected to watch over and atone
    We tried, to halt the tide
    Never got back to shore
    They torched my flesh-turned to billowing smoke
    I float in the ether, from the mountains to the shore
    Searching for you
    …I will blacken you once more
    Angel
    I will blacken you once more


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,737 ✭✭✭pinksoir


    this is really good. very nice use of imagery and theme. reminscent of shiina ringo (japanese musician) in the lyrical style. especially like the line “Temporarily inside my body
    Permanently within your mind”. You obviously worked very hard on this. Coherent, flowing and holds interest to the end.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 499 ✭✭Flynn


    pinksoir wrote: »
    this is really good. very nice use of imagery and theme. reminscent of shiina ringo (japanese musician) in the lyrical style. especially like the line “Temporarily inside my body
    Permanently within your mind”. You obviously worked very hard on this. Coherent, flowing and holds interest to the end.


    What he said!
    Yeah it's really good.. more poetic than lyrical in my opinion..not by any means a bad thing.. but would like to hear it sung to hear the flow ya know?..

    good job..


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