Proposal for throne redesign!

slavetothegrind

Brethern,

Surely we can collectively come up with a new design for the end process of our gluttony.

Current models and old standards i feel no longer cater for the needs of a brother.

With current foodstuffs and their addatives ( mmmmm! ) the levels of adhesion in the bowl have increased dramatically in recent times.

One almost needs to have a creative sphincter to fabricate a stool sleek of shape and design with rapid hardening crust in order to succesfully navigate the bend without pause, fight, or indeed evidence of passing!

I had to double the chinese order the other night after an epic battle with what i can only describe as a pepperami which refused all hydraulic efforts at expulsion and proved elusive to the prod also. The calories expended!!!
Not helped by her indoors refusing to have a brush by the throne as they are manky by nature.

I assure you loctite R&D department would have an interest in some of my creations in the past. Let me tell you nothing short of HEAVY domestos will touch it!

I am partial to Guinness. Usually in distribution quantities. I like to follow this with doner meal and taco fries.
The following morning i like to, no, need to expel the remanants.
Explosively.
Can we not coat the throne in teflon brothers?
Is it beyond technology?
Can we not have a high pressure cleaning action?

I await your creative expostulation........

FlutterinBantam

The Americans try that with high water levels which only serve the swash yer nutsack with cold water as the bolus hits the water.

The result looks terrible,a big ugly shíte swirling in the water inches from the plum bag.

My system is to hovver the nipsy dead over the water and apply full sudden pressure.This has the effect of concentrating the shot and shooting the bolt straight into the water,thus avoiding the sides and the resultant skids.

In the event of a hot curry situation and possible"spread" simply ignore the damage and drop the lid....no-one can prove who it was.

An alternate when playing away is to pack the bowl with paper and blow the guts into this coccoon.

Hopefully the pipes won't block and back up the lot.

Very problematic situation indeed,worthy of much study.

mickrourke

Well here's something that may help

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055159079

Except you have to 'build' it yourself (I know). Maybe get one of them boys on the lego site to do it for you as a "project"?

Robbo

FB, by your use of the word "nipsy", I take it you're a Profinisaurus reader?

On considering this idea, the best I could come up with is a modified powerhose jury rigged to the throne and wired to the flush.

Pros: Acceptable because it doesn't involve a major redesign. Allows for the only manly way to clean things, with several bar of pressurised water. Use of power tools.

Cons: Poor aim could result in catastropic blastback. Size of apparatus reduces "****erature" storage space.

Jesus Wept

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

The Americans try that with high water levels which only serve the swash yer nutsack with cold water as the bolus hits the water.

The high water level is awful.

FlutterinBantam

Little tip for you Rigg... lay several layers of ****e paper on top of the water and this will block the splashback.

Known as "The Firemans Blanket".

Jesus Wept

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

Little tip for you Rigg... lay several layers of ****e paper on top of the water and this will block the splashback.

Known as "The Firemans Blanket".

lol

Thanks Brother.

trout

I think the kludgies on airplanes are coated with teflon, and they also employ high pressure suction flushers.

My own experiences on many transatlantic flights is that even teflon coated high pressure suction flushing kludgies become battle scarred when a Brother (or Sister) parks their breakfast.

Our Japanese Brethren seem to be very advanced with their Toilet Technology ... but be warned, high tech toilets may not be the way forward.

linkeh -> http://search.japantimes.co.jp/cgi-bin/fl20070821z1.html

I'm sticking to the plain old Armitage Shanks! (he he he ... little joke there)

FlutterinBantam

personally I would want to be verrrrry badly stuck to "crimp out a loaf" on an airplane.

Now this is a true experience.... at an airport in Africa(Zanzibar) I was boarding a flight to Nairobi,smallish airplane. Just before engine start this Unbelievable [/B]Stink permeated the cabin and was so bad that passengers were holding tissues over their noses.
A lot of towing and frowing from the cabin crew and eventually we were all asked to deplane.. 20 mins later we boarded the same airplane, which was smelling like a Las Vegas Cat house!!!!Perfume everywhere.

It would appear that one of the first passengers who got on went straight to the can and unloaded a growler of epic pungency and viscosity which necessetated the described action.

I don't know what he had to eat but she nearly shrivelled the seats!!!

trout

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

Now this is a true experience.... at an airport in Africa(Zanzibar) I was boarding a flight to Nairobi,smallish airplane. Just before engine start this Unbelievable Stink permeated the cabin and was so bad that passengers were holding tissues over their noses.
.
.
.
It would appear that one of the first passengers who got on went straight to the can and unloaded a growler of epic pungency and viscosity which necessetated the described action.

Sorry about that ... I ate a wildebeest that didn't agree with me

jester77

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

personally I would want to be verrrrry badly stuck to "crimp out a loaf" on an airplane.

Now this is a true experience.... at an airport in Africa(Zanzibar) I was boarding a flight to Nairobi,smallish airplane. Just before engine start this Unbelievable [/B]Stink permeated the cabin and was so bad that passengers were holding tissues over their noses.
A lot of towing and frowing from the cabin crew and eventually we were all asked to deplane.. 20 mins later we boarded the same airplane, which was smelling like a Las Vegas Cat house!!!!Perfume everywhere.

It would appear that one of the first passengers who got on went straight to the can and unloaded a growler of epic pungency and viscosity which necessetated the described action.

I don't know what he had to eat but she nearly shrivelled the seats!!!

There's nothing worse, I've been on a few flights that would turn your stomach. It has to do with the lack of air in there. There have been times when I've been in poor hotels or B&B's where they have these tiny little bathrooms in the bedroom that were an obvious afterthought, no window or extractor. Nothing worse than after a few nights of hardcore drinking and eating and you finally have to perform an extended extraction. It stinks up the place for days and the smell even clings to your clothes so you that you end up smelling like ****! Never goes down well with whom ever you are sharing the room with!

Here in Germany they have a toilet that has what can best be described as a plate on it. Sounds like a bad idea because everything is on full display when you are finished. But if you lay down a bed before hand it just sweeps away with a flush and looks good and fresh afterwards. Although there is a drawback if you have to expel a monster, always a danger of it backing up :eek:

FlutterinBantam

Hmmmm very interesting.... looks like its an any tinkle device designed to help females have a good whizz without waking up the whole house.

Can't help wondering if there is return fire problems from a fairly vigourous stream???

The inner thighs could be a tad vulnerable one would surmise,and could require dabbing down

Anyone???

Zaph

I hate those European bogs with the flat part on them, at least dropping one off into the water eliminates a certain amount of the smell, but with those yokes you're subjected to a full blast of it for as long as you remain on the jacks. really stupid design IMO.

As for toilets on planes, a friend of mine used to be a stewardess on Gulf Air and flew routes between India and the Gulf. She said it was a fairly regular occurrance that they'd have to close one or more toilets on the plane because someone had crapped in the sink. The problem was that many of the passengers were migrant workers looking for jobs in the Middle East and whatever about it often being their first time flying, many had barely seen proper toilets or sanitation before and didn't know what they were supposed to do.

slavetothegrind

That is strange the flat bit on that bog.

Reminds me of the portables ye get at festivals, The flap should be where the flat bit is.
You always pray the torpedo makes it in in one go, if it lodges on the flap rendering it half open you are liable to deposit stomach contents in the sink thingy!

I agree splashback more likely, also if particularly large deposit being made ( dominoes meaty special xtra large followed by a round of cheesey toastioes chased by 12 cans draught guiness ) are there clearance issues?

They could introduce an alignate bag system. Bag lines bog. You do buisness. Bag then drawn down into waste system and new one laid out. No mess. Bag dissolves in water in waste system.... hmmm i feel a patent coming on...:D

FlutterinBantam

Yeah ..clearance issues WTF!!

Maybe the pic foreshortened the ledge bit, but as the poster said, if you had a "solid stacker" surely there could be contact,especially if there was a bit of "downhang" from the butt cheeks.

The man has a very valid point there.

legspin

I have heard that the Germans go for this style primarily so they can examine the resulting movement. Maybe they award themselves points on certain criteria. Things like shape, thickness, coilyness of link, height from surface etc.
What with the advent of the camera phone all they probably need is Cartman's Mum

trout

legspin wrote: »

I have heard that the Germans go for this style primarily so they can examine the resulting movement. Maybe they award themselves points on certain criteria. Things like shape, thickness, coilyness of link, height from surface etc.
What with the advent of the camera phone all they probably need is Cartman's Mum

don't forget texture and angle of the tapers ... separates the men from the boys.

I admire your use of the word coilyness there btw.

FlutterinBantam

Indeed"coilyness" thats rather an excellent way to describe a well formed bolus.

Would Gunther or Brumhilde study the stool and note the definition of coils or lack thereof.

Would there be "marks" deducted for poor or irregular tapering?

Would a big flat scutther gain any points or fail to qualify.

Would texture and "sheen" count in the award of points.

There can't be any other reason for that ledge.

Hope it never gets popular here.

I would favour the "stoop & poop" Eastern toilet over that so i would.

slavetothegrind

Ah yes the stoop and poop.

Fine as long as one is propelling solids of germanic standards, but what of explosive liquid fare?

Surely one could find one's kakks collecting some of the spoils?
One might not notice 'till one pulls up same!

Pure speculation ye understand.... never happened......

Perhaps we are headsing towards a daily irrigation scenario.
Pop in a pipe turn on the flow, reverse flow, grimace, turn off flow, remove and go.
Supposed to be bad for you though, removing bacteria and critters that ya need in there!

FlutterinBantam

Indeed indeed,well spotted sir.

The eastern might not be suitable for the "fizzy gravy" explosive expulsion.

The shoe and sock area as well as the back of the strides could well take the uncontained backwash.

A bit like the Quarterback taking the snap from"the shotgun" i would imagine to use Gridiron terminology