Why do I keep trying?

Teddi

Im sure some people are going to be able to relate to this...

For a few years now I've been dealing with self-confidence issues, self-esteem issues and making friends with people..for me doesnt come easy.

What I mean by that, is that it always seems to be me trying to be their friend, and NOT them trying to be my friend. It seems that if I dont make an effort to try and get to know people in general, that they wont want to get to know me....maybe im paranoid but ive always felt like this.

I've always been able to communicate with women really well, as im quite sensitive and caring and im a great listener, and usually my "girl" friends take that on board, which is nice, but at the end of the day, I want some "Lad" mates aswell which im currently lacking.

I come across very confident, im seen as probably the most social person in my class, everyone thinks i have everything going for me, but in reality I dont.

Does anyone else feel like they're the ones always having to try?

any feedback would be great

highlydebased

I am quite similar. Its probably just the people you try to become friends with

Someday you'll meet some people who you wont even have to think about "making friends" with.....and those sorta people become best friends

GhostInTheRuins

Teddi wrote: »

it always seems to be me trying to be their friend, and NOT them trying to be my friend. It seems that if I dont make an effort to try and get to know people in general, that they wont want to get to know me

Teddi wrote: »

I come across very confident, im seen as probably the most social person in my class, everyone thinks i have everything going for me

Perhaps you're actually trying too hard to make friends. I know that might sound strange but it can put a lot of people off if you're over the top trying to be friendly. Maybe try tone it down it a bit and just go with the flow.

moco

I haven't any advice for you unfortunately but I have the same problem. No bother getting male friends but girls aren't as interested.

I think the reality is that people are lazy and their happy to let you make all the effort when it becomes clear that your prepared to do it.
I think people like you are social glue, it's sucks but someone has to do it.

tritium

Hi Op

Often i've found that it takes a slightly different 'style' if you will to make male and female friends. You say that you're quite sensetive, and I wonder f sometimes you might come across as too much so. Sometimes the style of conversation that you need to use to hold attention can be quite different for the two sexes. Also ask yourself if perhaps you're preceived as being too into having female friends to the point where male friends may not relate easily to you (in my experience woman have this problem more than guys but other posters feel free to correct me)

My only suggestions are to play around with your communication style and see if this helps. Also, don't be so concious of who is doing the work to initiate a friendship or a conversation, try instead to be more aware of the form and content, especially in group conversation. I've often found that I learn more about relating to people of both sexes by listening, and without having to compromise who I am

Teddi

thanks tritium for that great analysis...

Yea, I would agree with you on some of those aspects indeed...

I know it takes 2 complete varients of conversational style to communicate to the differing sexes, and I would often chat to more girls in my day to day than I would male (im in an art college and 60% are female). I dont come across all sensitive to the guys...I have a good head on my shoulders when It comes to communicating to guys..Im funny and witty which often helps, I love making people laugh so I try and impliment that within their group..

Maybe ive just been unlucky with the selection of people I've come across in my time,I'm extremely socially aware of whats proper and correct and I never come across desperate or too enthused as I know how that can look, funny and collected is how id place myself.

I hope it wont always be the case of me ringing them to see if they want to go out/drinks/cinema.....

I would be knocked off my chair if tomorrow one of them asked me out next weekend, but alas I do not see that happening....