gf troubles

louiscollins

im agitated constantly. basically my girlfrend is very clingy and gives me no space whatsoever! she needs to see me all the time. i spend time with her and then she doesn't let me part from her. i can't meet my mates without her going insane and having a fit. all i want is to be able to do what i want when i want, without feeling like im trapped. its awful!! i love her but shes driving me insane. i end up just meeting my mates and fighting with her as a result. shes always asking me why i dont invite her out with my mates, she can't understand that i need my space. time with the lads! she has a big problem with me going out to a bar/club drinking with the lads. its like a big insecure problem she has. ''why dont u invite me to come along''... COS I NEED A BREAK!! any ideas how to get around this one?

Dord

Have you told her you need some space now and again?

louiscollins

yes i have but she takes it personally. i told her i need some time alone. and then she thinks im sick of her. she doesnt understand the need for time with mates/alone time.

LegacyUser

Does she ever go out? could you no get her to arrange a night out with her friends on the same night as one of your nights out.. not to the same venue though!

Sometimes its hard for me to step back from my relationship. I think I can be clingy on occasion so I try to be aware of it, my bf never said anything about it, so if you bring it up you might make things worse!

Have you tried having the 'I love you but sometimes I need my space' chat. Most people have had friends who got with a new guy/girl and neglected their friends. Mention that it happened to you before and you swore you'd never do that to your friends, say you don't want to be that type of friend so you have to make the effort to see the lads so they don't think you've dumped them for her....don't know of that approach will work, If one of her close friends in the past did it its got more of a chance of working cause she'll remember what it was like to loose that friend so she might see where you're coming from..Sorry for rambling and Sorry I cant be more help!

highlydebased

Some girls can be like that.......best be up front with her about it in my opinion

Silent Grape

some boys can be like that...

one of my oldest boyfriends and i broke up because he was so clingly. unfortuantely i was young and unable to communicate to him properly that i needed space. but he wouldve taken that as some kind of insult as well. he was tough going, when i started college and made lots of new friends he instantly started making jokes about me and my 'better friends' etc etc, getting moody and acting like a left out child. it was hell.


sit her down, tell her you love her, be honest, tell her you need one night a week or something to see the boys. most mature people would understand this as just being healthy, but perhaps she is pretty insecure, and you are her security? if she wasnt insecure she would be happy to see you happy. explain to her that you have needs outside of the relationship, and encourage her to take care of her outside relationship needs too.

tell her you love and how much you think of her, very often.

Toots

Try sitting down and explaining that you need your space, and it's not because you're sick of her or anything like that. Do you think that she may be paranoid that you may be up to no good while you're out? I had a friend who was so possessive of her man that they'd have huge rows whenever he went out with the lads cos she always suspected that he was out playing jack the lad, when in fact he wasn't. It ended up splitting them up cos he couldn't take any more of it!

I'd suggest maybe bring her with you every once in a while so she can see that you're not up to anything other than having a laugh with the guys. That said, you need to put your foot down in relation to having time to yourself. If she can't handle that, maybe you need to rethink your relationship. Harsh I know, but this will only get worse with time - imagine what she would be like if you were married!

mawk

you have my sympathies.

I had the same problem a while back. I told her till I was blue in the face but she pretty much ignored all her friends in liu of seeing me all the time and lost contact with many of them and so the problem snowballed. she became more and more clingy and more obsessive about me. which made me resent her.

In the end we had to break up before I lost my mind and killed the two of us.

but im still a bit sad. she really meant a lot to me and I still miss her. Though my god could I not stand her at the time.

moral of the story. get some free time. any way you have to. and maybe things will work better. Tell her. then tell her some more. then tie her up and leave her there if needs be.

gal_anonim

Toots85 wrote: »

I'd suggest maybe bring her with you every once in a while so she can see that you're not up to anything other than having a laugh with the guys.

I'm 2 yrs with my bf and I know most of his friends[at least the ones he's meeting regularly]. As Toots85 suggested - take her with you for a night out, suggest your friends to take their gf's - if they meet and she sees they are just regular guys you want to meet for a pint it should be easier for her. And if she meets some of the other gf's they could meet together[even in the same place, same night as you]. And if she still wants to keep an eye on you suggest them sitting few tables away - so they can freely eye that handsome bloke at the bar

syklops

louiscollins wrote: »

im agitated constantly. basically my girlfrend is very clingy and gives me no space whatsoever! she needs to see me all the time. i spend time with her and then she doesn't let me part from her. i can't meet my mates without her going insane and having a fit. all i want is to be able to do what i want when i want, without feeling like im trapped. its awful!! i love her but shes driving me insane. i end up just meeting my mates and fighting with her as a result. shes always asking me why i dont invite her out with my mates, she can't understand that i need my space. time with the lads! she has a big problem with me going out to a bar/club drinking with the lads. its like a big insecure problem she has. ''why dont u invite me to come along''... COS I NEED A BREAK!! any ideas how to get around this one?

Well if you never let her come you can understand her wanting you to bring her. Also if it was me I would have problems with my partner going to a club with out me, for the simple reason, that I have never been to a club unless a, I wanted to get laid, b, was forced by other people, who wanted to get laid.

Invite her along and either you will enjoy having her there, or she will get bored and go home. End of.

the_syco

gal_anonim wrote: »

And if she meets some of the other gf's they could meet together[even in the same place, same night as you].

Not always a good idea. My mates missus's don't get on with each other, at all. So approach that one calmly: don't just lump them together, and run off with your mates.

gal_anonim

the_syco wrote: »

Not always a good idea. My mates missus's don't get on with each other, at all. So approach that one calmly: don't just lump them together, and run off with your mates.

Well I didn't actually meant introducing them and leaving to their fate Just letting them sit at one table for a while, giving opportunity to know each other, chat and gossip a little.
Or maybe cooking sth nice and easy, inviting the crowd over to one's house - it's always easier to meet new people on a so called 'safe ground'. It's worth trying and if she likes the other gf's it would be great and will make the OP's life easier.

coolhandc

i always find if ur tryin to get a message across a letter works well,tell her what you said in your post.is it possible your girlfriend doesnt have many girlfriends,and therefore when your going out with the lads she has nothing to do?

Shinners23

OK OP I'm going to brutally honest.... the fact that she is clingy and insecure is never going to change. My best friend's girlfriend is the same. He can't ****e without her. She HATES all his friends. He has to endure nights out with all her friends but he ain't 'allowed' out with his - EVEN with her in his company. It won't change.. that's just the way she is. Sorry to tell ya. you need to decide whether ya can put up with it.

coolhandc

Shinners23 wrote: »

OK OP I'm going to brutally honest.... the fact that she is clingy and insecure is never going to change. My best friend's girlfriend is the same. He can't ****e without her. She HATES all his friends. He has to endure nights out with all her friends but he ain't 'allowed' out with his - EVEN with her in his company. It won't change.. that's just the way she is. Sorry to tell ya. you need to decide whether ya can put up with it.

not sure if this is good advice,you cant tar everyone with the same brush.give her time to change op,if shes worth it then wheres the problem...

strawberrybox

this drives me crazy, tell her you need your space, if she doesnt listen just go out with your mates anyway, you so need to have a life outside of your partner that is how any relationship will go stale if you see each other 24/7 what will you have to talk about ?? i cant stand it when i see blokes in your situation my girlfriend wont let me go, my girlfriend wont like it ect.. she is your partner not your MOTHER- if she wants to have a go with you for having a life thats her problem and just show her you are not putting up with it- she needs to get a life for herself that way her focus wont be you the whole time if she has her own friends and nights out

If she trusts you whats her problem letting you go to clubs with your mates, and as for the person suggesting that you have a night out in the same pub that is just ridiculas thats the whole point of going out with the lads is for some free time for yourself not to have her glaring at you the whole night imagine the stick you would get for that!

Take what u said to us here and reword it so that its firm but loving, and then sit her down and tell her. If its said to her the right way she should understand. Ask her what it is she is insecure about and then seek to rectify these problems.


Good luck.

Thundercracker

as an outside observer i think that she loves you more then you love her, and that you should be gentle in making a decision that may seem unfair to you, but is for the best. you may want to just fool around, take things slow, but u are obviously with someone who doesnt...and the longer you leave it the harder it will become..my advice to you is to have a serious think about where this relationship is going, sleep on what you decide, and if you feel the way in the morning then discuss this with her. good luck

Thundercracker

Thundercracker wrote: »

as an outside observer i think that she loves you more then you love her

Thats not fair to say. Clearly she depends on him more than he does on her but that could be down to her own insecurities and a massive fear of being alone. But just cos he wants to see his mates doesnt automatically mean he loves her less.