fingering a girl?

half_life_man

hey guys im seeing this girl and i want to finger her but i'm kinda worried just incase im not gonna do it right. i dont want to do anything embarrassing. can anyone give me tips. do i need to have wet fingers for lubrication?

Wibbs

Yes you need lubrication, preferably hers. Anyway forget about "fingering", google clitoral stimulation/foreplay and read read read. Find out where it is first.

Cue Marksie or Tallesin with information that shames the rest of us blokes into shutting the hell up....

Not to mention the women of course.:D

Marksie

LOL thanks for the vote of confidence Wibbs.

First off OP: what is your idea of "fingering". The clitoris? inside?

You have a great idea there Wibbs on actually looking up the internet on a picture of female genitalia. Actually understand what it looks like.

I dont belive in the OP case as he is starting out that an in depth description of fingering techniques would apply because he has no experience.

But hell... lets chuck the word fingering out altogether as that indicates one digit at a point. its not.

and the clitoris should not be approached immediately or initiall with great pressure (or even touched directly).

Look at the shape and structure of a yoni, the outer lips the inner lips, the opening to the vagina itself, the groove between the opening of the vagina up past the urethra and to the clitoral hood. All those are pleasure points and can really arouse, not juts the clitoris.
Her own lubrication should be sufficient BUT just a blob or two on the tips of the fingers really help and if she does get dry then reapply.
Now having said and assumed you have looked at diagrams. When with your g/friend before you even touch anything:
communicate adequately, ask her to show you her vagina and you will see how different it is from the pcitures you have seen. Every yoni is unique and should be approached that way.
If your communication is good and you are not nervous in front of each other, the best person to tell you what your g/friend likes is your g/friend. ASK her how she touches herself, exlpain you want to give her as much pleasure as possible and ask her how she does it. Even better ask her to do it in front of you so you can watch... maybe nerve wracking for her, but it is also very good as you will see what she likes (if she is nervous about you looking, then she can close her eyes or put a scarf over them, it sometimes helps).

Always start slow, dont dive for one spot, but actually think of it as exploring a new area, juts gently move all over and ask her to tell you if it feels good. Simple yes no answers. Here is the trick. If she says yes thats good, keep doing what you are doing on that spot, womens arousal is significantly different from mens.

One thing i did at 18 (and long before i had ever heard of tantra) was sit and think about touching. How to touch and why and what it meant and felt like.
I hit on the idea where i had read that people who could not see, learneed to read brail (simpllistic i know) That meant that the fingertips could be used to "see" what was going on. I then simply close my eyes and allowed my fingers to learn the road map of my lover, to see what my eyes couldn't. But take it further if you cannot see what you are doing, you dont rush headlong are hard into things, you move slowly and easily and gently.

Try that one OP :-).

Oh gosh i have gone on so better summarise.
Communication: keep it open and direct, if she shows you all the better, if not explein that you wnat to pleasure her as muhc as possible. BUT you are only facilitating her pleasure, its herself who will be experiencing it. If she tells you what she wants... like most men, you will be more than happy to supply it.

Touching: gentle slow, with lubrication, not juts on the point everyoine talks about, but explore everything, and not with just one finger, try varying the digits.

Penetration: i would say not unless she asks., a fingertip around the opening is highly arousing, whereas suddenly inserted may cause clenching .

Learning: be prepared to listen, be preapred to do what she wants not what you think is right.

LegacyUser

Good advice so far. One essential thing needs to be added: Please make sure your finger nails are well cut with no edges and stuff. If in doubt, manicure properly. Nails can hurt a LOT down there and take the mood level down to zero in an instant.

Latchy

And be gentle , it is tender down there ......

Talliesin

Wibbs wrote: »

Find out where it is first.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:HumanVulva-NewText-PhiloViv.jpg Not Safe For Work!

As Marksie says it's worth not concentrating overly on the clitoris.

Firstly, there's been this sort of shift in conciousness socially. We've all heard the jokes about this ("What's the difference between a clitoris and a pub? Most men can find a pub") and none of us what to be that man, so by all the gods we're going to make sure we demonstrate our sexual targeting system and zero in on the clitoris like a heat-seeking missile. It's wham-bam for the new millennium!

Secondly, the clitoris is so sensitive that it may well be a mistake to stimulate it directly, but rather it may be better to have ones finger on the hood or beside the hood and hence have a lighter degree of stimulation to the clitoris. It is quite likely however that more direct stimulation will be welcome once she is more highly aroused.

Thirdly, there isn't just the rest of the genital area to explore as well, there's the rest of her entire body (and even that is just keeping the focus of discussion on the purely physical). Mix things up a bit.

However, for all that, everyone differs and just what proportion of clitoral stimulation is best for her is not something anyone can say. It requires a degree of experimentation with every new lover. Starting with finding out how direct a degree of stimulation she likes on her clitoris and keeping that as a starting point for any further exploration is a way of "playing it safe" that is likely to work reasonably well for you. Just don't settle for this; once you've gotten to know what she likes as far as clitoral stimulation goes, don't take the lazy, comfortable route of resting on your laurels - instead, take that as a starting point to explore further.

A degree of lubrication is indeed important. If you have neither artificial lubricant to hand, nor enough natural lubricant from her then licking your fingers can be enough, but remember that it dries out relatively quickly so be careful. Getting her to lick your fingers is one of those things that can either be a massive turn-on for one or both of you are something that hits the wrong buttons and ruins everything - take your cue by how "raunchy" she likes it before suggesting it.

If you are lying beside her so that your hand is parrallel to her body you will probably find that it offers a defter touch than if your head is closer to her genital area, as well as allowing you to kiss her at the same time.

Wibbs wrote: »

Cue Marksie or Tallesin with information that shames the rest of us blokes into shutting the hell up....

LOL. Well, your saying that gives me an advantage in giving me a space to say something that men aren't too keen to say:

Sometimes I'm not very good at it.

Nobody likes to say that. It's not exactly something many people want to shout from the rooftops. But Wibbs' comment gives me a certain amount of license to admit that it isn't always perfect without too much damage to my ego or reputation.

Sometimes I don't pay as much attention to lubricant as I should and it there's painful sticking. Sometimes I'm too close or too far from the clitoris. Sometimes it just doesn't come together very well and it's hard to say why.

The important thing is that this isn't the end of the world. It generally isn't the end of the night. I just do something else, maybe going back digital stimulation later on, and maybe not.

You say you are worried about embarrassment, so I'm saying this now because it's important that you don't let the fact that you aren't perfect - none of us are perfect - get in the way. If you don't expect it to be perfect every single time the chances are the number of times it is perfect will be higher.

There's a balance to be found between not worrying enough to put in any effort and worrying too much.

a girl wrote: »

One essential thing needs to be added: Please make sure your finger nails are well cut with no edges and stuff. If in doubt, manicure properly. Nails can hurt a LOT down there and take the mood level down to zero in an instant.

Ideally, if one have ones fingertip placed flat with ones finger parallel to their body, this should keep the nail pointed away from anywhere it's going to hurt, as well as being a defter touch. In practice though, you're right here. It goes for just about anything one can do with someone using you fingers. Also, neat fingernails are almost always considered more attractive (neat and short or neat and long being more a matter of taste).

Oryx

^^Youve got all the technical detail right there.

But also, take your cue from her. If shes pressing into your hand and pushing towards you, all is dandy, dont worry, shes liking it. If shes shifting and pulling back, ease what your doing or change, its either too hard or uncomfortable.

And with all these diagrams and instructions going through your head, for gods sake, also remember to just enjoy it!:D

X-Ecuti0ner

half_life_man wrote: »

hey guys im seeing this girl and i want to finger her but i'm kinda worried just incase im not gonna do it right. i dont want to do anything embarrassing. can anyone give me tips. do i need to have wet fingers for lubrication?

if you dont wont to embarrass yourself try it on your ma first

Marksie

X-Ecuti0ner: banned

Marksie

KtK wrote: »

^^Youve got all the technical detail right there.

and of course KtK you have hit on another important thing. Technical details are one part. Putting the feelings you have for you g/f into it are another equally as important part

Star Lord

Just thought I'd re-iterate here:

There is no method that you can have that will work for every woman every time.
Every woman is different, has different likes and dislikes as well as being physically different.
On top of that, what will turn someone on one time won't necessarily turn them on every time.

Nobody is perfect, nobody can tell you what will/wont work with your partner. View all the above as guidelines to be loosely followed, but take your cues from your partner, only she can tell you whats right for her.

Dont worry too much about what way you should be doing these things, follow her reactions and go with the flow.

And as said above:

Have fun!

Dudess

Be sure she wants it too though. I think there's a misconception that all girls really want to be fingered - a lot of them just put up with it because they think it's the done, normal thing. It felt very abnormal to me, to be quite honest. Plus, it shouldn't be a choreographed, practised thing - it's only gonna be pleasurable if it's spontaneous.
When I was first getting it on with guys, I dreaded the thought of them "fingering" me (ew, such a horrible, cold expression!) in a clinical, planned manner. Talk about not at all a turn-on! Whereas, as I got older and was with more experienced guys, it would just happen as a natural progression.

pretty-in-pink

It should happen naturally, and she will guide the pressure/speed etc by moving against you.

As its been said, if she pulls away- ease up
If she grinds down- you're doing something right

That said, our needs will change as the act progresses and we will give signs, just relax and treat it gently. It can be very very sensitive and you don't want to rub it the wrong way (literally and metaphorically). Don't get to into the "I must rub her clitoris" mind frame. Or the whole "How many will fit up there?" one either. Take it as it comes, and remember there is a whole area down there to play with, don't ignore it. I'd say get proper lubrication if you want to take that route, but she should provide enough by herself not to need it.

Enjoy it, both of you.
Wash your hands before it too- you don't want to introduce salt, sugar, dog hair etc down there. Oh no.

Jeapy

I think you should def take into account her reactions. She might be just as unsure as you and might even be a little scared so be gentle. If the wandering hands are making her nervous, just take it a little slower. On the lubrication side of things, could be a good thing to know when she has her period (youll know, she'll be like a demon!) because about 2 weeks after, her body will be ready for all that kind of thing and you probably wont need any lubricant. At other cycle stages, it could be pretty uncomfortable. Suppose you could read into that too!
Good luck! :cool:

Mike...

Surprise her...stick your finger up her a**e

On the other hand when your about to commit to the above act,
Kiss her slowly on her neck and stuff(would go into more detail but to lazy to type)

Also dont force your hand like your the PTO shaft on a tractor...
Another good point is don't go sniffing your finger afterwards

dudara

*mono* consider yourself warned and very close to a ban

dudara

empirix

Marksie wrote: »

LOL thanks for the vote of confidence Wibbs.

First off OP: what is your idea of "fingering". The clitoris? inside?

You have a great idea there Wibbs on actually looking up the internet on a picture of female genitalia. Actually understand what it looks like.

I dont belive in the OP case as he is starting out that an in depth description of fingering techniques would apply because he has no experience.

But hell... lets chuck the word fingering out altogether as that indicates one digit at a point. its not.

and the clitoris should not be approached immediately or initiall with great pressure (or even touched directly).

Look at the shape and structure of a yoni, the outer lips the inner lips, the opening to the vagina itself, the groove between the opening of the vagina up past the urethra and to the clitoral hood. All those are pleasure points and can really arouse, not juts the clitoris.
Her own lubrication should be sufficient BUT just a blob or two on the tips of the fingers really help and if she does get dry then reapply.
Now having said and assumed you have looked at diagrams. When with your g/friend before you even touch anything:
communicate adequately, ask her to show you her vagina and you will see how different it is from the pcitures you have seen. Every yoni is unique and should be approached that way.
If your communication is good and you are not nervous in front of each other, the best person to tell you what your g/friend likes is your g/friend. ASK her how she touches herself, exlpain you want to give her as much pleasure as possible and ask her how she does it. Even better ask her to do it in front of you so you can watch... maybe nerve wracking for her, but it is also very good as you will see what she likes (if she is nervous about you looking, then she can close her eyes or put a scarf over them, it sometimes helps).

Always start slow, dont dive for one spot, but actually think of it as exploring a new area, juts gently move all over and ask her to tell you if it feels good. Simple yes no answers. Here is the trick. If she says yes thats good, keep doing what you are doing on that spot, womens arousal is significantly different from mens.

One thing i did at 18 (and long before i had ever heard of tantra) was sit and think about touching. How to touch and why and what it meant and felt like.
I hit on the idea where i had read that people who could not see, learneed to read brail (simpllistic i know) That meant that the fingertips could be used to "see" what was going on. I then simply close my eyes and allowed my fingers to learn the road map of my lover, to see what my eyes couldn't. But take it further if you cannot see what you are doing, you dont rush headlong are hard into things, you move slowly and easily and gently.

Try that one OP :-).

Oh gosh i have gone on so better summarise.
Communication: keep it open and direct, if she shows you all the better, if not explein that you wnat to pleasure her as muhc as possible. BUT you are only facilitating her pleasure, its herself who will be experiencing it. If she tells you what she wants... like most men, you will be more than happy to supply it.

Touching: gentle slow, with lubrication, not juts on the point everyoine talks about, but explore everything, and not with just one finger, try varying the digits.

Penetration: i would say not unless she asks., a fingertip around the opening is highly arousing, whereas suddenly inserted may cause clenching .

Learning: be prepared to listen, be preapred to do what she wants not what you think is right.

]



wtf - Marksie has over 3500 posts since 2006 and this message reads like a cut and paste, the blokes probably living the urban legend - virgin! Are you mad

Dudess

Heh, can't wait to see the reaction to that remark, empirix...

LegacyUser

ask her what she likes. everyone's different

<I>and the clitoris should not be approached immediately or initiall with great pressure (or even touched directly).</I>

wtf? it can take as much abuse as the head of a penis, once you get the whole area lubed up.

stick your finger gently around the vagina area, to see if she's lubed, and then spread the lube around the clitoris area, makes it easier to rub. Don't go too crazy with the finger inside the vagina, girls can be so susceptible to urinary tract infections.

and yeah, what they said about clean hands & short fingernails.

Talliesin

another_girl wrote: »

<I>and the clitoris should not be approached immediately or initiall with great pressure (or even touched directly).</I>

wtf? it can take as much abuse as the head of a penis, once you get the whole area lubed up.

As the head of which penis?

The amount of direct pressure men enjoy on the head can vary also.

There are definitely women who find direct stimulation of the clitoris unpleasant even with lubrication, at least until they are in a very high state of arousal (approaching orgasm).