Should I contact Social Services?

LegacyUser

Hey guys.

My sis in law is involved with a man who has quite alot of baggage...basically he has an ex-wife,who he has one daughter with him and a son from a previous relationship. He got on very well with the younglad (Phil) and always treated him like his own son. When thier marriage ended the kids were treated like any others...joint custody etc...etc. Both kids stayed with my sis-in-laws BF ( Ill call him Fred from here on in) at weekends and for certain holidays and no distiction was ever made between them. Even though phil was not Freds actual son they had a very close bond and were as thick as thieves. When my Sis -In -Law started seeing Fred something changed...Freds ex seemed to turn against her son and began treating him very badly...throwing him outta the house (he's 14 by the way),physically assualting him...calling him names etc...etc...

But Iv gotten wind now of something that has made my heart sink...My wife was walking in the park today and saw Phil sitting on a park bench,in his school uniform looking very grubby and dirty. When my wife asked what was up he replied his mother told him he was to stay with his "dad" (fred) for the weekend,that she didnt want him. When my wife pressed futher she found out that Phil was locked outta the house the night before and forced to sleep in the shed!!!!!!! I nearly freaked when I heard this....a young lad of 14 forced to live like that.

Fred is also very upset...but because Phil is not actually his son he feels he cant do very much....which I think is a cop out tbh...hes afraid of his ex.

I have to say...it takes alot to bring me to tears...but on hearing the story my wife told me,I was as close as Iv been in years. Iv met Phil a good few times now,and even gave him my Playstation3 while I was in Portugal a few weeks ago...he's a nice lad.

I just feel like I should do something...but at the same time I dont want to interfere in another persons realtionship...which is what Id be doing.

I feel at this point I should ring Social Services...but should I??

LegacyUser

Poor little guy.. something should be done, anyway. Maybe approach his 'dad' and tell him that you know this, let him know that with or without him, you're getting this child some help, then do it. If something awful happens that child and you did nothing, how would you live with yourself? I was once faced with a dilemma similar to this and I did nothing. Five years on, I always wonder what happened, if I could go back, I think I'd do it differently. Poor little guy, I don't understand how people can treat their own children like that Good luck, it's not an easy thing to do.

LegacyUser

The person who needs help and protection in this instance is Phil. He is after all only 14 and a minor/a child. I know you feel that you are interfering in Freds life etc but he will forgive you in time if he gets angry. You could always give them the option of reporting it.

I had to report someone for child abuse of a niece one time as her parents - my sister being one of them just buried their heads in the sand. They were very angry with me at the time and times were strained but I am really close to all of them since and I think they now realise that I had everyones best interest at heart esp the kids. I am named to be guardian if anything were to happen to them and there are lots of other aunts and uncles so it was the right thing to do.

You could also ring samaritans or childline and look for advice or who is the best person to report to.

SarahMc

Is Phil's biological dad in the picture at all? Did Fred ever adopt Phil? Has Fred a separation agreement outlining joing custody/guardianship?

sjaakie

that sounds absolutly heart breaking, i cant give you any legal advice, simply because i just dont know the right channels but this does not sound good what so ever. this little lad deserves a good go at life, i cant believe his mother!
i think you should contact authorities or let "fred" do it, he has a big influence in this i think.

have a good talk amongst the adults and decide what to do.

in the meanwhile : get this lad out of there, quick!

this is horrific.

Carrigart Exile

This is not about Fred's relationship with his ex, this is about teh systematic abuse/abandonment of a child. Report it to Social Services.

dame

There's a boards.ie user who calls him/herself Saintly and says he/she is a social worker in Ireland (the Mad Maddie McCann Megamerge thread in After Hours). He/she seemed to know the system and what they were talking about. Maybe if you pm'd them they could point you in the right direction to get help for him?

I think it is very sad and the poor boy definitely needs immediate help. His sister is bound to be affected by seeing her brother treated like this and his mother possibly needs psychiatric help. I think the mother is keeping the daughter close because she is a definite link to Fred.

Mazeire

The ISPCC run a concerned call line, which is for people who are concerned about the welfare of a child. Different units run it on different days so there is no set number for it. If you ring the main head office number at Baggott St. They will give you the number of what ever unit is running it on the day and the name of who to talk to. You don't have to make a report there and then if you dont want to but they will be able to give you advice on how to proceed. Fair play to you, way too many people go around with their head in the sand about this sort of thing.

Nevyn

You will find that your locla poitn of contact will be your local health clinic do get in touch and tell them what has happened and that he is a child at risk.

randylonghorn

Oh, Jesus!

It's a mess, but KIDS COME FIRST has to be the rule in this kind of situation.