Absent boyfriend

LegacyUser

I went to Scotland in Febuary to work for a few months, had fun over there and just came back about a month ago as my girlfriend is living here and I said id only go for around 8months or so. Ive came back and i have no job and there doesnt seem to be any jobs in my field until after Xmas, so I was thinking of heading of to South America for a 3 months to do some travelling while i have the money and nothing else to do.

My GF is going a bit mad at the suggestion, as is here family and friends. they think im so selfish etc. Its annoying but im beginning to think i am, I did leave her for 8months and as soon as im back im fecking off again. Were with each other since were 17 and were 22 now so were with each other quite a while.

What do yous think

star-pants

Well... the only person who can answer the real question is you -- did you miss her enough? .. were you happy to come back to her?...
because not being with her for 8months is a long time to be apart... and to leave again... it's not very fair on her.

I think you need to ask yourself do you still want to be with her?
You said ye've been together since ye were 17 - so 5years now... is it just a comfort thing? or are you still mad about her?

I'm not saying break up with her btw!! I'm saying you need to figure out if you still want to be with her. Personally if i was with someone, I wouldnt want to leave them for 8months.. or if I did I wouldn't be able to leave them again so easily.

MagicMarker

I can understand why your girlfriend feels that way but tell your family to feck off!!!

Why don't you invite your girlfriend to come along... You have been together very long and everyone needs to have their time apart and to experience life in ways such as this. It just sucks for the person staying home is all, but it's certainly not selfish.

vorbis

At first read, you are being selfish. However, i think this is the usual problem of people not maintaining any sort fo separate life once in a relationship. I believe women slip into this mode more often than men.

For example, my girlfriend wouldn't plan a trip / holiday without asking if I want to go along. It sounds great but i'd prefer if she could go on a trip / do something with friends without depending on me.

What has your girlfriend being doing when you were away? I mean Scotland is not that far away. I presume ye visited each other a lot. Did she do any travelling herself. Is she expecting you to provide the entertainment in your life?

LegacyUser

I absoulutly begged her to come away with me to Scotland but she wouldnt, then i begged her to come away to South America but its not happening. She'll miss her mammy to much, whereas the thought of spending the next 3 months here back in Dublin with no job really gets to me. the way I see it is I'll probably work the rest of my life and nows the chance to do these things.

I did miss her like mad while in Edinbrugh and came home every 3rd weekend. ive just been thinking about it and im going to go to South America its what i want to do its my life, but i dont want to loose her im still mad about her

MagicMarker

Jesper2 wrote:

I absoulutly begged her to come away with me to Scotland but she wouldnt, then i begged her to come away to South America but its not happening. She'll miss her mammy to much, whereas the thought of spending the next 3 months here back in Dublin with no job really gets to me. the way I see it is I'll probably work the rest of my life and nows the chance to do these things.

I did miss her like mad while in Edinbrugh and came home every 3rd weekend. ive just been thinking about it and im going to go to South America its what i want to do its my life, but i dont want to loose her im still mad about her

Fair play to ya... Don't put your own life on hold for anyone.

Seraphina

Jesper2 wrote:

I absoulutly begged her to come away with me to Scotland but she wouldnt, then i begged her to come away to South America but its not happening. She'll miss her mammy to much, whereas the thought of spending the next 3 months here back in Dublin with no job really gets to me. the way I see it is I'll probably work the rest of my life and nows the chance to do these things.

I did miss her like mad while in Edinbrugh and came home every 3rd weekend. ive just been thinking about it and im going to go to South America its what i want to do its my life, but i dont want to loose her im still mad about her

she'll miss her mammy too much? lol, what age is the girl!!!

seriously, if travelling is what you want to do with your life, she sounds like she's just gonna be a drag. what kind of person doesn't want to go out and experience the world? she can always call her mammy :rolleyes:

Firetrap

Maybe I'm wrong here but your girlfriend sounds a little bit immature and clingy to me. She's 22 - old enough to be able to cut the apron strings and get away from her mammy. There are a lot of people on this board who would love to be 22 again and in a position to go travelling.

It's not as if you haven't asked her to come with you - is anything else stopping her? A job? Or is it just mammy and the unwillingness to move out of her comfort zone? Am I right in saying that when you were in Scotland she never came over to you, that you were always the one who came back to Ireland to visit her?

star-pants

Jesper2 wrote:

I absoulutly begged her to come away with me to Scotland but she wouldnt, then i begged her to come away to South America but its not happening. She'll miss her mammy to much, whereas the thought of spending the next 3 months here back in Dublin with no job really gets to me. the way I see it is I'll probably work the rest of my life and nows the chance to do these things.

I did miss her like mad while in Edinbrugh and came home every 3rd weekend. ive just been thinking about it and im going to go to South America its what i want to do its my life, but i dont want to loose her im still mad about her

btw I apologise if I sounded mean asking if you still liked her. Just from the first post you didn't say any of this. It's sweet you're still crazy about her, and it's an awful pity she won't go with you.

I get what you mean -- sticking around with no job SUCKS... I came back from Oz and was unemployed for nearly 3 and I went crazy. As you said - now is the time to try and see the world.
Granted I got awful home sick - but at least she'd have you and she's not going away forever. You need to do things like this -- so it's not so hard to break away from family next time. If she's 22 she should be able to go away for a few months.

I assume you've told her how much you'd miss her etc?..

biko

Go, it's only three months anyways.

gary the great

just go.

LegacyUser

'Ye while I was in Scotland she came over once and i came back every 3 weeks. we also went away for a week in the middle of that.

She has got a decent job to, but its nothing she wouldnt get if she reapplied when she came back. Whenever i ask her for a reason she wont go its " i cant" etc and then she'll say bout missing her family. Moneys not an issue as Isa id i'll pay for everything as i earned a decent sum while in Scotland.

Theres no convicing her though. But people just stand there in disbelief when i tell them.'

Fysh

So it's magically better for you to listen to what they want you to do, even though that involves you sitting around with no job and nothing to do which will inevitably lead to frustration with your overall situation, than it is to actually look out for yourself and act on an opportunity to do something you want to do?

I think I'd be telling them all to queue up for a chance to sit and swivel on my middle finger, to be honest.

If your GF has managed to live while you were in Scotland for 8 months, she'll probably last the 3 months away from you while you're travelling and having fun. (On that note, "she'd miss her mammy too much"? That's the worst excuse I've ever heard for not doing something fun like going travelling).

It's an opportunity you may not have again for a long time, and anyone trying to tell you that it's selfish to consider doing it is being even more selfish by trying to make you miss out on the opportunity because they don't think it suits them.

Dalfiatach

"She'd miss her mammy"

Dude, all you need to know is right there. This girl will never move more than a mile away from home, will never take the opportunity to go traveling when offered, will always be at the end of the phone to the family.

You'll never persuade her do do something interesting if it comes up. She's a homebird, and always will be, whereas you are an adventurer.

It just won't work whether you stay or not. Sorry, but that's the way it is.

Nothing wrong with being a homebird, but this relationship has no future. Think 10 years down the line, yer offered a great job in Berlin/Tokyo/Caracas/LA/Sydney. You'd jump at the chance. She won't go. Simple as that.

jimmycrackcorm

Op, when you get older and have to go down mortgage / career / marriage / kids / whatever route you'll probably never have the same opportunity again so just do it. She's your girlfriend not your spouse and unless you think you'll be the only person on the planet with one girlfriend for life she'll either wait or you'll move on.

Cupcake_Crisis

you offered...she said no!! she cant reasonably expect you to put your life on hold coz shes not the travelling type!!! thats asking a bit too much of anyone!! personally i think shes bonkers giving up an oppertunity to go travelling for 3 months....but hey thats just me!!! and three months isnt really that long!!

SUNGOD

cant add to the above i think we all know what you have to do good luck and dont forget life is something that happens when we are busy making plans

Ninja_scrotum

Don't be a fool.... JUST DO IT! If you thought scotland was a howl wait for S.A.....

Be sure to check out Colombia when you're over in South America. Before the little voice in your head starts worrying about guerrillas and cocaine, check out this thread right here

LegacyUser

Well im going to go, i would be mad not to but i feel like the worst boyfriend ever. Were with each other the last 5 years and the last 2 have involved me going off on mad adventures (I did a J1 in Canada last summer and interrailing the year before), i love travelling but i also love her.

She nor her family and friends (and even some of my friends) understand it all, im heading out 2nite with them and im sure im going to hear me called selfish more than once.

I can totally see why some people wont think it will last as im a total adventurer and shes a homebird, but we've come this far and we're still going strong despite this so I do have confidence in our future.

Seraphina

jesper2 wrote: »

She nor her family and friends (and even some of my friends) understand it all, im heading out 2nite with them and im sure im going to hear me called selfish more than once.

thats hilarious. she's trying to make you stay in ireland when you're young fit and wanting to travel, when you haven't even got a job to keep you here.

she's the selfish one imo. trying to make you miss the trip of a lifetime just cause she'll miss her mammy?? crazy.
not wanting to travel is the first thing, soon she wont want to do anything but sit in with a dvd and a bottle of wine every weekend and you'll be selfish for not staying in with her :rolleyes: