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what happens after...

  • 10-10-2007 1:23am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    basically...
    today she broke up wiht me...
    now... im in college etc, met here in college about a year ago...took off immdeiately
    first person i slept with... and tbh first person i could ever look at and not smile... everything she done made me happy...
    the problem... she sufferes from depression...very badly...
    now she thinks this brings me down... which it may not to sure...
    but...i love her to bits...and its over and i know it is...
    but whole world has realy just come crashing down...
    im not asking for advice on how to get over her...or how to get back...just what do i do now?

    how do i feel?
    how am i ment to feel? cos i just feel depressed and sad and confused! like all certainties in life are gone(i was sure this was real thing... not stupid teenage love... i was "in love" before... and this was so so different...)

    im not arguing what happened or why we broke up... just need to know what to do now??

    also are there boundaries? like can i not do certain things? can i do others? i dont understand what to do....

    as i said very confused(dont help that im currently confused...)

    also she wants to stay friends... what happens there?
    any advice would be very greatful!


Comments

  • #2
    kf1920
    Closed Accounts Posts: 121 ✭✭kf1920


    There is pros and cons to the staying friends thing.
    On one side u get a friend hu will be close in a way to you, understand you etc.
    But on the down side, u'll always be another ex, it will always be there, down the line and lead to some awkward situations.

    As for how ur meant to feel, i cant tell you, no one can really. You just feel what u feel


  • #3
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,217 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Do not be friends with her. Not while you have these feelings this raw. It can only make it worse. It's also selfish of her to ask. She's basically asking you to accept she doesn't want you as a boyfriend, but she would accept you as a downgraded friend. Do not go there.

    If you're sure that there's no chance of a rematch, walk away. Tell her you need time apart to get yourself back and that some distance would be good for her. Then stick to that. Don't contact her until after xmas. If you do have to see her every day, just be polite, but don't get into the past.

    Get your own life back on track. This will be the hard part, but the sooner you start to do this the quicker you will heal.

    Realise that while she was nice and you loved her she was not the "one". Not at the moment anyway. She's got her own stuff to deal with and while you could have been supportive, you won't "cure" her. She needs to find her way herself.

    Take care of yourself now and the rest will fall into place. Trust me on this one.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • #4
    axer
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,517 ✭✭✭axer


    You need a long break from her to get yourself together as Wibbs said. You can still be friends again sometime in the future but for now you need space or you will never move on.


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Wibbs wrote: »
    Do not be friends with her. Not while you have these feelings this raw. It can only make it worse. It's also selfish of her to ask. She's basically asking you to accept she doesn't want you as a boyfriend, but she would accept you as a downgraded friend. Do not go there.

    If you're sure that there's no chance of a rematch, walk away. Tell her you need time apart to get yourself back and that some distance would be good for her. Then stick to that. Don't contact her until after xmas. If you do have to see her every day, just be polite, but don't get into the past.

    Get your own life back on track. This will be the hard part, but the sooner you start to do this the quicker you will heal.

    Realise that while she was nice and you loved her she was not the "one". Not at the moment anyway. She's got her own stuff to deal with and while you could have been supportive, you won't "cure" her. She needs to find her way herself.

    Take care of yourself now and the rest will fall into place. Trust me on this one.

    hey, havent had access to net past few day.... i went over to her yesterday... and i dunno... she loves me only as a mate i think... and i want her as more... but i dunno it seemed ok... like at first it was terrible... but after while...
    it was ok... but i dunno if thats cos i felt close to her.. connected with her... we wer messing n playing or watever... basically wrestling... dunno if thats in my head as im still with her on not... and im kinda confused now...


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