Darling Wife!! Gone

LegacyUser

My darling wife (note the sarcasm) has decided she's had enough of family life and has shagged off leaving me with the children (a situation i'm very happy with).
I'm covering rent, creche, food, clothing - the works - for the kids and myself.
I have a reasonably good job but when all the above comes out there's not much left.
Has she any rights to maintenance or the like from me?

Marksie

This isn't a legal discussion forum OP. You had better see a solicitor specialising in family law or a similar organisation ? citizens advice?

BeardyGit

Speak to your solicitor. There's a guy I know who's receiving maintenance from his ex-wife. He has the kids, family home etc. She cheated, he threw her out, she now pays. Sorted.

mikemac

HomeAlone wrote:

Has she any rights to maintenance or the like from me?

Surely she should be paying maintenance to you and not as you posted

Glowing

If she's working, then she should be paying towards the care of her children.

milkerman

I think the judiciary have finally woken up & smelt the coffee.
A pal was recently in family court with his ex, his counsel advised that joint custody of their one child and maintenance (to the woman) of €200 pw was probably the best he could expect.
Mr Judge thought differently, sole custody to the father with leave to appeal & childcare expenses split 50/50 - no maintenance. A judge will take account of both parties ability to earn & the contribution that one spouse has made to the other's career etc. As the Dad had been awarded full custody of a 5 year old, this presumably reduced his earning capacity - time commitment & stuff like that.
Perhaps the guys in the spiderman suits were not quite so nuts.
You need a good sharp solicitor though, get one fast.
Dont forget the lone parents allowances.

King of Kings

dude
make sure you hit her for child maintenance. make sure the state's children allowance goes to you.

she may be technically able to claim maintenance from you as in spousal maintenance but this is highly unlikely as it would be a lot less than the kids maintenance. the judge will just order one transfer of money each month/week - as in net off what she might have got off you.
but tbh the judge will take a dim view of her deserting her family. she will lose her rights to the family home etc..

limklad

HomeAlone wrote:

My darling wife (note the sarcasm) has decided she's had enough of family life and has shagged off leaving me with the children (a situation i'm very happy with).
I'm covering rent, creche, food, clothing - the works - for the kids and myself.
I have a reasonably good job but when all the above comes out there's not much left.
Has she any rights to maintenance or the like from me?

Make sure when you get a divorce/separation papers that you have guardianship rights of the children! She abandons her kids. Do not sign any forms until it is guarantee in writing and you have custody (either shared or full), again talk to the solicitor (who is proficient with family law) and find out from him/her who else you need to get involve.

Also keep up the relations with her Family for your Kids sake, and organize visitations so the kid does not feel abandoned by their mother family.
You need to act on behalf of your kids, not what you yourself want, no matter how uncomfortable you feel, and stay civilized no matter, how others (who sided with your wife) treat you. Stay calm, and do not lose the rag will go against you, as the judge will consider you unfit parent and irresponsible to look after your kids.

This means no kit picking, no negativity towards the other side, and start document any events you have with them, ie time, place, who was there and what was said, especially agreements and disagreements. Again talk to your solicitor about this.

K-9

milkerman wrote:

Mr Judge thought differently, sole custody to the father with leave to appeal & childcare expenses split 50/50 - no maintenance. A judge will take account of both parties ability to earn & the contribution that one spouse has made to the other's career etc. As the Dad had been awarded full custody of a 5 year old, this presumably reduced his earning capacity - time commitment & stuff like that.
Perhaps the guys in the spiderman suits were not quite so nuts.
You need a good sharp solicitor though, get one fast.
Dont forget the lone parents allowances.

Good to hear, the courts are slowly adjusting to the 20th century!:rolleyes:
This woman would be not entitled to child maintenace as she doesn't maintain them! In fact if she's earning you are entitled to maintenance. Get in contact with a solicitor and get the ball rolling. She's made her choice.

Check out lone parents and also child benefit. You maybe entitled to get her child benefit cancelled as your now the main carer. Not sure if the SW needs proof though! Worth giving them a ring.

Not sure on spousal maintenance. She has moved out so hopefully she wouldn't get any. In fact as you now pay the rent and have the kids, she could well have to pay you spousal maintenace.

Basically, the best advice is get a solicitor and get things sorted. I'm sure she would in the same circumstances!

K-9

limklad wrote:

Make sure when you get a divorce/separation papers that you have guardianship rights of the children! She abandons her kids. Do not sign any forms until it is guarantee in writing and you have custody (either shared or full), again talk to the solicitor (who is proficient with family law) and find out from him/her who else you need to get involve.

This man is married so he's automatically a guardian, unlike unmarried fathers. I agree with the rest though!

limklad

Seanies32 wrote:

This man is married so he's automatically a guardian, unlike unmarried fathers. I agree with the rest though!

Once dicvorse set in he not as guardinship as he is no longer married to her. Say goodbye to your rights
http://www.citizensinformation.ie/categories/birth-family-relationships/married-couples/guardianship_status_of_fathers

from citizensinformation.ie wrote:

All mothers in Ireland, irrespective of whether they are married or unmarried, have automatic guardianship status in relation to their children, unless they give the child up for adoption. A father who is married to the mother of his child also has automatic guardianship rights in relation to that child. This applies even if the couple married after the birth of the child. The rights of parents to guardianship are set down in Section 6 the Guardianship of Infants Act 1964. Guardianship rights entitle a parent to make important decisions regarding that child's upbringing, for example, deciding on the child's religion, education, medical treatment and where he/she lives.
However, a father who is not married to the mother of his child does not have automatic guardianship rights in relation to that child. If the mother agrees for him to be legally appointed guardian, they must sign a joint statutory declaration. The statutory declaration (SI 5 of 1998) must be signed in the presence of a Peace Commissioner or a Commissioner for Oaths. If there is more than one child, a separate statutory declaration should be made for each.
If the mother does not agree for him to have guardianship, he may apply for this status to the District Court. Statistics for 2004 show that 70% of the 1,237 unmarried fathers applying for guardianship in Ireland in that year had orders granted in their favour.
However, he may be removed as guardian at a future date whereas a father married to the mother of the child is normally guardian for life.

K-9

limklad wrote:

Once dicvorse set in he not as guardinship as he is no longer married to her. Say goodbye to your rights
http://www.citizensinformation.ie/categories/birth-family-relationships/married-couples/guardianship_status_of_fathers

Citizens Information can be unclear on things like this.

The parts that are relevant are:

A father who is married to the mother of his child also has automatic guardianship rights in relation to that child. This applies even if the couple married after the birth of the child.

a father who is not married to the mother of his child does not have automatic guardianship rights in relation to that child.

Once it has been granted it can only be removed by the court. In a divorce case, the fact that they're not married is after he has been awarded guardianship.

If the mother agrees for him to be legally appointed guardian, they must sign a joint statutory declaration. The statutory declaration (SI 5 of 1998) must be signed in the presence of a Peace Commissioner or a Commissioner for Oaths. If there is more than one child, a separate statutory declaration should be made for each.
If the mother does not agree for him to have guardianship, he may apply for this status to the District Court. Statistics for 2004 show that 70% of the 1,237 unmarried fathers applying for guardianship in Ireland in that year had orders granted in their favour.

Only applies to unmarried fathers, that's why it quotes unmarried fathers statistics.

And finally, the most important part:

However, he may be removed as guardian at a future date whereas a father married to the mother of the child is normally guardian for life.

A married father gets it automatically and it's normally for life! Divorce does not effect it as it after guardianship has been awarded.

Zillah

a father who is not married to the mother of his child does not have automatic guardianship rights in relation to that child.

I think that means if they were never married, as opposed to were married and then divorced. If a divorce automatically removed the father's guardianship then there'd be no such thing as a custody battle.

K-9

Zillah wrote:

I think that means if they were never married, as opposed to were married and then divorced. If a divorce automatically removed the father's guardianship then there'd be no such thing as a custody battle.

Agreed.

Found a better link:
http://www.citizensinformation.ie/categories/birth-family-relationships/separation-and-divorce/separation_and_divorce_children

Married parents are automatically joint guardians of their children. Neither separation nor divorce changes this. (A father who is not married to the mother of his child does not have automatic guardianship rights in relation to that child. You can read more about the Guardianship status of fathers in Ireland in our separate document on this subject).

That's a problem with citizen information on the internet and indeed by phone, you can't rely on it. Often it/they don't give full information.

I also found out today that a man who was a partner of a woman for 11 years and then got married has no rights over the 12 year old step daughter. The automatic rights don't apply to him. Wtf?

Btw, the mother had an affair 2 months into the marriage. Thanks very much! Those vows meant so much to you! And he has no rights over his daughter, and it is his daughter after 11 years!

gcgirl

why do people constantly want to F##k over their partners/wife/husband and their kids lifes by having affairs ! Is life not good enough for them ?? And we are left to pick up the peices!

bostonian

keep that letter in a safe. it's your proof to show the judge that "yes your honour, my wife is a dirtbag. i submit a letter abandoning children, as proof of her douchebaggery, into evidence as exhibit A"

done and done. just watch the mail for that check.

Carrigart Exile

HomeAlone wrote:

My darling wife (note the sarcasm) has decided she's had enough of family life and has shagged off leaving me with the children (a situation i'm very happy with).
I'm covering rent, creche, food, clothing - the works - for the kids and myself.
I have a reasonably good job but when all the above comes out there's not much left.
Has she any rights to maintenance or the like from me?

You have a right to maintenance from her, however, CSA statistics will tell you in these circumstances women rarely pay up

Nevyn

Zillah wrote:

I think that means if they were never married, as opposed to were married and then divorced. If a divorce automatically removed the father's guardianship then there'd be no such thing as a custody battle.

Guardianship and custody are two different things.

Guardianship gives a person a legal say in the up bringing of a child from what school the go to and it gives them the legal right to to sign medical related forums for treatment ect. Any person can be appointed a legal guardian of a child and this does not mean that they have custody of the child.

Custody is the right to have the child living with you.
If one parent has full custody then the other only has vistitation and may no have the child over nigth.

Shared custody usually means that one parent has primary care of the child and the other will have visitation and will have the child for weekends.

Joint custody means that both parents are to have equal care of the child
and usually they come to an arrangement and in come cases have the child alternate weeks.

If the parents are married they have both got guardianship and that does not change if they get separated, it is the matter of custody that is not garenteed.

LegacyUser

'people - thanks for the replies - i'm going to go to a solicitor regarding this. I know I automatically have guardianship. My wife (hopefully soon to be ex) does have her own job.......that didn't stop her clearing out all our bank accounts before she left. The children are the main issue to me. It'd just kill me though if i had to fork out anymore money to her now.'

Nevyn

I would suggest that you get new bank accounts which she does not have acess to, but make sureyou have records of her taking your joint assets.

Also apply for your single parents tax alloances and find out what else you are entitled to.

limklad

Seanies32 wrote:

Citizens Information can be unclear on things like this.

The parts that are relevant are:

A father who is married to the mother of his child also has automatic guardianship rights in relation to that child. This applies even if the couple married after the birth of the child.

a father who is not married to the mother of his child does not have automatic guardianship rights in relation to that child.

Once it has been granted it can only be removed by the court. In a divorce case, the fact that they're not married is after he has been awarded guardianship.

If the mother agrees for him to be legally appointed guardian, they must sign a joint statutory declaration. The statutory declaration (SI 5 of 1998) must be signed in the presence of a Peace Commissioner or a Commissioner for Oaths. If there is more than one child, a separate statutory declaration should be made for each.
If the mother does not agree for him to have guardianship, he may apply for this status to the District Court. Statistics for 2004 show that 70% of the 1,237 unmarried fathers applying for guardianship in Ireland in that year had orders granted in their favour.

Only applies to unmarried fathers, that's why it quotes unmarried fathers statistics.

And finally, the most important part:

However, he may be removed as guardian at a future date whereas a father married to the mother of the child is normally guardian for life.

A married father gets it automatically and it's normally for life! Divorce does not effect it as it after guardianship has been awarded.

"Automatic" means you don't have to apply or sign for it. It definitely does not mean it is permanent and cannot be taken away when the environment of relationship is changed. That what worries me the most. It is the capability that the rug can be pull out from under a good parent by a bad one.

"Normal" is a gray area word in the English language and when I see it used in legal terms, it can be challenged until the phrase is in black & white without these gray areas terms.

A married father gets it automatically and it's normally for life!

Unless the father is a danger to the child or completely incompetent then the Judge normally do not remove the rights. But that do not guarantee he will have guardianship at the end of the battle for the kids, if she change her mind and wants full custody and wants to remove the father from her life.
All she has to do is get a smart solicitor to undermine yours by pleading temporary madness due to the pressures of parenthood or blame the husband for making life difficult, all she has to do is quote a past event or make it up. It is always a bad and hard struggle.

The Phrase "Unmarried Fathers" applies to divorce fathers too, for they are no longer married to the child mother.

The Statistics do not state that the fathers were never married to the mother or state that does not exclude divorce fathers, therefore you have to fall back to the phrase of the sentence, and not what is was originally meant to be by the person who wrote it.

Make you wish you had listened to the English Teacher in School!! The devil is in the detail

ferdi

dont have any advise op but i'm sorry you found yourself in this position, sounds like a total ball-breaker.:(