help with guilt

LegacyUser

hello,

i have been going out with my boyfriend now for 5 years and during the summer i went away for a month, while i was away for the last 3 night of the trip i got close to another guy, by close i mean i slept in his bed and had a cuddle and told him all about my boyfriend and he said he had a girlfriend aswell so it was all good until he started paying me loads of attention and me being a bit of a flirt went along with it and walked home from the night clubs in his arms etc. i was devested after the 3 days, i never kissed him appart from the cheek i think but i said to him i felt so guilty and he said well it was totally my fault and i betrayed my boyfriend. i went home to my boyfriend and told him straight away that i felt i had betrayed him because i was paired up with a guy but nothing happened and i told him a wasn't thinking about him during those 3days and he was fine about it. no its a few months on and the guilt has started again out of no where. i feel like i don't deserve him even though since the summer we're now better then ever. i feel like i need to tell him i slept in the same bed as a guy and flirted because if it was the other way round i would be so upset if he had acted the way i did (but i am a hugely jealous person) just seeing does anyone have any advice?? my mum says there is no point bringing it all back up and it will make me so unhappy if we broke up i just don't know do i deserve such a loving boyfriend i love him so much and regret ever talking to that other guy!!

thanks

Talliesin

You did nothing wrong, but you feel guilty about it.

Could there be some sort of free-floating anxiety rooted in a real issue that is latching onto this as something to crystalise around?

Could it be that you wanted to do something, and feel guilty about that?

Petey2006

You didn't really do anything wrong, OP. You really shouldn't be beating yourself up over this. You explained the situation to your boyfriend. He was cool with it. So you should drop it. I know you think bringing it up again would ease your guilt, but honestly, I think it could backfire. Your boyfriend probably just wants to leave the subject in the past, and reminding him of it could make him paranoid you're not telling him everything and that could cause a lot of strife. It's in the past. Leave it there.

How Strange

OP, imo you have to get over yourself. You were definitely playing with fire but you did nothing. If you feel guilty now well that's your problem. You had the opportunity to tell your bf everything, you left out sleeping in this guys bed and flirting with him.

Why was that? Did you know your bf wouldn't be so cool about it? I really think if you rake all this stuff up again then your bf will think that you are still hiding something as you would've told him the whole story months ago if it was all that innocent.

The guilt is your own to deal with. I don't see the purpose in rehashing it all again and rubbing your bf's face in it. I understand that you form a strange bond with people when you meet them travelling and if you met them in your normal life you might'nt even acknowledge them. However, next time you are away just remember that if you sleep in a guys bed and continuously flirt with him then eventually something will happen. Bring a picture of your bf and hug that.

Stop the melodramatics and either deal with the guilt (of not telling everything up front) in your own way or tell the bf and expect him to be p*ssed. IMO, your mother is speaking sense here, you should leave it dead and buried.