Bored

LegacyUser

I am a married man, been with my wife for 7 years have three kids, none exsistant sex life for a long time. late 20's - early 30's.

I have been having a laugh with this girl in work for some time now, she is really interested in me, and she is fairly hot. I love my wife to bits and we have great times together, she's a stunning looking woman, we really lack the rush in bed, I mean I am very driven and she's not, its not a major issue for her but it is for me, she has told me to get it elsewhere, but I love her to much to do that, now im thinking.. maybe

MooseJam

well if she has told you to get it elsewhere go for it with the girl in work

vektarman

But you can't do that, marriage is sacred and also that would be cheating on your wife, maybe you misunderstood what she said, I can't believe she told you to look elsewhere!

Esel

Maybe your wife said that, but do you really think she meant it?

If you want to risk fcuking up your family for a bit of on-the-side sex then go for it. Before you do, do the maths on a separation/divorce.

If you love your wife, and want things to improve between you, look at why things have gone stale. A woman can't 'turn it on' like a man can. Maybe you need to bring some romance back into your relationship. Also, are you pulling your weight around the place, or do you feel that bringing home the bacon is all you have to do? Does your wife feel loved and appreciated?

Carrigart Exile

couple of home truths, sleep with the girl in work once and she has you. She will start to resent your wofe and expect you to do likewise, she will demand more and more of your time playing emotional mind games with you. Eventually she will just have to tell your wife and possibly th epeople in your office becase she cannot carry this burden herself, truth be told she either wants to hurt you, your wife or thinks she can break you up and you will come to her.

Now whilst this turmoil is going on, just think of your kiddies breaking their hearts cos daddy and mummy are separating.

If hottie in work (remember you only get to see the persona she wants you to see) is worth that, go for it.

How Strange

JimGotHi2nite.... I am a married man, been with my wife for 7 years have three kids, none exsistant sex life for a long time. late 20's - early 30's.

Have you got the seven year itch? I agree with the other posters (except for the one who told you to go for it). You are married and imo that is a sacred vow. You've hit on rough times, the daily grind is getting to you and you become a cliche. You start flirting with the young, good looking girl in the office.

That's pathetic, it really is. I can understand that the lack of sexual intimacy with your wife is placing stress on your relationship. But from your post both of you are still quite young with three young children. I'm probably the same age with no children and my life is busy so I can only imagine what yours is like trying to juggle all that. But what did you think was going to happen when you got married and starting having kids? That it would be like a disney film?

Do you do your fair share at home? When you come home from work do you sit in front of the tv or take over with the kids? It could be that your wife is exhausted and doesn't feel particularly sexy or energetic by the time she gets to bed. For these reasons, and for the fact that the two of you may have lost track of you together as a couple and not just parents, you should consider counselling to discuss these problems.

You said you have good times together and she is stunning. Presumably you love your children. Imagine not having your wife and living in a small apartment somewhere while they live at home and you only see them at the weekends and you pay most of your salary over to them. Think of how sh*tty you will feel when you drop them off and go back to your apartment. Think of how miserable Christmas and birthdays will be if you're not included.

Think of all this and then think of that young one at work. Is a few shags with her worth giving up your life?

DD

Was she kidding ? :P

JimGotHi2nite wrote:

I am a married man, been with my wife for 7 years have three kids, none exsistant sex life for a long time. late 20's - early 30's.

she has told me to get it elsewhere, but I love her to much to do that, now im thinking.. maybe

tbh

Carrigart Exile wrote:

couple of home truths, sleep with the girl in work once and she has you. She will start to resent your wofe and expect you to do likewise, she will demand more and more of your time playing emotional mind games with you. Eventually she will just have to tell your wife and possibly th epeople in your office becase she cannot carry this burden herself, truth be told she either wants to hurt you, your wife or thinks she can break you up and you will come to her.

Now whilst this turmoil is going on, just think of your kiddies breaking their hearts cos daddy and mummy are separating.

If hottie in work (remember you only get to see the persona she wants you to see) is worth that, go for it.

the girl in work might just want a shag, dude.

Pigman II

Just get a few sneaky snaps of this workmate for your chicktionary and then knock the top off at home next time the wife's out shopping or washing the dishes.

biko

I'm against prostitution but would advice you rather to go to Amsterdam than cheat with someone at work. No good can come of that.

Spoony2

why is'nt she in the mood for sex ?

I mean like things dont just work one ways, uve got to create an atomsfear make her feal sexy, show her you apreacate her,
tease her a bit mke her laugh have some fun, it seems form what ive read affairs are sparked this way and marrages are lost bye the results, of affiars.

You havent said weather you've tried to cook her a nice meal, or just have soem fun all you say is your getting know sex but that's not the issue. The issue is why has your marrage become like this ?

how is your wife's mood is distant? Is she happy ?

and no im not married but i can tell you this eating the same food all the time gets boreing shaging in the same positiion gets boreing. the key to a good reltionship from what i heard is inventivenss and fun and challange's like this.

I hope for your sake thngs go good and dont sleep with the girl from work it wont be woth it.

spinandscribble

you should spend less time dreaming about the office girl and more time improving your relationship with your wife.

echosound

I'd agree with the other posters that say you should work at re-igniting the spark in your marriage, you say you love your wife and she's stunning looking, so you should focus on that. Of course with 3 kids, and juggling work and homelife and all the usual day-to-day grind of just getting by, things are naturally going to be a bit slack in the bedroom department unless you both put in the effort.
As other posters have asked - are you pulling your weight around the house or do you come in from work and expect her to run round after the kids? Is she run ragged and has no energy for sex?

I'm married and around the same age range, but we have no kids, and I can tell you there are times when even we're too tired or not in the right mood, so it must be (3!) times as hard for you two to find the time or energy.

Make time for you just as a couple, rather than being "mum and dad" all the time, go out for a nice date, talk more, some more romantic gestures, etc, get back to that feeling you had when you were dating first, if you've any other problems (money worries etc) talk them through and don't let them fester, as they can make you both pre-occupied with thinking about them rather than enjoying yourselves as a couple etc. OK, it may be that you just both have very different sex drives, but this can be worked around too. Don't expect every single cuddle or kiss to turn into full-blown sex, as your wife may feel pressurised and not want to even kiss you as she probably thinks it will only mean you trying to push it further (sometimes us women just want to have a snuggle and a kiss and enjoy it for what it is!).

Be really attentive to what your wife wants for a while - if it's just kisses, do that, if you know she likes a certain position or whatever while having sex, go for that, concentrate on pleasing her too, as if you're frustrated at the lack of sex, every time you do end up having sex you are probably so caught up with your own pleasure she may feel like she's just a "body" for you to do, or to get relief from, rather than a person you love (I'm not saying this IS the case, but if you are constantly at her for sex, she may feel like you just want to get yours and it doesn't really matter that it's her or not you're getting it from, IYKWIM). Once your wife relaxes a bit more, and gets used to the higher level of intimacy, even if it's only kissing, she will probably herself want to progress further. The more you get it, the more you want, normally!

Whatever you do - don't go for the girl in the office. It'll end nastily, either ruining your marriage, or ruining your worklife, or ruining your relationship with your kids and family, or all of the above. Counselling may be the way to go to work out a way that works for both your wife and youself, and you can find a middleground where you can both accomodate your different sex drives. Ask you wife if she doesn't feel like going the whole hog all the time (ie penetrative etc) would she be happy to perhaps sometimes to just do it for you - ok without getting too graphic, just pleasuring you by other means! If she loves you she should be willing to sometimes put your needs before hers, and you to reciprocate.

One final question - how is your wife apart from the sex issue? is she depressed? has she changed jobs recently/gone to be a stay at home mum? has her appearance changed after having babies (if she's put on even as little as a pound or two she may be feeling self-conscious about her body and unable to free her inhibitions about her body-image enough to get intimate with you, as women tend to feel unsexy if they don't feel comfortable in their body). All of the above may mean she is not happy in general, and women tend not to be able to seperate their emotions enough to just go at it hammer and tongs if they're feeling down about something.

Again - I can't stress this enough - don't go for the girl in the office, even if your wife has said "get it somewhere else" - I'd personally read that as your wife saying it out of annoyance or deflection from any issues you or she may have, rather than a green light to go have an affair!

How Strange

echosound....even if your wife has said "get it somewhere else" - I'd personally read that as your wife saying it out of annoyance or deflection from any issues you or she may have, rather than a green light to go have an affair!

I agree, the OP didn't mention the context in which this comment was made. He made it sound like it was a blase, throw away comment and I doubt that any woman with three kids would encourage her partner to have sex with strangers.

Is sex an issue in your relationship at the moment? If you are agruing about and she feels under pressure to 'perform' then that would lead her to say something like that to you.