wtf?

pretty-in-pink

Yes I said I wouldn't start one (under my u/n anyway), no I don't care that I am- question for you guys out there:

Ok, you're with a girl, shes cracked about you, you cheat on her, you break up, she lets you booty call her for months cause she wants you back, she eventually gets the pride together and leaves town, a few weeks later she is happy, had her own life, friends etc, making great progress, barely in touch with you, not very affectionite anymore etc, so BAM you start laying the romantic feelers out there, the bending over backwards "I'll wait for you, I want you" crap. WHY? Seriously, why wait till we are almost over you? Why mess with our heads then? Its not fcuking fair.

So basically- why do you guys play such mean head games? and why do you get all possesive when you think we have been with someone else, even though we are single cause you dumped us? and keeping in mind that you have been significant in our lifes how the hell do we let you know we don't trust you enough to ever go back there, without losing the possiblity of friendship?

Doctor DooM

pretty-in-pink wrote:

So basically- why do you guys play such mean head games? and why do you get all possesive when you think we have been with someone else, even though we are single cause you dumped us? and keeping in mind that you have been significant in our lifes how the hell do we let you know we don't trust you enough to ever go back there, without losing the possiblity of friendship?

This describes half the women I know...
My point is, men are not nasty, but some people are nasty and manipulative, in either sex. He is more affronted you are getting on with your life and wants you at his beck and call. Just dont bother talking to him.

MrJoeSoap

pretty-in-pink wrote:

Yes I said I wouldn't start one (under my u/n anyway), no I don't care that I am- question for you guys out there:

Ok, you're with a girl, shes cracked about you, you cheat on her, you break up, she lets you booty call her for months cause she wants you back, she eventually gets the pride together and leaves town, a few weeks later she is happy, had her own life, friends etc, making great progress, barely in touch with you, not very affectionite anymore etc, so BAM you start laying the romantic feelers out there, the bending over backwards "I'll wait for you, I want you" crap. WHY? Seriously, why wait till we are almost over you? Why mess with our heads then? Its not fcuking fair.

So basically- why do you guys play such mean head games? and why do you get all possesive when you think we have been with someone else, even though we are single cause you dumped us? and keeping in mind that you have been significant in our lifes how the hell do we let you know we don't trust you enough to ever go back there, without losing the possiblity of friendship?

Jeez someone knows how to generalise. I feel guilty.

I reckon its just that when he realised he'd lost it, it struck home what it was he had lost. If that makes sense.

Gaz

Alot of people want what they cant have , also the chase is more fulfilling or exciting (for some)... you will probably find he goes back to his old ways if you give in.

You have made great progress ... stick with it.

biko

With a title like that I just had to read the thread.

Jesus Wept

Way more females play more games imo.

Dord

biko wrote:

With a title like that I just had to read the thread.

+1

OP, us guys have to put up with this stuff too. Its really no different from the other side.

ShawnRaven

Ask a few women that question, in my own experience, you're liable to get a more consice answer.

VR!

Nevyn

People can be assholes it is that simple, gender has sod all to do with it.
If you dont' want to get pricked around then don't let that prick back into your life, plain and simple.

6th

Well if the booty calls kept going up to a point then it was a bit gray about whether it was over or not. He might see it as not be over as long as you think.

If its only a few weeks since there was no contact then maybe that was just how long it took him to realise what he had lost - this might not be him playing games.

That said guys can be possessive.

randylonghorn

pretty-in-pink wrote:

WHY? Seriously, why wait till we are almost over you?

Because for some immature people a sort of sub-conscious pride kicks in at this point ... in this twisted thinking, you should be still yearning and mourning for him, and if you're not, he will suddenly attempt to ensnare you all over again. It's the "want what you can't have, don't want what you can have" syndrome. But SDoom is right ... it's not a specifically male thing.

pretty-in-pink wrote:

Its not fcuking fair.

You're right, it's not. And it says a lot about him. Hold your head up high, and keep walking away.

<EDIT> Lol ... Thaed said it much more succinctly, as usual!

Its deffo the women that play more games then men but no matter who plays the games , men or women, you should stay well away as they dont know what they want. If you start a relationship it gets messy. Why would you want somebody that doesnt want you.

pretty-in-pink

I didn't mean to generalise againnst all men, yes people can suck, but having never dated women, I can't comment from that POV,

thanks for replies though

LegacyUser

Clearly someone got played...

OP just understand that some people are assholes and some aren't. And some people become assholes depending on the person involved and the circumstances. **** happens so keep an eye on yourself and make sure your on top of the game.

karen3212

Well.....I have heard of a survey that asked men to answer honestly - and all of them said they want what they think they cannot have. So if you are off and assured and happy with yourself, without him, he may see you as a more attractive prospect. Obviously things didn't work out for you two when you were together so in my humble opinion he is not the one for you.

Jesus Wept

karen3212 wrote:

Well.....I have heard of a survey that asked men to answer honestly - and all of them said they want what they think they cannot have. So if you are off and assured and happy with yourself, without him, he may see you as a more attractive prospect. Obviously things didn't work out for you two when you were together so in my humble opinion he is not the one for you.

LOL. Females are far far far far far more guilty of this.

karen3212

The-Rigger wrote:

LOL. Females are far far far far far more guilty of this.

I don't know, but I don't agree. Traditionally men wooed and ran after women, and women coyly feigned non interest. Honestly though, I don't know.

b3t4

pretty-in-pink wrote:

Ok, you're with a girl, shes cracked about you, you cheat on her, you break up, she lets you booty call her for months cause she wants you back

You aren't going to like this I'm afriad but you've got to take some of the blame for allowing him to headwreck you.

He does not care for you. The only thing he's concerned about is that you've moved on from him. He misses the booty calls is all. Walk away and keep this guy out of your life.

If you allow him back into your life (even as a friend) then it'll be the same story all over again and again and again until you realise he just isn't worth your time.

by the way he'll probably promise you the sun, the moon and the stars. It's all lies though. As they say actions speak louder than words.

Walk away now and you could save yourself another year or so of this crap.

A

Marksie

P-I-P. You have done exactly the right thing in walking away. What he is doing is a control mechanism.
Not everyone does it, you have just been unfortunate that this person is one of those who does.

My guess is he has lost that control and seeks to regain it and screw with your head in the bargain.

Keep walking and living and enjoying your life.

davyjose

pretty-in-pink wrote:

So basically- why do you guys play such mean head games?

You do it DURING the relationship - we do it after. Simple really!

Wibbs

karen3212 wrote:

Well.....I have heard of a survey that asked men to answer honestly - and all of them said they want what they think they cannot have. So if you are off and assured and happy with yourself, without him, he may see you as a more attractive prospect. Obviously things didn't work out for you two when you were together so in my humble opinion he is not the one for you.

I agree with the rigger on this one just to add that human nature in both genders tends to do this and TBH I would say women may do this slightly more in my experience.

It's like people who have been dumped, the second the dumped moves on the dumper starts putting out feelers like in your case. People have an uncanny ability to spot this. Very often people want what they can't have, but they really really want what they thought they had but now don't.

It's ironic that when someone splits up with you, you would try anything to get them back at the time, yet the second you stop trying and actually move on(and you can't fake this so trying to get someone back like this won't work), they start to come back. You usually don't want them at that stage. Typical.

Every woman that dumped me in the past with the notable exception of one, tried to get me back exactly like this(the notable exception didn't start with someone new immediately after though). Trust me the more you back away the more he'll chase. If you don't want him back and I would suggest that's a good plan, then cut all communication with him. Don't answer his calls txts etc. He'll probably up the pressure for a while, but it'll ease off.

The_Scary_Man

Hi Pretty-in-Pink

I have to agree with some of the other posters on here, this is not a gender thing, it's not so much a control thing and its definitely not a love thing. Its an ego thing.

Some people are so unsure of who they really are that they must constantly search for validation from outside. Their own sense of self has been so weakened and diluted by their visions of who they should be that they are never happy with who they are. In your ex's case he needed validation from you in terms of sexual attraction. The fact that you went back to him even after he did all these crappy things to you gave him the feeling that even when he was acting like a dick someone still saw something good in him.

The same applies on your own side though. If he kept coming back to you then he must have seen something in you, something special that made you unique. Something in his desire for you, as erratic as it was, made you feel good about yourself. You were perpetuating this relationship as much as he was, sometimes there's pleasure in being the injured party in a relationship because there is a certain sense of value to be placed on martyrdom on the altar of love. I know I've done it myself This could have been a reflection of your own weakened self esteem BUT you saw through it eventually and moved on, taking decisive action and ending this unhealthy relationship.

He is trying to get you back because you were the most positive affirmation he had in his life. He wants to feel good about himself again and he sees you as the person to do it for him. Remember that, he wants you to make him feel good about himself, hes not about making you feel good about yourself. At least not at this stage in his life.

You have made an important step in recognizing that this is an unhealthy relationship and creating a distance between you both. That took inner strength and wisdom. The pangs of guilt and desire you are feeling are the last strands of attachment to the unhealthy feelings of self-worth that this relationship gave you.

I think you know this now but you don't need him to feel good about yourself. Try applying some of the love, forgiveness and compassion that you showed to this guy to yourself and start a love affair that has no down sides.

If you feel stronger and more secure in yourself then you will attract stronger more secure guys. Insecure guys don't like being around strong women and the same goes the other way, insecure girls tend to go for insecure guys. Hence the 'Why do I always go out with assholes/bitches?' scenario, well the answer is 'Because you choose to.'

Peace out

muppetkiller

karen3212 wrote:

Well.....I have heard of a survey that asked men to answer honestly - and all of them said they want what they think they cannot have. So if you are off and assured and happy with yourself, without him, he may see you as a more attractive prospect. Obviously things didn't work out for you two when you were together so in my humble opinion he is not the one for you.

Ahhh when did men start filling in Surveys on relationships ?
A pile of nonsense if you ask me.

To the OP all I can say is the problem isn't men it's your choice of men.
If a guy cheats on you , it shows what kind of a person he his.

And if you think by becoming friends with benefits that he's going to change and become prince charming over night then I'm afraid your well mistaken.
How many people do you think he slept with in the time period when you were Fuc$ buddies ? Do you think you were the only one ?

The good news is you've moved along so well done for that..

azezil

Sweetie you need to dump that zero and get yourself a hero gurlfriend! mmhmmm!

On a more serious note, he just wants what he can't have, it may tare yourself up inside but just ignore him, you can't come running whenever he's ready to make an effort, you know what he's like, you know if you go back to him he'll very soon after revert back to his old ways, he's clearly not worth it, move on, delete his number and forget about him.

Talliesin

Let's say you're a man who was in a relationship with a woman.
Then lets say you dump her.
Then lets say she's still willing to engage in sex with you; and you can probably work out that this is because she wants the relationship to continue.

Now. Let's also say that you are happy with this arrangement - it doesn't rub you up the wrong way in terms of your own sexuality or your own sexual morality to take advantage of this situation.

Such a person in such a situation has, from their point of view, a good thing going. If it comes to an end then trying to throw a few bones in terms of romantic gestures is pretty close to common sense.

This is not to justify such behaviour, but merely to explain it. With what you already know about what was going on, what's so inexplicable about this?

There may or may not be a further factor of his wanting what he has lost, but since he was happy enough to just have sex for those months, I wouldn't be sure that the thing he "lost" was anything beyond that.

I don't think it's really best labelled a "head-game" either. It's a plain flat-out ploy. A head-game is more the sort of thing that people do when they develop the silly, but unfortunately very common, idea that relationships are some sort of competitive sport and then try to "win".

For example:

pretty-in-pink wrote:

she lets you booty call her for months cause she wants you back

That's a head-game. It's not a very good head-game; pretty much a guaranteed losing strategy, but it's a head-game none-the-less.

The reason for hooking up with someone just for sex is so that you can just have sex with them. Anything else is an attempt to play them. Unfortunately, you weren't playing them very well at all, but you played yourself expertly.

Zulu

karen3212 wrote:

Well.....I have heard of a survey that asked men to answer honestly...

LOL

Seriously though: The Scary Man's post is excellent, he's said it all and better than I could.

John Mason

OMG - you are going through exactly the same thing as me - WHY GOD DAMN IT WHY

Please just leave us alone to get on with our lives, every text, phone call, email, meet up for coffee, gives us hope that you have realised that we are wonderful and that you cant live without us

The_Scary_Man

irishbird wrote:

OMG - you are going through exactly the same thing as me - WHY GOD DAMN IT WHY

Please just leave us alone to get on with our lives, every text, phone call, email, meet up for coffee, gives us hope that you have realised that we are wonderful and that you cant live without us

Ask yourself...

Why do you need him to confirm that you are wonderful?

Why do you want him to need you? Isn't needy a bad thing? Won't that put a drain on your own resources?

Shouldn't you be looking for someone who can love and support you rather than needing you?

muppetkiller

The_Scary_Man wrote:

Shouldn't you be looking for someone who can love and support you rather than needing you?

Are you serious ? That wouldn't be a challenge for the women

Wibbs

The_Scary_Man wrote:

Hi Pretty-in-Pink

I have to agree with some of the other posters on here, this is not a gender thing, it's not so much a control thing and its definitely not a love thing. Its an ego thing.

Some people are so unsure of who they really are that they must constantly search for validation from outside. Their own sense of self has been so weakened and diluted by their visions of who they should be that they are never happy with who they are. In your ex's case he needed validation from you in terms of sexual attraction. The fact that you went back to him even after he did all these crappy things to you gave him the feeling that even when he was acting like a dick someone still saw something good in him.

The same applies on your own side though. If he kept coming back to you then he must have seen something in you, something special that made you unique. Something in his desire for you, as erratic as it was, made you feel good about yourself. You were perpetuating this relationship as much as he was, sometimes there's pleasure in being the injured party in a relationship because there is a certain sense of value to be placed on martyrdom on the altar of love. I know I've done it myself This could have been a reflection of your own weakened self esteem BUT you saw through it eventually and moved on, taking decisive action and ending this unhealthy relationship.

He is trying to get you back because you were the most positive affirmation he had in his life. He wants to feel good about himself again and he sees you as the person to do it for him. Remember that, he wants you to make him feel good about himself, hes not about making you feel good about yourself. At least not at this stage in his life.

You have made an important step in recognizing that this is an unhealthy relationship and creating a distance between you both. That took inner strength and wisdom. The pangs of guilt and desire you are feeling are the last strands of attachment to the unhealthy feelings of self-worth that this relationship gave you.

I think you know this now but you don't need him to feel good about yourself. Try applying some of the love, forgiveness and compassion that you showed to this guy to yourself and start a love affair that has no down sides.

If you feel stronger and more secure in yourself then you will attract stronger more secure guys. Insecure guys don't like being around strong women and the same goes the other way, insecure girls tend to go for insecure guys. Hence the 'Why do I always go out with assholes/bitches?' scenario, well the answer is 'Because you choose to.'

Peace out

Damn fine post. That's a printable one right there.

pretty-in-pink

Thanks for the many good replies,

I know I allowed myself be messed around for ages, and I don't want to go back there, but I just feel bad that he's all alone and I have friends and a life and stuff. I don't want him to feel like I did, and I also didn't think I'd be anything more then neutral about him feeling needy, I thought I may even enjoy it, but its horrible. Esp when every 5 minutes (or so it seems) he tells me he loves me, wants to date me properly, marry me etc. I don't know how to nicely put him off, I don't want his deprssion weighing on me (hes depressed at the moment in general) but I don't want to feel obligated to be everything I was to him, just so he feels good about himself.

Does that make sense?

Talliesin

See. That's the biggest problem with nice. People apply it in totally inappropriate situations.

Practice the following phrases in a mirror:

• No.
• What part of "**** off" do you not understand?
• All communications from you are being recorded purely as a precaution against future need to obtain a restraining order.
• Take you back? Is there an aspect of life you've stopped losing at since last we were together?

seraphimvc

nice post .The Scary Man:D Applause!

OP,what in my mind is ,sometimes,maybe once in a life time,you just need to push something hard,not enough?HARDER!!:p

NO or YES,it's up to you.we may give you alot of support(mentally) here,but you need the courage from yourself to confront your issue.it's just YES or NO.

it may sounded hurt,it may made you felt really bad,but,time will pass,pain will ease.who knows your NO may not make him a better man?:)

K-9

pretty-in-pink wrote:

Thanks for the many good replies,

I know I allowed myself be messed around for ages, and I don't want to go back there, but I just feel bad that he's all alone and I have friends and a life and stuff. I don't want him to feel like I did, and I also didn't think I'd be anything more then neutral about him feeling needy, I thought I may even enjoy it, but its horrible. Esp when every 5 minutes (or so it seems) he tells me he loves me, wants to date me properly, marry me etc. I don't know how to nicely put him off, I don't want his deprssion weighing on me (hes depressed at the moment in general) but I don't want to feel obligated to be everything I was to him, just so he feels good about himself.

Does that make sense?

Yes, you have regrets, nothing wrong with that. Also he's making you feel guilty. You have nothing to be guilty about.

Read Talliesin and The_Scary_Mans' posts again.

The_Scary_Man

pretty-in-pink wrote:

Thanks for the many good replies,

I know I allowed myself be messed around for ages, and I don't want to go back there, but I just feel bad that he's all alone and I have friends and a life and stuff. I don't want him to feel like I did, and I also didn't think I'd be anything more then neutral about him feeling needy, I thought I may even enjoy it, but its horrible. Esp when every 5 minutes (or so it seems) he tells me he loves me, wants to date me properly, marry me etc. I don't know how to nicely put him off, I don't want his deprssion weighing on me (hes depressed at the moment in general) but I don't want to feel obligated to be everything I was to him, just so he feels good about himself.

Does that make sense?

Hi again Pretty-in -Pink

This is a very complicated situation and a lot has gone on between you both. Deals and contracts have been made , broken, re-made and re-broken.

Going on what you have said in your posts I think it would be extremely difficult for you to have a supportive relationship with this guy without the hangover from your previous encounters seriously clouding the waters. Any move you make toward him at this stage is in danger of being perceived as a positive reaction to his overtures. You will again both be starting out with very different views of what your respective roles are.

You feel bad that this guy is depressed, and I really get from your post that this feeling is real. Your empathy is touching and commendable but this is where you need to set some boundaries to protect yourself.

His depression is not weighing on you; it seems to me from your posts that your desire to take away his pain is weighing on you because on some level you feel responsible for it. There should be a clear distinction here, whats his is his and whats yours is yours. It is not your responsibility to make this guy happy and making him happy will not necessarily make you happy.

Concentrate on yourself for a while and turn that compassion inward. He's not the only one who's been through the ringer, recognize that this has been hard for you too. It can't have been easy to walk away. Its not selfish to give yourself some time and attention every now and again.

Finally, trust that this guy can sort things out for himself. He's a big boy capable of making big decisions and sorting his life out on his own.

In reality though I don't know the situation and at the end of the day whatever course of action you choose to take will be the right one for you at that time. Things may not necessarily turn out how you'd like but even in that there are opportunities to learn and grow and thats what life's all about innit?

randylonghorn

pretty-in-pink wrote:

I know I allowed myself be messed around for ages, and I don't want to go back there, but I just feel bad that he's all alone and I have friends and a life and stuff. I don't want him to feel like I did, and I also didn't think I'd be anything more then neutral about him feeling needy, I thought I may even enjoy it, but its horrible. Esp when every 5 minutes (or so it seems) he tells me he loves me, wants to date me properly, marry me etc. I don't know how to nicely put him off, I don't want his deprssion weighing on me (hes depressed at the moment in general) but I don't want to feel obligated to be everything I was to him, just so he feels good about himself.

Does that make sense?

Yes, it does ... now turn around, and keep walking.

Are you even sure his depression / loneliness is real, or is it another ploy?

If you think that bit is genuine, then I suppose if you happen to have contact details for a sensible, trustworthy friend or family member who you know will actually listen, then you could make contact ... assuming people aren't already aware / there for him. Btw, make that contact, if you feel it's necessary, WHILE you're walking away ... don't wait to walk until you've made it.

However, the more you describe this guy's behaviour, the more I wonder if that isn't another part of his manipulative attempts to keep you at his beck and call.


+rep for Tallie and The_Scary_Man (such an inappropriate nick! )

Talliesin

randylonghorn wrote:

The_Scary_Man (such an inappropriate nick! )

Not necessarily.

Being loving and compassionate, rather than being nice - with the implication of being tough when necessary - can be scary. I think the OP does find what some of us have been saying rather scary, at least in terms of short-term rather than long-term consequences.

AngryBadger

A better question would be why would any woman with an ounce of self-respect keep going back to a guy that treats her like that? (or indeed vice versa)

pretty-in-pink

I've told him (since last night) that I don't think he loves me so much as he is lonely. that i think he is using me as a crutch to deal with his inability to be alone. That he needs to sort out his issues before he can be with anyone again, and that I don't want to get back with him in the near future, that i'm to busy having fun and enjoying being by myself.

He tried to say he is manic-depressive (highly doubt it, obcsessive and possesive, yeah, manic-depression, no)

Weirdly he is chasing even harder now, and he basically said he would stay faithful to me, even if I barely saw him, used him for sex and slept with people up here. Weird. I do believe he thinks he loves me, but I don'y believe he is actually in love me so much as he needs me.

And you're all so right with the trying to guilt me thing. Its annoying and patheric to see someone crawl on their belly like this, and I'm not mean enough to just flip at him. yet. I did tell him I'm not able to give romantic love to anyone right now, and also told him to either do something about dealing wwith feeling lonely or shut up about it.

edit: typs due to wonky net caff keyboard and mouse grrrrrrrrr

milkerman

Hello Pink One,
I have seen some of your contributions to other threads over the last few months.
Try to imagine that someone else had posted this thread, your advice would be sound and considered and along the lines of 'Tell him to get a life'.
The pursuit of sex is one thing, but trying to mess around with you in the way you describe is simply not on.
You should concentrate on living your own life, you are not responsible for his. The longer he whinges the more painful this thing is for you.He may realise he has made a serious mistake but that is his problem. Look forward to meeting someone else.
In short - tell him to fcuk off with himself & grow a pair.

The_Scary_Man

pretty-in-pink wrote:

I've told him (since last night) that I don't think he loves me so much as he is lonely. that i think he is using me as a crutch to deal with his inability to be alone. That he needs to sort out his issues before he can be with anyone again, and that I don't want to get back with him in the near future, that i'm to busy having fun and enjoying being by myself.

He tried to say he is manic-depressive (highly doubt it, obcsessive and possesive, yeah, manic-depression, no)

Weirdly he is chasing even harder now, and he basically said he would stay faithful to me, even if I barely saw him, used him for sex and slept with people up here. Weird. I do believe he thinks he loves me, but I don'y believe he is actually in love me so much as he needs me.

And you're all so right with the trying to guilt me thing. Its annoying and patheric to see someone crawl on their belly like this, and I'm not mean enough to just flip at him. yet. I did tell him I'm not able to give romantic love to anyone right now, and also told him to either do something about dealing wwith feeling lonely or shut up about it.

edit: typs due to wonky net caff keyboard and mouse grrrrrrrrr

Nice one, you seem to be more sure of yourself and more grounded than in your previous posts. I think he may continue trying to pull your heart strings for a while yet but it seems as if you've got his number now.

Maybe your strength can be an example to him and who knows he may even thank you for what you've just done some day

pretty-in-pink

The_Scary_Man wrote:

Nice one, you seem to be more sure of yourself and more grounded than in your previous posts. I think he may continue trying to pull your heart strings for a while yet but it seems as if you've got his number now.

Maybe your strength can be an example to him and who knows he may even thank you for what you've just done some day

maybe, hope so

he's still so doing the whole "i really want you" thing, but with the tag line "i know you don't want me. this is hard"

i like my flirty fun life here. Dublin rocks

tritium

pretty-in-pink wrote:

Thanks for the many good replies,

I know I allowed myself be messed around for ages, and I don't want to go back there, but I just feel bad that he's all alone and I have friends and a life and stuff. I don't want him to feel like I did, and I also didn't think I'd be anything more then neutral about him feeling needy, I thought I may even enjoy it, but its horrible. Esp when every 5 minutes (or so it seems) he tells me he loves me, wants to date me properly, marry me etc. I don't know how to nicely put him off, I don't want his deprssion weighing on me (hes depressed at the moment in general) but I don't want to feel obligated to be everything I was to him, just so he feels good about himself.

Does that make sense?

Hi Op. TBH this kind of manipulative nonsense really gets my back up (as it appears to do to many other contributors I see). Jerks like this know how to play the guilt card! Jerks like this know how to play the pity me card! Never mind that he was the one who cheated on you, cause jerks like this generally don't know how to really take responsibility for their actions and their consequences.

He's lonely is he? a) Not your problem, and b) doesn't he have any friends, and c) if not, why not?

It's simple, if you don't know how to put him off nicely then either a) don't be nice about it or b) just ignore him, because those are really the two most effective ways to get him to go away

randylonghorn

The_Scary_Man wrote:

I think he may continue trying to pull your heart strings for a while yet but it seems as if you've got his number now.

Excuse the terrible pun, but maybe it's time he didn't have yours? (phone, I mean)

I'm assuming from the "up here" bit that he's not actually in Dublin.

I know it's a pain changing numbers, but while he can continue to ring / contact you any time he takes the notion, he probably will do so.

Doesn't mean you have to break all contact, if you don't want to ... but you can ring him when YOU choose to, and leave your new number on private.

bostonian

men are territorial. once we conquer a land, we want to conquer the next, and we only send the army back if the first land tries to claim independence.