The whole sex buddy thing

LegacyUser

I love my Ex GF to death-We broke up recently- and i want her back- but she wont have me back(we broke up cos i kissed someone else when i was drunk)

The other day after many texts calls and flowers she told me to back off and said that the only way she would go near me again was as a sex buddy. I thought about this and figured that maybe the constant closeness would be a way of getting her back.

Then she told me the rules:

No kissing,No eye contact,No talking before or after sex

If talking persists theres to be No talking about relationships or potential partners

No hugging

If i dont give her sex at least twice a week she will replace me

Once finished you get up and leave at once

If i have other partners im not to slep with her the same day as i sleep with her

I mean WTF- how the hell am i ment to get her back if she wont even let me kiss her- Im just supposed to be a sex robot no emotion or anying-I cant be like that with someone i love- Our sex used to be so passionate and loving- and now im just ment to **** her and go?

Zippitydoo

I'd tell her where to go if I were you, sounds degrading to me.

Could it be that she's giving you this option cause she knows you won't take it as it's so outrageous?

Spoony2

it sounds like shes trying to gain controll over you

dont even go near her. let her know your sorry for what happends she over reacted and trying to get attention.

for god sake yo u wher dunk! no more flowers no more texts just leave her be

arybvtcw0eolkf

If your not winding us up, just leave her alone and stop annoying yourself.

Ruu_Old

Eh forget about her, you'd be much better off. She is trying to control you and use you for her own needs. Don't waste your time!

LegacyUser

Mairt wrote:

If your not winding us up, just leave her alone and stop annoying yourself.

why would i be winding you up i have a genuine problem here

Agent Smith

tell her to get a Dildo tbh


Cause Thats What she see's you as, Something she can use when she wants, when it suits her.

Wibbs

OK I'll bite....

jdrtdkvnv wrote:

I love my Ex GF to death-We broke up recently- and i want her back- but she wont have me back(we broke up cos i kissed someone else when i was drunk)

Ouch. There goes the trust. How long were you going out if you don't mind me asking?

The other day after many texts calls and flowers she told me to back off

When someone wants space I make it a rule to give it to them. FYU pleading and flowers will in 99% of cases do fúck all to get someone back. Usually all it does is reinforce their original decision to leave. This is especially true of women. After the initial shock of the breakup, giving her a heartfelt apology from you and agreeing to give her all the space she needs to process this is far better in the long run. If you push her she will run away.

and said that the only way she would go near me again was as a sex buddy.

Mmmkay... Sounds a tad weird I must say. She could be trying to punish you(though when I've been a bad boyo this is the kind of punishment I could go for. Hard labour it aint). She could also be wanting to keep you and this is her way fo doing this without looking like an eejit. Though frankly the logic escapes me. Of course she could be looking as others have said for a body temperture dildo until someone else comes into view. Though this is by far the weirdest.

I thought about this and figured that maybe the constant closeness would be a way of getting her back.

Nope, if this is what she wants, for whatever wacky reason, then it may not work in your favour. It may simply be a sexual version of "lets be friends"

No kissing,No eye contact,No talking before or after sex

If talking persists theres to be No talking about relationships or potential partners

Jeez I've had fúck buddies where more went on. Far more.
If this is true then she is a bit unbalanced. Nay forget unbalanced, we're drifting very strongly into swivel eyed loony territory.

If i dont give her sex at least twice a week she will replace me

Once finished you get up and leave at once

If i have other partners im not to slep with her the same day as i sleep with her

Ehhhhh? Sorry if this is true she needs to get help or up her current dosage.

I mean WTF- how the hell am i ment to get her back if she wont even let me kiss her- Im just supposed to be a sex robot no emotion or anying-I cant be like that with someone i love- Our sex used to be so passionate and loving- and now im just ment to **** her and go?

Look, you screwed up. OK, move on from that. Both of you. Either split or get back. Weird crap like this does no one any good. If you go along with this, you are her slave. Fullstop. She will lose what little respect she has for you, if indeed she has any for herself.

Say no. Again apologise for what you've done and tell her you would be willing to give her all the space she wants, if that's what she wants and would be willing to get back together in a new fresh relationship with her. Tell her if none of this is likely to happen that you understand the hurt you caused her, but you'll accept her decision, let her go but won't settle for second best. Either "friends" or fúck buddies. Say all this only the once and break contact. Keep your self respect.

If their is still affection between you and she's prepared to get past this screw up of yours then she'll contact you within the month if not less.

Cheeky_gal

You must be winding people up with this cuz theres no way on earth a girl that psychopathic/weird/controlling exists surely!?! lyk OMG!!!! What a weirdo(her not u)...how on earth did you fall in love with someone under that description?? Ya know what, tell her to go fcuk herself n see how she likes that...

whiskeyman

Don't go for it.
To be honest, the mindset of the girl is that she's very well cheated on you in the past.
How do you know she hasn't used this power tactic on an ex before, while you were on the scene?
Have you still got the number of that girl from the drunken kiss? Go chase her!
Good riddance with this control freak...

the_syco

jdrtdkvnv wrote:

we broke up cos i kissed someone else when i was drunk

jdrtdkvnv wrote:

If i have other partners im not to slep with her the same day as i sleep with her

So, you kiss someone else, and she breaks up with you, but she see's nothing wrong with you f**king her whilst you're in a relationship with someone else?

Dude, tell her to f**k off, and then go and a real lady, as the b|tch sounds like she wants to mind f**k you.

Toots

:eek: I don't envy u! It sounds to me like this girl is using the sex buddy thing as a way to try to get back at you. She knows you care about her, and letting u have sex with her without any emotional attachment is like a tease - she knows it will hurt u. Don't get me wrong - she has a right to be mad, u did kiss someone else. However, you were drunk, and if it was only a kiss then it's not so bad....it could have been worse, you could have shagged this other woman or started a relationship on the side (I wouldn't recommend pointing this out to ur ex though!). Most girls I know who are in a loving longterm relationship would forgive a slip-up like this provided they knew that it was a one off and their partner was genuinely sorry, but I definitely agree with the other posters here - u need to give her some space.

Tell her you love her and respect her too much to use her just for sex and if you can't be with her as a couple properly then you can't be with her at all. Tell her that it's her decision and leave it at that. Don't torture yourself, if she decides not to get back together then move on and find someone who deserves u.:)

Pinker

jdrtdkvnv wrote:

I love my Ex GF to death-We broke up recently- and i want her back- but she wont have me back(we broke up cos i kissed someone else when i was drunk)

The other day after many texts calls and flowers she told me to back off and said that the only way she would go near me again was as a sex buddy. I thought about this and figured that maybe the constant closeness would be a way of getting her back.

Then she told me the rules:

No kissing,No eye contact,No talking before or after sex

If talking persists theres to be No talking about relationships or potential partners

No hugging

If i dont give her sex at least twice a week she will replace me

Once finished you get up and leave at once

If i have other partners im not to slep with her the same day as i sleep with her

I mean WTF- how the hell am i ment to get her back if she wont even let me kiss her- Im just supposed to be a sex robot no emotion or anying-I cant be like that with someone i love- Our sex used to be so passionate and loving- and now im just ment to **** her and go?

Would you propose an arrangement like this to someone?...if the answer is no because it's outrageous, then imagine what sort a person would make such a proposal, and I'm afraid that is who your ex-girlfriend really is...

K-9

agent smith wrote:

tell her to get a Dildo tbh


Cause Thats What she see's you as, Something she can use when she wants, when it suits her.

What he said! Actually she'd probably treat the Dildo better.

Wibbs gave great advice there as usual.

axer

the_syco wrote:

So, you kiss someone else, and she breaks up with you, but she see's nothing wrong with you f**king her whilst you're in a relationship with someone else?

Other partners - he didnt say relationships.

OP: Maybe she wants to mess with your head so you stop stalking her. She is giving you the option to either conform to her weird rules (which maybe are weird for a reason) or f'uck off.

PeakOutput

man tell her to take a long walk off a short pier

seriously iv done the **** buddy and it can be great but

A. dont do it as a way of winning someone back

B. dont do it when one or the other has strong feelings for the other

c. dont do it with a recent x ESPECIALLY if your the one that got dumped

D. DONT DO IT WITH SOMEONE WHO IS CLEARLY A PSYCHO and wants you to walk into a room, without looking her in the eyes, and basically just fk her then leave. besides being ridicolously boring its wierd

cut contact with her.....if she does want to get back with you that should jolt her into action and have her snap out of watever power trip she is on. if she dosnt want you back under any circumstances then cutting contact is the only way for you to get over her

dudara

I'd suggest that she is laying down these strict rules so as to give you a taste of your own medicine ( or at least that's how she sees it in her head).

This arrangement would be bad news. Your best bet is to back off, leave well alone for a period of time and see then how you both feel about each other.

randylonghorn

Zippitydoo wrote:

Could it be that she's giving you this option cause she knows you won't take it as it's so outrageous?

Sounds like a possibility to me.

Or as Dudara says, it's intended as a nutslap / payback ... something along the lines of "see how he likes being treated as a sex object, without respect / trust / love" ... and after all, you threw away those things yourself. Maybe she's even prepared to ahead with it, if she is determined enough to get her own back / teach you a lesson.

Unless you've been going out with a very strange girl indeed, there is some agenda like the above behind this suggestion. What you describe is not actually a fúck buddy, in that there's fúck all "buddy" in the arrangement proposed. What is described is an unpaid gigolo ... or as someone said, a dildo on legs.

LegacyUser

Is she takin the piss or what ??? !!!

Not with a Barge pole, my friend !!!

P.S. A good kick up the jacksie is what she needs ...

spinandscribble

she probably knows you enjoy loving sex and thinks this would hurt you. tell her you wanted her as a gf not a flippin' dildo. it isnt just about sex to you.

clearly her behaviour has surprised you. so let her know she isnt who you thought she was. say bye bye and move on.

my little guess of my own is that shes testing to see if you just miss regular sex and her extreme rules are a way of catching you if that is so. clearly shes hurting but shes giving you alot of grief.

LegacyUser

'was the sex the same when you were with her?

bondage/submission etc...'

sjaakie

i think she watches to much telly.

there was an episode of seinfeld where seinfeld and the curly woman were sex buddys with a whole string of similar rules

star-pants

....that's...just... mental...

who would suggest such a thing ever??

Go with the advice of all the others and steer clear - she may just be messing with your head / trying to gain control / see how far she can push you / hurt you... if she's in ANY way serious though, I'd steer clear because it's insane.
No one will benefit from it.

pretty-in-pink

thats not fcuk buddies, thats just raw, angry sex. t

he girl is obviously in pain, and mad at you. Sounds like a bit like a revenge ploy to me. steer clear of it

edit: her no kissing, cuddling rule scream out that she is not only angry, but scared. she probably doesn't want any of the intimacy, becasue she was hurt by you before. over time she may change her mind, but for now give her the space she need. its a messy situation, and my heart goes out to you both

bronte

Walk away op, it'll save you a world of hurt. She sounds a bit messed up.

DublinWriter

Ruu wrote:

Eh forget about her, you'd be much better off. She is trying to control you and use you for her own needs. Don't waste your time!

+1

Requiem4adream

jdrtdkvnv wrote:

I love my Ex GF to death-We broke up recently- and i want her back- but she wont have me back(we broke up cos i kissed someone else when i was drunk)

The other day after many texts calls and flowers she told me to back off and said that the only way she would go near me again was as a sex buddy. I thought about this and figured that maybe the constant closeness would be a way of getting her back.

Then she told me the rules:

No kissing,No eye contact,No talking before or after sex

If talking persists theres to be No talking about relationships or potential partners

No hugging

If i dont give her sex at least twice a week she will replace me

Once finished you get up and leave at once

If i have other partners im not to slep with her the same day as i sleep with her

I mean WTF- how the hell am i ment to get her back if she wont even let me kiss her- Im just supposed to be a sex robot no emotion or anying-I cant be like that with someone i love- Our sex used to be so passionate and loving- and now im just ment to **** her and go?

If it's all true ^^ it's quite sad for you, if someone is gonna dump you for kissing someone and then say she just wants you for sex, it's a retrospective "i never cared an iota about us".

On the flip side, that's a dream scenario for lots of single guys lol Well....a decent fantasy anyway

irish_boy90

buy a dildo, write sex buddy on it and give it to her.

then go and find a better woman

McGinty

I would agree with all the other posters, if you do step up to her demands you will lose your self confidence and her demands are degrading.

Talliesin

jdrtdkvnv wrote:

I mean WTF- how the hell am i ment to get her back if she wont even let me kiss her-

You're not. That's the point.

It's not like poker where it's considered polite to give a loser a chance to make win it back.

The question really is, how is she meant to get you the hell out of her life if she keeps letting you kiss her.

There are two possibilities as to her motives here. The most likely is that she's sick of you not getting the point and leaving her alone and hopes that this suggestion might penetrate your thick skull. If this is what she's doing it's perhaps not a bad tactic to try (bonus points because it's funny).

Or she figures she might as well make use of the fact that you won't take the hint and have a bit of a shag now and again. Not really the smartest move (she should probably get a proper sex-buddy instead) but still, she's stated the terms and the terms are specifically designed to make sure you don't get silly ideas that she's going to take you back. I don't think this was very wise of her (after all, it was for not staying within the rules of a relationship that she dumped you in the first place).

Either way she's rubbing your nose in it in the hope that you'd cop on a bit more. Instead your whining about her terms here.

Cop on. She doesn't want you back. You don't have some sort of "right" to a way to "get her back". This is the real world, you can't just stick in another coin when it's game over.

jesus_thats_gre

Mairt wrote:

If your not winding us up, just leave her alone and stop annoying yourself.

More concerned about her drawing up that list to highlight how much of a loser the OP is in her mind.

estar

jdrtdkvnv wrote:

I love my Ex GF to death-We broke up recently- and i want her back- but she wont have me back(we broke up cos i kissed someone else when i was drunk)

The other day after many texts calls and flowers she told me to back off and said that the only way she would go near me again was as a sex buddy. I thought about this and figured that maybe the constant closeness would be a way of getting her back.

Then she told me the rules:

No kissing,No eye contact,No talking before or after sex

If talking persists theres to be No talking about relationships or potential partners

No hugging

If i dont give her sex at least twice a week she will replace me

Once finished you get up and leave at once

If i have other partners im not to slep with her the same day as i sleep with her

I mean WTF- how the hell am i ment to get her back if she wont even let me kiss her- Im just supposed to be a sex robot no emotion or anying-I cant be like that with someone i love- Our sex used to be so passionate and loving- and now im just ment to **** her and go?

my god ive heard it all now.

what a horrible way to treat someone.

she sounds like a very angry person to want to treat someone in such an
impersonal way and enjoy it

i would absolutely hate to sleep with someone who didnt want to make eye
contact with me

my suggestion

buy her a vibrator, present it to her and say - this sounds like your perfect
partner

with a switch to turn on and off, just like you seem to want

it won't make any demands, conversation or make eye contact with you

then after that - give her the phone number of a good councellor

as BOY does she have issues.

dont even THINK of going there. find a loving woman.

Talliesin

estar wrote:

my god ive heard it all now.

what a horrible way to treat someone.

Yeah, it's great isn't it?

I'm so recommending this approach the next time we've a thread here started by someone whose ex won't leave them alone.

estar

Talliesin wrote:

Yeah, it's great isn't it?

I'm so recommending this approach the next time we've a thread here started by someone whose ex won't leave them alone.

i dont think that offering to let someone degrade themselves is the correct
way to handle that situation - if it is the case that he won't leave her alone and she wants him to.

i dont personally think that that is a healthy reaction. i have had boyfriends cheat on me in the past and want to get back with me, and i dont think i would have wanted impersonal relations, or suggested that.

maybe she wants him to think about how she felt when he cheated on her,
and made her feel like what happened between them meant nothing.

but mind games of this nature never work out. they are just ways of hurting
others.

maybe you are right and his attentions are unwanted and he should just back off and learn from the mistake.

but i still think that this is a very destructive thing to either suggest or
want, and if one of my friends suggested this to an ex I would be really concerned for their welfare and emotional health.

thats my tuppence halfpenny. im always open to others thinking im wrong
or challenging what I say.

obviously the vibrator thing was just to make the OP see how impersonal the suggestion was.

i dont recommend that OP. just in case im taken literally, or in fact the counsellor number.

that might make your EX angrier than ever.

tell her that you value her way too much to EVER want such contact with her

Talliesin

estar wrote:

but mind games of this nature never work out. they are just ways of hurting
others.

Mind games of this nature can work out very well if you actually want to hurt someone though.

It seems much more likely to me that she has no intention of actually going through with such an arrangement, he's just failed to back of so she's started to consider him an enemy, and is acting accordingly.

jenzz

could you do me a favour please ? .... ask her what drugs shes on cos i would love some of them too :eek: is she like so living on a different planet ????

jdrtdkvnv wrote:

I love my Ex GF to death-We broke up recently- and i want her back- but she wont have me back(we broke up cos i kissed someone else when i was drunk)

The other day after many texts calls and flowers she told me to back off and said that the only way she would go near me again was as a sex buddy. I thought about this and figured that maybe the constant closeness would be a way of getting her back.

Then she told me the rules:

No kissing,No eye contact,No talking before or after sex

If talking persists theres to be No talking about relationships or potential partners

No hugging

If i dont give her sex at least twice a week she will replace me

Once finished you get up and leave at once

If i have other partners im not to slep with her the same day as i sleep with her

I mean WTF- how the hell am i ment to get her back if she wont even let me kiss her- Im just supposed to be a sex robot no emotion or anying-I cant be like that with someone i love- Our sex used to be so passionate and loving- and now im just ment to **** her and go?

estar

Talliesin wrote:

Mind games of this nature can work out very well if you actually want to hurt someone though.

It seems much more likely to me that she has no intention of actually going through with such an arrangement, he's just failed to back of so she's started to consider him an enemy, and is acting accordingly.

it definitely doesnt look like he is going to get her back anyway

and for her sake i hope that you are right and she is just angry and wouldnt go through with it

but mind games are never a good idea, and actually just pro-long recovery time

the OP should learn from this experience

the person you used have passionate love making with

is now so angry with you that they suggest that all love making between
you be reduced to something totally impersonal.

and this is because you cheated.

note to OP : apologise to your ex and then leave her alone.

next time you are in a loving relationship dont cheat.

dont get drunk, and kiss someone by mistake.

as once something like that is out there.

you can't take it back and make it like it was with words and a bunch of flowers.

learn and move on.

Talliesin

estar wrote:

but mind games are never a good idea, and actually just pro-long recovery time

Oh they could.

If he cops on and leaves her alone, then she gets what she wants, and it'll have worked.

If he doesn't cop on and says he'll go along with this plan, and she laughs in his face, and he then cops on, then it'll have worked.

If he doesn't cop on and keeps pestering her, then it probably didn't make things any worse.

It's only if it's not mind games (which is to say, if she actually does think that the above is a good way to arrange a sex-buddy situation) that it could have problems from her point of view.

I disagree that mind games never work, they can be a very effective way of hurting an enemy which in turn could very well get them out of your life. They could make things worse, but they can work as well.

It's only when you don't actually want someone out of your life that they are always a bad idea.

Knockoff Nige

I think you should go out and buy yourself a leesh and a rubber bone. If you're considering this then you're as important to her as a house pet. (not saying she's into the whole beastiality thing even if she's acting like it). Grow a pair of balls and get yourself another woman. This girl needs medical attention.

Would a guy even make such rules? I can understand the no sleeping over or no talking (lol) but the rest of the demands are outrageous.

littlemizz

man thats seriously fcuked up!:eek: she is on some mad power trip and clearly wants to control you. dont go 4 it your only hurting yourself in the long run, run away far far away and get yourself someone who really apriciates your love!

LegacyUser

im loving the way HE cheated on her and she is the bad guy

Typical!

Caliden

Tell her to go fcuk herself. That's rediculous

SarahSassy

Well, she is either going to

a) Let you have sex with her, give you the 'ride' of your life and then dump you all over again.... She will do this to give you a taste of what you can never have again

b) Turn you into her gimp, have you naked, dressed in her fishnet stocking and tied naked to her bed.. She will then take photos of you and walk off with your clothes under her arms...

Either way you are f'd. The relationship is over cos you cheated on her and she is trying to get revenge.... Strange way but in any event you are only the puppet here and will be dumped by her for good.

HashSlinging

IF you liked her so much you shouldnt have been with someone else.

Nevyn

unhelpful and off topice posts will get you banned from this froum
read the charter and abide by the rules while posting.
Have a nice day
Thaedydal

Dragan

First off you being a plank about it OP. Stop being told what to do, even if you are getting laid out of it.

Second, while the whole sex buddy ideal is a fantastic invention it's normally stupid to do it with someone you have been previously emotionally involved with.

I have done the whole sex buddy thing, and it's awesome, but i imagine having already had a romantic entanglement with the person in question would really mess that up?

DD

Man, i think shes messing with you, shes angry and she wants to hurt u, so ur only the f..k buddy now ).
[QUOTE=jdrtdkvnv|
I mean WTF- how the hell am i ment to get her back if she wont even let me kiss her- Im just supposed to be a sex robot no emotion or anying-I cant be like that with someone i love- Our sex used to be so passionate and loving- and now im just ment to **** her and go?[/QUOTE]

You said ur sex used to be passionate and loving, so .... do u really think she will call u over just for some sex robot.
Thats my opinion and im pretty sure its like this. She's still hurt, she doesn't want to lose you and she knows that u want her back. If she can forgive u, u will get her back .

Wish u the best

jdrtdkvnv wrote:

I love my Ex GF to death-We broke up recently- and i want her back- but she wont have me back(we broke up cos i kissed someone else when i was drunk)
Then she told me the rules:
No kissing,No eye contact,No talking before or after sex
No hugging
If i dont give her sex at least twice a week she will replace me
Once finished you get up and leave at once
If i have other partners im not to slep with her the same day as i sleep with her

echosound

This sounds like revenge/punishment, pure and simple. She wants to hurt you after you hurt her, and she thinks that by letting you get a taste of what you had, but acting so coldly and impersonally towards you, she will make you feel used and leave you with your head wrecked and wanting more, wanting the relationship you had (before you cheated on her). The mind works in wierd ways, and this sounds like it's her way to get back at you and hurt you for what you did. If you are trying to get back with her, it's even more of a hurt/revenge thing - she's trying to keep you down and hurt, and let you know you "will never have a relationship with me again" and make you feel pathetic and worthless, and what she described in her "rules" sounds like the perfect way to accomplish that.

It's total revenge and control she's after, I can tell you. Steer well clear and cut contact, stop chasing her, and get on with your life, I know it sounds hard now, but believe me, you will get over this sooner if you just cut ties now rather than drag things out in some horrible warped revenge tactic on her part.

azezil

Sounds like an ideal arrangement to me!

mostlycircles

Ok. I cant believe you even have to think about this option...

Firstly, you should not have cheated, whether you were drunk or not makes no difference. She definitely has no right to suggest the whole "sex buddies" thing though... thats just purely degrading.


I reackon you just forget about her and move on.
I think you wouldnt have cheated if you really felt THAT strongly about her...

Just sex never works by the way (in my own opinion)...what will probably happen is that you will either fall more in love with her due to the whole "wanting what you cant have" thing..and she will want to distance herself even more...or you might realise what a horrible horrible person she is for even suggesting this, and have wasted your time and feelings.

It wont work...either way it'll end badly for you so please do yourself the favour and get out of there now.

A friend of mine was in the same situation...where she wanted her boyfriend back (but she didint cheat) But he wasnt having any of it other than if they were to be f*ck buddies... she went for it and they had sex a couple of times a week and everytime she was left hoping that they might get back together...then he ended up with a new GF and she was left eith and STI and a broken heart.


Dont do it!! Hope u make the right choice...

mostlycircles

Ok. I cant believe you even have to think about this option...

Firstly, you should not have cheated, whether you were drunk or not makes no difference. She definitely has no right to suggest the whole "sex buddies" thing though... thats just purely degrading.


I reackon you just forget about her and move on.
I think you wouldnt have cheated if you really felt THAT strongly about her...

Just sex never works by the way (in my own opinion)...what will probably happen is that you will either fall more in love with her due to the whole "wanting what you cant have" thing..and she will want to distance herself even more...or you might realise what a horrible horrible person she is for even suggesting this, and have wasted your time and feelings.

It wont work...either way it'll end badly for you so please do yourself the favour and get out of there now.

A friend of mine was in the same situation...where she wanted her boyfriend back (but she didint cheat) But he wasnt having any of it other than if they were to be f*ck buddies... she went for it and they had sex a couple of times a week and everytime she was left hoping that they might get back together...then he ended up with a new GF and she was left eith and STI and a broken heart.


Dont do it!! Hope u make the right choice...