The haunted ex

LegacyUser

I'm not a big fan of these new sites such as bibo, myspace etc but I have an account with Facebook which seems to be about the most popular social site going these days. I only set up my account in the last couple of months. Anyway, An ex of mine who I dated for 2 years sent me one of those 'Add me to your friends list' emails from Facebook there recently and I decided not to accept her invitation as I had broken off all contact with her for about a year now and i'm doing grand. We broke up 2 years ago. The site allows you to view the other persons profile and I spotted that she has been dating a guy for about a year now and even had a link to his page himself.

To be perfectly honest I haven't had feelings for this girl at all for a long long time, in fact I have pretty much gone through whole days if not weeks without even thinking about her at all. The funny or strange thing is though from looking at this site and knowing that she is with someone else now just makes me feel really lonely all of a sudden and I don't really understand why, because I fell out of love with this girl a long time ago.

I know a friend of mine who dated a girl for about 5 years, broke up and then a few years after that met her in a bar with her new boyfriend, he was with someone else at the time and didn't really think about his ex at all. He had to leave the pub cause he felt so sick.

I just thought i'd share this. Does anyone have any similar experiences they can relate to. I know its probably just a knee jerk reaction....

Zillah

I take it you're not with anyone at the moment? If thats the case then you probably just feel a little awkward at the fact that she's found someone and you haven't. I'd say it says more about how you feel about your life as opposed to how you feel about her. Nothing to be ashamed of, by the way, but its easy to judge yourself like that.

bronte

I think it's fairly normal to feel that way when you run into someone you were once very close to.
It can hurt like hell to see them with someone else..particularly maybe when they did the dumping.
You just hope that there will come a day where you can see them and feel nothing...no regret..no lonliness..just happy that they've found someone else.

LegacyUser

'Cheers Zilla. I think you have hit the nail on the head there with that one. I am single at the moment so I guess its a bit of an ol kick in the ego to find out that the ex is with someone and I'm not currently. Only a matter of time before I do find someone I guess.'

Dave147

Nothing to worry about here, I would have accepted her friendship tho, it's just easier doesn't mean you have to talk to her or look at her profile. I broke up with my ex a year ago before my 21st cos I fell out of love with her, and she hooked up with a guy I hated from her class in college a MONTH after. Even though I didn't have feelings for her it still made me sick because she WAS mine before. I still talk to her via text and online every now and again.

I haven't had a girlfriend as such since, have met girls but nothing serious, but I know there's someone out there for me and just have to patience to wait.

Hellm0

I had similar experiances with an ex who cheated on me before I met my current girlfriend. It passes.

Clare Bear

bronte wrote:

I think it's fairly normal to feel that way when you run into someone you were once very close to.
It can hurt like hell to see them with someone else..particularly maybe when they did the dumping.
You just hope that there will come a day where you can see them and feel nothing...no regret..no lonliness..just happy that they've found someone else.

I agree....and maybe it will always hurt a little bit but you'll have moved on and found someone better so it won't bother you as much. Best of luck OP, I know it's a horrible sick to the stomach situation to be in.

microgirl

thehauntedpast wrote:

I'm not a big fan of these new sites such as bibo, myspace etc but I have an account with Facebook which seems to be about the most popular social site going these days. I only set up my account in the last couple of months. Anyway, An ex of mine who I dated for 2 years sent me one of those 'Add me to your friends list' emails from Facebook there recently and I decided not to accept her invitation as I had broken off all contact with her for about a year now and i'm doing grand. We broke up 2 years ago. The site allows you to view the other persons profile and I spotted that she has been dating a guy for about a year now and even had a link to his page himself.

To be perfectly honest I haven't had feelings for this girl at all for a long long time, in fact I have pretty much gone through whole days if not weeks without even thinking about her at all. The funny or strange thing is though from looking at this site and knowing that she is with someone else now just makes me feel really lonely all of a sudden and I don't really understand why, because I fell out of love with this girl a long time ago.

I know a friend of mine who dated a girl for about 5 years, broke up and then a few years after that met her in a bar with her new boyfriend, he was with someone else at the time and didn't really think about his ex at all. He had to leave the pub cause he felt so sick.

I just thought i'd share this. Does anyone have any similar experiences they can relate to. I know its probably just a knee jerk reaction....

I'd go with knee-jerk

In my experience, both direct and observed in friends, this is perfectly normal. The feeling awkward/lonely/down, even a little jealous and angry when you see your ex for the first time with someone new.

My first serious ex, I broke up with him, I was young and it wasn't right, and we were grand. Should have broken off contact for his sake, as it took him a lot longer to get over me, but anyway, we stayed friends. Couple of years later, I'm well over him, certainly don't want to get back, and he's moved on emotionally from me, although we're both still single. I discover another mutual friend of ours really likes him. Bit of probing discovers he likes her too. Neither know this about the other, so I do some match-making, well pleased with myself

It works out and they hook up, and out of the blue I'm gutted. Absolutely distraught, sick to my stomach, and can't handle it at all, despite knowing perfectly well intellectually that I have no problem with this. Emotions and psychology are very funny things. Took me a couple of months to get used to it, especially when he moved down to Cork 3 months after hooking up with her and they had milestones that we never had, but I did get used to it and it was all good. Feelings and intellectual knowledge are often light-years apart. Don't analyse it too much and it'll go away. Accept the feelings, they're valid, but you also know that you don't actually care deeply for this girl any more, so the feelings of awkwardness and loneliness are just chemica.

The above lad is now going out with someone else for the last 3 years, someone absolutely, unbelieveably perfect for him, and I had no problems with it whatsoever

Also, it'll get better when you've been with someone new yourself.

tbh

thehauntedpast wrote:

I'm not a big fan of these new sites such as bibo, myspace etc but I have an account with Facebook which seems to be about the most popular social site going these days. I only set up my account in the last couple of months. Anyway, An ex of mine who I dated for 2 years sent me one of those 'Add me to your friends list' emails from Facebook there recently and I decided not to accept her invitation as I had broken off all contact with her for about a year now and i'm doing grand. We broke up 2 years ago. The site allows you to view the other persons profile and I spotted that she has been dating a guy for about a year now and even had a link to his page himself.

To be perfectly honest I haven't had feelings for this girl at all for a long long time, in fact I have pretty much gone through whole days if not weeks without even thinking about her at all. The funny or strange thing is though from looking at this site and knowing that she is with someone else now just makes me feel really lonely all of a sudden and I don't really understand why, because I fell out of love with this girl a long time ago.

I know a friend of mine who dated a girl for about 5 years, broke up and then a few years after that met her in a bar with her new boyfriend, he was with someone else at the time and didn't really think about his ex at all. He had to leave the pub cause he felt so sick.

I just thought i'd share this. Does anyone have any similar experiences they can relate to. I know its probably just a knee jerk reaction....

I have two bits of good news for you.

1. You're Human!

2. This will pass.

Pyjamarama

Social networking sites are evil for this type of thing especially because for most people they want to give off the impression that their life is absolutely perfect and exciting as they know people such as their ex's may come across it!

You always get the kneejerk kick in the stomach feeling when you find your ex has moved on (even if you've moved on a long time before them). It is strange because it even happens when you have absolutely no feelings for the person. Think it's probably the worst for the first person they date after you because you think about the stuff that you've shared with that person and that they are going on to experience similar things with this new person. Rambling now but it was something I wondered about myself!

Aura

Block her account to avoid lapses. Do not unblock and go back to living your life. It's natural to feel like this but if she hasn't been on your mind for a long time now it's probably just a passing pang of jealousy.

Latchy

It's funny and a bit of topic but i can so relate to the OP and others about seeing sombody you had a relationship or friendship with being with sombody else .

My Story

About a year ago on another forum similer to this , i made friends with a female (33) and it all started with just posting about varios topics .Like me,she was a regualr poster and then out of the blue on day i got a pm saying 'feel free to pm me anytime '. So naturaly curious i did and over a period of many months we would pm each other , days from our jobs and most evenings from home.She told me all about her life,(she was english ) as i did to , and not wanting to tell a load of lies like ie, i am single, available etc, i told her i was in a relationship ,2 kids and everything that goes with it but it would be true to say we were both flirting with each other , and as the months went along and we discovered more about each other and our intrests and hobbies , we both felt we had made a connection of sorts.

She was single ,good job in dublin and not dating anybody at the time so we in a sense became good friends and good company for each other .I felt i was becoming very much attached to this person ,without knowing what she looked like and she hinted that she to was feeling the same .I was also aware that (tecnically) what i as doing was wrong ,but as it was private and we werent actually seen each other in person , i felt it was ok as she did . My partner worked evenings so it was easier to just log in without any akwardness .I started to feel guilty ,and at the same time was telling myself this was just friendship ,but i realised i was becoming emotionally attached to this womon ,and then when we started to text and phone reguarly (her job took her around ireland and the uk ) i realised i /we weer threading on dangerous ground ,so reluctently (in the sense that i was afraid to lose her friendship ) i told her we had to tone this down and while we could still pm a little ,we would have to stop the texting and phoning (yes i know it was wrong ) but dont forget ,we both did not know what the other looked like nor did we care .I somtimes felt she was lonley (as i somtimes felt myself ) and she would ask me for advice on this or that ,so it was easy to see how when sombody confides in you like she did how your emotions can take over.
When she eventually told me she was dating sombody i knew we would not be chatting as much as we would and i felt physically sick .Yes i know it sounds daft as i was already in a relationship , but one has to rememeber this was sombody i got to know over a period of a year and felt so close to .I still dont know what she looks like and probley never will, if not she will always be the mystery womon who came into my life and brought a smile to my face and i discovered feelings which i did not know one could have for a stranger .

Thank you for letting me tell my story .

Spoony2

we all experence, it man no point letting it get you down.

I for one have had it and at the start my heat was pounding
my hands where shaking.

but being honest we got past that we text we talk we have a laugh and we still argue. Bu at the end of it we try to avoid argueing and we just talk now man serously i really enjoy haveing her in my life again. ...

it just take time man you should except her as a friend it will help you move on.