Any help please....

Spoony2

Hi everyone hows it all going ?


Lack of a better word, im a bit lost i useually do try to sort my own problems out, with out any one interfearence but maybe your advice/experence would just help the problems, Issues , I'l call them niggels. That are going on around me unfortunatly its a woman problemand its one that wont go away unless i decide its the right thing to do.

I meet this girl this time last year. we texted each other a lot but at the time i was insecure about my self, now im way more confident, we agreed to meet up and played some pool that kinda thing, just to get to know each other. The next day she anounced that she was getting ivolved in a reletionship with some other dude fare enough I say, then breaks up with him and goes of with some other dude, I decide no point hangin around ireland so i head to the Caribbean:D sweet i know, any way she made a lot of attempts to contact me which i did reply to her, and now im back ive alot more time to talk to her and stuff.

The thing is I can't help but feel that there is something between us and i no for a fact that there is, We do flirt quite alot with each other over emails and text's and msn and when i say wooo chill out she syas what's the harm its only talking which leads me to think she is serously unsatisfied with her own life and her boyfriend and that I'm some sort of excitement because i am an exciteing person. I live a life that people would be jelous of and shes even said i wish i have your life, My darkist desires are that I want to see her and i dont really want to ask her simply because she migh take it the wrong way or rejection and it could open some sort of messy triangle.

I've met other women, things go ok but useually the eather talk about drugs or soem thing boreing or just I dont feel connection like the one I get with this other girl.


I do really enjoy talking to her and it was'nt intentoinal for what happened at first she felt like some one who was just a friend but as time wnet on and when i found out what had happened the first thing i thaught was maggie bye rod stewert. But i think she was the reason why i went away it did hit me hard becasue i did like her and i was hurt so i put distance on her buaght a ticket and went and i dont think she know should i tell her?

one thing i would like to say is , I like her for her personality and the fact that shes a giggle. But she still with this other dude I dont really want to get a involved in a triangle, because that's way to messed up for my likein i keep sh1t simple, well try . Except this obvously ...

One more thing, when i first met her i acted on impulse now a days I'm a lot more Rational about things. So she does'nt really no the new me,
i dunno if that make sence i hope it does.

Thank's for you time

Knockoff Nige

Firstly, your responsibility it to not to allow her to cheat with you on her boyfriend. 1 is as bad as another in these situations. Its just not fair on the boyfriend.

Secondly, if she's not happy, she needs to find out what she wants before trying to hook up with you.

If there is one piece of advice I'd give to anyone its : Dont steal someone elses boy/girlfriend. Its a disgusting thing to do.

biko

1. Spell check your post - was a hard read.
2. You say you are an exciting person, maybe this is what draws her? Is it love or simply an "out" from a dull life?
3. If you two decide to give it a go, make sure she breaks up with her bf before you do anything. Cheating is a bastard thing to do.

Spoony2

biko wrote:

1. Spell check your post - was a hard read.

I'm sorry i have diffcultys in grammer and spelling!
I also dont have word on this computer for that i apolidgise.

biko wrote:

2. You say you are an exciting person, maybe this is what draws her? Is it love or simply an "out" from a dull life?

Well im a bright person, I do live an exciteing life. I have no idea I can make her laugh, and she makes me laugh. which i like plus she constantly tell's me she beleave's in me ......

biko wrote:

3. If you two decide to give it a go, make sure she breaks up with her bf before you do anything. Cheating is a bastard thing to do.

hey man i dont do cheating its wrong and dishonerable, and i lose self respect for my self never mind any one else. Id like to point out that i did said that i like to keep my life simple. which would mean cheating etc .

Wibbs

Knockoff Nige wrote:

Firstly, your responsibility it to not to allow her to cheat with you on her boyfriend. 1 is as bad as another in these situations. Its just not fair on the boyfriend.

Agreed.

Secondly, if she's not happy, she needs to find out what she wants before trying to hook up with you.

Very much agreed. While there are examples of people going straight from one relationship to another and it working out, it's not that common, especially if the boyfriend is a long term thing.

It's a funny one and there's no way in hell you can make up a formula for this kind of thing, but this is just what I have observed and the usual caveats apply. I would say that the new relationships that do work and start straight after an old one fall broadly into a few categories. The first is where the old relationship is not going for very long. The second is where the couples involved are in their teens or early twenties. The third is where the old relationship is a very long termer that isn't going anywhere and one partner is looking for an out as they've technically left the relationship long before(A tad cowardly that, so caution can be needed). Most important that the new relationship isn't sought as a replacement for the old or a way to get over the old. Again these are very broad strokes and every single relationship stands or falls on it's own merits.

The other thing to think on is that past behaviour all too often informs future actions. If this woman is seeing someone and is still pulling the flirty thing to the extent you believe she is, then she is far more likely to do that to you, with someone new, when any relationship you may have in the future starts to go stale. I have seen this time and time again, both within my own relationships and those of friends.

Put it another way if I was starting to get something on with someone and I knew how she ended her previous relationships(unless they were abusive etc), it would tell me a lot about how she was likely to end ours or react to difficulty in ours. I judge someone's character nearly as much on how they treat those they decide to leave, as to how they may treat me when it's all going well.

If there is one piece of advice I'd give to anyone its : Dont steal someone elses boy/girlfriend. Its a disgusting thing to do.

Bad manners indeed and it nearly always ends badly, usually for the reasons above. Some call it karma and all that jazz, but it's more down to the above; past behaviour all too often informs future actions.

Spoony2

Wibbs wrote:

Agreed.

Very much agreed. While there are examples of people going straight from one relationship to another and it working out, it's not that common, especially if the boyfriend is a long term thing.

It's a funny one and there's no way in hell you can make up a formula for this kind of thing, but this is just what I have observed and the usual caveats apply. I would say that the new relationships that do work and start straight after an old one fall broadly into a few categories. The first is where the old relationship is not going for very long. The second is where the couples involved are in their teens or early twenties. The third is where the old relationship is a very long termer that isn't going anywhere and one partner is looking for an out as they've technically left the relationship long before(A tad cowardly that, so caution can be needed). Most important that the new relationship isn't sought as a replacement for the old or a way to get over the old. Again these are very broad strokes and every single relationship stands or falls on it's own merits.

Thank you so much for such precise and well analised comment its so true what you have said there and thank you. You have explained what i could not.

and i agree with all of what you have said about the 3 main reason's because that's it. all three of them in one.

Wibbs wrote:

The other thing to think on is that past behaviour all too often informs future actions. If this woman is seeing someone and is still pulling the flirty thing to the extent you believe she is, then she is far more likely to do that to you, with someone new, when any relationship you may have in the future starts to go stale. I have seen this time and time again, both within my own relationships and those of friends.

Yep but then again these Guys are not me , I have the biggist advantage tho. I've seen how these guys have more or less failed, I hope i don't come across as a physco. My biggist joy in life is haveing fun granted soemthings i liek others would'nt and opsit but i dont sit arouund watching tv all the time.....

Wibbs wrote:

Put it another way if I was starting to get something on with someone and I knew how she ended her previous relationships(unless they were abusive etc), it would tell me a lot about how she was likely to end ours or react to difficulty in ours. I judge someone's character nearly as much on how they treat those they decide to leave, as to how they may treat me when it's all going well.
Bad manners indeed and it nearly always ends badly, usually for the reasons above. Some call it karma and all that jazz, but it's more down to the above; past behaviour all too often informs future actions.

I agree with everything you say there mate.

Thank you so much for that post