2yr old bully

Deliverance

My lovely little 2yr old girl has an evil streak, she is bullying her 3-4month younger cousin a lot. The scary thing is she tends to push, slap and attack her little counterpart when she thinks no-body is watching. Plus she dominates her, telling her not to do this or that in accordance with the parents wishes ie: when a parent says don't, my little one dives in and tells her cousin NO DON'T DO THAT!

Her little cousin is as gentle as they come and is unlikely to retaliate. Tis not a big deal to me really, I would like to see her cousin fight back but she is to gentle to do so. I don't want my lil one turn into a bully. I personally think that it is a teritorial thing as the cousin is of similar age and maybe imposing on my little ones territory.
Anybody else have experience of this and how to deal with it as such? Thanks.

karen3212

In my own experience with a nephew and niece, I had to watch them like a hawk when they were together. There is too much of an age gap, and the two year old could really hurt his cousin. The children haven't a clue why they are doing what they are doing, I would say it is some kind of jealousy.

I have seen my nephew try and strangle his sister and could really have hurt her if I hadn't been there. I hope others have better advice for you, but for me it was standing between and just stopping my nephew as soon as he started at his sister.

BostonB

Its a phase they go through. IMO.

bostonian

the younger cousin will get nasty as a result. whether or not this is a good thing is debatable.

were this my kid, "no" would only be the warning shot... but you do as you see fit.

Davidth88

Slapping is a behaviour you have to stop right away !

I am no child expert, there are people on the board much more experienced than me so Ill leave it to them to offer advise

deisemum

Deliverance wrote:

My lovely little 2yr old girl has an evil streak, she is bullying her 3-4month younger cousin a lot. The scary thing is she tends to push, slap and attack her little counterpart when she thinks no-body is watching.

Her little cousin is as gentle as they come and is unlikely to retaliate. Tis not a big deal to me really,

You need to start making it a bigger deal than you have been. Toddlers are very smart and she's possibly picked up that it's not a big deal like you say. How would you feel if your daughter had an older cousin that repeated hit and hurt her?

For a start watch her like a hawk whenever they're together. Even if she doesn't understand why she's hitting out etc you need to keep reinforcing that it's wrong to hit or hurt other people. It's often down to frustration at not being very good at being able to vocally express herself. A lot of parenting is repetition and reinforcing stuff over and over and educating children on how to behave and modify their behaviour. Sometimes if one method doesn't work then try something else. Most children will outgrow it especially if parents are proactive in dealing with their behaviour.

Experienced childcare or preschool workers can often identify children who will grow up and bully their way through the education system and also in the workplace.

At the very first sign of her starting to push or similar remove her from the situation. Give her a warning even if it's something like if you are not nice to your cousin then we'll go home (if you're at cousin's house) and get her cousin's parent on board and have it prearranged that cousin and parent will leave if at your home.

If you give warnings of what you'll do if she misbehaves and you don't follow through then you're not teaching her anything positive except that she'll know what you say means nothing and she wont learn anything about consequences. You're the parent so it's up to you to teach her how to behave. No harm getting her aunt or uncle to pull her up anytime she hits or pushes her cousin.

Also make a big fuss of the cousin everytime she's attacked and also if your daughter plays without hitting or hurting her cousin give her plenty of praise.

Children will often misbehave when they want attention and don't mind getting told off if it means they get that attention.

silverharp

one for the naughty step, egg timer 2minutes

Deliverance

Thanks for all the advice I will crack down on this behaviour as suggested, it makes sense. Even if it is just a phase I guess it won't do any good to just hope it will go away. Thanks again.

deisemum

It's easier to deal with now before it becomes a habit than when they're older. No one gets it right 100% of the time, it's all a learning curve. Being consistent is important

Mine are at a nice phase but the teenage years are looming very close.:(

Deliverance

deisemum wrote:

It's easier to deal with now before it becomes a habit than when they're older. No one gets it right 100% of the time, it's all a learning curve. Being consistent is important

Mine are at a nice phase but the teenage years are looming very close.:(

Thanks for the good advice, I dread the teenage yrs myself and they are years away yet, good luck with that. Totally agree about consistency we are slaves to habit at the end of the day.

DinoBot

My little fella is almost 2yrs and is going through the same thing. We have to watch him very carefully, especially when he is tired. We have been trying the "naughty step" technique and he has responded very well to it.

Maybe we should get together and let our kids fight it out, really get it out of their system

squire1

Three cheers for the naughty step (or naughty mat in my case as we live in a bungalow).

We recently started using it for our two year old and he has responed very well. He was being a bully to his younger brother and having nasty tantrums when he was given out to about it. We had tried the calm approach by talking to him and explaining that what he was doing was wrong and hoping that he would stop without punishment but to no avail. The naughty mat for two minutes at a time has yielded great results within a few weeks of use.

He seems much happier recently and I'm starting to feel that he is actually happy now that he can learn which lines he is allowed to cross and which lines he cannot cross. It is a learning process for him.

When he does something wrong he is told what he has done that is wrong and put on the mat in a calm manner. After the two minutes we tell him that the naughty mat is over and explain again why we used it, making sure he understands.

Jaden

The naughty step is a good idea. 1 minute per year is a useful rule of thumb for timing.

Bullying behaviour is bad, and needs to be addressed ASAP. I have had success in this matter with a "stare down" technique. Simply put, when the two children in question are first put together in a session, stand behind the weaker child, and stare down the bully if he/she attempts to act in an intimidating manner. Small children intrinsically seem to understand the association and adjust behaviour accordingly.

BostonB

Naughty step or zone, can be anything anywhere. Works well here too. Time out for favorite toys works too. From what I've seen in our kids and others hitting/bulling is a phase that most kids go through in one form or another.