Cant stop getting hurt

LegacyUser

Tried to write a backstory here, but it really doesnt make a difference, so Ill just jump in.
Whenever I find a girl I like, I idealise the hell out of them. I build them up to a level that no one can expect out of them. I think of nothing else but them, and the fantasies (not dirty) that I expect out of them, ie. declarations of love etc. I know it sounds really pathetic, but theres absolutely nothing I can do to end this.
This year in college Ive made an entirely new group of friends, Ive become more involved in clubs, Ive even started to work out to try and build my self confidence. Still, when Im with my friends Im a completely different person to when Im alone. Right now Im actually crying because a girl I thought was actually interested in me ignored me for the past few days.
No matter what I do, I keep on idealising these girls to the point where I think each girl that I actually have feelings for, I see a future with. I know life doesnt start and end with the opposite sex, but girls are the only way I actually feel better about myself. But no matter what I do I know Im never going to be happy. Any girl that I feel anything towards seems to want nothing to do with me.
I cant stop getting hurt. I hardly even know what Im trying to say. I just want to take people at face level. Right now it seems like the most impossible thing in the world.

DeVore

'"but girls are the only way I actually feel better about myself."

That has to change. Its a cliche but you cant love someone if you dont love yourself. It sounds like you are 19? right? If so, dont panic, you are still maturing and its a dead weird time. Try and relax, build up a social life and decide you are going to be single for a while and just have fun. You are in college, its one of the best times of your life. Revel in it and if someone comes along great, but this is time for YOU to enjoy yourself.

DeV.'

py2006

thissucks wrote:

Any girl that I feel anything towards seems to want nothing to do with me.

I hear ya brother! I should really get a t-shirt with that on it! You want one?

Seriously though, don't stress! Take things easier and not so seriously! When your least expecting it and looking for it then it will happen!

Zombrex

thissucks wrote:

I cant stop getting hurt. I hardly even know what Im trying to say. I just want to take people at face level. Right now it seems like the most impossible thing in the world.

You clearly have a lot of issues about self-esteem and use these fantasies to make yourself feel better about yourself. I would imagine you are not particularly happy and insecure. It is, after all, much easier to have a fantasy relationship than a real one and you can almost become addicted to the rush that this gives you. And when reality takes over this rush vanishes and you come crashing back down to Earth. Which is why you are crying because a girl you don't even know well appears to be ignoring you.

Go see a councilor and try and work out why you do this. It probably relates back to insecurity in childhood.

MagnumForce

Hell, the exact same thing has been happening to me for years, meet a girl, like her too much, end up falling completly in love with her, crushing pain, all that crap. The worst part is, even the ones who've liked me aswell have never wanted to actually be with me either. And trust me thats much worse. But you can't really let these things get you down, I let it get me down for years but finally I stopped allowing myself to get worked up and depressed over it and got on with life. There was an incident in which it happened and I almost lost two very good friends, and I had to just stop feeling what I was feeling. (turns out the girl involved was a mad schitzophrenic bitch anyway, but thats another story) It's still annoying of course, but whatchya gonna do?

Marksie

You are projecting your lack of self love on others. De vore has the cliche juts about correct. To maintain a well balanced outlook on relationships you first have to be accepting of who you are.

In your case OP you are desperately seeking someone who will show you the love you don't really have for yourself, you are projecting that onto others in an idealised fashion throwing all your emotions in at them and essentially moving into a fantasy you have that the love returned will somehow cure all the negativity you have about yourself. It may manifest as being overkeen, clingy, possessive as that is how they will see it.

You youreslf have, in the last comment of your post, highlighted what you should be doing.. taking people at face value.

Examine your behaviour pattern and you will find it comes from your own lack of self worth. That is the starting point for you to make changes.