Kinda scared and very confused

LegacyUser

I really need to get this off my chest...

I was with a guy for a few years and lived with him throughout the relationship. About 6 months back I broke up with him due to the mental stress he was placing on me. I won't go into details but I will say I'm still very angry and bitter towards him, even though I'm trying my best to be civil and work through my anger.
So, a few months ago, I was hanging out with some friends and I suddenly realised that one of them (I'll call him X) was actually one of the nicest, intelligent guys I've ever known and something dawned on me that I actually really faniced him.
One thing leads to another and soon we're having lots of sex, hanging out etc. Now, I always made it perfectly clear that I really didn't want a relationship and X respects that. Except, a few nights ago a thought hit me like a bag of bricks that I may be falling for him.
I don't know what to do. I'm clearly not over my ex and the idea of another relationship sorta freaks me out, but X is a fantastic guy who definitely shouldn't be passed up.
I don't think this is a rebound sort of situation, but I'll hate myself if it is.
Help me! I don't know whether to say this to X or run extremely fast in a different direction! (I know, running away won't solve my problems, but when I get scared I tend to leg it.)

Knockoff Nige

So, your new boyfriend accepts that you dont want a serious relationship, gives you everything else you want and you're scared? Apologies if this is actually insensitive but, enjoy what you've got while you've got it. It might actually turn into everything you want.

ferdi

KindaScared wrote:

but X is a fantastic guy who definitely shouldn't be passed up

then dont. best way to get over someone is to get under another and lets be honest 'fantastic' guys dont exactly grow on trees.:D

Latchy

then dont. best way to get over someone is to get under another and lets be honest 'fantastic' guys dont exactly grow on trees.

I love it ..........:D

Suaimhneach

Just because you've found a great guy doesnt mean you have to have a really serious full on relationship. Take it slow and enjoy the ride...

randylonghorn

ferdi wrote:

then dont. best way to get over someone is to get under another

Nonsense ... climb on top ... we love it, lazy bastids that we are!

Seriously, OP, take deep breaths and ffs don't run away!

I understand perfectly that the relationship you're coming out of has left bruises, and that they are taking time to heal.

I also understand you don't want to jump too quickly into a new serious relationship, and tbh moving too fast into deep water probably wouldn't be a great idea for you, the new guy or your relationship.

But he sounds like a good guy, he's prepared to give you your space, not pressure you ... the last thing you want to do is run away.

Take it slow and easy and light-hearted, enjoy the fun, take it further when / if you're both ready, and at your own pace.

Only thing I would say to you is keep the new guy in the loop ... doesn't necessarily mean weekly big heavy "where are we at?" discussions, in fact must of us simple men hate those! >_>

Just make sure that he has some clue what's going on, and doesn't just give up in dispair because he can't figure it out ... and remember we need clues which are not too subtle!

Carrigart Exile

I agree with everything said so far, enjoy the relationship, let it develop naturally; and you know what its good to see the nice guy get the girl for a change

Dalfiatach

randylonghorn wrote:

Just make sure that he has some clue what's going on, and doesn't just give up in dispair because he can't figure it out ... and remember we need clues which are not too subtle!

This bit is important. Wimmin of Ireland: we do not understand "hints". Your girlfriends will understand what you mean when you make some vague convoluted remark that on the surface has nothing to do with anything.

Your boyfriends will think you are rambling and talking crazy woman talk and ignore it.

Do Not Hint. Just come out and say it in plain language. Believe me, your fella will be more than happy with a frank, blunt conversation just laying things on the line. We hate all that "hinting" stuff.

Half the problems in Irish relationships are down to this, IMNSHO. Women "hint". And too many Irish men can't discuss their emotions.

OP, you have a simple choice here. You can either walk away and stop stringing this fella along until you have sorted you head out (and risk losing him while you are getting over your ex) - or you can decide, right now, to get over what your ex did and grab the chance of happiness with this fella with both hands and to hell with what happened in the past with another person.

Clearer, much?

Manic Moran

Dalfiatach wrote:

This bit is important. Wimmin of Ireland: we do not understand "hints".

Being married to a Yank, I can assure you that this phenomenon is not confined solely to Ireland. I have successfully trained Household 6 to not expect anything except a direct comment to have any impact upon me.

Sorry for the thread hijack. On topic, I don't see what you're complaining about. If you're having a great time, enjoy it. Soon the ex will fade into a dim memory.

NTM

Wibbs

OP it really doesn't sund like a rebound at all. 6 months is a decent amount of time. You may still have lingering scars from your ex, but you are moving on by the sound of it.

I say go for it. Regret makes the worst memories.