Lost my appetite & I want it Back!!

Chrissy

Appetite for SEX that is.

I'm going out with my wonderful partner for 2 years now & I love him to bits & still really fancy the pants off him. (late 20's btw)

The problem is:- our situation means we've had very little opportunity for sex.
Probably only 5-10 times a year.

I'm really unhappy about this, but the real problem is this:-
I've gotten used to it.
When we're in a steamy embrace I find that i'm a bit disinterested, I think it's because my mind has concluded that the embrace won't be going any further!

Also, I find myself holding back now. When we're in the situation where we could cuddle or have a good oul snog, I find myself opting for the cuddle, & trust me, I'm not happy about this.

On the rare occasion where we do have sex, I find myself a bit nervous. The main reason is because it happens so rarely that I think there's a lot of pressure to make it a good one.

In my mind, this is spelling doom & gloom for what is a wonderful relationship from all other aspects.

I really want to have sex with my boyfriend & am quite miserable that it's not happening, but then when there's a chance it could happen, I back away.
(Well, if there's a chance that penetration could happen, it happens, but anything else, I find I let slip by)

My partner just thinks it's something that'll sort itself out when our circumstances change. Sex doesn't seem all that important to him. I think if I didn't book weekends away we'd never have sex, & that he'd be fine living with that.
I know he does really fancy me, he just doesn't make issues out of things.

Anyway, I've taken the drastic action of moving out of home & into a house, which I can prob just about afford.
He won't be moving in with me, but it'll give us our own haven, where we have all the time in the world to do what we want.

But again, I'm nervous, shy even, & this is with my partner of 2 years!!!
Firstly I'm afraid that it won't resolve anything, & instead highlight an even bigger problem, but I suppose it's better I find that out now, rather than later.

Also, I'm so used to holding back now, I'm afraid even in our own space, that I might still hold back.

Sorry this is so long.

How do I get the old me back. How do I get comfortable with my partner again?

Thanks guys, I'm really hoping for some good advice, cos I'm really worried now. This is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, & I don't want to let it slide away from us over something as basic as sex.

Please help.

Mullah

>our situation means we've had very little opportunity for sex<

>My partner just thinks it's something that'll sort itself out when our circumstances change<

You need to elaborate on this a little, I think.

Chrissy

Nothing much to elaborate on tbh.

We're both living at home with our parents.
Both parents are of the sort:- 'not under our roof'

The only chance we get for sex, is a night away in a hotel, or the odd 5 minute quicky after a disco, where we've barely enough time to take our clothes off.
Just try to get the deed done before we're found out.

As for the 2nd comment:-
My bf realises the situ isn't great, but he's not very proactive, more like one of these 'stick your head in the sand' types.

We're in the process of building our own home (very early stages though), so although he knows the lack of sex is an issue, he can see an end to our troubles in sight.

So can I, but I'm so afraid that if it doesn't get sorted now, by the time that comes round I'll run away at the sight of a willy!!!

I can just feel my libido getting lower & lower & lower every day. This is having an affect on my confidence & everything else.
I even found myself making an uncalled for snide comment to my partner over the weekend, & I don't want to let thhat happen again.
It isn't his fault we're in the situation we're in.

In a previous relationship, my libido dropped (more because I wasn't really into the partner very much anymore). I never got it back for that relationship. Wasn't interested in it in the slightest, I just performed my gf duty for the sake of the relationship.

I'm terrified that'll happen again unless I do something about it.

Maybe he's just not that sexual a person?

Do you really never even have a free house?
Try an attempt at some type of sexual beahaviour whether it be a steamy kiss or more at least once or twice a week and see how you get on and when you feel disinterested as you put ask yourself why?

You need to get this part of your relationship working as its an integral part of what will keep you together in the long term
2 years together is a very short time togther in the long run especially as you say this problem has been from the get go due to circumstances...

Seraphina

take matters into your own hands more often.
when you're bored, even if you dont feel like it much.
the more you orgasm, the more you want it.
it'll mean you're more used to the sensations when things DO happen between yis, and you'll be more at home and comfortable with them.

Latchy

Hi OP it's amazing to think there are many guys who would love to have a girlfriend like you ,and i am not making light of your situation by no means but it reminds me of when i was in my 20s .I was over a period of a few years dating several girls (not all at once ) and found that when it came to intimacy and sex , i was always holding back .Looking back now it was the 80s and although my sex drive was as normal as the next guys ,i still had a hang up about sex ,probley due to the whole morality/religious thing and not feeling comfortable entirley with the opposite sex.I was brought up in a one parent house ,mother being the dominent force and also had 3 older sisters so maybe i found the the influence of all the female around a bit oppressive (not as sexist as it sounds ) .Looking back now i realise all the fun and excitement i missed out on , and tried (and did ) make up for lost time in my 30s and 40s when i felt more liberated lol , as you can understand .
Leaving home had a lot to do with it and making my own bd so to speak ,so can understand it if your boyfriend feels inhibited .Some people feel better in more private surroundings than others ...

best of luck with the relationship and hope it works out for both of you in the end .

McGinty

Hi Op

In the past I have been in a similar situation to you in that there was nowhere for sex other than hotels, etc, but to be honest it sounds like your boyfriend has a low sex drive because me and my ex used to book B&B's nearly every weekend, or at least find somewhere. It also sounds like you are initiating the sex when you said you book the hotels, it is possible that it is not your libido that has dropped but your confidence. If you had no or little libido your situation wouldn't bother you, whereas it does and rightly so, you both may have very incompatible sex drives which can be disastrous, I think you are wise to rent a place because you can see how things pan out sexually with your boyfriend. The risk is that you may find out for real that he has a very low drive and it could spell the end of things for you. Personally I feel it is essential to be with someone has a similar drive, and I am not talking about just penetrative sex, but someone who enjoys the same level of intimacy, touching, oral sex, kissing even and other stuff.