Frustrated

LegacyUser

Yeah so I met this guy in July last year and we got along like a house on fire and yeah, basically we talked every day and i eventually fell for him. Hard. Really really hard. I worked up the courage to tell him how I felt this June and we started going out. Then about a month later we went to the same Summer camp thing at which he a sorta didn't acknowledge the fact that we were going out at all. A few days in I asked him why and he said he didn't want a relationship and broke up with me.
Since then I've been getting into really short casual relationships which I never have done before and I've always thought "This is it, this is gonna work" but none have lasted over a month. The reason they never work is mainly because I can't help but compare everything to the relationship I had with the first guy and thinking about how much I'd rather be with him than whoever I'm with at the time, which isn't fair on the other person and is incredibly frustrating for me because I really can't help it.
Various things happened at the summer camp thing that made me feel like **** all the way through it and whenever I think about them and I know that he was an asshole but I still love him and I simply can't get over him.
Any advice as to what the hell I should do? I'm tired of the ghost of my past relationship looming over everything I do..

Knockoff Nige

If he's an asshole, remember him as an asshole. You'll DEFINITELY gety a better relationship from someone else in the future.

Mawg

My mam met my dad when they were 16, they got together for a shot period of time, then broke up because neither of them wanted a serious relationship at that age. They both went their own ways and did the whole "short flings" thing til they were in their early twenties, then got back together and got married. My mam, like you, always says that she always compared the lads she went out with after she was with my dad to him, and none of them were ever as good as him.

... Ok, so my point is that if you still know this person there might be hope for you i the future.

If he is an a$$hole though, don't get hung up on him. Time will take it's course and you'll realise that you don't need him as much as you think you do.

panda100

Hey I know its a real cliche but time really is the best healer.I was in a similar situation to you about four years ago were I was just crazy about this guy,we split up and I thought id never be able to get him out of my head and every guy I went on a date with just fell short. Just over time (two years in my case :P ) memories of him fade and you'll just wake up one morning pretty much forgetting he existed. Itl take time but the main thing to do if you find yourself thinking of him is to just focus on his bad qualities.

Hung Up wrote:

. I worked up the courage to tell him how I felt this June and we started going out...

Yet another example of how making the first move on a guy just ends in tears and heartache........

Knockoff Nige

panda100 wrote:

Hey I know its a real cliche but time really is the best healer.I was in a similar situation to you about four years ago were I was just crazy about this guy,we split up and I thought id never be able to get him out of my head and every guy I went on a date with just fell short. Just over time (two years in my case :P ) memories of him fade and you'll just wake up one morning pretty much forgetting he existed. Itl take time but the main thing to do if you find yourself thinking of him is to just focus on his bad qualities.


Yet another example of how making the first move on a guy just ends in tears and heartache........

Becuase that never happens the other way around? Come off it, you have no idea of his reasons for not wanting to go out with this girl.

Drift

I have to agree with panda on the time thing OP. Just continue on with your life and stop trying to analyse his actions. Don't try to figure out what he was thinking, its not possible. Just concentrate on your own life and thoughts and you'll find that over time you'll start thinking of him less and less. First it'll be a whole evening without thinking of him, then a whole day and then a whole week. It just takes time.

Also I completely disagree with panda when she says it was because you asked him out it almost certainly has nothing to do with this. In any proper relationship who asked whom out has no bearing on the relationship after about the 2nd date.