Loving him, but can't be with him....

LegacyUser

Will try and keep this as short as possible.

I met a guy through work in February that lives in England. We spoke every day online, swapped MSN and mobile numbers and got on incredibly well. We spoke about serious things, joked about and sent each other sweet gifts in the post. I eventually took it upon myself to go over and meet him in person, and he was everything that I thought he would be... Except he told me that he had a girlfriend (he had never mentioned this before) He explained that his relationship was going down the pan quickly, and that he had lost most of his feelings for her... I was gutted, as I had wanted something to happen, but I tried to move on from that night.

When I returned home, he kept up just as much contact with me... if not more so. I have never connected so much with somebody before ever. Every so often he would tell me that him and his girlfriend were almost over and I think I took a lot of hope from that. I made it pretty obvious that I was completely mad into him, and I know that he felt the same, in what he said and done. That continued on for a few more months... He invited me over again, and we spent an entire weekend together, getting on like you would not believe. The attraction between us was unbelievable, and undeniable. We had a long chat that he needs to really sort out whats going on with his girlfriend and he agreed, but gave a bit of background as to why he is being delicate with her, and I understood a bit better.

That was a few weekends ago. We constantly ring, text and chat, and I'm falling more and more in love with him. He keeps bringing up how well we get on togther and flirting with me, but he doesn't seem to take the onus upon himself to finish with his GF. He's one of the truest, nicest people I have ever met, so I know that he is not being mallicious in any way, but maybe he doesn't know how much I like him. Part of me wants to spell in out in some way, almost an ultimatium, but if it went wrong, I couldn't handle losing whatever we now have. I value the friendship too much. Id rather have him in my life and him having a girlfriend, then not having him at all.

Its getting to the stage where I'm crying myself to sleep. When I flew home I felt I was going in the complete wrong direction, and I had the biggest feeling of longing and heartbreak that I have ever felt...

Any views would really help me out.

Thanks

Teddi

hey OP, i dont want to put a dampner on things here...but you said it yourself...

Lets see the facts for what they are. He has a girlfriend which he lied to you about but yet you say he's the truest person you've met?..ok that doesnt ad up there.The fact that he still has a girlfriend and doesnt want to break up with her? ...well....doesnt that seem that he's stringing you along? I mean, id be gone like a shot if someone lied about something like that already having a g/f b/f etc...

I'd sus out whats really going on with him and the g/f before you start making any huge decisions...im sure he's a lovely guy...but the most decieving are.

Hope it goes well for you op..

tEd

Girrrrseach

Teddi wrote:

hey OP, i dont want to put a dampner on things here...but you said it yourself...

Lets see the facts for what they are. He has a girlfriend which he lied to you about but yet you say he's the truest person you've met?..ok that doesnt ad up there.The fact that he still has a girlfriend and doesnt want to break up with her? ...well....doesnt that seem that he's stringing you along? I mean, id be gone like a shot if someone lied about something like that already having a g/f b/f etc...

I'd sus out whats really going on with him and the g/f before you start making any huge decisions...im sure he's a lovely guy...but the most decieving are.

Hope it goes well for you op..

tEd

I think you're right, and I think OP, you know this. But these matters aren't black and white. I really feel for you... I would like to think that this guy likes you as much as you like him, but why is he arsing around the issue?

MarinoMark

wrong forum

Girrrrseach

Marino Mark - Why?!

sjaakie

it all sounds fantastic, until i read that he has a gf, ok, going to break up with her, fair enough.. but then i read that u2 continue to text etc. even more so, but that he still has not broken up with her.... !!!!! w.. t.. f.. that is most definitly not right, imagine yourself in his gf's place, how would you feel. He does not sound honest no matter what he text or tells you, better to keep a safe distance for now, see what happens, otherwise you end up hurting yourself .

even better: tell him to break up with her, only after that regain the contact.

Knockoff Nige

I'm just wondering what you're afraid of losing if you give him an ultimatum. As far as I see it, all you have is a problem. You're not with this guy, he's not looking like breaking up with his girlfriend and you're wrecking your head about it. Tell him that you cant deal with the situation as it is and you want something more. DO NOT LET HIM CHEAT WITH YOU ON HIS GIRLFRIEND. Then, he gets the message and you either get him or you get to move on.

star-pants

Have to agree with Knockoff Nige -- I had a friend who was seeing a guy like that... (we are no longer friends this being one of the reasons) she refused to give him an ultimatum ... he would keep promising to leave his partner but never did. As long as you are keeping up the contact -- he'll never break up with his gf.. not when he can have both. As hard as it is -- I know you just want him in your life, but you won't be happy with just friendship-- you have to tell him -- gf or you.
Don't let him cheat... its so wrong. It's bad enough what he's doing now. Your only way out of this is ultimatum or walk away.

Esel

"He's one of the truest, nicest people I have ever met" ???

Firstly, he effectively cheated on his 'girlfriend' by developing such a serious online relationship with you. Secondly, he never told you about his 'girlfriend'.

I say 'girlfriend', because the odds are that she is his wife.

A bad place for you to be. I think you should cut all contact. You will get over him, and you will meet a really true guy.

DD

If he doesnt make his mind dont continue this.
Trust me, you will get hurt, stop it now .. i know it will be bad but every day u wait and u fall more for him it will be worse
If he doesnt leave his gf ... u will get over it, u have to

Like, Come ON! wrote:

Will try and keep this as short as possible.

I met a guy through work in February that lives in England. We spoke every day online, swapped MSN and mobile numbers and got on incredibly well.

The attraction between us was unbelievable, and undeniable. We had a long chat that he needs to really sort out whats going on with his girlfriend and he agreed, but gave a bit of background as to why he is being delicate with her, and I understood a bit better.

Its getting to the stage where I'm crying myself to sleep. When I flew home I felt I was going in the complete wrong direction, and I had the biggest feeling of longing and heartbreak that I have ever felt...

magick

this "girlfriend" = wife

hes not gonna leave her, it sounds like he wants a side order of sex, and by the sound of things looks like hes gonna get it

red_ice

that sounds to me like he likes you alot, but hes too chicken to end it with his current gf. He sounds faithful in my books to his gf, which is a good thing because you both like each other and you should take comfort in knowing that if something did happen that he would be faithful to you too.

I would call him on it and ask him to make a choise. I know it hurts and you want to be with him, but maybe you taking a little break will let him know what its like not having you around. That guy is really confused right now, trust me. You need to give him time to assess his situation. Dont break contact with him or anything, well, do for a day or two, then just cut down. It will play on his mind and hopefully make him come to a decision sooner

biko

MarinoMark wrote:

wrong forum

Stop drinking, that post doesn't make sense even in AH.

OT, either this guy is stringing you along or he is one of those guy that won't break up with his gf cause he doesn't want to hurt her.

Let's say he does break up with her. What then? Have you two ralked about a proper relationship? One of yous will have to move country.

I was in a situation like this a good while ago.
I gave him an ultimatum more or less and it worked but it was a gamble and a really hard decision to make but we now have a great relationship.

Bare in mind if you do ever get togther with him you will have issues trusting him because of what he did to her.

Just be strong and make the right decision

panda100

Like, Come ON! wrote:

He's one of the truest, nicest people I have ever met, so I know that he is not being mallicious in any way, but maybe he doesn't know how much I like him.

Ye perhaps he doesnt....I mean you've only flown over to England twice to see him....Wake up and smell the coffee! This guy is completly playing you.You sound like an incredibly nice,kind women.Get this ejitt out of you life now.He is not going to leave his girlfriend,if he was he would have left her long ago.