How to make her miss me..........

LegacyUser

ok, my girlfriend (of 4 years) recently sprung on me that she wanted a break. She said that her love for me wasn't as strong but a lot of it was down to me not talking about feelings and my continued failure to commit to anything in the future. I took it badly and spent the first couple of weeks txting and writing letters but over the last few days after talking to a friend, I've stopped doing that. We hadn't seen each other in a few weeks and the other night, I asked if I could call around for 5 min and say hi to which, she agreed.

We spent over a half hour just chatting and laughing and it was so weird. In the back of my mind, I'm very mad with her over springing this break on me but I still love her and don't want to burn my bridges just yet. In the end of the day, she really is my best friend. We hugged and I left but I felt that she was quiet emotional (I saw her rub a tear from her eye). That night, she txt'd me for the first time (without me txting first) saying how much she liked seeing me.

My question is: I really want to make her miss me now and make her see how much she's missing without me. What's the best way to play her at her own game and make her miss me? I know some might think this is cruel but I think it's the best way with dealing with this right now. Is there anything I can say in txt's that will really get her thinking?

pretty-in-pink

lovemeloveme wrote:

My question is: I really want to make her miss me now and make her see how much she's missing without me. What's the best way to play her at her own game and make her miss me? I know some might think this is cruel but I think it's the best way with dealing with this right now. Is there anything I can say in txt's that will really get her thinking?

Ah yes that stage, afraid that I can't condone playing games with someone. And I hate to tell you, but people only start getting attached to you when you *actually* start to get over them and not really care. The "I don't need you, I've got a new person, evryone wants me" jealousy thing is stupid, see-through and very risky.

All you can do is get over her, and that will take time. I've been in a very similar (somewhat ongoing) situation, if you want to reg and PM me then do. Its going to be hard, but please don't mess both of you around with mind games. We all (mostly) know them- but damned if I'm sharing, because I don't want to make things worse, and games will deffo do that.

Best of luck, the anger stage is the hardest part- so it gets better after this (still hard, but not *as* hard)

Latchy

Have to agree with pretty-in-pink ...you cant make sombody miss you unless they really do , and and instead of thinking up different scenarios to keep her intrested in you ,you could be out there enjoying yourself letting her see that you accept the situation . .Your hurting yes, but You dont want to push her away any further which is a possiblity ......

Overheal

Have to agree - its manipulative and ... no.

I'll tell you where you may have gone wrong though and thats constantly contacting her for ... how many weeks? Granted it was a 4 year relationship but when theres a break-up that means the breaker needs space. Give it to them - let them know where you stand but give them their space.

So right now all you can do is let her know you still have feelings for her and give her the space she was looking for. From your account she has only got back to you Once in the last few weeks via a text message; and the one time you did get back together you were the one that brought it about...

All you can do is wait, be patient, and maybe next time she'll be the one who wants you to call over. Just give it time.

Chinafoot

lovemeloveme wrote:

I'm very mad with her over springing this break on me

First of all, I find it very hard to believe this was sprung on you. Perhaps you were blind to how she was feeling but that doesn't mean she didn't try to tell you. You'll probably find it's rare that such endings/breaks are sprung out of thin air.

lovemeloveme wrote:

My question is: I really want to make her miss me now and make her see how much she's missing without me.

What makes you think she isn't missing you? Do you think that because she initiated the break she has no feelings for you? Look at her reasons for the break, you've been together 4 years and she feels that you don't talk about your feelings and you won't commit to her. After 4 years.

As for what she's missing out on...have you suddenly realised that you can commit to a future with her? Have you suddenly developed the ability to openly discuss your feelings with her? If not, I don't see what she's missing out on. She's asked for this break because she's unhappy with the way the relationship is. She's told you why she's unhappy. If anything, she's giving you a chance to realise what you'll be missing out on, while also allowing herself a chance to get things sorted in her head.

Your relationship of 4 years is on the line and you want to play text games? You need to be taking her concerns on board. The whole tone of your post gives the impression that you're really not too bothered with how she's actually feeling, and instead you want to get one over on her and "play her at her own game".

Time to grow up tbh.

jd83

Yh dont play mind games, just give her space and see how things work out. If she misses you she misses if she doesnt that it, you will get over her.

Talliesin

lovemeloveme wrote:

My question is: I really want to make her miss me now and make her see how much she's missing without me. What's the best way to play her at her own game and make her miss me? I know some might think this is cruel but I think it's the best way with dealing with this right now. Is there anything I can say in txt's that will really get her thinking?

Go back in time 4 years and stop being the sort of person who'd come up with such a plan.

Since that's not actually possible, why not work on actually be worth missing, instead of such an emotional leach?

Ruu_Old

Leave her alone, she asked for a break and you should give it to her. Don't play stupid games or you will most likely end up in a world of pain.

jd83

exactly you sound like your trying to trick her into getting back with you!

scoot on

She wanted a break because you wouldn't talk about your feelings and had problems committing. Surely the best way to get her back if you do love her so much is to get rid of these issues?? Why not meet her and tell her exactly how you feel? Tell her you know that one of the reasons she wanted a break is because you wouldn't talk about your feelings and now you're willing to do so. Also, make some plans for your future together.

If these are her genuine reasons for a break then to me they are valid reasons and you need to let her know that you take her concerns seriously and are making an effort

dame

Chinafoot et al are speaking sense here. Listen and take heed OP.

Overheal

!!! Oh wait I found a great way to say this!

OP:

you want her to miss you? huh? huh? do you? do you?

okay heres what you do... its coming to me now. Wait... waiiiiit

The crystal Ball says..... 'T....tallk...abouut....your.... teething'? Wait wait no.... 'talk about your..... Feelings'! Ah yes..... Wait theres more: 'embrace... the future.... your lucky number is 72'.



sorry if Im having a tickle and a tease but yeah - the only way shes going to miss you is if you can start to be more open with her and commit to the next stage of your relationship. Shes not going to miss a guy that isnt listening to her concerns - and there they are.

Wibbs

The only way you can make her miss you? Give her the break she needs and walk away. She can't miss you if you're always around trying to convince her to stay. Never gonna work. Leave her alone and get your act together without her, for you. If there's any real affection, connection and love between you, the time apart will only strengthen the bond, not lessen it.

ntlbell

yeah, don't play any games, just casually ignore her texts from now on randomly answer a few after a few days and make up some nonsense how you were over in amsterdam with a large group of friends you hadn'tseen in exactly 4 years

ye know...the normal stuff no games tho!

Overheal

ntlbell wrote:

yeah, don't play any games, just casually ignore her texts from now on randomly answer a few after a few days and make up some nonsense how you were over in amsterdam with a large group of friends you hadn'tseen in exactly 4 years

ye know...the normal stuff no games tho!

...................."dont play games, BUT this is fun... "

ntlbell, -1 for you :rolleyes:

OP: dont get into the habit of lying - honesty is key.

LegacyUser

'Jesus and they say women are complex...

Rather than trying to make her miss you like a teenager, why don't you consider what she wants?

You're completely off the mark here and that is your major problem.

She wants you to commit. If she is your best friend that's a good basis for you committing to her.
If you're that scared of losing here that you resort to trying to make her miss you then I would suggest you grow up a little and get with the programme.

At a guess I would say that her falling out of love with you is due to the fact that she's tired trying to communicate what she wants and has given up.

Commit. Start there. At least, ask her what she wants when she says commitment and see if you can compromise with her.'

pretty-in-pink

give the girl the space she needs, its very important, and in time you'll want it too (trust me on that)

everyone has basically said the same thing. take this time to focus on you, and learn to be your own person, with your own friends etc.

and without being mean, grow up- games like the ones you want to play are for kids and idiots. don't be either of those.

kelly1979

i'd just say concentrate on yourself, my bf did the same to me wanted a break after a couple of months he came back, our relationship is now stronger than i could have ever possibly imagined.
during the time we broke up i didnt text or contact him once, the break was the best thing that ever happened to us, i had a couple of months to do what i loved doing, he had a couple of months to do what he wanted to do.

use this time to ur advantage, games only lead to them playing games back, u need to let her go and at least if she comes back to u u'll know its because she truly missed u, not that she gave into ur games and tactics.

only u know ur ex and how to play this, hope everything works out for you

decies

Commitment is only a smokescreen with woman.
If she loves you she will stay with you if she does not come back she does not love you.
The laws of this so called commitment bible should never be read in stone!!!!!!
Some people are ready to take the next step after two years,some after four some after 6,some even longer....
You will know soon enough if the girl loves you,the crack its not the same as it used to be,how many people hear, that thousands probably in this country!!!!!
One simple question is she as good to you as she was two years ago,the way she express her love to you etc??
If the answer is no ,your in trouble.
Best of luck anyway

ron_darrell

Hey guys, I'm sort of in a similar situation to the poster though a little different. My gf of 4 years left me a little while back (about 2 weeks ago), said the break thing wouldn't be fair to me as she wanted her own space and didn't know if we'd get back together or how long she'd need.

I'm not taking this well. She was my whole world for the last 4 years so just instant no contact is killing me. I'll be 'good' for a few days and then hit her with a flurry of texts and emails. The thing is I love her to bits and everyone is telling me to give her time and maybe things will work out. It's that maybe that's the killer. I don't know what to do without her.

I know I sound so pathetic and clingy but the thing is, while I have always loved her and shown her attention, I was never this pathetic & clingy before we broke up. At this rate I'm just going to piss her off and she'll never come back.

I've met her once since the break and just like the poster it was great. We had a laugh, talked about what we had gotten up to since the break, how we were feeling. I asked her questions about why but she couldn't give me any answers. I feel to be honest that she is no more happy about this than I am (she spends most the day in bed, hasn't been to college (one of the reasons she thinks she needs her own space), isn't eating) but she still thinks it's a good idea??

Anyway I know what's coming, everyone is telling me that I have to leave her alone. I know I sound like the worst kinda of stalker, crazy but I just miss her so much. How do I leave her alone? (That's not rhetorical) How, as the poster asked, do I make her miss me and realise that maybe this wasn't as good an idea as she thought it might be?

Zulu

When anone says: "I need a break", read: "I'm breaking up with you".

It's the end of the relationship. Move on. She's just too much of a coward to tell you so to your face. Move on.

Gyalist

When anone says: "I need a break", read: "I'm breaking up with you".

It's the end of the relationship. Move on. She's just too much of a coward to tell you so to your face. Move on.

Couldn't agree more. She's also trying to keep you as a fallback in case things don't work out down the line. Time to move on even though it seems hard to do. Don't allow her to string you along. In my experience, women rarely leave a long relationship before they have another prospect lined up. I wouldn't be one bit surprised if you were to find out that she's already seeing someone else.

Wibbs

decies wrote:

Commitment is only a smokescreen with woman.

Iv'e rarely seen such utter crap on my screen. Far more women are looking for commitment from their men than the other way around. In fact a hell of a lot of women leave men precisely because they won't commit to them.

If she loves you she will stay with you if she does not come back she does not love you.

Quick snaparound to good sense here.

You will know soon enough if the girl loves you,the crack its not the same as it used to be,how many people hear, that thousands probably in this country!!!!!
One simple question is she as good to you as she was two years ago,the way she express her love to you etc??
If the answer is no ,your in trouble.

Ehhh you do know that the "craic" changes over time, the romantic phase changes and hopefully grows? If I was with a woman for two years and she was the same as when I met her I would have serious questions.

ron_darrell wrote:

I know I sound so pathetic and clingy but the thing is, while I have always loved her and shown her attention, I was never this pathetic & clingy before we broke up. At this rate I'm just going to piss her off and she'll never come back.

Yep you will. Your current actions will just reinforce her reasons for breaking up with you. If on the other hand after the initial shock, you tell her that while you don't agree with her decision, you accept it and you need time apart to move on in both your lives and follow that up with actions and really mean all of the above. She may never go back to you, but she'll respect you a hell of a lot more as a man.

I asked her questions about why but she couldn't give me any answers.

Ah yes she's in the "confused" state. At least she didn't say that. IMHO it means she feels she needs to get some distance to figure out what she wants. She still loves you, but feels the spark is gone and she's working out is there a future with you. The fact is until she thinks this through, any answer you get will not be anything like a definitive one. In any case if you're honest with yourself you know why she's gotten cold feet.

I feel to be honest that she is no more happy about this than I am (she spends most the day in bed, hasn't been to college (one of the reasons she thinks she needs her own space), isn't eating)

Well duh. She has left an important art of her life. It's a big change. She loved you and probably still loves you and is naturally just as down at the failure of that bond.

but she still thinks it's a good idea??

Yes, otherwise why would she have broken up with you? Actions speak louder. There seems to be an idea around that women are a bit daft and don't know their own minds. While this can be the case with anyone, it's not restricted to one gender. The fact is something has happened to change her feelings towards you and it's been happening for a while too. It's only now she's plucked up the courage to actually make the break. All your thoughts should start from that point.

Zulu wrote:

When anone says: "I need a break", read: "I'm breaking up with you".

Agreed. It's usually said as a way to ease the breakup for you, but especially for them.

Seraphina

Gyalist wrote:

In my experience, women rarely leave a long relationship before they have another prospect lined up. I wouldn't be one bit surprised if you were to find out that she's already seeing someone else.

what kind of clingy needy women have you been dating :rolleyes:

OP you obviously haven't listened to anything she's said to you about why she's not happy.
you dont deserve her back, i hope she doesn't fall for any of the stupid tricks you're going to try and play on her...

Aura

I reacted the same way when my last relationship ended pouring my heart out in emails and text and though I understand how devastating it can be and exactly where you’re coming from, it does neither of you any good and makes things harder in the end, trust me!
It is extremely difficult to let go when you still love someone and different people get over things in different ways but you have to respect that she is entitled to do so in her own way. There’s nothing more you can say or do. You’ve told her how you feel, now give her the space she needs to figure out how she feels. Even if things do not pan out as you would like them to she will have far greater memories of your time together if you show her this respect now and respect you more in return. You're showing neither her, or more importantly, yourself much respect if you initiate such mind games nor would it bode well for your relationship if it were to rebuilt using such manipulative tactics.

Rob_l

Want to make her miss you then there is nothing you can say in text.

So say nothing
Do nothing
text nothing
Move on with your life and ithen if never happens that ye get back together well at least you have already started to move on eh.

Rob_l

Seraphina wrote:

what kind of clingy needy women have you been dating :rolleyes:

OP you obviously haven't listened to anything she's said to you about why she's not happy.
you dont deserve her back, i hope she doesn't fall for any of the stupid tricks you're going to try and play on her...

people who fall for tricks deserve it

Wibbs

Seraphina wrote:

what kind of clingy needy women have you been dating :rolleyes:

TBH I have observed that far far more in women than men, where they start almost immediately with someone new straight after they split with a longtermer. In 99% of cases they've already left the old relationship and they're looking for the first person that flips their switch almost as an excuse to leave the old one. Or they panic when the old relationship loses some of the lustre and they miss the heady early days, or they simply can't define themselves as being without a partner. While both men and women end up rebounding, women seem to do it more often and I've also seen that men are more likely to rebound by turning into mansluts, rather than replacing one serious relationship with another.

OP you obviously haven't listened to anything she's said to you about why she's not happy.

Nail on the head. If he doesn't know why she left, he has next to no chance of rekindling the relationship. If he doesn't know why she left, why would anyone go back to someone that lacking in insight? I sure as hell wouldn't, no matter how much I cared for them. I care for myself more.

you dont deserve her back, i hope she doesn't fall for any of the stupid tricks you're going to try and play on her...

If he wants to be a git, the tricks can work, but all that happens is that they drag out the inevitable harder break down the line.

If he realises why she left. Gives her space, improves himself, for himself and someway down the line she sees that and they have some of the spark left and they're both single then it could work. That's the only "trick" tat's going to work.

aidan24326

OP, you seem to have a very poor understanding of your situation. She asked for a break for a reason, she needs space and time by herself. Give it to her. She may or may not want to get back with you in the future but there's not alot you can do for now only leave her be for a while. Stop the texting and emailing, if there's to be any contact let her initiate it.

bostonian

She will either miss you based on whatever you brought into her life, or not. The time to be proactive about being missable has long since passed, it was determined by your pre-break dating period. It's not in your hands anymore... it's not much comfort, but it's all there is, I'm afraid. Try to distract yourself with a hobby or something to pass the time until she reinitiates contact.