Never ending heartbreak

LegacyUser

This is a long story and will probably sound as pathetic as I feel. I am a 21 year old student in my 2nd year of a 4 year art course. Going into first year I was in a 2 1/2 year relationship with a girl whom I was in love with although I'd always had a bit of a wandering eye. The college is pretty small and I'd get on with everyone in my year and a lot in other years. With my girlfriend I was for the most, happy. We had our issues but sure, what couples don't? We spent most of our time in eachother's pockets and were pretty much the watermark for a good, meaningful relationship. We were best friends in love.

It didn't take me long to spot her on entering college. We'll call her Claire. Tall, slim, smooth long brown hair, big blue eyes and the goofiest smile that would light up a room. We were moved into the same studio about a week into the course and after a couple of chats I was falling. Incredibly intelligent- possibly the smartest girl I've ever met, we shared musical tastes and taste in art, she's got a quick wit and a sick sense of humour like me. She also had a long-term, long-distance boyfriend.

After a few months it was really getting difficult, everything I found out about Claire made her infinitely more attractive to me. It felt like I was cheating on my girlfriend by simply feeling this way about another girl. Claire and I were fast becoming very good friends, trading bunches of CDs and generally joking around and I felt that even if she wasn't into me, I was being an arsehole for carrying on with my relationship so I broke it off. I never told Claire the reason but people in college made their conclusions and it spread. It didn't stop us talking and going out together a lot but she always had her 2 'bodyguards' (two girls that were always with her, one incredibly immature and the other a bit of a control freak) who would always try and discourage anything. One night however, on an organised college night out, the other two weren't there and we drunkenly flirted which is when she climbed on top of me and kissed me, then she stormed off. This happened a couple of times during the year, she'd get drunk, kiss me, then try to pretend like nothing happened afterwards. It was quite hurtful, I'd been trying to tone down our relationship feeling she was out of reach and then she goes and puts this hope in me. I adored this girl

I was getting more and more depressed, knowing that there was nothing I could really do, she knew I was into her, but I hadn't told her anything myself. She had a boyfriend and it would be unfair.. or at least inappropriate to ask out another man's girlfriend, I would've beat the sh!t out of anyone who did the same to my ex, it's a pretty scummy thing to do to a person (atleast with the kisses, I still had the excuse that she'd initiated them). One night, however, we were heading out when her ridiculous freak of a housemate (everyone knows the type, gets drunk, cries, EVERY NIGHT) was really a mess just as we were leaving the house. Claire and I were both tipsy, walking to the pub linking arms (yes I wanted to accelerate things between us) but I couldn't just leave the girl there, bawling her eyes out, falling about the street. Claire told me she was sick of this bs, having to look after her every night for whatever bs emotional trauma had been inflicted on her this week. I told her to go to the pub and I'd look after her, she wanted me to come but I wasn't gonna leave the housemate. Off she went as I carried her mate home, put her to bed and promised not to leave her. After another housemate came home, I let them take over and headed out to find my girl... I found her kissing some guy. It was horsesh*t, cheating on her bf was bad enough with me but I saw that and wanted to wretch, I went outside for a fag and was gonna go straight for a cab. Out she came, saw me, wanted to talk, I told her I was going home, she asked why? Was something wrong? Balls to that.

That night she was texting me and I simply didn't want to talk but I couldn't sleep. So I wrote her a long email at 3am telling her exactly how I felt, this resulted in a flurry of emails over a few days of her being confused and not really knowing what to feel.

Alright balls, this is dragging on, the jist of it is she never really gives me any closure, breaks up with her boyfriend, doesn't tell me (which is weird because I met him at a gig, he recognised me from bebo, thought he might've been starting but turns out he didn't know n just wanted to be mates.. that was a weird night) we get closer and drift further, I become an emotional wreck who can't stop talking about her (really quite a low point, I'm usually a pretty level headed person).

OK, so summer passes and I have a lot to think about, we're both visiting opposite places in the world and I decide that I won't become the pathetic tool I was at the end of last year. I decide that even though, no other girl I've met has been nearly as attractive as Claire or my ex, maybe I haven't really been giving this single life a chance (as so many college mates keep reminding me). I try to lose a bit of weight I'd been carrying for a while and decide to keep Claire at a distance, I know she has the power to make me fall in love with her at a glance, and I feel ****ed over enough at this stage.

Okie doke, that's the history done, now, yesterday.

Myself and a couple of lads in my year decided to throw a hell of a piss up in a local bar as a sort of 'welcome back to college and meet the new first years kind of dealy'. Loads turned up, great fun, she was there but I made sure I was friendly but didn't really get into one of our 'great conversations'. So we're all pissed by 5pm in the afternoon. Now, I stress this, I am not posting here to be lectured on your views on drug taking, a few of us decided to go out later with a load of pills and make it a crazy depraved 24 hours to remember. Turns out she was gonna be buzzing with us too.

So, coming up like a storm, I grab a seat next to 2 of my mates and whilst on a bit of a love buzz, can't help but notice that one of my friends, peaking, is coming on to her, trying to kiss her but she was having none of it. I make the point to my mates, one of whom tells me that she knows that Claire has feelings for me and that she really thinks something could come of it, the other telling me that he's seen me tortured too much and that we should just go out and try to pick up some freshers.

A bit fed up with our common friends' advances she comes over and tells us that she's thinking of going home. At this point I can't help myself, I go outside for a fag so I can talk to her alone. Both buzzing we can't help but come clean she told me how much she'd missed me over the last 3 months, saying how the only person she looked forward to meeting up with when we got back and I told her how I'm basically terrified of the power she has over me. She tells me how hurt she is that I don't seem to want anything to do with her and how she should just go home and I just told her that I'd love to be friends again.

Without telling anyone, we both decide to leave and find some live music or something to enjoy together. We find a pub, she drinks more, I'm just satisfied with the x. She gets steadily more bollocksed then tells me how much she likes me and lo and behold, we're making out... all night. We make our way to her place where we can go listen to music, telling eachother the songs that remind us of eachother on the way. At one point she stops and says that she loves me, I tell her I love her back and we continue on ever so often stopping to kiss some more. So on her bed, we're fumbling about, listening to the music, just enjoying eachother's company, she asks whether I'd been in contact with my ex at all over the summer, I tell her I was avoiding it. I ask about hers and she says not really. I made a joke about the friend who was coming onto her earlier in the night, she told me that she didn't love him, she didn't love the ex, she loved me and I was her favourite person.

At this point, she's blatantly trying to initiate sex which I refrain from subtly for several reasons; I'm absolutely shattered, it's been a while and whilst I can get it up, there's next to no chance I'll be able to cum.. not with my energy levels as they were. So we hold eachother, ever so often changing music and kissing a lot. We've basically decided that we're together at this stage and I fall asleep with her head on my chest. This is a crazy feeling, I don't really think of myself as a particularly good looking bloke and here is the girl I find most beautiful in the world finding me attractive and wanting to start something with me. It's the best feeling in the world.

We wake up in the morning, I lean in for a kiss and she pulls away. I think that maybe she's just self conscious about something but it turns out she remembers almost nothing about last night. I don't have the heart to tell her, so I get up and leave. I feel absolutely gutted and have no idea what to do about it. She did drink a lot last night so it isn't that unbelievable that she doesn't really remember.. I don't know what to believe because today, I found out from one of her friends that she actually got back together with the ex a few weeks ago.

... I really just don't know what to think. I've literally never been so happy as last night, I've never connected with anyone as much as this girl but seriously, what the f*ck? I don't believe she's trying to intentionally destroy me but surely it must occur to her!? Could it be that she didn't really like me as much as she said and that it was just the drugs and drink?

bronte

God, talk to her.. iron things out and if she's really back with her ex ...walk away...seriously.
You'll save yourself a lot of hurt.

Drink and drugs NEVER help these situations.

curiousxxx1

Jeez men, i feel your pain.... you must be really frustrated with this cock and bull excuses she keeps giving you.
I know it won’t be easy to forget her but you have to, she's stringing in you and is enjoying it. She keeps blowing you hot and cold, let’s not use drink as an excuse.. She knows you fancy her and has heard from mutual mates that you broke up with your ex to be with her…
You need to sit down and have a long talk(sober talk) and then let her know you can’t continue like this, if she wants to be with you fine if not then it’s time to move on… You have another 2yrs in college and you can’t afford for her to keep playing with your feelings….
I don’t mean to sound harsh but it’s obvious you are frustrated and with her antics the earlier it stops the better for ye…

spurious

The way 'Claire' spoke about and treated her friend who was upset is reason enough to be wary. Whether you think the friend is a pain or not is neither here nor there - Claire is supposed to be her friend. If she will treat a friend like that she will do much worse to a boyfriend. Everything else in your story says she is messing with you and it looks like she enjoys doing it.
Look elsewhere - there are and will be plenty more.

lolkelly

Wasn't this story the plot to an episode of the OC or Dawsons Creek or some muck like that??!!

comongethappy

Hate to say this OP - but she sounds like a girl who always want to be the centre of attention. She wants all the guys to fall for her, all her friends to love her - when it's suitable for her. She really doesn't seem to give back what she takes in from other people.

Best advice I can give: get rid of her. On drunk nights, she'll always confess her undying love for you, the rest of the time, she'll be cool towards you. Either you can take knowing her and being around her just as a mate, or you probably should cut contact completely except for chatting when you see her out w/ your group.

Anyhow, if she does decide eventually she wants to properly step up your relationship and be romantic, how long do you see it last before she starts cheating on you?

Unfortunately, I know several women who are like this - they "love" the man they meet after knowing him for half a day, but the minute someone new (richer / better looking / etc) comes on the scene, they'll try to start something with them. They make it that they're just "really good friends", even though they know the new man is falling for them, and the old one is left in some sort of limbo until they decide who they like more that particular week.

I'd lecture about the pills and drink - but I think you already know what a mistake that was

Elessar

Cut all contact. She is having her cake and eating it too. Already back with the bf but using drink as an excuse to lead you on, and use you to feel better about herself. She doesn't want to get with you because she knows th power she has over you (which you admitted WTF???!). Never get all gushy and admit a girl has power over you.

Anyway this is so common. Go completely cold because she sounds like a would-be bunny boiler. It's the chase she is after. If you go cold, ignore her completely she will be all over you. She loves the attention she gets when she comes onto you then leaves all of a sudden (making you go wtf?).

Basically man she is a headwrecker but you cant see it because you are lusting over her. This will go on forever if you let it. Put your foot down, be a man, have respect for yourself and cut all contact with her. Plenty of hot, non-headwrecker women out there.

Edit: Oh, and avoid getting drunk because epiphanies when you are drunk are not realistic. At all.

togster

Hi Op.

I don't think its as clear cut as the others are making out. She sounds complicated and thats ok sometimes if you think its worth it. You really need to take control now. Maybe thats what she needs. Someone to focus her thought process. Arrange a meeting. SOBER. And be strong and tell her exactly what ou want

Wibbs

Elessar wrote:

She is having her cake and eating it too.

IMHO It boils down to this. The only way of moving forward in any direction is to take away your slice of the cake. It's human nature to want what we feel we can't have and it'll make her mind up for her either way if you stop the pursuit. Maybe not cut all contact, but reduce it and don't chase. This isn't playing games either. It's a way for you to get some perspective and you need some judging by this;

Pathetic wrote:

I don't really think of myself as a particularly good looking bloke and here is the girl I find most beautiful in the world finding me attractive and wanting to start something with me. It's the best feeling in the world.

Yes it is, but only if fully reciprocated and without the high drama. In any case forget how beautiful she is and look at her behaviour. You can get very tired of beauty after a while if it comes with a sideorder of bullshít. Trust me on that one. I went out with someone, that by general consences was stunning and she was, but the headwreck got to the point where anything involving affection or sex became a chore.

Re the chemical assistance. I went through my *ahem* withnail and I phase and the crap I and others came out with you wouldn't believe. In vino veritas my arse. I've told people I couldn't stand I thought they were great and I've hurt people I've cared about. A night like you describe and all sorts of crap comes out. I'm also dubious when someone tells me they forgot imprtant stuff from the previous night too. It's all too often an excuse for dodgy behaviour and may be used as an excuse on you if she has a night of passion with the ex. Yes you may have holes in the story, but you remember the general plot. If they truly don't then maybe going on the wagon is a good bet.

Wibbs

togster wrote:

I don't think its as clear cut as the others are making out.

True enough.

She sounds complicated and thats ok sometimes if you think its worth it.

"Complicated" can too often be translated as someone who doesn't know their own mind and is emotionally immature.

You really need to take control now. Maybe thats what she needs. Someone to focus her thought process. Arrange a meeting. SOBER. And be strong and tell her exactly what ou want

Exactly.

Overheal

I don't see how any relationship can work when it appears that the only thing sparking the engine is a foreign substance - whether that be alcohol, pills, pot, coke, etc.

Im trying not to give you a slap about the pills but you have to take into consideration the side effects - it can easilly make anyone emotionally unstable, which only acts as the start of a clusterf*k of problems.

Anyway OP, the girl seems volatile: how can you imagine having a relationship with a girl that loves you one night (under the influence) and the next morning backs away from you? Kisses you and then runs away?

She clearly has some things she needs to figure out for herself, like what she wants and how she wants to turn out. Whether she wants to be with you or whether you're just a convenient comfort.

You on the other hand, can I strongly recommend phasing out the narcotics? Its the only way you're going to find out whats real - get back out of the Rabbit Hole.

LegacyUser

Heh.. I was expecting to hear these responses, they're the same ones I get from a lot of friends and simply don't want to listen to. I'm not dismissing, and I really appreciate all responses, it was a long post and probably fairly inconsequential compared to some people's problems on this board.

I don't think I really put her across right in my first post.

I just.. I know she's immature, I also know she doesn't know her own mind. I've accused her of not knowing and she's admitted it. She's an incredibly intelligent 19 year old girl, pretty but with a million insecurities. I know for a fact there are some things that she feels she can only discuss with me. I fear that the only reason she may have any kind of feelings for me is because I'm the only one who wants to get to the middle of her, get past her fronts. All my friends say she's such a fun girl, I know she's an emotional garbage heap.

When we're alone, I know that she feels more comfortable, we can talk about serious things, it still pains her but at least she can talk about it. Other than that, we're constantly laughing, making a million stupid jokes and taking the piss out of eachother. We've also so many weird things in common... like WEIRD things.. I don't believe in fate but I did, there are so many things that seem like signs. We will be seeing eachother most days for the next 2 3/4 years..

The taking a step back makes sense and was really what I was trying to do. Easier said than done. I'm almost certain that any chance I will get with her I will grasp with two hands. As for the relationship.. Yes I've thought about it. My best friend asked me before dropping the other night 'Are you going to try it on?' I told him that the chances were I would and did he think anything good could ever come from it, he told me he didn't think so after all this stuff. My ex... She was an emotional headwreck also.. We managed to be happy. As for the cheating, it's not really a valid excuse but I'm taking into account that it's long distance, the relationship seems to be one of comfort and that Claire is a mess who drinks too much..

Argh, I dunno if this changes things at all, I just don't see how to get on top of things. It's just.. I really, really, REALLY like this girl. So much as to allow myself to become deluded (maybe she really does like me..? is that really so doubtful? lol?)

Marksie

Pathetic wrote:

Heh.. I was expecting to hear these responses, they're the same ones I get from a lot of friends and simply don't want to listen to.

The bottom line is this: If the majority of your friends and the posters here are giving the same advice, and yet you are not l;istening, then you are doing yourself a disservice.
Face the unpalatable and listen to what is being said, sticking you head in the sand will do no good.
She is immature, so are you. Both are young and you should not be going throuh this at your age. Learn the lesson from this, walk away and move on

MayMay

You seem like a nice guy....she needs to grow up and you need to get out there and enjoy life without her dragging you down.

james123

thats such a sad story it really seems shes just playing games you need to distance yourself from this before you make yourself sick! as your friends said try the single thing she cant be the only girl for you your young i guess in college free single enjoy life u cant get hung up on this or you will look back on your time in college as a total waste believe me ive been there

Wibbs

Pathetic wrote:

Heh.. I was expecting to hear these responses, they're the same ones I get from a lot of friends and simply don't want to listen to.

If one person tells you that you smell, fair enough, if ten people tell you the same thing, buy soap.

I just.. I know she's immature, I also know she doesn't know her own mind. I've accused her of not knowing and she's admitted it.

Stop making excuses for her. Bad plan. If all this is true, how can you hope to have a relationship with someone who has such a bad relationship with the state of her own emotions?

She's an incredibly intelligent 19 year old girl, pretty but with a million insecurities.

Everyone has some insecurity or other, it's how you deal with them and more importantly how you let them affect your dealings with others that's the important part.

I know for a fact there are some things that she feels she can only discuss with me. I fear that the only reason she may have any kind of feelings for me is because I'm the only one who wants to get to the middle of her, get past her fronts.

and that would be fine if she was your girlfriend, but let's face it she's not. If she can't make that simple decision, why waste your time beyond being her friend, which is less than you want. You're not here to "save" her. Do not make that mistake. I've found that if you do end up saving her 9 times out of 10, it'll be someone else that'll reap the benefits of your work.

All my friends say she's such a fun girl, I know she's an emotional garbage heap.

Emotional garbage heaps are fine and they illicit protective feelings in us, but they do not a good relationship make until they cop on and at that age they almost never stay with the person they cop on with. Usually because that person may remind them of what they used to be.

When we're alone, I know that she feels more comfortable, we can talk about serious things, it still pains her but at least she can talk about it.

The why doesn't she take a stand, one way or the other?

Other than that, we're constantly laughing, making a million stupid jokes and taking the piss out of eachother.

Again she needs to make a decision.

We've also so many weird things in common... like WEIRD things.. I don't believe in fate but I did, there are so many things that seem like signs.

Ehhhh, no. That's got more to do with you justifying and making excuses for the obvious issues surrounding this relationship. If you start reading her horoscope that's a step too far...

We will be seeing eachother most days for the next 2 3/4 years..

Right, so you better sort this and sort this quick, especially if she is unwilling or unable to.

The taking a step back makes sense and was really what I was trying to do. Easier said than done. I'm almost certain that any chance I will get with her I will grasp with two hands.

Then may I say you're on the back foot already

My best friend asked me before dropping the other night 'Are you going to try it on?' I told him that the chances were I would and did he think anything good could ever come from it, he told me he didn't think so after all this stuff.

Keep him or her around, as they're giving good advice.

My ex... She was an emotional headwreck also.. We managed to be happy.

So you've gotten used to headwrecks. Get off that treadmill and if you had managed to be happy then you would still be with her all things considered.

As for the cheating, it's not really a valid excuse but I'm taking into account that it's long distance, the relationship seems to be one of comfort and that Claire is a mess who drinks too much..

Jeez she sounds like a great catch altogether. A drunken mess? Sheesh. Look at it this way, you describe her as "Tall, slim, smooth long brown hair, big blue eyes and the goofiest smile that would light up a room". If she was short fat and ugly with only two teeth in her head, would you even be thinking about her? The point I'm making is that what goes on inside the package is more important than the package itself, because that's what you deal with on a daily basis.

It's just.. I really, really, REALLY like this girl.

That's great, but if she doesn't really really REALLY like you enough to make a decision one way or another it's going nowhere. Fact.

So much as to allow myself to become deluded

The worst kind of delusion is self delusion and that is never going to work.

(maybe she really does like me..? is that really so doubtful? lol?)

You think it is or you wouldn't be making so many excuses for her actions and you wouldn't be ignoring what your mates and indeed your own mind is telling you.

You need to take a step back, even a a small one and look at this afresh. See what you really want from this woman and more to the point, see if she's willing and capable of giving it to you.

McGinty

Hi Op

I have made the many excuses you have made in the past, and as a result suffered far too much pain. Right now 'Claire' has all the power and she knows it, she will also use it because she can't help it. It sounds like a part of you wants to 1) win her over as she is a challenge and 2) save her from her emotional stuff and be her knight in shining armour. Letting go of someone who you really really like is hard, damn hard and you have two choices; you can either suffer more and more as you are picked up and dropped down, or you can suffer now and end romantic contact.

Like you at one time I was obsessed and in love with this guy, I literally handed my heart on a platter. I hated being obsessed, although we at least did have a proper relationship, but looking back he called all of the shots, first of he knew in his heart that the relationship would not progress further than a once a week meeting or once a fortnight because I had a child, like you I found him gorgeous, funny, etc, when he did come to see me, we had a great time but he would lie in my bed until 3 or 4pm the following day and not do anything with me, (other than sex, watching movies, and having a few drinks). Often he would ring me 2-3 hours before he came to see me to say he couldn't make it, looking back now I know they were excuses, it used to kill me when he'd let me down. After nine months of obsessing about this man, I knew I couldn't take it anymore and I very bravely ended it. It was like tearing a part of myself off but I am so glad I did because I got some of my self esteem back. Like you I have attracted some headwreckers in my time and they are too much hard work, you are young and you could save yourself some serious heartache if you ask why you attract emotional wrecks? Best of luck op.

Overheal

Wibbs wrote:

If one person tells you that you smell, fair enough, if ten people tell you the same thing, buy soap.

Thats going in the Quote Book

OP, I have to agree with what the other guys (and ladies) are saying here: theres only so much help one person can provide another before that person needs to help themself.

And how do you even know she is listening?

What I mean by that is, well, look at us and you: we're trying to advise you and you're almost ready to dismiss the advice out of hand. Let alone us, the people that actually know you!

I can relate to the whole 'save someone' notion - I do it a lot myself, but there comes a point when they need to do it themselves. In this case, Claire needs to deal with her insecurities and, frankly, grow up. Right now it sounds like you're trying to be her Shrink and to me that just doesnt sound like it will turn out good at all.

Wibbs wrote:

And that would be fine if she was your girlfriend, but let's face it she's not. If she can't make that simple decision, why waste your time beyond being her friend, which is less than you want. You're not here to "save" her. Do not make that mistake. I've found that if you do end up saving her 9 times out of 10, it'll be someone else that'll reap the benefits of your work.

Thats sound advice right there, Wibbs.

I learned long ago that you can't fix people - all you can do is be supportive, but in this case it hardly seems like that is the best way to go: I wager you have plenty of problems to tackle with college and growing up yourself - why carry the problems of 2 people on one set of shoulders?

Wibbs

Overheal wrote:

I can relate to the whole 'save someone' notion - I do it a lot myself, but there comes a point when they need to do it themselves.

bang on the money. I long ago gave up on saving people. I concentrate on saving myself and that's a lifetime job.

why carry the problems of 2 people on one set of shoulders

I'm putting that in my quote book myself. Between the pair of us we have a future in horoscopes....

Cheeky_gal

OP you sound sooo nice! Seriously, move on! She seems to have a lot of insecurities and is wearing you down....and you're probs thinking I'll never fall for someone like her again...rubbish! Of course you will....give it a few months and you'll be laughin! Theres plenty of other girls out there...lifes for exploring....relax and enjoy! Oh yea n stay away from the drugs.....not gonna help in the long run! :rolleyes:

LegacyUser

'It disturbs me that people say I sound nice, it makes me think that I'm not really telling it right. I'm a social whore who has fallen for the nicest girl in the world... fallen for... try become obsessed with.

Nevertheless, I'm thankful for this response, it really is quite a help. I think the reason I put this up was in hope that someone could say that it wasn't so bad even if 10 people told me it was. It's a good thing too, that I can talk about this without feeling that I'm putting myself as a complete pussy.

Several people have told me to find someone else. Well I don't really know what to do with that.. I've never really felt that a girl was attracted to me and I'm not really the type to put myself out... which is possibly why this hurts so much. On top of that, I haven't really found a girl that I've found attracted to like that. I lost my virginity with my old girlfriend, and had an exceptional sex life with her for the best of 3 years.. I've never slept with another girl and frankly the idea terrifies me. Over the last 8 months, I've gotten wasted with the lads but just sat and watched as they went on the pull. I've a huge amount of female friends but I know that they all see me as a friend.. the same way I see them.

I think giving up could actually just be consigning myself to never having sex again.. And it's not even like this is about sex. It's about the girl I would love to spend all my time with. Why doesn't she want to spend all her time with me?'

togster

Pathetic wrote:

. Why doesn't she want to spend all her time with me?'

You will never know unless you ask her. You can't expect to have a mature relationship if you can't do the grown up thing and grab the bull by the horns and sit her down!

Seriously dude. Carpe diem and all that stuff.!!!

Good luck

pbsuxok1znja4r

This chick is a certified dope. Don't walk away, OP, run. She's 100% bad news. Forget all the romantic BS, seriously. If it's really "fate" or whatever then you may as well try walking away right now 'cause surely you'll end up together anyway? :rolleyes:

LegacyUser

'Show her this thread. Seriously'

Caliden

Ask her while sober does she want a relationship with you or not. she's known you long enough to have thought about it at least once. If she says either 'no' or 'i don't know' or 'I'll have to think about it' then tell her you can't handle that and she either wants you or she doesn't.

Personally I think the whole 'I forget' thing is a load of bollox. She's a headfcuk, a slapper and isn't worth your time or attention.

I will bet you everything I own that if you are out and are with someone and she finds out, she will be all over you again. These kind of threads come up all the time and sadly they never end in a stable relationship.

Mullah

She is clearly a fan of Acton's Dictum. To her, although power may corrupt, absolute power is pretty cool.

She is less the emotional roller coaster you think, I think. It is clear she enjoys the hold she has over you, knowing that she can come and go with her ex (and anyone else) and that you will still be trailing her like a faithful puppy.

Sorry fella, but unless you have a sado masochistic streak I cannot see contact with her being any good for your future mental and physical well being, and I am serious about that. It will be painful but ultimately beneficial for you.

You can try the serious heartfelt conversation. I would expect a lot of confuseds and don't knows and my head is in a mess type of non sequitors.

You know yourself what you have to do for your own good.

How Strange

OP, there is always one in any group of young people - school, college, big gang of mixed mates.

She is the girl who knows she is good looking. Probably not drop dead gorgeous but good looking enough to get the sweet, sensitive guys falling all over her and then she headf*cks them. And the poor lads are left like desperate little lapdogs grateful for any little scrap that comes their way.

She may be into you and as others said she will be all over you if you find someone els but she will NEVER go out with you. She will flirt with you when she's had a few drinks and maybe even shag you but thats it.

She loves the feeling of having guys dangling on a string. It's a power trip that stems from deep insecurity.

And I don't believe for a second that she was blacked out for all that time. Thats complete BS.

What you described about her friend being upset and her walking off is bang out of order. If she doesn't like her friend getting teary on a night out then don't go out with her. I bet if you look at the whole thing closely she treats her 'friends' the same as she treats you and any other guys she is messing around.

OP, if you have any sense left get the f*ck out of there. There is nothing but misery there for you. She sounds like an absolutely horrible person who needs to surround herself with people who will look up to her and hang on her every word to make her feel good about herself.

This girl is the classic b*tch. Go get a decent girl for yourself.

Caliden

OH and please for the well being of every other bloke in the country please let her know that she is a headfcuk and a complete pricktease. Thanks

bostonian

the original post was way too long.

bottom line: men should not be saying things like "never ending heartbreak". period. sorry to be harsh, but after a handful of broken hearts you should be protecting yourself. don't get emotionally involved until the woman does. ever.

Wibbs

How Strange wrote:

OP, there is always one in any group of young people - school, college, big gang of mixed mates.

She is the girl who knows she is good looking. Probably not drop dead gorgeous but good looking enough to get the sweet, sensitive guys falling all over her and then she headf*cks them. And the poor lads are left like desperate little lapdogs grateful for any little scrap that comes their way.

She may be into you and as others said she will be all over you if you find someone els but she will NEVER go out with you. She will flirt with you when she's had a few drinks and maybe even shag you but thats it.

She loves the feeling of having guys dangling on a string. It's a power trip that stems from deep insecurity.

And I don't believe for a second that she was blacked out for all that time. Thats complete BS.

What you described about her friend being upset and her walking off is bang out of order. If she doesn't like her friend getting teary on a night out then don't go out with her. I bet if you look at the whole thing closely she treats her 'friends' the same as she treats you and any other guys she is messing around.

OP, if you have any sense left get the f*ck out of there. There is nothing but misery there for you. She sounds like an absolutely horrible person who needs to surround herself with people who will look up to her and hang on her every word to make her feel good about herself.

This girl is the classic b*tch. Go get a decent girl for yourself.

While harsh I think this probably sums it up. You know the situation better and it may be different, but I would look at this and see if the scenario fits.

bostonian makes a good point too. You need to step back and ask yourself if all this grief is worth it. If she's worth it and more to the point should you settle for the scraps she's giving you(and others). I would say no. If you continue on this road, you may get more scraps, but she'll finally fall for a guy who won't take her crap. Bet on it. Trust me, never go out with a "work in progress"(goes for women too) as no matter how much work you put into them, if they ever cop on they'll leave for something new the second they do.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies. It actually means a lot to me. Yesterday we had a brief talk. I had been pretty upset, not sulking but not really in good form. She told me that she'd heard that she had told me things and that she doesn't really feel them and that she was back with the boyfriend alright and wanted to pursue that relationship. She also apologised for ****ing me around.

I told her I was grateful for the honesty and that it was mostly my fault for getting myself into the rut that I did. I didn't tell her how I felt and I didn't feel the need to tell her anything about herself.

I feel better about myself. Whilst I'm not going to come out and say I feel like I'm too good for her, certain things dawned on me. One of my best mates on the course, the lad who told me to forget her that night was saying he never really got what I saw in her. He said "Remember that night?" I had to ask which... Because there were so many nights that I sacrificed a good time for her. One night, I carried her home after she vomited on the ground, put her to bed and looked after her. Everything she wanted from me, she got and I never got any gratitude. Every time I felt like I was doing a nice thing, other girls would say how sweet it was and she never seemed that impressed. When I ask her how she is, she doesn't necessarily ask me how I am. It just dawned on me that when I said why wouldn't she like me that apart from having great conversations and kissing the odd time, that she is completely and utterly unable to look beyond herself. At least now she'll see me as a person who cares about himself.

I don't really resent her and I don't she's as bad as many of you think (again, all you had was my description to go on). If she wanted me at some point then I'd possibly be up for it, but think differently about it. It will be a mutual thing or she can actually just go f*ck herself.

I've decided to focus on my real friends, to reduce the drink and drugs. To get myself into a better state of mind where if a girl comes along, great, she'll find a smile and a guy who is more than willing to have some fun. So thanks again people.