why is it that?

LegacyUser

bit of backstory: in a group college friends from all over the world (one american one polish) there's about 12 of us, and a mixture between guys and girls, two of the guys are gay but not with each other.

why is it that the girls basically are besotted with the two gay guys like for example asking how their day was what they got up to etc etc. very huggy pally etc. but when it comes to me, i'm basically not talked and pratically ignored by the girls unless one of them needs something from me, be it help with college work or whatever?

patrickolee

Because the particular two you are thinking of, happen to be nice people?

impr0v

It's also much easier to relate to a non-threatening member of the male species. There is no possibility of one's interest being misconstrued as something it's not.

patrickolee

impr0v wrote:

It's also much easier to relate to a non-threatening member of the male species. There is no possibility of one's interest being misconstrued as something it's not.

Of course that is the reason the OP wants to hear. Not sure how true it is though! It's much more likely to be because of the other individuals vs his personality... but this is a much better excuse as to why all the girls ignore the OP.

celt262

The girls know that the gay guys aren't going to try and get into there knickers. I've seen it before and they can "talk about anything to them".

LegacyUser

Because its very fashionable nowadays for girls to have gay male friends. And girls are very fashion conscious creatures who happen to watch an obscene amount of American sitcoms on television which stereotype gay men.

The Hill Billy

OP - It could also be that the girls just think that it is "cool" to have gay friends - regardless of whether these guys are nice or not.

If these girls only take an interest in you when they need something from you I'd hardly consider them friends. Forget about them & focus on your real friends.

Pompey Magnus

why_is_it? wrote:

bit of backstory: in a group college friends from all over the world (one american one polish) there's about 12 of us, and a mixture between guys and girls, two of the guys are gay but not with each other.

why is it that the girls basically are besotted with the two gay guys like for example asking how their day was what they got up to etc etc. very huggy pally etc. but when it comes to me, i'm basically not talked and pratically ignored by the girls unless one of them needs something from me, be it help with college work or whatever?

They ignore you unless they want something? Mate, those girls aren't your friends I'm afraid. Is the help all one directional (you help them when they need it but not vice versa) and you might think that by helping them out you will get in their good books? If so then I would advise learning to say no to them. They may see you as a soft touch and by toughening up it will help you in the long run.

I knew a very camp lad in college and he was much luckier with the ladies than most straight acting fellas (myself included). I could never understand it.

SarahSassy

impr0v wrote:

It's also much easier to relate to a non-threatening member of the male species. There is no possibility of one's interest being misconstrued as something it's not.

I totally agree. As you can see from various other posts her, a lot of men think because a girl is being friendly with them and wants to spend time with them that automatically she wants to get into their jocks. With the GBF (gay best friend) you get all the benefits of having a male friend without the requirement to fend him off after a few pints....

Anti

girls do love the idea of having fag hag's. They are not threatened in any way by them. They can also open up to gay men more then straight men. Did you never even catch a episode of sex in the city?

neuro-praxis

Anti wrote:

girls do love the idea of having fag hag's.

You've got this a little muddled. It is the girls themselves who are the aforementioned fag hags.

Reku

why_is_it? wrote:

bit of backstory: in a group college friends from all over the world (one american one polish) there's about 12 of us, and a mixture between guys and girls, two of the guys are gay but not with each other.

why is it that the girls basically are besotted with the two gay guys like for example asking how their day was what they got up to etc etc. very huggy pally etc. but when it comes to me, i'm basically not talked and pratically ignored by the girls unless one of them needs something from me, be it help with college work or whatever?

Are the gay guys particularly effeminate?
Perhaps, as others have said it's just the lack of concern over if the gay guys will think the girls fancy them just because they hugged.
Then again, the girls may well fancy the lads (girls I've found are prone to being smitten with guys they know are gay simply because of that fact) simply wanting them because they know they can't have them.

justsomebloke

I don't want to sound cruel but maybe they just don't like you that much. I know when I was in college there was one lad who we "tolerated" within the group and maybe your that person in yours

Zulu

Anti wrote:

girls do love the idea of having fag hag's.

...I always taught it was the girls that were the "fag hags".

Clearly I don't watch enough "Sex in the City"

Hrududu

I was just going to say maybe they don't like you as much as the other 2 guys. Might not be anything to do with the fact that they are gay.

Mr. Incognito

And you are automatically entitled to adoration...........why?

Why don't you try making friends with them, like um, i don't know asking THEM how THEIR day went.

What an ego.

beans

I used to play up a natural campness in my youth to a) get in under female defenses to b) develop a closer friendship with them, ultimately leading to c) sexual intercourse.

Unfortunately I tended to get stuck on a plateau at b) leading me to believe that this wasn't the best tactic when it came to bedding ladies. I did however develop some wonderful friendships that otherwise I may not have - very open and trusting, and involved, similar to what you describe OP with those gay lads.

The weight of the world has sadly crushed my camp spirit and now I get neither a), b) nor c)

Latchy

I somtimes think some gay guys are really straights in disguise knowing that they will attract the females which they do . I am told that girls somtimes think they can change them (gays) LOL ......does that make sense ???

beans

We had a super-hot lesbian working with us for a while, I always fantasised about turning her...

Could work the other way round I guess.

Girls are certainly more at ease with what they see as 'one of the girls'.

Latchy

Its quit common for straight men to fantasise about two women/lesbians ,but annoying as hell to see a gay guy being drooled over by lovley women ....no competition indeed ...LOL

Talliesin

Could be they aren't too comfortable being friendly with straight men that may have an interest in a romantic or sexual connection (works in two ways; being worried you might fancy them and not wanting to have to shoot you down, or being hopeful that you might fancy them and shy about it).

Could be they just like them more than you (do they have other features in common besides a fondness for cock? - e.g. if they have any stereotypical gay tastes then those tastes could be shared by these women)

Could be they don't like you much (no matter who you are, there'll always be some people that don't like you).

Could be they don't like you that much (not every friend can be extremely close).

Could be they share more social life (if they are into the gay scene and you aren't).

Could be they're both FTM TSs (okay, statistically that's not likely, but you never know).

Could be they're young, naïve and new to adult life and are getting all excited about having real life gay™ friends and being oh so terribly pee-cee.

Latchy

In my own expiernce it's hard for some gay guys to become just friends without them coming on to you and wanting more, and as i am not gay it's not possible .....to give more

SarahSassy

latchyco wrote:

I somtimes think some gay guys are really straights in disguise knowing that they will attract the females which they do . I am told that girls somtimes think they can change them (gays) LOL ......does that make sense ???

Oh hello... Pop psychlogy at it's best!!!! And some 'females' only go for married men cos they think they can steal them from their wives...

OP, why do you really care if they like the gay fells more than they like you? If its cos you feel that they use you then stop letting them.... Do you fancy one / both of them? Maybe they sense that and are avoiding you.

Caliden

I'm not gay but I usually end up talking to the girls in our group of friends on a night out. I'm not big on the whole football/'see the tits on that one' sort of thing.

Latchy

Oh hello... Pop psychlogy at it's best!!!! And some 'females' only go for married men cos they think they can steal them from their wives...

It's very true ,just like some women are attracted to priests because they are not supposed to ...

SarahSassy

latchyco wrote:

It's very true ,just like some women are attracted to priests because they are not supposed to ...

Yeah, but 'some' being a miniscule percentage of women (generally with emotional problems)...

Latchy

Yeah, but 'some' being a miniscule percentage of women (generally with emotional problems)...

Yes, and 'some' males only to willing to take advantage of their emotional vunerability ,but it can also work both ways to.....

stcatherine

Unreg260907 wrote:

Because its very fashionable nowadays for girls to have gay male friends. And girls are very fashion conscious creatures who happen to watch an obscene amount of American sitcoms on television which stereotype gay men.

woah there, and didn't you just stereo type girls !!

Please don't tar and feather all of us females with that brush, personally I find it offensive. I pride myself on the fact that I don't watch sitcoms, I could give a toss about prada, or DKNY and yes I have gay friends !

Zillah

why_is_it? wrote:

why is it that the girls basically are besotted with the two gay guys like for example asking how their day was what they got up to etc etc. very huggy pally etc. but when it comes to me, i'm basically not talked and pratically ignored by the girls unless one of them needs something from me, be it help with college work or whatever?

Perhaps the gay guys are just more attractive and pleasant than you? Perhaps the fact that you seem to think that you some how deserve their attention is part of the problem.

SarahSassy

latchyco wrote:

Yes, and 'some' males only to willing to take advantage of their emotional vunerability ,but it can also work both ways to.....

You have gone off topic now... TBH, your points came across as sensationalist and as if from someone with little experience of life (and women). As such, Im not getting off point and dragged into a debate about what 'some' women do....

Latchy

SarahSassy]You have gone off topic now...

yes i have gone of topic .

TBH, your points came across as sensationalist and as if from someone with little experience of life (and women).

hmmmmm, how can you make such a generalised statement based on a few posts by sombody ? Do you really want me to give you my life story and expierences with women ? ..no didn't think so .Does being the father of two kids rate as having a little expierence of life and women ?

As such, Im not getting off point and dragged into a debate about what 'some' women do....

Ok , lets stay on topic .......

Quote Zillah - Perhaps the gay guys are just more attractive and pleasant than you? Perhaps the fact that you seem to think that you some how deserve their attention is part of the problem.

I agree

patrickolee

latchyco wrote:

hmmmmm, how can you make such a generalised statement based on a few posts by sombody ? Do you really want me to give you my life story and expierences with women ? ..no didn't think so .Does being the father of two kids rate as having a little expierence of life and women ?

Being a father of two kids means nothing to be honest. Your previous posts illustrate just how little of an idea you have. Any fool can have kids... in fact I think one did!

LegacyUser

celt262 wrote:

The girls know that the gay guys aren't going to try and get into there knickers. I've seen it before and they can "talk about anything to them".

I'm not trying to get into their knickers.

Hill Billy wrote:

OP - It could also be that the girls just think that it is "cool" to have gay friends - regardless of whether these guys are nice or not.

If these girls only take an interest in you when they need something from you I'd hardly consider them friends. Forget about them & focus on your real friends.

Now the gay lads are totally sound, I get on with the both of them really well.

I rushed the original post a bit; I picked slightly the wrong words really.

What I meant was I get on with all the girls but just not on the same level as the two gays guys. I don't see why though as we all like the same things e.g. college course, some music, TV shows etc. etc.

SetantaL wrote:

And you are automatically entitled to adoration...........why?

Why don't you try making friends with them, like um, I don't know asking THEM how THEIR day went.

What an ego.

I don't think I’m entitled to adoration, I guess my original post was one of just general observation, I see it a lot that gay guys have a lot of girl friends.

I honestly don't have an ego, in fact if anything I kind of lack one. I’m quite a quiet guy, I kind of don't speak until spoken to or know something about the topic being discussed, I don't tend to divulge into my personal life with these friends as I prefer not to talk about it and mostly I don't have anything that I think would interest them.

I guess what made me start the original thread was over the summer I had my first girlfriend (late bloomer I know ) and there’s another guy in my course who I find very irritating, someone who believes that if someone proved that the earth was flat again he’d disagree just for the sake of it and wouldn't back down until you did because you just couldn't be bothered anymore, and he has a long term girlfriend, which made me think what’s wrong with me, this complete asshole can get a girl and keep her where as I’m just having problems connecting with girls.

This got me thinking about the original topic, and it was just really a general observation rather than anything malicious or anything else.

LegacyUser

This whole business of it supposedly being "fashionable" for a girl to have gay friends bugs me. I don't try to befriend people because they're gay. The one or two gay friends I have just HAPPEN to be so. And it wouldn't bother me in the slightest if they were to suddenly turn straight!

WindSock

I can have a different and often closer friendship to male gays, because I know they aren't going to try it on. I find we can talk about all kinds of stuff, and I feel more at ease. I find some are very good humoured to be around, probably as they have to suffer more adversity throughout their lives than the straight ones.

Overheal

Unreg260907 wrote:

Because its very fashionable nowadays for girls to have gay male friends. And girls are very fashion conscious creatures who happen to watch an obscene amount of American sitcoms on television which stereotype gay men.

Yes. Damn you Sex and the City!

The reason for it OP is the same reason I can get away with flirting with my friend's girl: well for one its just not in my programming to steal (flirting though... heehe) and because I know him and he knows me and he knows Im not there to do anything so basically were totally cool hanging out together.

See the reason your posting this concern is you either like one of the girls or want one of us to suggest that maybe they like you - and sure, thats possible (w00t for you) but thats exactly the point: its that kind of greyspace that creates this tension/space between you and them.

Don't sweat it. Just treat them normally as you would anyone else. Eventually you'll get to know each other better - its only the start of the year after all.

Latchy

Being a father of two kids means nothing to be honest.

Actually being a father of two kids is very important to millions of fathers ,of which i am one, so i gather you know little of being one (a father ) ?

Your previous posts illustrate just how little of an idea you have.

Well i only started posting today ,but Dont you understand when sombody is being flippent and using humor ?

Any fool can have kids... in fact I think one did!

Any fool can have kids but it takes a man to be around and watch them grow up ... ......YOU CHILD

Talliesin

latchyco wrote:

Does being the father of two kids rate as having a little expierence of life and women ?

I which case my four kids mean that I get a 100% credibility bonus when advising the OP to ignore your posts.

K-9

why_is_it? wrote:

I'm not trying to get into their knickers.

Grand. Why is it such an issue that you'd post here?

why_is_it? wrote:

What I meant was I get on with all the girls but just not on the same level as the two gays guys. I don't see why though as we all like the same things e.g. college course, some music, TV shows etc. etc.

.
They're gay. They may well be in touch more with their feminine side. For a straight guy, some of that's no problem, a lot of that is a problem!

why_is_it? wrote:

I see it a lot that gay guys have a lot of girl friends.

See above. They're not a threat to you, so why worry?

why_is_it? wrote:

I guess what made me start the original thread was over the summer I had my first girlfriend (late bloomer I know ) and there’s another guy in my course who I find very irritating, someone who believes that if someone proved that the earth was flat again he’d disagree just for the sake of it and wouldn't back down until you did because you just couldn't be bothered anymore, and he has a long term girlfriend, which made me think what’s wrong with me, this complete asshole can get a girl and keep her where as I’m just having problems connecting with girls.

More an insecurity issue then? Look he may be ab a**hole and she'll find out. Girls generally like a fella with an opinion. It shows he has balls!

latchyco wrote:

Actually being a father of two kids is very important to millions of fathers ,of which i am one, so i gather you know little of being one (a father ) ?

Yes and I'm a father and it's very important. Not on this thread though, try the parenting board!

latchyco wrote:

Any fool can have kids but it takes a man to be around and watch them grow up ... ......YOU CHILD

True, but no relevance to this thread. The OP doesn't have kids, or I take it, particularly want them yet. He wants a gf by the sounds of it!:rolleyes:

Oh yeah, if you want to be funny or sarcastic, see those smilie things? :rolleyes:

Latchy

Quote Talliesin I which case my four kids mean that I get a 100% credibility bonus when advising the OP to ignore your posts.

Do you advise everybody here who to ,and who not to ignore ?.. 100 % credibility ??? bully for you , being of topic is not a crime ......perhaps your one of the mods ,i dont know ?

Quote seanies32 True, but no relevance to this thread. The OP doesn't have kids, or I take it, particularly want them yet. He wants a gf by the sounds of it!

and best of luck to him , hope he gets one soon .

Oh yeah, if you want to be funny or sarcastic, see those smilie things?

OK , fair enough i was of topic so tell me please ,does OP stand for other person or older person ??

Zulu

OP = original poster, ie: person who started this thread.

I might suggest taking a back seat for a little while, until you get the hang of phrases, abbreviations, mannerisms - before getting involved in arguments. (Just a suggestion)

milkerman

Back on topic for a mo.
Maybe the two gay fellahs are just fun to be around and easy to talk to(regardless of sexual orientation).
I was a product of an entirely male education system. When I went to college and found a 50/50 mix of the sexes I initially found it awkward to chat socially to the girls in my year. It was a social skill I had to learn.
Might the OP be the same?

Latchy

quote zulu OP = original poster, ie: person who started this thread

Thanks for that zulu .

Back on topic for a mo.
Maybe the two gay fellahs are just fun to be around and easy to talk to(regardless of sexual orientation).
I was a product of an entirely male education system. When I went to college and found a 50/50 mix of the sexes I initially found it awkward to chat socially to the girls in my year. It was a social skill I had to learn.
Might the OP be the same?

Hi i jumped in here yesterday without understanding the full topic so no offence intended to anybody .....

I to was a product of an all male education system and was unsure about my sexuality until i was well into my teens.I also know a lot of guys who found it hard talking to, and forming friendships /relationships with girls .
Giving the choice , i would have prefered to have gone to a 50/50 both sexs school .Thankfully i overcame my shyness and discovered girls and women without the usual hangups ...maybe i was lucky .

patrickolee

latchyco wrote:

In my own expiernce it's hard for some gay guys to become just friends without them coming on to you and wanting more, and as i am not gay it's not possible .....to give more .

latchyco wrote:

Yes, and 'some' males only to willing to take advantage of their emotional vunerability ,but it can also work both ways to.....

latchyco wrote:

I to was a product of an all male education system and was unsure about my sexuality until i was well into my teens.

Latchyco, I think you have issues.

Latchy

Quote patrickolee Latchyco, I think you have issues.

if you seen in my previous post below

Hi i jumped in here yesterday without understanding the full topic so no offence intended to anybody .....

I was being a bit flippent does that make sense, i dont relly have any serious issues LOL

moco

impr0v wrote:

It's also much easier to relate to a non-threatening member of the male species. There is no possibility of one's interest being misconstrued as something it's not.

Hit the nail on the head, that's exactly the reason.

Beruthiel

You lot get your asses back on topic.
B