is this right or wrong?

LegacyUser

is it right or wrong to be with someone who is married i know its wrong on there part but is it wrong on my part to encourage her to be with me even though i know shes married but not happy with the guy?? is everbody fair game or am i doing her more harm you see i think when im with her i make her happy i just wondered do people think im doing her more harm than good but surely if shes happy and im happy then thats all that matters isint it??

Knockoff Nige

I learned the difference between right and wrong as a small child. I think you need to reread your own post. Especially this bit:

'but surely if shes happy and im happy then thats all that matters isint it??'

LegacyUser

go for it mate shes fair game dont mind anybody else here they prolly couldnt score in a brothel just jealousy!

petes

Of course its wrong. Are you forgetting about her husband who is probably oblivious to all this. Someone always gets hurt in a situation like this. If she is that unhappy with her marriage why is she still in it?

Victor

In the Judaeo-Christian sense you are doing the coveting of your neighbours wife. However, not everyone holds to those principles.

if shes happy and im happy then thats all that matters isint it??

Life unfortunately is more complicated than love. I think you need to ask yourself where the relationship is going. Will one of you move on in a few weeks / months? Are there children in the relationship? What if she becomes pregnant? How will the people that care about you feel about your relationship? Will she get a separation and/or a divorce.

As to whether you are leading her on. I suppose she was unhappy and her judgement may be a bit clouded, but she is still an adult and must stand by her own decisions.

Finally, this is a point I sometimes have difficulty with myself. You need to separate actions from actors. Maybe people have done 'bad' things, but that doesn't maek them 'bad' people. Try not to judge to hard.

Beruthiel

rentahand wrote:

is it right or wrong to be with someone who is married i know its wrong on there part but is it wrong on my part to encourage her to be with me

You know it is, otherwise you wouldn't be posting here unregged.

i know shes married but not happy with the guy??

Then why hasn't she left him instead of cheating on him behind his back?

is everbody fair game or am i doing her more harm you see i think when im with her i make her happy i just wondered do people think im doing her more harm than good but surely if shes happy and im happy then thats all that matters isint it??

She is doing herself harm and she is harming her husband.
Are there children involved in this marriage?

enda1

Nothing wrong with it, go ahead. Its her husband not yours! You're not the one cheating.

Colonel_McCoy

If their is children, then you need to back away..............if not plough on....but take a second consider if you were the husband and how you would feel if this was going on in your head.

Wibbs

enda1 wrote:

Nothing wrong with it, go ahead. Its her husband not yours! You're not the one cheating.

Nice moral compass you have there. Incredibly self centered. He is the one facilitating the cheating and betrayal of the husband. As he knows the situation he's party to any blame apportioned, nearly as much as she is. There's everything wrong with it, even on the basis of practicality. As Victor points out what happens next? Where does it go from here or will they just continue as hey are, while she stays in a loveless marriage(from her point of view, the husband could be oblivious to the whole thing).

It's messy. Morals aside where can this go? If you want to stay in the status quo and have the sex bit without thought of the future, that brings it's own very big issues. If you want more then you have serious difficulties to overcome. In any case if she did leave the husband, you may find that you're no longer such an attractive prospect when she has to deal with you as a concrete option for the future. I've see this from the other side with women going with married men. If the men leave(and it's rare enough), they usually drop the mistress after a while and either try the wife again or find someone completely new.

How Strange

rentahand... is it right or wrong to be with someone who is married i know its wrong on there part but is it wrong on my part to encourage her to be with me even though i know shes married but not happy with the guy?? is everbody fair game or am i doing her more harm you see i think when im with her i make her happy i just wondered do people think im doing her more harm than good but surely if shes happy and im happy then thats all that matters isint it??

OP, yes it is wrong and you know otherwise you wouldn't be asking random people on a website to condone your actions and make you feel better about it.

Do you know what else is wrong? Your punctuation. It's awful. Using a comma and a full stop here or there is not a huge ordeal. How any non-native English speakers could read this post is beyond me. Pure lazy. :mad:

Get outta that, if she hasnt left her husband now then she's unlikely to do it at all and its gonna end in tears for everyone involved.

NextSteps

'happiness' is no measure of right and wrong. Deceit is always wrong, and encouraging deceit is just as wrong. I'm sure you know this yourself.

Victor

How Strange, Chill.

SarahSassy

If you thought it was right you wouldnt be on here asking.....

Its not right. Her mind is a mess, she is vunerable and probably nto thinking rationally. The chan ces of her leavng her husband for you, both of you making a go of it and living happily every after are minimum... Its can happen but seldom. Move on and find someone who is single and not willing to cheat on their partner.

K-9

rentahand wrote:

but surely if shes happy and im happy then thats all that matters isint it??

Ah yeah, of course your right! :rolleyes:

You might find out though that when it comes out, you and her wont be happy and that's all that matters, right? :rolleyes:

K-9

I take it if you where married to this woman and she wasn't happy, you'd be as understanding when she had an affair? You know, she'd be happy and he'd be happy and that's all that matters.

Cormster

Hello OP - I think that while she may be getting benefit from her relationship with you, if she is so unhappy with her marriage she should consider either making a go of it or getting out of it- I think there will negative long term effects for her otherwise (in terms of emotional closure etc). Hopefully you can help her out either way. Good luck.

Talliesin

rentahand wrote:

is it right or wrong to be with someone who is married

Well, I'd say (assuming they define their marriage along the monogamous lines most common in this culture) that yes, it's very wrong indeed.

Ultimately that's between you and your gods though.

Here's a slightly different question. Is it conducive to long-term happiness for both of you (lets even ignore the husband for the time being, since we're ignoring the morality of the matter then it doesn't matter so much what happens to him)?

Chances are it isn't. Such affairs rarely give a good return on the emotional investment compared to actually going one way or the other.

Zulu

It's the right thing to do if you're a bad person.

Does that help?

Glowing

OP, you never said whether or not you loved her ......

Zulu

Zulu wrote:

It's the right thing to do if you're a bad person.

Does that help?

If consequences dictate your course of action, it doesnt matter whats right, it only wrong if you get caught........

Knockoff Nige

Deleted User wrote:

If consequences dictate your course of action, it doesnt matter whats right, it only wrong if you get caught........

And what about morally? Or inevitability?

K-9

Deleted User wrote:

If consequences dictate your course of action, it doesnt matter whats right, it only wrong if you get caught........

What about the time and effort she's wasting on this fella, that could be used in her marriage.

Anyway if she's worth the effort, he should wait until she's decided to leave the marriage. Then again maybe he believes she's going to have an affair anyway so he might as well be the one!

iceman777

The main point of this should be honesty towards her husband. If she is having some sort of physical/intimate relationship with you, then I think she should leave her husband.
It is not unfair to him for her having emotions for someone else, but it would be fair for her to tell him that the marriage is not working for her.

On the other hand, the marraige might be somewhat stale and this attention you are showing her is exciting and makes her feel wanted again.

I do agree that if the time she spends with you could be used to reconcile her marraige difficulties (if any) or rekindle the flame in her marraige. If that fails, then she should leave her husband, but then you are the person she is rebounding with so it might be better on your part to leave it for a while, which is easier said than done obviously, but then you will know if she is serious about you or not.

Personally, I do not see that becasue it is a marriage it is morally wrong. Marraige is just signed paper between 2 people. The matter of fact is that it is supposed to be a committed relationship. In this case she does not seem to be committed so the bottom line is for her to sort out the issues with her husband and from there do 2 things:

1. Stay with her husband
2. Leave and do what she wants with you

Best of luck with it all.

tbh

what goes around, comes around.

jawlie

rentahand wrote:

is it right or wrong to be with someone who is married i know its wrong on there part but is it wrong on my part to encourage her to be with me even though i know shes married but not happy with the guy?? is everbody fair game or am i doing her more harm you see i think when im with her i make her happy i just wondered do people think im doing her more harm than good but surely if shes happy and im happy then thats all that matters isint it??

If she is "married but not happy with the guy" why does she stay with him?

What do you think it says about her character that she is prepared to cheat on someone to whom she has made a promise that they would be faithful? (Assuming they have)

What do you think it says about you that you are prepared to encourage someone to break their promise to their partner?

LegacyUser

sorry for the lack of punctuation marks for that idiot who pointed it out get a life prick............,,,,,,,,...........
anyway thanks all for the advice i think its hard to explain fully how you feel about someone in words and sometimes things just happen that bring two people together the way i see it is a relationship is like a job you dont stay in the same job forever so why stay in the same relationship plus your not going to leave your job unless you have another one so you have to look around and see if you like your new job before starting it.

SarahSassy

rentahand wrote:

sorry for the lack of punctuation marks for that idiot who pointed it out get a life prick............,,,,,,,,...........

Well, aren't you the little pot of charm - you sound like a total fool. You came on to a public site and asked for the opinions of strangers... Now you dont like what you are hearing and are throwing your rattle out of your pram....

rentahand wrote:

anyway thanks all for the advice i think its hard to explain fully how you feel about someone in words and sometimes things just happen that bring two people together the way i see it is a relationship is like a job you dont stay in the same job forever so why stay in the same relationship plus your not going to leave your job unless you have another one so you have to look around and see if you like your new job before starting it.

You look like you have it justified to yourself so why are you even asking anyone's opinion? Sure people can defend anything they choose to convince themselves of ..... The pair of ye deserve each other.

biko

handofgod wrote:

go for it mate shes fair game dont mind anybody else here they prolly couldnt score in a brothel just jealousy!

Worst advice yet (and you know it, unregged poster )
If you two are happy together then she should file for divorce/separate and you wouldn't have to sneak around.
Btw, you really need to work on you punctuation. My eyes hurt from decoding your posts.

K-9

rentahand wrote:

i think its hard to explain

Yeah, sentences do help though!:rolleyes:

rentahand wrote:

the way i see it is a relationship is like a job you dont stay in the same job forever so why stay in the same relationship

So, I take it, your ok with her moving to a new job after you then!

rentahand wrote:

plus your not going to leave your job unless you have another one so you have to look around and see if you like your new job before starting it.

A career break is better, gets everything into perspective. A rebound is never good.

milkerman

'Judge not lest ye be judged'
We dont know the full details of this woman's marriage, so I am not going to throw stones at either of you.
I think however, that if all society thought like you this would be one ****ty world to live in. You will be a victim of your own version of morality in time.
Perhaps you should explain to this woman that she is just like a job & sooner or later she will get a P45. I wonder if she subscribes to the same way of thinking as you?
Hope my punctuation is up to scratch. Perhaps another leathering down the local CBS is needed.

How Strange

rentahand.... sorry for the lack of punctuation marks for that idiot who pointed it out get a life prick............,,,,,,,,...........

Quite the charmer. No wonder your married lady friend got caught up with you.

just happen that bring two people together the way i see it is a relationship is like a job you dont stay in the same job forever so why stay in the same relationship

You came onto this forum asking if the situation you've gotten yourself was right or wrong. IMO, as I've said before, you know its wrong and moreover from your reply you've rationalised the whole thing to justify your behaviour.

Victor

rentahand wrote:

sorry for the lack of punctuation marks for that idiot who pointed it out get a life prick......

I'm sorry, but theres no need for that.

NextSteps

rentahand wrote:

sorry for the lack of punctuation marks for that idiot who pointed it out get a life prick............,,,,,,,,...........
anyway thanks all for the advice i think its hard to explain fully how you feel about someone in words and sometimes things just happen that bring two people together the way i see it is a relationship is like a job you dont stay in the same job forever so why stay in the same relationship plus your not going to leave your job unless you have another one so you have to look around and see if you like your new job before starting it.

A relationship is NOT like a job!

littlemizz

if you thought your actions were right you wouldn even need to ask. if she is unhappy in her marrage she should try an sort through her problems with her husband, if that fails she should leave altogether as ther is no point living in an unhappy household without love.

in my opinion she is happier with you because the grass is always greener aint it? being with you is something new an exciting a change in her life, perhaps the spice in her mundane task filled life. its gonna end in tears therefore it has to be wrong.

Chinafoot

I feel that the responsibilty lies with the person who is in the relationship/marriage as they are the ones doing the cheating. However, as far as I'm concerned that only applies if the person they are cheating with is unaware of their relationship.

You know she's married so yes, it's wrong.

K-9

Don't know if its been asked before, is there children involved? Are you willing to take them on board as well, as is part of your responsibility in this case, and you do have responsibilities when you have an affair with a married women with children in an unhappy marriage? Or will they get the the P45 as well?

pretty-in-pink

OP- be nice, ffs, you asked a question, deal with the answers, morally speaking you are very wrong- if shes unhappy she will become sinsle,a nd then wrk away.....

*steps out of character

it may be the vodka, but I doubt it- fun can be great, but it never lasts as fun, someone gets involved, if its you, her hubby never knows and she doesn't neglect him, then whatever. or if he's ok with sharing, do what you want, you will anyway
*end out of character

hmmmm thats a lot of "if's", guess it means that no matter how you look at it, behind someones back is wrong. If you like her, you'll wait, and vice versa. otherwise its just sex, and once marriage/love/commitment is involved, well sex is much more, and infidelity is WRONG

Mr. Incognito

You deserve each other. I'm sure you'll be "happy" together. She sounds like a great catch. disloyal, deceitful, married. Go you.