Poem

Bobon

hi, i've been lyin awake thinkin absolutely loads of things as you do sometimes. Thinkin about everything and nothing, if that makes sense.
Please have a read, let me know what u think.


I sometimes live in fear of life,
I fear of work, I fear of night,
I fear of driving my car in daylight.

Insanity, an ideology,
it deprives us of our reality.
What is real, what is fake,
It's too much for my mind to take,

And then it hit's me,
Reality.
The thing we forgot about,
the thing that we blocked out.

The universe, the galaxy,
the sun, moon the star and seas.
It's so simple, so easy to embrace,
We are floating on a rock in the middle of space.

But the earth is spinning
at too fast a speed,
we're consumed by hate,
by fear and greed.

We strive to compete,
to be the best,
No one will get in our way,
survival of the fittest.

To want the world,
it makes no sense,
whats here and now,
is much more immense.

Life's not about the
hands we shake,
it's all about the
bonds we make.

It's reaching to that
higher state,
It's kindess we share,
we gravitate.

The negativity,
we must rise above,
when is we really need is
love.:)

trilo

Great job Bobon.
A lot of hurt and pain in that poem i think and then the end there is some hope. I like it.

Bobon

Thanks Trilo. As you can probably tell, I don't write poetry too often. I just wrote it on the spur of the moment. It was more thoughts that I had to get out, so I put them on this forum, not sure why, suppose I wanted others to read it.

This sounds a little sad but the world is a mad place and we sometimes seem to forget how lucky we are to be alive. Life can be tough as hell but it is also amazing. To think, we are all sharing a space in time. We exist right NOW.
Anyway, i'm ****e-ing on here but that was the jist of what i was thinkin.

Thanks again for the feedback

Deliverance

Bobon wrote:

hi, i've been lyin awake thinkin absolutely loads of things as you do sometimes. Thinkin about everything and nothing, if that makes sense.
Please have a read, let me know what u think.


I sometimes live in fear of life,
I fear of work, I fear of night,
I fear of driving my car in daylight.

Insanity, an ideology,
it deprives us of our reality.
What is real, what is fake,
It's too much for my mind to take,

And then it hit's me,
Reality.
The thing we forgot about,
the thing that we blocked out.

The universe, the galaxy,
the sun, moon the star and seas.
It's so simple, so easy to embrace,
We are floating on a rock in the middle of space.

But the earth is spinning
at too fast a speed,
we're consumed by hate,
by fear and greed.

We strive to compete,
to be the best,
No one will get in our way,
survival of the fittest.

To want the world,
it makes no sense,
whats here and now,
is much more immense.

Life's not about the
hands we shake,
it's all about the
bonds we make.

It's reaching to that
higher state,
It's kindess we share,
we gravitate.

The negativity,
we must rise above,
when is we really need is
love.:)

The beatles got there before you by decades, nice poem though, and nice thoughts, well done.

Outcast

Good job, I like it. There's a lot of feeling, and a cool frenetic kind of energy to it.

Bobon

Lol, yeah I questioned putting in that last line,
but I couldn't find anything better that suited
what I was tryin to say.

Thanks for the feedback

evian

i love it

Insect Overlord

I like the ideas and the feelings expressed here. These are thoughts a lot of us can relate to and the language used isn't too complicated so I can see why it's getting such a good response. My only criticism would be the use of clichéed lines and rhymes. I think the Beatles one has been pointed out already! In the long run it's good to try and find new ways of saying things. That said, you've done very well here for someone who doesn't write often. Keep it up!

Gillie

Bobon wrote: »

hi, i've been lyin awake thinkin absolutely loads of things as you do sometimes. Thinkin about everything and nothing, if that makes sense.
Please have a read, let me know what u think.


I sometimes live in fear of life,
I fear of work, I fear of night,
I fear of driving my car in daylight.

Insanity, an ideology,
it deprives us of our reality.
What is real, what is fake,
It's too much for my mind to take,

And then it hit's me,
Reality.
The thing we forgot about,
the thing that we blocked out.

The universe, the galaxy,
the sun, moon the star and seas.
It's so simple, so easy to embrace,
We are floating on a rock in the middle of space.

But the earth is spinning
at too fast a speed,
we're consumed by hate,
by fear and greed.

We strive to compete,
to be the best,
No one will get in our way,
survival of the fittest.

To want the world,
it makes no sense,
whats here and now,
is much more immense.

Life's not about the
hands we shake,
it's all about the
bonds we make.

It's reaching to that
higher state,
It's kindess we share,
we gravitate.

The negativity,
we must rise above,
when is we really need is
love.:)

Went through that spell when I wa about 14/15 and wrote a string of poems. I laugh when I look back at them now as they make feck all sense to me!:D

Anyway. I like it.

Maybe someday i'll pluck up the courage to post something up here!

Laura Appleby

I dont get it. Whats it supposed to be about you guys? I really can't relate to anything in it. Its sad that your scared; it reminds me of Mr Big in sex and the city the way hes really scared of committment

Bobon

Gillie, when I was 14/15, absolutely none of this went through my mind. I didn't really have a care in the world. All I gave a **** about was where i can get some money to get drink/drugs or whatever else I could get my hands on. I never questioned existence. You must have been a bright teenager.

Laura, I'll tell you what I was on about. Basically since i've started workin these last few years, i've realised how life is a little ****ed up. I know it sounds a little dramatic but bare with me. As i said above, when you're a teenager you've not got a care in the world. When you finish school/college you begin working for 8.5 hours a day, 5 days a weeks etc. etc. for 40 years. It's scary to think that we dedicate so much time to something that should be irrelevant when what should really be concentrating on i.e, family friends etc., we seem to have so little time for.

The fear again is also ridiculous. Not that I feel this all the time, i felt it the night i wrote it. By the way its' nothin to do with commitment. It's more a fear of never doing the things I want to do in life. I realise it's stupd thinkin this way as i'm still young and i've got plenty of time to do everything i want in life. Also life is too short to think this way. It's just for some reason, it was overpowering the night I wrote it. Anyway I hope this explains it a little

Laura Appleby

Wow, i never thought about life that way before. Maybe all you need is a killer night in Bondi!!! Just messing, but seriously, its making me feel so sad that you feel like that, that any one can look at life that way. It must be how life looks from the gutter or zimababyia.

When i feel sad, usually the girls just take me to down south and we go boating. You have simply got to try it. there is something transcedental about being at one with the waves. not surfing but looking at the boys surfing. I work part time at a hotel, as a receptionist and one time, my manager-who is super sweet, was all 'Laura, you got to be here at ..'whatever time, and its such bull! Sorry for cursing but why should we ever have to be anywhere at certain times, especially after Niaomi has a pre 21st bash in monaghan!!!