Confidence in a bottle.

Turquoise

If only there was such a thing!! :rolleyes:
This is probably going to sound silly, but any suggestions on gaining some confidence in myself? I know it has to come from within, and nobody else can make me feel happy in myself...but it's gone so far that I don't know how to turn it around, you know?
I hate so much more than just my appearance these days, it's the sound of my voice and the things I say, the way I feel and the way I make other people feel...everything really.
Anyhooooo, hope this doesn't come across as a pity-me-post, because that's so not what it's about.
Any advice is appreciated.

Talliesin

Confidence comes from doing things well.

Doing things well comes from hard work.

When there are things - anything - that you know you can do damn well, confidence comes naturally and that extends to the rest of your life also.

Knockoff Nige

An excercise I often do is when I'm walking down the street I look at the tops of the buildings and imagine being as tall as them. Bascially, I've got my head up high, I'm aware of my right to be going where I'm going and I'm nice enough to catch a smile from a beautiful girl walking past. Do this excersise and see how it works for you. You should feel very empowered.

Also, I said this to someone on here before. If you are calling someone, ask them if they are free to talk. If they say yes, then rant away until your done. You are not in anyones way, you are just getting what you want out of life in every big and small way. Enjoy the sound of your voice and make it sound more confident. Talk clear and at the right level and hold a 'please to meet you' smile as often as possible.

You might want to analyse your job and other surroundings and make sure you are comfortable in them.

Theres plenty of self help books available which are very very helpful. Start with Tony Robbins. Probably the best in the business.

remus808

Confidence in a bottle.

You got it in one there.

Turquoise

Hhhmm...so what if you're not good at anything? Lol.
The only thing I'm good at is learning...I'm smart, and deep down I know that, most of the time - but that hasn't helped my confidence.
I'm not afraid to work at this, it'd be damn easier than dealing with these feelings forever...I just don't know where to start.

Turquoise

Knockoff Nige wrote:

An excercise I often do is when I'm walking down the street I look at the tops of the buildings and imagine being as tall as them. Bascially, I've got my head up high, I'm aware of my right to be going where I'm going and I'm nice enough to catch a smile from a beautiful girl walking past. Do this excersise and see how it works for you. You should feel very empowered.

I'm not sure I'm interested in smiles from beautiful girls, but I get your drift. Thank you, I'll try that.
I'll also keep an eye out for that book next time I'm in town.



Lol at the smirnoff. Drink does help, but turning up drunk at school might not impress people.

Marksie

Confidence comes from accepting yourself for who you are, what you look like and the awareness that you are unique.

It takes time and effort and you are correct in that only you can do it.
Isolate and write down what you dont like about yourself.
Make a list.

Look at that list and determine what are the most important things you want to change, then look at the list and see what is easiest to change.

Start with small steps and the easiest things determine how you are going to change them.
Once you have changed one, move onto another, as you change them so your confidence will grow for the next on the list.
Accept somethings about yourself you cannot change. If you have a setback, look at it not as a failure but as a lesson.
Keep telling yourself thath you are better than you think you are and that the only stumbling block is the view of yourself.

Knockoff Nige

Talliesin wrote:

Confidence comes from doing things well.

Doing things well comes from hard work.

When there are things - anything - that you know you can do damn well, confidence comes naturally and that extends to the rest of your life also.

I think there are many people who are confident in their ability to do their job but they fail in a social setting. Social intelligence is not connected to your IQ. Its entirely different and needs training of its own if you dont have a strong social intelligence.

King of Kings

tbh martial arts and weight training has helped loadsa lads I've trained with. (me included)
the knowledge that you are big and strong carries into your daily life. also weight training will increase your testosterone and make you more confident anyhow.

Turquoise

Marksie wrote:

It takes time and effort and you are correct in that only you can do it.
Isolate and write down what you dont like about yourself.
Make a list.

Look at that list and determine what are the most important things you want to change, then look at the list and see what is easiest to change.

It'll be a long list, but I'll try. :rolleyes:
Seriously though, that's a good idea, thank you. I guess making little changes one at a time is easier than trying to change things overnight - I just struggle with my patience (or lack thereof).

mikemac

=Turquoise
The only thing I'm good at is learning...I'm smart, and deep down I know that, most of the time - but that hasn't helped my confidence.

Sure you're putting yourself down right there. Are you no good at sports, only learning??

Maybe try a contest.
Here's a link to a fitness contest. Stick to that for 12 weeks and you'd be pretty confident as well as in great shape. I've seen a few people on fitness forum mention it. Looks cool

+1 for Tony Robbins. His tape programs are expensive
(but they're cheap on ebay;) )

Overheal

Confidence can come from little things. For me, one day nearing the end of a mass depression I just said ****it - shaved the head with a 0-blade, donned some sunglasses and started wearing socks and sandals.

Oh yeah.

Basically I just completely shed my previous image - not totally: the sandals and the sunnies would have happened anyway but you have no idea how giddy you can get after a clean shave the psychological effect is a fresh start: you're basically saying 'I'm not quite the same person I was before' (the depressed, confidence lacking person). I found it very uplifting.

You'll get more attention. Thats to be expected. Confidence will come out of it somehow. The best thing is to accept compliments no matter how abstract (even if it may not be, accept it as one anyway) and when/if someone criticises you about it just brush it off (" I like it, even if you don't") sounds corny but the effect is impressive.

Turquoise

King of Kings wrote:

tbh martial arts and weight training has helped loadsa lads I've trained with. (me included)
the knowledge that you are big and strong carries into your daily life. also weight training will increase your testosterone and make you more confident anyhow.

Tbh, increased testosterone and "being big and strong" are not really what I'm going for....not knocking your advice though, I'm sure it'd help for some people.

Turquoise

micmclo wrote:

Sure you're putting yourself down right there. Are you no good at sports, only learning??

Maybe try a contest.
Here's a link to a fitness contest. Stick to that for 12 weeks and you'd be pretty confident as well as in great shape. I've seen a few people on fitness forum mention it. Looks cool

+1 for Tony Robbins. His tape programs are expensive
(but they're cheap on ebay;) )

I wasn't really putting myself down...just being honest. :rolleyes:
Nah, I'm ****e at sports. I used to be good...but I just lost it. :mad: I think it's partly down to lack of fitness, but even last year when I was running on the treadmill 3 times a week, and capable of running 10km on it - I was no good at hockey. (I still play, but I really am bad, and that's not low self-confidence speaking, that's the truth) ;P
I'll check out that link though, thank you.

Overheal wrote:

Confidence can come from little things. For me, one day nearing the end of a mass depression I just said ****it - shaved the head with a 0-blade, donned some sunglasses and started wearing socks and sandals.

Socks and sandals - always a winner. My hair is one of the few things I am fond of, so that's not going anywhere. :eek: I get what you're saying though...it's putting it into practice that I'll struggle with.

Talliesin

Turquoise wrote:

The only thing I'm good at is learning

If you're good at learning then you can pick up skills.

Something where you can look at your labours and say "I made that" or so on is going to have a boost that a more abstract thing like the ability to acquire facts will.

Marksie

Turquoise wrote:

It'll be a long list, but I'll try.

Turquoise wrote:

I wasn't really putting myself down...just being honest. :rolleyes:

You are a little. Or at least acting a little negatively.
you can start with note to self: must not be negative :-), be more patient.

At the end: hair good will treat it to a brush or nice cut

Overheal

Turquoise wrote:

Socks and sandals - always a winner. My hair is one of the few things I am fond of, so that's not going anywhere. :eek: I get what you're saying though...it's putting it into practice that I'll struggle with.

See? You like your hair! Thats something! Go with the hair - theres yer confidence.

But still - Im in favor of shaving it: show everyone and yourself that you're a new being; a creature less susceptible to being hurt.

sorry, had to steal a lyric there

Turquoise

Marksie wrote:

You are a little. Or at least acting a little negatively.
you can start with note to self: must not be negative :-), be more patient.

I'm naturally a pessimist...it's not an attractive quality, I'm working on it.

Marksie wrote:

At the end: hair good will treat it to a brush or nice cut

I just got it cut this weekend actually, everyone says it's nice, but I don't like it at the moment. :rolleyes: It'll grow on me, I'm sure.

Turquoise

Overheal wrote:

See? You like your hair! Thats something! Go with the hair - theres yer confidence.

But still - Im in favor of shaving it: show everyone and yourself that you're a new being; a creature less susceptible to being hurt.

sorry, had to steal a lyric there

Lol, I spent YEARS growing it after the darling mammy had it in a bob for so long, there is no way on earth it's being shaved off. :eek:

Overheal

I dunno man - half a bottle of Jaeger will put some great ideas into you

JC 2K3

The best bit of advice I can offer you is to remember these 4 words: "I am good enough".

Apply this to every aspect of your life.

Caliden

Don't just try cardio, try building muscle too.

And t repeat the old PI cliche, join a club/take up a martial art