GF Stolen !

LegacyUser

OK - not as funny as the title would seem.
Basically I was going out with this girl for 2 1/2 Yrs - on and off.
We had some issues but mainly got on very well. One of them being that i moved down the country for a while - but we were still seeing each other.
Anyway about a month ago I went on a trip to spain with some work colleagues.
when I came back she broke up with me - saying that I had cheated on her when I was away.
I did not cheat so asked her for some proof and asked her who said it to her.
After two weeks she told me that she was lied to by someone and that HE had made it up because he thought me and her did not get on well.
I was pissed off but we had a good chat about it and sorted out our trust issues. we had a real good heart to heart and decided we would make a real go of things and explained how much we loved each other.
I was Happy.
Then 2 days later I got a txt from her saying that she didn't want to be with me anymore and on top of that she had been cheating on me for a while with a guy she named and I guess that was the guy who lied to her about me.

I tried to call but she didn't answer, and got txt from her that said "never contact me again"

I was in love with this girl - still am... and I was pretty sure she felt the same.
I'm trying to figure out if she was lying to me all along or did this new guy turn her against me...

It's wreckin my head.

feels good to get it off my chest...

Marksie

Unhappy1 wrote:

I'm trying to figure out if she was lying to me all along or did this new guy turn her against me...

It's wreckin my head.

It will if you keep thinking about it. There is no point, neother will it do any good.

Unhappy1 wrote:

I tried to call but she didn't answer, and got txt from her that said "never contact me again"

She has given you the best and most direct advice.

Overheal

Holy ****. That goes against every fibre of my being (assuming I know what the vil guy is up to)

That sonnofabitch.

well is it possible that lad sent the texts? maybe? yes?

Find some form of Comm he shouldnt be able to intercept. Maybe a family member of hers. Something doesnt sound right.

you've already said by your own admission that she said by HER own admission (and in person?) that this guy was lying to her?

It doesnt add up. It just does not compute.

Go do what you have to do to be sure that this is her intention. But you have to be prepared that it might be. If that happens you will have a whole new set of issues and challenges to overcome.

Knockoff Nige

Really impossible to know what to think of this without knowing more. Perhaps this girl is very naive and was fed a very very beleiveable story about you from this guy. Quite possible as girls can be very naive. Anyway, if she has cheated on you then I say rise above it. People close to us often hurt us the most, dont let this develop trust issues with people as these kinds of people are in the minority. Move on with your life, learn to dislike this girl completely, you dont need to remember good times. You shouldnt feel 'screwed' as these 2 people deserve each other. Anyone who has sex outside of their relationship without the others consent is a poor lousy human being. Become stronger for this and you will be happier than what you thought you were before this incident.

People are cruel, but what goes around comes around.

Mazeire

God she was very easily convinced wasn't she? To be honest as a woman (for i has da skills...ahem...) i'd say one of two things:

1. yes she was already with the new guy even before you left for Spain and was trying to get out of the relationship with you to be with him and still keep the moral highground. After all its a lot easier to explain to family and friends (because i'd say after 2 1/2 years you know most of them) that she left you because you acted like an ass and new guy is the bloke who is going to rescue her, rather than say "yes i cheated on unhappy with newbie. I know you all really liked unhappy but i want you all to please accept newbie, the guy who made him miserable".

or:

2. She has out of nowhere become a paranoid nutjob. Or you guys went through something pretty major as a couple before you left for Spain and during the time alone she kind of went a bit odd.

See arent both delightful? Right i'm off to eat a basket of lemons.....

LegacyUser

Overheal wrote:

Holy ****. That goes against every fibre of my being (assuming I know what the vil guy is up to)

That sonnofabitch.

well is it possible that lad sent the texts? maybe? yes?

Find some form of Comm he shouldnt be able to intercept. Maybe a family member of hers. Something doesnt sound right.

you've already said by your own admission that she said by HER own admission (and in person?) that this guy was lying to her?

It doesnt add up. It just does not compute.

Go do what you have to do to be sure that this is her intention. But you have to be prepared that it might be. If that happens you will have a whole new set of issues and challenges to overcome.

Yeah - If what she said is true he's a nasty fuc*er
I'm not sure if he sent the txts or not.
If he lied to break us up before he well could have sent the txts.

But on the other hand maybe her and him made the whole story up about me cheating in order so that she could break up without me finding out what was happening.
But if that's true why did she get tell me what happened , apologized and got back with me and then dump me again 2 days later.
It does feel like the new chap may be making her mind up for her.....

LegacyUser

To nige and Mazeire
I can see where ya are coming from - the problem is that she is a bit naive and can be led to believe a lot of things.
I did move down the country just before going to spain but we were seeing each other more then cause I got a place to myself.
Maybe me going away made her lonely and she confided in a "friend" who took advantage....

Quigs Snr

She sounds like either a basketcase or a bullsh*tter. Better rid of her either way. Wanted to make it your fault (cowardly) then changed her mind and then changed again, you would have had a miserable life with her mate, been through a similar one myself once. Will take a bit of time to get it out of your system. But I wouldn't let this other plonker get your back up either, if she was cheating on you with him, he may think he has won for now, give it a while though and they are settled and she starts going out with her mates etc.. he will think she is doing the same to him. Things that start in that fashion usually end badlY.

Best way to get revenge on a man who steals your other half ? Let him keep her. That'll learn im !

LegacyUser

Quigs Snr wrote:

Best way to get revenge on a man who steals your other half ? Let him keep her. That'll learn im !

That made me laugh - cheers
I can see your point - maybe they deserve each other...

SarahSassy

A girl cant 'be stolen' unless she wants to be..... It sounds like she was looking for an excuse to dump you and you should count your blessings cos (a) she doesnt have the balls/backbone to tell you to your face and (b) she is so emotionally needy that she jumped into another relationship....

She does not sound like ideal gf material and I suspect you will realise this sooner than you think.....

Bottle_of_Smoke

It's a weird one. Even if the guy sent the texts one would imagine she'd have contacted you by now.

So unless he's made up further shi t.

Any mutual friends?

Mazeire

Unhappy1 wrote:

To nige and Mazeire
I can see where ya are coming from - the problem is that she is a bit naive and can be led to believe a lot of things.
I did move down the country just before going to spain but we were seeing each other more then cause I got a place to myself.
Maybe me going away made her lonely and she confided in a "friend" who took advantage....

Or maybe it's you who are a bit naive and was led to believe she's a gullible eejit? Sorry i don't mean to sound angry but thats very patronising and you really don't sound like you have any respect for her.I mean were you her boyfriend or her babysitter? If your relationship was going well a year in the backar*e of timbucktoo wouldn't have made a difference to it.

Overheal

Unhappy1 wrote:

Yeah - If what she said is true he's a nasty fuc*er
I'm not sure if he sent the txts or not.
If he lied to break us up before he well could have sent the txts.

But on the other hand maybe her and him made the whole story up about me cheating in order so that she could break up without me finding out what was happening.
But if that's true why did she get tell me what happened , apologized and got back with me and then dump me again 2 days later.
It does feel like the new chap may be making her mind up for her.....

I want to rule that out -

1) I always think the best of people or try very hard to: if you dont have that outset than the world is ****ed.

2) If you had a heart to heart and re-established your trust issues I can't imagine her canniving/plotting/scheming something just to break up with you like THAT.

I've seen and hell, on the black side of my concsious (because everybody has one) I've considered it could happen, but my goodness: Nobody would go and re-establish a love and trust just to **** on you again 2 days later. That still doesnt make any sense to me. If she really did want to dump you for him it seems like much less hurt to just say that in the first place.


Unhappy, I think the best thing to do is to do a handwritten letter. Type it out first if need be but it needs to be finalised by hand: write down your point of view into this letter and see that she gets it by hand in some manner.
Hand written words carry a lot of weight. Be mindful of that though; if you decide to write this letter you will end up pouring a part of yourself into it (which is why its such a potent asset).

If you still care for her and want to be with her,or you even just want to make sure she gets your side of events, then you need to do this in my humble opinion.

Wibbs

Mazeire wrote:

God she was very easily convinced wasn't she? To be honest as a woman (for i has da skills...ahem...) i'd say one of two things:

1. yes she was already with the new guy even before you left for Spain and was trying to get out of the relationship with you to be with him and still keep the moral highground. After all its a lot easier to explain to family and friends (because i'd say after 2 1/2 years you know most of them) that she left you because you acted like an ass and new guy is the bloke who is going to rescue her, rather than say "yes i cheated on unhappy with newbie. I know you all really liked unhappy but i want you all to please accept newbie, the guy who made him miserable".

or:

2. She has out of nowhere become a paranoid nutjob. Or you guys went through something pretty major as a couple before you left for Spain and during the time alone she kind of went a bit odd.

Yea I'd go along with that. Look no one can be "stolen" from you as they don't belong to you in the first place. They either want to be with you or they don't. That's it really. Actions speak louder than words and her actions of jumping on new guy like this speak volumes. She simply found someone else she wanted to jump more than you. She found someone she thought a better bet for the future. Harsh? Maybe. True? Pretty much. Nobody is that dense to be that easily swayed. If she is that dense you are so better off without a swivel eyed looper like that. I would agree that she was with the new guy before you officially broke up. I'd put money on it. If someone starts with someone new within a week or two of an old relationship going tits up then in 99.9999% of cases it was planned.

Walk away and don't look back. If she does come back down the line after working out that new guy isn't all he's cracked up to be(which happens a lot BTW), then tell her to take a hike in a nice polite way of course. If you still like her at that stage(though I would think you mad)
, then make sure she works damn hard to regain your trust.

Without bein too blunt.....F*ck her and F*ck him. Theyre both lowlifes and in time ur gonna realise that ur better off without that kind of person in your life. believe me, ive had some bad experiences and ill tell ya now, your gonna get over it.


Its not the end of the world, just feels like it is. It will pass. Hang in there dude.

Caliden

Tell her you hope she had the best days of her life with you and what goes around comes around.

If she loved you she wouldn't have broken up with you but if past personal experiences and what has happened with some of my friends are anything to go by, there's a 50/50 chance she'll be on your doorstep within a month and then you can tell her to **** off in person.

Miss Fluff

Take her advice and don't contact her again. I wouldn't waste your time on her.

Reku

Miss Fluff wrote:

Take her advice and don't contact her again. I wouldn't waste your time on her.

Agreed, I know it's hard since the pain is fresh but think how her and this other lad have treated you and think to yourself "do I really want either of them as friends?" I think you'll realise you're better off treating them like they had the plague and avoiding them completely.
If you have mutual friends make sure to get your side of the story out there so that they don't go around pegging you as the bad guy but at the same time try not to be too bitter about it or you'll just do that for them.

How Strange

OP, IMO something was going on with your girlfriend and this friend at some stage before she accused you of cheating and broke up with you.

Its a classic cowardly tactic to accuse the other person of something to initiate the break-up so they don't feel so bad.

Also, no-one can steal your gf no matter how gullible she may seem. He isn't the scarlet pimpernel.

If this is how she treated you after 2.5 years then it speaks volumes about what type of person she is.

Move on, don't contact her again (for your sake because you deserve better) and hopefully you will meet a girl who treats you with respect and honesty next time.

Silent Grape

knockoff nige, the way you said 'girls can be very naiive' is very annoying. dont you mean, dont you mean 'people can be very naiive?' of course girls can be naiive, but so can boys, and women and men and old people. the way you said made it sound like girls were the only type of human to be naiive. limiting it to girls is vaguely patronising.

dlofnep

Sorry to hear you got screwed over buddy. I think she accused you of cheating while you were on holidays chancing her arm, incase you admitted to something - so she would have a guilty free conscience when she left you for someone else.

You don't need someone like that in your life. You're better than her. Ending a relationship mutually doesn't hurt nearly half as much as when you're not given the choice. So that will be in the back of your mind, but it's purely psychological.. I hope you get over her soon.

Best of luck a chara.

strawberrybox

this all sounds a bit odd, i think the other bloke probably sent the texts mabye without her knowing and now he is in her ear saying see i told you he doesnt care about you seeing as you cant get in contact- incidently why are you taking this lying down after 2 and half years you should demand some sort of proper explination you deserve it after this long why havent you gone around to her place and had it out face to face? never mind all this i cant get in touch malarkey if that was me i would be straight round there demanding to know what the **** was going on, if she doesnt want to be with you then fine and frankly i think your better off with out her but at least you will have some sort of closure,

Gumbyman

Not sure if anybody has said this already but sounds to me like she heard more stories and is believing them. She hasn't been cheating on you. She said that because she now believes that you are/were cheating on her. She wanted to get revenge. She is angry and lashed out. Sort this out.

My 2c.

LegacyUser

strawberrybox wrote:

incidently why are you taking this lying down after 2 and half years you should demand some sort of proper explination you deserve it

I ain't taking this lying down - I'm trying to sort it out.
I've left messages but she didn't reply. Plus I live about 250 miles away so can't just pop over. Although I will be back around there this weekend and am thinking of poppin in.

Gumbyman wrote:

Not sure if anybody has said this already but sounds to me like she heard more stories and is believing them. She hasn't been cheating on you. She said that because she now believes that you are/were cheating on her. She wanted to get revenge. She is angry and lashed out. Sort this out.

I'd like to believe that - my heart tells me that is the way it is., but my more cynical head says she planned this to hurt as much as she can

To the other posters - I like the idea of a hand written letter.
I basically just want to get to talk to her and hear it straight from her or get some reason as to why it happened. The fact that she only sent a txt and won't return a call leads me to believe that she is hiding something.

Latchy

Hi there, reading the posts replied on this thread reminds me of the story i read recently about the actor terence stamp (superman) not much help i know but funny enough . It seems in his younger days he was sharing a flat with another guy, and sombody spread a rumour around that he was gay (he wasn't ) so as an act of revenge he found out the persons who spread the rumour and then proceeded over a period to seduce all their girlfriends ,LOL ..what a guy .

LegacyUser

'

Mazeire wrote:

Or maybe it's you who are a bit naive and was led to believe she's a gullible eejit? Sorry i don't mean to sound angry but thats very patronising and you really don't sound like you have any respect for her.I mean were you her boyfriend or her babysitter? If your relationship was going well a year in the backar*e of timbucktoo wouldn't have made a difference to it.

I hope i'm not that naive - and i'm pretty feckin sure I am not.
I'm not being patronising I'm being Honest and I have a huge amount of respect for her. But her innocence was one of the things that really attracted me to her.

I really believe she was lied to (well i know that for a fact) but she may have been fed more lies and believed them. I reckon I know her pretty well after 2 1/2 years and this is not like her.

Anyway I reckon I'll call her once more on Thursday - 1 week after she did broke up with me and also maybe write her a letter to explain how I feel.

If I hear nothing after that I reckon that's it.......

I would really like some explanation though

Cheers for all the replies guys'

LegacyUser

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote:

It's a weird one. Even if the guy sent the texts one would imagine she'd have contacted you by now.

So unless he's made up further shi t.

Any mutual friends?

Yeah - I think he prob did.
Or maybe I'm being totally blind to what went on.

As for the mutual friends we have some, but the ones I know the best are in OZ at the mo. So not going to bother them with this

Ah`well - live and learn.
If she does not do the decent thing and offer me some explanation tmrw
then f*ck her.

I'm a firm believer in Karma

LegacyUser

Unhappy1 wrote:

I'm a firm believer in Karma

So am I mate, so am I!

Some other posters might remember the username. Posted a while ago about GF who dumped me over me sharing a bed with a female mate but she really dumped me coz she cheated on me. Found out yesterday that her new fella (the one from the hen weekend) cheated on her and then dumped her sorry ass!!:):)

While i do believe in Karma, i didn't expect it to have the desired effect so quickly!!

Now i'm off to by a Euromillions ticket to see if good karma will help me out....:)

Overheal

Unhappy1:

to yoink a thought from another boardsie in another PI thread: dont contact her too quickly and repeatedly because it will only reaffirm her decision.

But do write the letter. And do deliver it.

If she's hiding anything maybe its the fact that shes confused: maybe she knows something is wrong but isnt ready to admit shes been manipulated?

be sure to include in your thoughts plenty of room for reconcile.

It hasnt even been a week and maybe its too soon... give her time to think without any noise. its hard but it will give her thinking space. Wait till the weekend by doing nothing (no phone calls, texts, emails, etc.), then deliver your letter while its contents are still fresh in memory. It will either serve to her as a way back or closure but she wont be able to ignore the sincerity of it.

SarahSassy

Sin_less wrote:

So am I mate, so am I!

Some other posters might remember the username. Posted a while ago about GF who dumped me over me sharing a bed with a female mate but she really dumped me coz she cheated on me. Found out yesterday that her new fella (the one from the hen weekend) cheated on her and then dumped her sorry ass!!:):)

While i do believe in Karma, i didn't expect it to have the desired effect so quickly!!

Now i'm off to by a Euromillions ticket to see if good karma will help me out....:)

I remember you and the scenario and I hate to say it but Im delighted it backfired on her!!!!!! Miaow.......

LegacyUser

You're not the only one Sarahsassy!!

OP - Best of luck with it all. its a sh!tty situation but hopefully you either:

1. Get her back (if thats what you want) or

2. get some sort of explanation from her (or her friends!!:)) because it makes it a lot easier to move on if you don't have the unanswered questions sloshing around your head

LegacyUser

'Cheers lads and lassies.
I've decided to quit looking for any explaination. She does not seem willing to want to offer one.

I'm gonna write that letter this week and send it off, at least I'll get across how I feel. get some sort of closure.
I'd love to get some reason for why she did what she did - or what's going on with her.
And despite all this I still love the girl !!!

Ah well the ball is in her court now....'