men eh.

LegacyUser

ok so im seeing a lovely lad bout 10 weeks....has been very sweet and attentive until the weekend just gone. cancelled on me friday night over msn then no txt messages later that evening. the following morning and day didnt get in contact until i txted him which was later in the evening then nothing all night. then comes sunday we had sorta planned to do something didnt hear from him so just got fed up waiting on him so headed out with the girlies....

He has since appologised and said that his friend had told him not to be txting me as I would start to like hi to much!!??

Obviously he was the one who ignored me for the weekend, so its his fault.... but like i mean are there any decent lads left out there...

I know its not the worst way of carrying on but letting him away with this is surely showing him im a push over and if our relationship continues i will let him away with whatever he does.....

am i just over reacting...

McGinty

I would remain open, it sounds like he was being honest when he admitted he followed his friends advice but he came out clean about it. Personally I would say I was miffed, ask him not to play mind games again and if he does you will just walk away (you need to mean this bit). There are some men who play mind games, just as there are some women who play mind games, I don't think one sex is worse than the other, but maybe you should set yourself your own rules, that is what is acceptable to you and what is not and then stick to them. There are lovely men too out there but who make silly mistakes, I would give him a chance if it is his first mishap.

LegacyUser

I don't think you're over reacting. It's normal to expect a bit of decency. This guy should be making up his own mind about texting you, not asking his dillhole friend.
You're better off without him, nothing more annoying than a boyfriend/girlfriend who doesn't know his/her own mind.

Talliesin

Pissedofflas wrote:

He has since appologised and said that his friend had told him not to be txting me as I would start to like hi to much!!??

Obviously he was the one who ignored me for the weekend, so its his fault.... but like i mean are there any decent lads left out there...

Sounds more young and stupid than lacking in decency.

Take a look through the older threads in this forum and you'll find that there are a lot both men and women that over-think frequency of communication with someone they are dating to a similar degree.

Of course, if he doesn't cop himself on then you should still dump him - he may be a perfectly decent person, but who wants to date an imbecile either - but if he does cop himself on then I think best to just consider it an example of how everyone is stupid sometimes.

Fanny Cradock

No, there are absolutely no decent men in the world. Scientific fact!

Carrigart Exile

Fanny Cradock wrote:

No, there are absolutely no decent men in the world. Scientific fact!

the number of decent men is in direct proportion to the number of non-attention seeking women

muboop1

Fanny Cradock wrote:

No, there are absolutely no decent men in the world. Scientific fact!

lies!! there are so! gauraunteed we all **** up, but so does everyone... as do girls just in my experience, even if the offense is the same thing, it seems to be considered worse when the guy does it... just my opinion from experiences do...and im not talking about cheating etc... just other stuff!

Knockoff Nige

I think when someone is attracted to someone else, initially the msn and text thing is great fun and when you are really into each other, its really really overly used. When things mellow out a bit (or just become more aware of each other) these things become a bit of chore and so responding to every 5 minute txt is a headache. If you see your boyfriend of only 10 weeks once a week then consider that to be about right for your time together.

Also, on a side note, MSN is a cruel invention in many ways. Its decpetive and things like sarcasm and things like 'no, i'm fine' lose their true meaning. Dont base your relationship on it as you'll not truely know who you're going out with.

Firetrap

What age is this guy? I'd let him away with it if he was 15. Not if he was 25.

Talliesin

Fanny Cradock wrote:

Scientific fact!

"I do not think it means what you think it means"

KingKenny7

i dont think you are over reacting. I did something similar to my g/f the weekend, and I know I am a thick for doing it. I really regret it, I just hope that she can forgive me. Coz I am decent, and she has changed me into a better person.

SarahSassy

Fanny Cradock wrote:

No, there are absolutely no decent men in the world. Scientific fact!

None!!!

In fairness, they get worse the old they get. The guy I am 'dating' asked me out last week, we are meeting this friday and I have heard not one word since... I give up.

Fanny Cradock

I should probably include more :rolleyes: when I'm being sarcastic

Anyway, sarcasm aside. One sex is as guilty of mind games as the other. It would be refreshing if people could just come out with the truth: 'I like you and that is why I want to see you'. Then we could drop all this 'should I leave it 3 days or more' rubbish.

Talliesin wrote:

"I do not think it means what you think it means"

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

Knockoff Nige

SarahSassy wrote:

None!!!

In fairness, they get worse the old they get. The guy I am 'dating' asked me out last week, we are meeting this friday and I have heard not one word since... I give up.

Probably good that he doesnt get in touch. He might be keeping quite now so that there are fewer awkward silences when you meet.

LegacyUser

'

eh? wrote:

I don't think you're over reacting. It's normal to expect a bit of decency. This guy should be making up his own mind about texting you, not asking his dillhole friend.
You're better off without him, nothing more annoying than a boyfriend/girlfriend who doesn't know his/her own mind.

I totally agree. i think your getting off to a bad start. the way you start off moulds the way things are going to be in the future.

Is it possible that his friend is jealous of his new relationship with you??

If I were u I would I would move on.


I would move on if I were u.'

Overheal

Firetrap wrote:

What age is this guy? I'd let him away with it if he was 15. Not if he was 25.

thats hardly a good rule: some 25 year olds have less experience than most 15 year olds poor sods.

I dunno myself to be honest :rolleyes: but maybe he was just looking for a bit o space that weekend? Its nothing to be worried about I'd say. Granted he could have just come out and said it but maybe was afraid you'd take it the wrong way: space is good for relationships (any relationship actually, wether intimate platonic brotherly or otherwise)

and see? during that time it made you miss him that much more: works quite in the opposite method as Gravity im afraid

King of Kings

Fanny Cradock wrote:

No, there are absolutely no decent men in the world. Scientific fact!

funny that - us men say the same about women.

Overheal

Look look look - Im no Mod and dont pretend to be but I don't want to read through all this 'men are stupid' 'women are whores' crap been there done that.... There's very decent good natured people on both sides and I've encountered many.

Aura

Ah listen I'm all out trying to understand them.

I thought it was us women who were the ones who were supposed to blow hot and cold but f&*^ me guys are so much worse! I've had some relationships where I didn't know whether I was walking into a bloody sauna or a freezer it was so on off.

New improved policy shall read... First sign of confusion or hot/cold crap and away I trot singing Mary J.

I pride myself on knowing what I want and have never, to date, been afraid to say it when it comes to matters of the heart but if they can't be straight up too, be it positive or negative, then what's the point?!

In short. Tell him to cop on playing hard to get and grow some!

Overheal

blow hot and cold

kinky.....

edit: soz, Marksie :rolleyes:

to stay on topic so:

I thought it was us women who were the ones who were supposed to blow hot and cold but f&*^ me guys are so much worse! I've had some relationships where I didn't know whether I was walking into a bloody sauna or a freezer it was so on off.

so you admit you play mind games? HA!

I think most of what we do is reactionary. Is with me, anyway. If its too hot I can imagine why he would show a little coldness. Get me?

Marksie

Overheal: keep it on topic please

How Strange

OP, I'd say he got a bit freaked out by the amount of texting and msn'ing you were both doing. You've been seeing each other 2 1/2 months so you are kind of moving into the second phase where you are entering a 'relationship'. I always think that's the make or break period and it can go either way at that stage.

IMO, if the guy is one of those people who texts you all the time and is abit too full on then at some point HE gets cold feet. Go figure! I'm not saying he is right (far from it) but I've met guys like that. So its up to you to slow things right back down again.

I would suggest you ease back on the texting. Don't text each other every day. If you have a plan to meet up say on Wednesday then don't be texting each other on a Monday & Tuesday.

There is such a thing as too much contact especially at the beginning of a relationship.

patrickolee

He sounds like a smuck to me... I don't understand why someone would do that... bizarre.

Aura

Overheal wrote:

kinky.....

edit: soz, Marksie :rolleyes:

to stay on topic so:



so you admit you play mind games? HA!

I think most of what we do is reactionary. Is with me, anyway. If its too hot I can imagine why he would show a little coldness. Get me?

The implication made was that in my PERSONAL experience, offered here on boards as advice or for comparative value, it has oft times been the guys who have sent mixed messages even after blowing hot or indeed “too hot” themselves, despite the common preconception that women are the usual culprits in this respect.

And yup How Strange I would agree there’s definitely such a thing as too much texting at the start of relationship or even further down the line and it’s a horrible cycle to get into. If it’s been completely one sided contact then I agree it should be eased up on completely.

red_ice

Pissedofflas wrote:

ok so im seeing a lovely lad bout 10 weeks....

Ok, thats my main point now for everything.

Pissedofflas wrote:

has been very sweet and attentive until the weekend just gone. cancelled on me friday night over msn then no txt messages later that evening. the following morning and day didnt get in contact until i txted him which was later in the evening then nothing all night.

Sounds to me like you expect him to tell you what hes up to at every stage of the day and it really looks like he has to run everything by you before he does anything. Keep in mind your only seeing him 10 weeks, your not married yet. It sounds like your expecting ALOT from this chap... hes a bloke, wise up.

Pissedofflas wrote:

then comes sunday we had sorta planned to do something didnt hear from him so just got fed up waiting on him so headed out with the girlies....

you 'sorta' planned to do something? Is this your first relationship? Guys dont sorta plan something, its black and white with us. Get over yourself and realise that we dont take hints, we dont do maybe's, its yes or no. We like facts.

Pissedofflas wrote:

He has since appologised and said that his friend had told him not to be txting me as I would start to like hi to much!!??

Im going to take that sentence as "his friend had told him not to be txting me as I would start to text him too much!!??". It sounds to me like your expecting a full blown relationship from this guy and 100% commitment to you. If he listens to his mates over you, THAT SHOULD TELL YOU SOMETHING.

Pissedofflas wrote:

Obviously he was the one who ignored me for the weekend, so its his fault.... but like i mean are there any decent lads left out there...

Are you serious? Obviously he ignored you because you come across as a clingy attention whore.

Pissedofflas wrote:

I know its not the worst way of carrying on but letting him away with this is surely showing him im a push over and if our relationship continues i will let him away with whatever he does.....

No, you see your problem is that your not so much a push over, if you were a pushover you would have done nothing the night he ditched you. Instead you took it apon yourself to go out with the girls. This shows that you had other stuff to do if he wasnt around - so you played that one perfect. On the other hand, you making a post about a guy not texting you shows imo that he has you exactly where he wants you in the relationship and that he is most definitly wearing the pants.

Pissedofflas wrote:

am i just over reacting...

110% yes, totally, your the perfect example of pure needy girlism. Take a chill pill, stop badgering the chap, and if you make a plan set it in concrete. None of this 'sorta made a plan' bullsh1t.

Aura

This is all true I just bemoan the game playing. Is it just a necesary evil then in such matters? What happened to boy likes girl, girl likes boy, or whatever combination applies??

strawberrybox

if thats the only thing the guy has done wrong then i think you are being very harsh on him, he did something a bit immature and took some bad advise off his mate, we have all done that, he obviously likes you and just probably doesnt want to scare you off so tried to act cool and aloof the treat them mean keep them keen school of thought but it backfired a bit- give him a break, i know you want to show him your not there to be messed around so just tell him straight no more games if he wants space just to tell you and if the texting is getting to much just to say it and be mature about it-

KingKenny7

Pissedofflas wrote:

ok so im seeing a lovely lad bout 10 weeks....has been very sweet and attentive until the weekend just gone. cancelled on me friday night over msn then no txt messages later that evening. the following morning and day didnt get in contact until i txted him which was later in the evening then nothing all night. then comes sunday we had sorta planned to do something didnt hear from him so just got fed up waiting on him so headed out with the girlies....

He has since appologised and said that his friend had told him not to be txting me as I would start to like hi to much!!??

Obviously he was the one who ignored me for the weekend, so its his fault.... but like i mean are there any decent lads left out there...

I know its not the worst way of carrying on but letting him away with this is surely showing him im a push over and if our relationship continues i will let him away with whatever he does.....

am i just over reacting...

I am the imfamous boyfriend is all this. I must admit, I was wrong not texting you. I do appologise. In stead of listening to my alcho mate and playing Halo 3 all weekend, eating crisps drinking beer.

But baby, its my knee liagments, I cant play ball for a month nad I fear I may never play again

LegacyUser

'

red_ice wrote:

Ok, thats my main point now for everything.



Sounds to me like you expect him to tell you what hes up to at every stage of the day and it really looks like he has to run everything by you before he does anything. Keep in mind your only seeing him 10 weeks, your not married yet. It sounds like your expecting ALOT from this chap... hes a bloke, wise up.



you 'sorta' planned to do something? Is this your first relationship? Guys dont sorta plan something, its black and white with us. Get over yourself and realise that we dont take hints, we dont do maybe's, its yes or no. We like facts.



Im going to take that sentence as "his friend had told him not to be txting me as I would start to text him too much!!??". It sounds to me like your expecting a full blown relationship from this guy and 100% commitment to you. If he listens to his mates over you, THAT SHOULD TELL YOU SOMETHING.



Are you serious? Obviously he ignored you because you come across as a clingy attention whore.



No, you see your problem is that your not so much a push over, if you were a pushover you would have done nothing the night he ditched you. Instead you took it apon yourself to go out with the girls. This shows that you had other stuff to do if he wasnt around - so you played that one perfect. On the other hand, you making a post about a guy not texting you shows imo that he has you exactly where he wants you in the relationship and that he is most definitly wearing the pants.



110% yes, totally, your the perfect example of pure needy girlism. Take a chill pill, stop badgering the chap, and if you make a plan set it in concrete. None of this 'sorta made a plan' bullsh1t.

You obviously have some hate issues towards women.
Ive never head anything so ridiculous were did you come up with this crap.
I presume you ate bull **** for breakfast.

OP, if I was you i'd leave him, if after such a short time hes already carrying on likea complete moran.

Move to to someone better.'

John Mason

SarahSassy wrote:

None!!!

In fairness, they get worse the old they get. The guy I am 'dating' asked me out last week, we are meeting this friday and I have heard not one word since... I give up.

you are obviously dating the exact same men as me - i have completely given up.

OP, if i were you and you like him, stay with him but dont expect anything from him, just because he said he would call, dont be expecting him to and if he doesnt confirm dates, make your own plans, no point in sitting around waiting to see what his mates new advice is going to be

SarahSassy

irishbird wrote:

you are obviously dating the exact same men as me - i have completely given up.

OP, if i were you and you like him, stay with him but dont expect anything from him, just because he said he would call, dont be expecting him to and if he doesnt confirm dates, make your own plans, no point in sitting around waiting to see what his mates new advice is going to be

Oh I am not waiting for him. If it suits me to meet up with him then I will, if not, I won't.... I guess my problem is that he will send a one line 'how are you?' email before then and we will make arrangements. I guess I feel that he doesnt really want to get to know me and it suits him to have a night out once a week... Time will tell...

OP, I think it was plain bad manners that he didnt call you to cancel your date on Friday night.. I would become much less available - dont log on to msn for a while. Take a day to reply to his texts and see how he likes it.... He started the game playing so I, for what its worth, would give him a taste of his own medicine. Glad to see you are still seeing your friends.

He is calling the shots and sounds a bit jumpy and immature so maybe you should take back some on your 'power' in the relationship. Suit yourself for a while until you both know for sure if this relationship is a runner.

Wibbs

MenAreNoGood wrote:

You obviously have some hate issues towards women.

Bit of a stretch don't you think? At most he takes issue with "needy girlism", which frankly most men do. Indeed "needy boyism" is irritating to women for the same reasons.

OP, if I was you i'd leave him, if after such a short time hes already carrying on likea complete moran.

Eh...what? I'm the one trying to figure out what you had for breakfast now. The guy in the OP's words is a "lovely lad"(bless) and "has been very sweet and attentive". He had a weird one at the weekend and didn't contact her for effectively what amounts to a day and you reckon by some torturous logic that that makes him a complete moron? If that isn't clingy and over reactive I don't know what is. Was he wrong to do it the way he did it? Yes, it lacked manners and thought. Is he wrong to want his own space and a separate life? No. Is he a moron because of that. Temporarily at most.

Move to to someone better.'

So after ten weeks and one slip up you expect her to leave him and find someone "better" until that one makes a "slip up". Oh yea, my crystal ball sees an easy life working on that principle.

Silent Grape

red ice, why was there any need to add 'whore' at the end of that sentence.

'because you come across as attention seeking' would have made the same sense and been a lot less insulting than adding 'whore' on the end.

it kind of shocks me that men can throw around that word without realising how effective and deeply insulting it is.

Mr. Incognito

am i just over reacting...

Yes.

DoubleJoe7

I really think it's an over reaction - he doesn't text for a day or two - big deal! You're only starting out.


It never ceases to amaze me how much women read into mens' actions and assume a Machiavellian MO.

If you're having a nice time with the guy don't let paranoid and jumping to conclusions spoil it.

KingKenny7

DoubleJoe7 wrote:

I really think it's an over reaction - he doesn't text for a day or two - big deal! You're only starting out.


It never ceases to amaze me how much women read into mens' actions and assume a Machiavellian MO.

If you're having a nice time with the guy don't let paranoid and jumping to conclusions spoil it.

Hear Hear Joe.

I totally agree. And for those people who are reading this post, I AM THE BOYFRIEND. The dirty so and so, the eveil one, the one who treats women like mats.

Thats not the case atall. It was a mistake on my part, and lord and behold, we have every man hating woman out there, who have been burnt by a bloke, gets out the big brush and tarnishes all men with it. We're not perfect, but I do try to be good.

red_ice

MenAreNoGood wrote:

'


You obviously have some hate issues towards women.
Ive never head anything so ridiculous were did you come up with this crap.
I presume you ate bull **** for breakfast.

OP, if I was you i'd leave him, if after such a short time hes already carrying on likea complete moran.

Move to to someone better.'

No no no, not at all. I have a nack for using harsh words. My points were all leading to her coming across very clingy. Your obviously a woman, and if your in a relationship you have your man tied down(great use of wording again). My point is, they are a young couple and for her to expect so much from him is wrong. The replies are all male bashing replies when all we know is one side of the story. If you have any clue about men you would understand that we dont work on 'kinda' and 'sorta' when it comes to events. Its either, this day, this time or nothing. The chap posted and explained he was sorry, this situation would have been resolved if he would have just said "i wanna hang out with my mates"

With regards to hate issues to women? you dont know me, id like to keep it that way. fyi (like i give a crap) i am in a very healthy relationship, where i get my space, she gets hers and we each dont have to report in every 2 hours, sh1t happens on a daily basis and doesnt need to be explained in every detail.

As far as moving to someone better is concerned, you obviously have some male issues. Did someone dump in your cheerios? all this "You go girl, he aint man enough for you" lark is utter crap. You should rephrase that to "move on to someone who will do what ever you say and when you say".. very healthy.

Silent Grape wrote:

red ice, why was there any need to add 'whore' at the end of that sentence.

You've never heard the term "attention whore?", i didnt call her a whore.

Silent Grape wrote:

'because you come across as attention seeking' would have made the same sense and been a lot less insulting than adding 'whore' on the end.

Fair enough, i agolapise to the op

Silent Grape wrote:

it kind of shocks me that men can throw around that word without realising how effective and deeply insulting it is.

It shocks me that some people can be so uptight. But lets stick to the topic here.

How Strange

KingKenny7 Quote:...I totally agree. And for those people who are reading this post, I AM THE BOYFRIEND. The dirty so and so, the eveil one, the one who treats women like mats.

KingKenny7 Quote:...I am the imfamous boyfriend is all this. I must admit, I was wrong not texting you. I do appologise. In stead of listening to my alcho mate and playing Halo 3 all weekend, eating crisps drinking beer.

I'm confused. Is KingKenny7 THE boyfriend or just A boyfriend of a random girl that he slightly mistreated?

Wow, that would be embarrassing if he was THE bf. Still confused though

muppetkiller

I doubt KingKenny7 is the bf as he'd hardly post publicly without contacting the OP first. Unless like their relationship it's virtual using MSN and Texting each other

Maybe the fact is that the guy actually really likes you and is so sick of women who he has treated well in the past leaving him because he wasn't a 'challenge'...so his friend told him the 'treat her mean and keep them keen' line ...
yes that was a side rant on my part lol I'm sorry to all the women I was too nice to...I can change I promise...

KingKenny7

How Strange wrote:

I'm confused. Is KingKenny7 THE boyfriend or just A boyfriend of a random girl that he slightly mistreated?

Wow, that would be embarrassing if he was THE bf. Still confused though

I am the Boyfriend, the one pissedofflas is talking about.

Blackpitts

he is just a jerk!
dump him!
fortunately we are not all like him.

SarahSassy

KingKenny7 wrote:

I am the Boyfriend, the one pissedofflas is talking about.

This post has turned into a farce.

OP, is this the case?

LegacyUser

SarahSassy wrote:

This post has turned into a farce.

OP, is this the case?

Yup he is the "boyfriend" who doesnt have his own mind and listens to his friends instead of doing what he wants himself.

I dont think my origonal post makes me sound needy or anything like that..

I just wanted to show by boyfriend that other people would agree with me that he what he did over the weekend was not on...

Beruthiel

You know what, take it to real life.
B