Why Dont They Bother?

LegacyUser

Why is it that no girls bother to get to know me?
And the ones that do end up in a relationship with me...

Like I think i do all the right things but 99.9% of the girls just don't seem to care!
I'm just having zero luck with women. I don't like the whole going to clubs and scoring drunk chicks thing. I'm not that sorta person. Neither am i attracted to those type of girls that hang around drunk outside clubs.

Its quite specific the person i'm looking for. I can't seem to find the person i'm looking for and when i do find someone close, they just don't even seem that least bit interested in me. Even before there is any sorta conversation.
If there is any conversation, she shows extreme disinterest and the conversation dies pretty soon. I seem to do all the right things. I don't suck upto them. I'm not overly friendly though i usually don't show any signs of being attracted to them either. Then i hardly get any numbers. If i do, there's no replies to my texts.

Things just don't seem to happen with me and i don't know what i'm doing wrong!

Dragan

ignored wrote:

I'm not overly friendly though i usually don't show any signs of being attracted to them either. Then i hardly get any numbers. If i do, there's no replies to my texts.

I suggest you stop looking at the world as being the problem and start looking at yourself? You have a very specific type of girl you are looking for, this could mean subconciously when you meet someone who is close, but no cigar, you just switch off. You need to give people a shot, the same way you are asking them to.

As for the pub/club issue. Plenty of pretty sober, nice people in clubs. Alternatively you can try the Luas, the Gym, a bank.....all places i have had success in the past.

Marksie

ignored wrote:

Why is it that no girls bother to get to know me?
And the ones that do end up in a relationship with me...

and what are you looking for OP? One night stands or relationships?
In one night stands getting to know someone is far from being a prerequisite

and the latter comment is part of it.
Though "ending up in a relationship" is a strange way of putting it as that implies its one way. or that you yourself do not want a relationship but allow it to happen.

ignored wrote:

Like I think i do all the right things but 99.9% of the girls just don't seem to care!
I'm just having zero luck with women. I don't like the whole going to clubs and scoring drunk chicks thing. I'm not that sorta person. Neither am i attracted to those type of girls that hang around drunk outside clubs.

I am scratching my head here at this. I dont think you are doing 99.99% of thr right things, because i cannot determine what you actually want.
Why should the girls care with what you say your behaviour is in the rest of the post?

ignored wrote:

Its quite specific the person i'm looking for. I can't seem to find the person i'm looking for and when i do find someone close, they just don't even seem that least bit interested in me. Even before there is any sorta conversation.

Maybe you should think of your own behaviour and what you in fact are looking for.

ignored wrote:

If there is any conversation, she shows extreme disinterest and the conversation dies pretty soon. I seem to do all the right things. I don't suck upto them.

You simply cannot be doing the right things if there is disinterest

ignored wrote:

I'm not overly friendly though i usually don't show any signs of being attracted to them either. Then i hardly get any numbers. If i do, there's no replies to my texts.

OK that's something to work on. Why should anyone show interest when you are not overly friendly, looking and judging based on your own ideal. It almsots seems you have a mental scorecard on what you want.

ignored wrote:

Things just don't seem to happen with me and i don't know what i'm doing wrong!

Look to yourself and attitude and see if its the cause. Dragan is correct in what he says.
Start with the self first.

I read and re read your first post and tried to work out what you actually were saying.

I am ot sure if you want a realtionship or not. The 0.1% of girls is all you need then. THough the end up in a realtionship comments bothers me slightly.

Perhaps its is something to do with your very tight requirements: you only want a realtionship with someone very very specific and therefore not with someone who meets your ideal. though you allow a realtionship to form.
Not a good attitude, you are placing peopel into very strict categories and not accepting differences or deviations from what you expect. That doesnt allow for grow and doesnt seem healthy.

You think you are doing everything right, but it simply is a fact that you cannot be. Perhaps you come across as cold, uninterested and unintersting. Perhaps judgmental. I do really get the impression of someone you are intersted in being sized up and assessed. Maybe they get that impression.

I think in all honesty. you simply have to look at your own attitude and behaviour.

How Strange

Not sure if this is a troll but will assume its not

Ignored....Why is it that no girls bother to get to know me?
And the ones that do end up in a relationship with me...[/QUOTE]
I don't understand? Surely that is the point of you talking to those girls so they will go out with you

Like I think i do all the right things but 99.9% of the girls just don't seem to care! I'm just having zero luck with women.

By your own admission, you are having 0.1% luck with women. Also, if you are doing the right things I think the statistics for your success would be alot higher than 0.1%

I don't like the whole going to clubs and scoring drunk chicks thing. I'm not that sorta person. Neither am i attracted to those type of girls that hang around drunk outside clubs. Its quite specific the person i'm looking for. I can't seem to find the person i'm looking for and when i do find someone close, they just don't even seem that least bit interested in me.

What are you looking for? Does this girl even exist? If you don't want to meet them in clubs/bars are you going to other places to meet them?

If there is any conversation, she shows extreme disinterest and the conversation dies pretty soon. I seem to do all the right things. I don't suck upto them. I'm not overly friendly though i usually don't show any signs of being attracted to them either. Then i hardly get any numbers. If i do, there's no replies to my texts.

This is not doing all the right things. In fact if you acted like that around me I would think you had no interest at all.

Things just don't seem to happen with me and i don't know what i'm doing wrong!

I'm not suprised because you are contradicting yourself throughout the whole post. Firstly any girls you meet don't want to get to know you but only want to get into a relationship with you. You have no success with the ladeez, you are fussy but don't know your type. You show a complete lack of interest when you are talking to them.

azezil

Try flirting and giving a compliment, your approach sucks, I wouldn't bother talking to you either, you sound boring! :rolleyes:

seamus

Contradictions all over the place here..

ignored wrote:

Like I think i do all the right things but 99.9% of the girls just don't seem to care!

I seem to do all the right things. I don't suck upto them. I'm not overly friendly though i usually don't show any signs of being attracted to them either. Then i hardly get any numbers.

You think you're doing everything right, but in reality you act cold and disinterested towards them. And you're surprised that they don't make all of the effort to get to know you?
Personally if anyone (male or female) is cold and disinterested when I'm talking to them, then I don't bother any more.

What I'm seeing from your posts is that girls don't want to get to know you, because you don't want to get to know them.
Show a bit of interest, ask them about themselves. It's that easy.

LegacyUser

Relationship and love is what i look for in a gf. One reason why i've been finding myself extremely picky with girls lately. I wouldn't wanna spend my life with someone who is not what i want her to be. Though i do make the exception if she's a really nice person and can love me a lot. I don't like one night stands and i find a casual relationship without proper love meaningless.

But to get to that stage with anyone, i need to get to know women first and thats where things don't work out. Most girls i know don't bother spending any time with me trying to get to know me and all. I don't make too much effort to get her to spend time with me. The only persons who have actually bothered to spend time with me and get to know me were the one that fell in love with me and we ended in a relationship.

I'm in coll and although i know most of the girls in my class, i'm not really friends with any of them and none of them bother spending more than 5mins speaking to me. Even when i'm just trying to have a normal conversation without any intention of looking for a relationship.

I seriously don't know where things are going wrong. Why can't any girl get attracted to me or just agree to spend time getting to know me...

LegacyUser

hey op just wanna say i kinda have the same problem..at least u have bein in relationships tough.
this is just a personality issue..they dont care because with your attitude you dont seem to care either.
you seem desperate to be lookin for the girl of ur life that ur selecting everyone, but unfortunately thats not the way it works , you just have to be relaxed in every circumstance.
it happens to me as well but the truth is i care too much, just people cant see inside your mind, you have to open up ur mouth and speak.
i take it that shyness has something to do with it, but nowdays there is no time to be shy, you ll just end up stayin behind and nobody will care no matter if ur the nicest person in the world

strawberrybox

oh my god are you serious it sounds as you want the perfect woman to just fall into your lap and if there is anything wrong with her you dont want to know, and you sound completely self absorbed you want to see how much love SHE can give you and what you can get out of her- women know these selfish pricks a mile away thats why nobody wants to know! just stop trying to find someone perfect and have a laugh and lighten up

Dragan

strawberrybox wrote:

oh my god are you serious it sounds as you want the perfect woman to just fall into your lap and if there is anything wrong with her you dont want to know, and you sound completely self absorbed you want to see how much love SHE can give you and what you can get out of her- women know these selfish pricks a mile away thats why nobody wants to know! just stop trying to find someone perfect and have a laugh and lighten up

Seems to be some advice from your target audience here OP.

How Strange

Ignored....I wouldn't wanna spend my life with someone who is not what i want her to be.

Maybe you just don't get it, no-one will ever be what you want them to be. They are themselves and either you like them or you don't.

Most girls i know don't bother spending any time with me trying to get to know me and all. I don't make too much effort to get her to spend time with me.

Honestly, you should read back what you have just written in your two posts. You sound disinterested on one hand and almost arrogant and dismissive of all girls who aren't your perfect ideal on the other.

The only persons who have actually bothered to spend time with me and get to know me were the one that fell in love with me and we ended in a relationship.

You say this like it is a terrible thing and they were almost an irritation. I'm suprised they stuck at it so long judging by your tone and attitude here.

I'm in coll and although i know most of the girls in my class, i'm not really friends with any of them and none of them bother spending more than 5mins speaking to me.

Why would they if you are as disinterested as you say you are around women?

Even when i'm just trying to have a normal conversation without any intention of looking for a relationship

You actually come across as someone who cannot interact with women at all on a platonic basis. Do you treat every encounter with a girl as a possible relationship and rule her out immediately if she isn't your perfect ideal?

I seriously don't know where things are going wrong. Why can't any girl get attracted to me or just agree to spend time getting to know me...

Why would they if you never make any effort to talk with them? You treat them as a possible gf or dismiss them out of hand.

You have a lot of work to do on yourself. Stay away from the wimmin until you have sorted yourself out and decided what you are looking for and learned how to act around them.

The contradictions in your posts are glaringly obvious so I don't know why you can't see them yourself. Women aren't objects, they aren't curiosities, they are just normal people and if you showed even the slightest interest in them when you meet them instead of judging and assessing them you would find that out.

Mazeire

OP, what are you looking for? What do you try to talk about with them?

LegacyUser

'

ignored wrote:

I wouldn't wanna spend my life with someone who is not what i want her to be.
Most girls i know don't bother spending any time with me trying to get to know me and all.

Well maybe they don't want to spend time with you because you are not what they want you to be.

Quid pro quo, it goes both ways, treat others the way you want to be treated, take your head from that dark orifice etc etc and other bible one-liners'

LegacyUser

I guess i'm not explaining myself well here.

I'm not as bad as i sound!! Infact most people tell me i'm one of the nicest guys they've known.
Though i guess its true i've got no idea how to deal with girls and stuff. Like i'm friends with a few many girls but they are the ones i have no interest in dating with.
I've never really asked a girl out so i don't know how to do it. My previous relationships just happened in a way that we both knew we were in a relationship. I never really dated any girls in my life before.

I'm just trying to find a nice girl here to have fun with. Like someone with whom i can spend time with, share my life with and stuff. I've had some nasty experiences with girls in the past where they manipulated and used me. I was just trying to be nice to them cuz i felt they were a good friend and they kept taking advantage of me being nice to them. And then I don't find any sorta attraction towards the "party girls".
So i'm a little specific in what i'm looking for but its mostly to do with the personality than the looks.

I'm not rude or disinterested in any girl that doesn't fit my criteria. I'm usually nice to them and treat them as a friend.
My problem is that I'm not an arrogant jerk of a guy who flirts around with every single girl in the room. Neither am i an ass licking doormat. I just can't seem to find the right middle ground where girls would actually take interest in me rather than just not bother bout who i am. Most girls like to ignore me and look straight through me. Even if we're acquainted.
And i'm quite an interesting guy once they bother to take time to go under my skin... But they just don't bother!
They look at me and probably assume i'm some weird freak or something from a different planet that they don't even care to find out!

seamus

ignored wrote:

I wouldn't wanna spend my life with someone who is not what i want her to be.

And I would hate to spend my life with someone who is exactly what I want them to be.
Part of having a good dynamic is having a relationship with someone who knows their own mind and who challenges you.

You can't decide what the person you would like to spend your life with, is going to be like. Nobody gets to make that choice. Someone comes along who fills in that, "I want them, forever and ever" gap and then you know what you want.

Making up your mind before you even meet people is a recipe for disaster. It's what all of the romantic sitcoms hinge on, sex & the city and all that crap - they all get their popular appeal from the folly of trying to chase the ideal partner when in reality you haven't a clue what your ideal partner should be. If you even do meet someone who ticks all the boxes, you'll probably shift the goalposts because you don't get on with them.

Crumble Froo

i have to say, i love how love can be so surprising. i fell in love with someone who, at first glance, wouldnt quite be my ideal. we found we'd a good bit in common, while talking as friends, and from early on, cared about each other.

now im in a brilliant relationship, and it was never planned. i never scrutinized him, or guessed what he should or shouldn't be. he has his faults, as do i, but that doesnt make me love or respect him any less.

honestly, love is one of those things that rarely seems to happen when intended. it has a mind of its own. go with the flow, and watch things happen

pretty-in-pink

OP, you sound controling and cold in the worst possible ways. I wouldn't want to be to blunt with you- but

GAL,and stop looking for faults in every girl who talks to you.

You are consistently contradicting yourself, "I want a relationship", is living side by side with "but any girl who has anything to do with me ends up falling in love with me, moan,groan".

Firstly, where are you meeting these masochists? Secondly- why so sanctimonious (sp?) about girls who, shock- horror,have one night stands?

You have what appears to be a very old-fashioned misogynistic view of women and relationships. You need to take a long hard look at yourself, and take it from there

Talliesin

ignored wrote:

Why is it that no girls bother to get to know me?

They didn't get the memo?

This really sounds like you think the world owes you a favour.

ignored wrote:

Like I think i do all the right things

It's not a test. This will not count towards your final grade.

ignored wrote:

but 99.9% of the girls just don't seem to care!

99.9% of people won't care, even if you're very popular.

ignored wrote:

If there is any conversation, she shows extreme disinterest and the conversation dies pretty soon.

Are you really interested in the conversation of just about everyone?

If not, why be surprised when some aren't interested in you?

It might not help if you put a bit of effort into expressing yourself though. Here's a thread you started because you are presumably a bit upset about things, and you therefore have a vested interest in what people have to say about your situation. You have the ability to undo things before you commit it. Yet your sentence structure is all over the place. It's the writing equivalent of mumbling.

This does not imply a dynamic and engaging conversationalist. Put a bit effort into saying whatever it is you are saying.

ignored wrote:

I seem to do all the right things. I don't suck upto them. I'm not overly friendly though i usually don't show any signs of being attracted to them either.

Wow. Women you don't show signs of being attracted to don't bother to bombard you with phone numbers?

Why should they bother if there are other people around that do find them attractive?

This may come as a shock, but people like being found attractive. Generally they don't like being pestered by someone who won't give them some space or won't take know for an answer, but the vast majority of people do like to be found attractive.

ignored wrote:

I don't make too much effort to get her to spend time with me. The only persons who have actually bothered to spend time with me and get to know me were the one that fell in love with me and we ended in a relationship.

"Nobody loves me, except the people that love me"

The mind boggles.

ignored wrote:

I'm in coll and although i know most of the girls in my class, i'm not really friends with any of them and none of them bother spending more than 5mins speaking to me. Even when i'm just trying to have a normal conversation without any intention of looking for a relationship.

They don't owe you a friendship.

Most people will not get on that well with most other people. We're just not that interested in each other. Even those of us who like meeting lots of new people don't form close friendships with all that many, never mind romantic entanglements.

ignored wrote:

I guess i'm not explaining myself well here.

Not really, and I think that may very well be part of your problem.

ignored wrote:

I'm not as bad as i sound!! Infact most people tell me i'm one of the nicest guys they've known.

You know. Forget nice. Not as in "don't be nice" but as in forget it, ignore the concept. The only good thing about people being nice is it's better than when they are actively being not nice.

ignored wrote:

I've never really asked a girl out so i don't know how to do it. My previous relationships just happened in a way that we both knew we were in a relationship. I never really dated any girls in my life before.

And this is a problem, why?

ignored wrote:

My problem is that I'm not an arrogant jerk of a guy who flirts around with every single girl in the room.

No, you're an arrogant jerk of a guy who thinks he's "doing all the right things" - that was an arrogant statement as well as a bizarrely stupid one.

ignored wrote:

Neither am i an ass licking doormat. I just can't seem to find the right middle ground where girls would actually take interest in me rather than just not bother bout who i am.

There isn't a middle ground between these two different ways of being an asshole that'll suddenly make you look like an extra in a Lynx advert. Human beings are more complicated than this (hard to shift the image in my head of somebody with a bunch of female laboratory rats trying varying degrees of positive and negative attention until the rats suddenly all become happy).

ignored wrote:

Most girls like to ignore me and look straight through me.

No, most girls just ignore you. They don't like to ignore you, they simply don't give a damn either way.

Incidentally. Most men just ignore you also. I know that this doesn't concern you as directly (the above would indicate you only go for women) but it may be worth noting all the same. Most people aren't particularly interested either way in most people.

ignored wrote:

And i'm quite an interesting guy once they bother to take time to go under my skin.

Then stop coming across as a moany bore.

ignored wrote:

They look at me and probably assume i'm some weird freak or something from a different planet that they don't even care to find out!

Why?

Can you back that up with something or is it just moany self-pity?

Moany self-pity is not attractive.

Turquoise

I think it's all pretty much been said, but you have no idea how many times I had to stop and re-read some of the things you said.
Showing disinterest is NOT the way to get a girl...surely it's better to put yourself out there a little and test the waters than come across as an a** who expects the girl to do all the work?

LegacyUser

Guess there's a lot i've been doing wrong then!

This thread makes me feel i'm turning into some kind of a emotional freak who has no sense or control over his emotions.
At the end of it all i just wanna be a normal guy satisfied with the way my life is going for me.
But thats not the way it is. Though i don't like to admit it, I feel a desperate need for love and companionship to feel complete. I'm not sure if its gonna satisfy me. Its probably not gonna.

I'm not arrogant to anyone. I just don't show my feelings that openly. The relationships i had been in were awesome but ended horribly bad cuz of me trying to open up and let out my fears and insecurities. I am fragile and insecure under the tough facade i put up. That is not what i wanna be. Neither do i wanna be some moany freak. I don't usually moan to anyone. Its here i've come cause well, i felt i needed some advise on where to go. I doubt i even have any clue where to go. I'm pretty much stranded and lost in my sea of emotions.

Being completely honest, this is me on the inside. Needy, insecure, fragile, scared of failing at life. This is not what i wanna be. Its sorta a bit like the movie Fight Club. I'm like the disillusioned Edward Norton trying/pretending to be Brad Pitt, the person i wanna be. I don't know if i can actually become into that or will i have to keep trying and pretending all my life. I hope i can cuz i don't like where i am right now.
And not that its the movie that made me into this. I just gave the example of the movie cuz i can relate to it this well!

Yup, i guess i'm actually trying to figure out whats wrong with me that i cant see than question the others around me. My mind is clogged up with ****!!
I just wanna be satisfied and happy with my life!

Mazeire

So be Edward Norton! Brad pitt is overrated. Remember, in the end it was Edward that got the girl not Brad. Brad (Tyler Durden his name was in the film wasn't it) ended up driving the girl slightly nuts and pushing her away.

Overheal

You know what stands out? ****in originality! Normality is lame.

Socks and sandals? wearing sunglasses at 1 in the morning? You bet your sweet ass Im gonna get looks

(and so far it HAS been working!)

find something you can work with that will help you to stand out. very important.

Silent Grape

sort yourself out first, the only, only, only, only time you will be ready to meet someone 'special' is when you are happy being yourself, and single.

you are wearing blinkers, being extremely narrow minded and missing everything around you! and you sound pretty critical. maybe get to know lots of girls with an open mind and dont write them off because they are the kind that stands around outside bars drunk. i think 90% of girls will do this from time to time, its called going out and having fun and getting a little drunk. it isnt a sin. there are hundreds of types of girl you havent even fathomed of yet, stop being so anal about your 'type'. think of the learning ansd growing and hopefully mind opening experiences to be had. if you're interested in a girl YOU have to impress HER, not the other way around.

its like boys who will only interest themselves with foreign students because they are 'sick' of irish girls. so close minded. and mildly insulting.

and everything talliesin said

Esel

What How_Strange and Talliesin said above.

Go back and read those posts again.

estariol

no man you're dead right! stick to your guns they're the problem not you....and I should know, I'm still waiting for a woman with decent music taste, a love of football and half a clue about movies.....it's taking a while to track her down but I know she's out there and one of these days this dry spell will be over and i can say i told you so.....but until then I'll just sit alone in my house an be patient.

or on the other hand I could grow up and realise that's not how things work!

Talliesin

ignored wrote:

I'm not arrogant to anyone.

In 1995, McArthur Wheeler walked into two Pittsburgh banks and robbed them in broad daylight, with no visible attempt at disguise. He was arrested later that night, less than an hour after videotapes of him taken from surveillance cameras were broadcast on the 11 o'clock news. When police later showed him the surveillance tapes, Mr. Wheeler stared in incredulity. "But I wore the juice," he mumbled. Apparently, Mr. Wheeler was under the impression that rubbing one's face with lemon juice rendered it invisible to videotape cameras.

Wheeler's biggest problem wasn't that he was woefully ignorant of the effects of lemon-juice facials on video cameras, but his arrogance in thinking he knew what he was doing when he didn't. It was both stupid and arrogant, but it was the arrogance that landed him in jail, not the stupidity. Without the arrogance he might have tried re-examining his theories.

Similarly:

ignored wrote:

I seem to do all the right things. I don't suck upto them. I'm not overly friendly though i usually don't show any signs of being attracted to them either.

It's not the stupidity of this that's the problem, but the arrogance of thinking you "do all the right things".

Wash the bloody lemon juice off your face, already. You are not doing "all the right things" and it's arrogant to think so given that your very complaint is evidence to the contrary.

Dragan

Looking to Fight Club for some life lessons is maybe not such a bad idea…..but living life is a much better way to learn.

Basically you’re a fake. Your not being you, your trying to be what you think is a cool person. Often times someone behaving like this can be very obvious and people will pick up on that.

Just be yourself mate, I imagine your not a bad person….. Why would you expect other people to give you a chance when you can't?

Talliesin

Dragan wrote:

Looking to Fight Club for some life lessons is maybe not such a bad idea…..but living life is a much better way to learn.

Quite ironic really. The point of the film was a struggle for authenticity.

Overheal

its like boys who will only interest themselves with foreign students because they are 'sick' of irish girls. so close minded. and mildly insulting

As a yank, thats one of the big things going from me: dont take it away from me

I wont go far as to say youre ignorant for saying thats ignorant to go for foreigners (oops, did I? j/k) but seriously sometimes it can get dull to run into the same type of person. People go for foreigners on the principle that its new, untried and different.

You can always try not being a typical Irish Girl

Dragan

Talliesin wrote:

Quite ironic really. The point of the film was a struggle for authenticity.

I know.

As ironic as Edward Norton and Brad Pitt making jokes about guys packed into gyms, considering what the did to get in shape for that film and others.

And don't even get me started on the "slaves with white collars" irony.

Anyway, apologies for going off topic and to the OP…….."Slide".