Can't keep it Up :-(

LegacyUser

ok........most embarassing thing im ever going to say in public......but its been a bit problem for me for a while now. im 18 and im with someone who i really care about and who turns me on like CRAZY (so thats not the problem....)

recently we kinda decided to go the "extra mile".....and my problem is that while im rock hard during foreplay, and other fooling around, i am finding it impossible to stay hard when im inside her. ive tried everything......(like, imagining all sorts of things) and still I have the same problem. its getting to the stage now where its very embarassing and i feel as if im making her feel bad.

this isnt the first time its happened to me. i had a few one niters earlier in the year.....and i notived that the same thing happpened- rock hard, but then things start to deflate once im inside. i know its probably some kind of psychological/nervous thing (even tho it doesnt feel like it) but thats not something im going to cure in quick enuf time for me to keep this girl, who im nuts about

MY QUESTION IS:

Is there anything I can get or buy (tablets, aphrodisiacs, ANYTHING) that could keep me hard ?? ie. some cheap kind of viagra??

anyone who watched "Skins" will know that Chris in that show seemed to take sumthing that had the desired effect........

im sorry for being so rude about it all.....but im desperate and VERY worried at the moment....

Victor

It happens lots of people at some stage. Many people find that its either alcohol or nerves that cause it.

Now, I'm not sure how to get over the nerves but other people have posted similar things recently and will be in to comment no doubt. One t hing to do certainly would be to enjoy the moment and not worry about performance.

If this is problematic for you (and it seems to be), having a word with your doctor would be useful, first to discount other problems like blood pressure and secondly there are solutions out there.

Carrigart Exile

You will now be in the cycle of worrying about it which ensures it don't work.

Marksie

Embarassed wrote:

recently we kinda decided to go the "extra mile".....and my problem is that while im rock hard during foreplay, and other fooling around, i am finding it impossible to stay hard when im inside her.....

Are you entirely comfortable doing this or are you in your own head? Try letting your partner take control... go and enjoy the foreplay and dont worry about the penetration, it is much more fulfilling to completely enjoy the sesnuality fo the moment doing this reather than epentration. Penetration is societies construct saying that if you can't do it, you ain't doing a good job. Don't believe the hype.

Embarassed wrote:

ive tried everything......(like, imagining all sorts of things) and still I have the same problem. its getting to the stage now where its very embarassing and i feel as if im making her feel bad.....

Why imagine things? You are with soemone you are crazy about. be aware of her not fantasies, focus your attention on her, the way she feel, she moves, tastes, the sounds she makes. It gets you outta your own head where despite "fantasies" thought of performance will intrude.
Actually "BE" with your partner.
I am going to use the ubiquitous "I" for this as its my way of illustrating rather than ego tripping. So take it at face ok? I am aware when inside of not only my sensations, but every move of her body and every sound she makes and focus on the kissing, the touching and what she is doing. By doing such I am emptying my head of such thoughts as is she going to come?, am I? I am just concentraing on the moment with awareness.
Its not then the physicality of the act that takes it deeper, but the mental and emotional aspect that enhances everything. If I lose "it" then we move to something else, even if "it" is still there often we will move back to "foreplay" if we so desire.
And that word "desire" is a key one for you. Don't worry about the physicality, having fantasies... let teh desire you have told us you have be expressed to her.

Embarassed wrote:

this isnt the first time its happened to me. i had a few one niters earlier in the year.....and i notived that the same thing happpened- rock hard, but then things start to deflate once im inside. i know its probably some kind of psychological/nervous thing (even tho it doesnt feel like it) but thats not something im going to cure in quick enuf time for me to keep this girl, who im nuts about....

So let me summarise If you dont perform = you will lose her.
Has she said that or is it in your own head?

You are very young OP, so non of this is aimed at disparaging you, but the older heads on here will realsie that you are creating your own misfortune. You beluive the hype that is bandied about all over the place.
Go RIGHT back to basics and learn the art of touching, connecting and non penetrative lovemaking. When you realise what can be achieved for BOTH of you in doing this then you will realise how insignificant ejaculatory orgasm is.

Embarassed wrote:

im sorry for being so rude about it all.....but im desperate and VERY worried at the moment....

Dont be sorry, you are not being rude. But the last sentence sums it up really.
Break this worry and perfromance cycle.
You get hard when doing foreplay, it is the penetration that is killing you ... think on it and you realsie that you are putting yourself under too much pressure.
Learn together with your partner, act as alternate giver/ reciever and take it from there. Be open and communicate, let her know what issues you have and she wont think that its her.

Throw out the "rules" and make your own

Edit: I was goping to talk about PC control, but thats not the issue, its in your own head.

aidan24326

Sounds like it's probably a psychological thing, especially given your young age. But it would do no harm to see a doctor just to discount the possibility of it being a medical problem, diabetes is one thing that can cause erectile problems, just for example. But the fact you can get rock hard in the first place suggests that everything is working physically so it's likely to be mental.

You're young and relatively inexperienced so don't be beating yourself up about it. Nobody is a sexual pornstar at your age even though we'd all love to be. If your girlfriend cares about you she's not going to dump you so don't be getting into that mindset as it will only worsen the problem.

Maybe concentrate on non-penetrative stuff for a while, hands, tongues etc just to take away a bit of the performance pressure for now.

LegacyUser

'I was close enough to your age when my girlfriend and I started "going the extra mile" as you put it.
Same stuff happened to me and I can be nearly sure its nerves.I was the same,no porblem during foreplay but when it came to the full thing I got self concious,things went a little soft down there etc.

Now my gf has always been so helpful and considerate and we love one another. but i thought all the same stuff about worrying that I cant please her.But she always reasssured me that eveything was fine and she didnt mind.

So from my experience its just nerves and for a good while,even when things improved you'd get the odd time when I'd feel uncomfortable.

So my advice is dont worry about it too much and as everyone else said just enjoy the moment '