Come fly with me...

LegacyUser

Hi All,

A few months ago I went for an interview to be an Air Hostess. I was working in an office at the time and wanted a complete change of career. I was successful throughout the interview stages and got offered the job! Happy days....or so I thought until I told my boyfriend. We've been together for 4 years and are both 27 so we'r enot little kids but boy did he act like one! He basically said if I took the job, that'd spell the end for us. His reasons were as follows:

1) An Air Hostess is nothing more than a glorified Waitress.

2) I'd have to deal with a load of lads going on /coming home from stag do's etc

3)I'd be doing overnight flights with 'hot' (his words and illisusions) Pilots who'd hit on me.

4) I'd be staying in Hotels all the time drinking in the resident bars and getting chatted up.

5) We'd never get to see each other.

In the end, I foolishly declined the job offer and settled back into my old boring 9-5 b*ll**** job. I tried my hardest not to resent him but deep down I was very upset and thought his reasons for me not taking the job were selfish, insecure, selfish, selfish, selfish, did I mention selfish, childish reasons. As a mature couple of 4 years he should trust me enough to be faithful to him. I've never cheated on him and I wouldn't suddenely turn into a sl*t in the sky!!

Anyway, the same Company called me earlier today and offered me a position as an Air Hostess staring in December!! I told them when I declined that it was due to family illness but to keep me in mind for any future opportunities. To me, it feels like its meant to be. So, I nervously told my BF this morning and his response was - Cool, go for it, cheap flights for me! I was surprised by his nonchalant attitude so I emailed him about an hour ago saying 'If this is gonna come between us then I'll reconsider, you come first blah blah blah...' but he responded with 'No, I'm glad your doing it, well done'.

Now, I realise it might sound like i'm being a brat...he didn't complain so what's the problem, right? Thing is, i don't understand the change in attitude and i feel unsettled. I told him this and he said 'I honestly don't mind you doing it, I'd tell you if i did, go fo it'.

Aaarrhhhhh....I'm so confused!! Does he not care about me anymore or is he being genuinely supportive??

Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated as i'm very confused by all of this...

Thanks guys!! (Hope to have you all on board soon!!)

Knockoff Nige

People change, his original views were childish but doesnt see it that way anymore. If he does, then you should decide whether his childish views are worth tolerating or not. I think the answer to this is simple, be grateful you're getting everything you want right now.

seamus

Jetset wrote:

1) An Air Hostess is nothing more than a glorified Waitress.

Well, perhaps. Pretty subjective POV. Plenty of people love being an air hostess purely because they love the travel aspect of it.

2) I'd have to deal with a load of lads going on /coming home from stag do's etc

3)I'd be doing overnight flights with 'hot' (his words and illisusions) Pilots who'd hit on me.

4) I'd be staying in Hotels all the time drinking in the resident bars and getting chatted up.

This is just pure insecurity on his part. In his head, if you're constantly getting chatted up then you're eventually going to crack and shag everything in sight.
He's been watching too many crappy Sky One shows about travel and air hostesses, but more importantly he doesn't trust you.

5) We'd never get to see each other.

There's a certain amount of truth in that. But in reality an air hostess is more like a shift worker. It's not like an air hostess goes away for weeks at a time. You fly over, spend a few hours there and then fly back. Sometimes you'll stay in hotels at the destination, but normally only overnight. I do know an air hostess (with a child) and she spends at least 6 out of every 7 nights at home in bed with her husband.

Now, I realise it might sound like i'm being a brat...he didn't complain so what's the problem, right? Thing is, i don't understand the change in attitude and i feel unsettled. I told him this and he said 'I honestly don't mind you doing it, I'd tell you if i did, go fo it'.

It's odd alright that he would shift so quickly. Perhaps though he just reconsidered it. Had you spent much time talking about it after you'd turned it down? Maybe he saw how miserable you were in the old job.

There's also a chance that he was just apprehensive when you first told him about it - all of the bad things rushed into his head first, and he was scared he'd lose you. As he had more time to think about it, perhaps he came around.

It may just be worth asking him why the sudden change of heart?

Glowing

Maybe he realised himself what a jealous, selfish prat he was first time round, and is trying to make up for that now.

Well done on the job offer and I think you should go for it 100% - if he did love you and care for you then he'd want for you what makes you happy.

Fwaggle

Maybe he realised that you had started to resent him about turning down the first offer and/or realised that he was selfish and decided that he wanted you to be happy?

You'd need to ask him really, but you should be over the moon. Congrats on the job

AckwelFoley

Hello.

First of all im a guy, so you understand which side of the fence im on.

Now, i think your boyfrient is a selfish prick to even comment on your choice of job like that let alone give you an ultimatium. By doing as he said you basically let him have his childish way, and im not trying to be harsh but he is being childish if after 4 years of a relationship they are his pathetic excuses for not wanting you to take a job. The distance and time apart is understandable, but the other excuses are somthing id expect a 17 yr old to come up with.

You need to follow a path that makes YOU happy. If you dont your relationship wont work. Ive always encouraged my girlfriend to follow a path that she wanted, my reasonong apart from the fact that shes an independent person is that if i was nagging her to stay around, eventually in time if things didnt work locally she would resent me and the relationship.

Fwaggle

snyper wrote:

Now, i think your boyfrient is a selfish prick to even comment on your choice of job like that .

I think that's a little harsh to be honest. It looks to me as if the first he had heard of the whole thing was when she told him she had got the job, so I could understand why he would be pissed off. He probably shouldn't have said what he did to her about being a glorified waitress and all the rest, but I know that if my boyfriend came home and told me that he had applied for/been offered a job which would take him away for long periods without having at least talked to me about it first, then I wouldn't be too pleased either.

OP, that's what I got from your original post so correct me if i'm wrong. If so, and he knew you had applied for the job and been attending interviews etc beforehand then he's a clown.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies so far. God, when I think of his reasons for me not taking it the first time round I get a burning anger in my tummy. How dare he make me rufuse such a wonderful opportunity.
He is quite selfish by nature but if I ever tell him he's being selfish he'll act genuinely shocked. When I told him first time round that he was being selfish he said he was only looking out for me so if anything i was being selfish for taking it. He managed to twist it so that I believed I'd be a b*tch for 'abandoning him' (poor little puppy!). Grrrr...i sense a big fight coming up!!

How Strange

Fwaggle...He probably shouldn't have said what he did to her about being a glorified waitress and all the rest, but I know that if my boyfriend came home and told me that he had applied for/been offered a job which would take him away for long periods without having at least talked to me about it first, then I wouldn't be too pleased either.

Hmm, there is that side to it as well. Good point Fwaggle. Did the OP discuss the idea with him first or did she spring it on him when she was offered the job? They are together 4years so he does deserve that much.

Obviously, his comments were daft and cruel but he could have just panicked and said the first things that came into his head. Now, maybe he is used to the idea so when he heard it a second time it was so big deal.

LegacyUser

'He knew the first time round how much i wanted it ad knew I was going to interviews etc. He wasn't pleased about it but I had to follow my heart an dgo after the job i wanted. Then when I got offered it, he freaked out.
This time round, he didn't know but either did I. They just called me this morning to offer me a position, I didn't have to interview again so it was a surprise to both of us..'

Strawberries07

I was in the exact same position as you last year except I didn't get the job so I say go for it enjoy, you can always change jobs again after! he should be happy as long as your happy! I support my Bf in whatever he wants to do and give him full support in college and I expect him to return that support! You'll enjoy the air hostessing!!! Go for it!!!!!!!!!!

LegacyUser

I suspect he probably has someone else lined up...people with that attitude don't suddenly drop it and change...

Definitely something not right there. Either that or else he genuinely is bored of you.

Jigsaw

It would be wrong for your boyfriend to stand in your way if that is the job that you want to do.

However, in my opinion the points 1-5 that your boyfriend made are factually accurate and perfectly legitimate. If he was suggesting that you would be likely to succumb to any of this behaviour then that is different entirely. That would be him saying that he didn't trust you.

Your boyfriend speaks the truth but if it's the job you want then go for it.

LegacyUser

'

cheesedude wrote:

I suspect he probably has someone else lined up...people with that attitude don't suddenly drop it and change...

Definitely something not right there. Either that or else he genuinely is bored of you.

Thanks for clearing that up dude, for a minute there i was a tad bit worried!!!!!'

Bottle_of_Smoke

jetset wrote:

'He knew the first time round how much i wanted it ad knew I was going to interviews etc. He wasn't pleased about it but I had to follow my heart an dgo after the job i wanted. Then when I got offered it, he freaked out.
This time round, he didn't know but either did I. They just called me this morning to offer me a position, I didn't have to interview again so it was a surprise to both of us..'

OK calm down. Humans are jealous by nature. Sure insecure people suffer more but normal guys feel it too.

Perhaps the jealousy he initially felt was a knee jerk reaction. He then may have realised you were pissed off at him but didn't want to say anything because as you'd turned it down it would seem like he wasn't being genuine.

The fact that he made a joke seems like he's ashamed of his first reaction & is very relieved this opportunity to redeem himself has come up.

I think you should accept he's human & be glad he's willing to be supportive of you.

Is it possible you're just annoyed he thinks air hostesses are glorified waitresses? It's pretty untrue these days considering they're part of the plane's security.

mikemac

Your boyfriend should be delighted. If he's chatting with any of his mates and he mentions his girlfriend is an air hostess, they'll be both impressed and maybe jealous. THis will definitly raise his self-confidence

This is the due to the stereotype (seems to be true) that all air hostesses are extremly attractive.

GhostInTheRuins

I'd say he felt really bad about you not getting the job the first time around and doesn't want to do it again. Simple as.

Dalfiatach

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote:

The fact that he made a joke seems like he's ashamed of his first reaction & is very relieved this opportunity to redeem himself has come up.

I think you should accept he's human & be glad he's willing to be supportive of you.

Yup. Most likely he has realised in the interim he was a dick the first time round and is now trying to make up for it in the very blokeish way of simply pretending the first incident just never happened.

Yer over-analysing things tbh.

And if you go out of your way to pick a fight with him and start throwing his actions months ago in his face at this point, after him (as he sees it) doing his best to be supportive and encouraging this time, he may well dump your ass for being the stereotypical "unreasonable irrational psycho woman".

aidan24326

The main point here is that you should NOT have turned down the job in the first place because your boyfriend effectively said you weren't allowed take it. No way. If this is a job you really want he should be supportive of you. If he had legitimate reasons for not wanting you to accept a particular job that would be different but in this case his reasoning was immature and selfish and sounds like he's been watching too many episodes of Mile High. I would expect the life of a real air hostess to be considerably less glamorous, but good luck with it anyway and don't ever let yourself be bullied like that again.

Chinafoot

Jigsaw wrote:

However, in my opinion the points 1-5 that your boyfriend made are factually accurate and perfectly legitimate.

Your boyfriend speaks the truth but if it's the job you want then go for it.

Eh no, no it's not.

point 1 wrote:

An Air Hostess is nothing more than a glorified Waitress.

I don't know many waitresses that are given the health and safety training the cabin crew are given. Cabin crew are there for the safety and comfort of the numerous passengers on board the flights. It's not simply a case of strolling up and down with a cart handing out drinks.

point 2 wrote:

I'd have to deal with a load of lads going on /coming home from stag do's etc

And that means what exactly? Lads on a stag are on the flight and.....what? With the increased security on flights in the past few years what exactly could possibly happen? Excessively drunk people will not be allowed on the plane and she would not be the only member of cabin crew there. Is one of them going to force himself on her in the middle of an airplane? She better not head out in Dublin at the weekend then for fear of having to deal with a stag party.

point 3 wrote:

I'd be doing overnight flights with 'hot' (his words and illisusions) Pilots who'd hit on me.

What a crock of shít. Yes, all pilots are hot and all pilots are womanisers. Eh no, I don't think so. To call that statement "factual" is laughable. All that is is her boyfriend saying he doesn't trust her. Who cares if someone comes on to her? Just because she's hit on doesn't mean she's going to do something. He should take it as a compliment that people find his other half attractive.

point 4 wrote:

I'd be staying in Hotels all the time drinking in the resident bars and getting chatted up.

Again, crock of shít. For a start, overnight stays would completely depend on the flight destination and her shift. If the OP's other half thinks that she'll be staying overnight in every place she lands in he needs to seriously educate himself on the way this job works. For a lot of airlines, it would mostly be long distance flights (ie: America) that would involve overnight stays. Chances are she would not be doing this type of flight all the time. If she does go to the states she might have 2 or 3 days there max., and do you really think that she's going to be in any state to sit getting bladdered in a residents bar while dealing with possible jetlag, having worked on a flight that took hours? The same goes for all these "hot" pilots. But again, this one comes down to trust. I'm assuming the OP has a social life so should she not go to pubs in case she gets chatted up?

point 5 wrote:

We'd never get to see each other.

This is the only point that is in any way credible, but again it would all depend on her shift and flight schedule. It won't be a case of her being away on overnight stays every night of the week.

cheesedude wrote:

cheesedude
I suspect he probably has someone else lined up...people with that attitude don't suddenly drop it and change...

Definitely something not right there. Either that or else he genuinely is bored of you.

Yeah of course. That's all it could be. :rolleyes:

Chances are after it happened he had time to think and realised what a complete dick he'd been. He may also have discussed the situation with someone when it happened, friends or family maybe, and anyone with an ounce of sense would have told him he was being a tool and shouldn't have stood in the OP's way.

jetset wrote:

Grrrr...i sense a big fight coming up!!

OP, I wouldn't go down this road. He's trying to support you now. Yes he messed up badly last time but I have to be honest and say that you're just as bad on that score. He essentially told you not to take the job you really wanted and you said ok and let him have his way. It's no wonder he's selfish if you let him have his way all the time, and I'm going to assume you do if you'd let him dictate something as important as your career path.

Take the job and if it comes between you it'll be on account of any insecurities he has.

Best of luck with your new career. I hope it all works out for you.

Sony

Hey , First of all no matter what please take the job!

Im going to try to be constructive here , Im presuming you dont want this to ruin your relationship but to be honest I think maaaaaybe telling your boyfriend to 'put up and shut up' would not help you in this respect. Now I do believe that this is what he needs to realise but I also think that it might benefit you if you use a little tact and break it to him more gently!

I can sympathise ever so slightly with your boyfriend because youre right there is obvioulsy a bit of insecurity there, I know several lads that would act similarily to things like this and thats because theyre also insecure and a little bit immature....To be brutally honest when it comes to my girlfriend there is the odd time that I find strange strange things pop into my mind and luckily Ive been able to hold back from saying stupid things on the spur of the moment:rolleyes:

He was clearly intimidated by the possibility of this new routine/life for you, things were probably going swimmingly in his opinion and he felt a sense of security...Now it does to me seem as though hes realised he was being ridiculous but I would not go as far to say that he is now fine with the idea of you taking the job either.

My advice, Tell him that you really really want this job but that the most important thing you need right now is for him to support you, Its a change of job for you but it will in no way affect your relationship- If anything it will help you be happier about yourself that youre out of your miserable job.

King of Kings

cheesedude wrote:

I suspect he probably has someone else lined up...people with that attitude don't suddenly drop it and change...

Definitely something not right there. Either that or else he genuinely is bored of you.

cheesedude - you always give the best advice. I really think you should take over from Dear Deirdre.
:rolleyes:

Petey2006

My ma was an airhostess, my mate's wife is an airhostess. No offence, but your boyfriend is full of ****.

vincenzo1

not sure if its just coincidence or not but what i understand is that you turned down the job initially based on what your boyfriend wanted you to do, for whatever reasons/insecurities, and then when you told him that you were offered again he said for you to take it and he wants you to take it.
This could be interpreted as power and control on your boyfriends part, he may want to control and dictate to you, and you encourage him offering to change your mind according to his wishes?
but i wouldnt know enough to say that for sure. its a remote possibility but one you may recognise if its accurate.
If it is accurate...no need to worry.
A lot of girls would be very happy with that kind of situation.
By 27 you may have had enough of decision making.
Maybe time to let someone else make the decisions for you...??
So dont waste time-just get married...

The choice is always yours. (or at least should be ;-) )

Good luck with the job! I hope you will be happy and get to broaden your horizons!!

LegacyUser

'

Chinafoot wrote:

Eh no, no it's not.



I don't know many waitresses that are given the health and safety training the cabin crew are given. Cabin crew are there for the safety and comfort of the numerous passengers on board the flights. It's not simply a case of strolling up and down with a cart handing out drinks.



And that means what exactly? Lads on a stag are on the flight and.....what? With the increased security on flights in the past few years what exactly could possibly happen? Excessively drunk people will not be allowed on the plane and she would not be the only member of cabin crew there. Is one of them going to force himself on her in the middle of an airplane? She better not head out in Dublin at the weekend then for fear of having to deal with a stag party.



What a crock of shít. Yes, all pilots are hot and all pilots are womanisers. Eh no, I don't think so. To call that statement "factual" is laughable. All that is is her boyfriend saying he doesn't trust her. Who cares if someone comes on to her? Just because she's hit on doesn't mean she's going to do something. He should take it as a compliment that people find his other half attractive.



Again, crock of shít. For a start, overnight stays would completely depend on the flight destination and her shift. If the OP's other half thinks that she'll be staying overnight in every place she lands in he needs to seriously educate himself on the way this job works. For a lot of airlines, it would mostly be long distance flights (ie: America) that would involve overnight stays. Chances are she would not be doing this type of flight all the time. If she does go to the states she might have 2 or 3 days there max., and do you really think that she's going to be in any state to sit getting bladdered in a residents bar while dealing with possible jetlag, having worked on a flight that took hours? The same goes for all these "hot" pilots. But again, this one comes down to trust. I'm assuming the OP has a social life so should she not go to pubs in case she gets chatted up?



This is the only point that is in any way credible, but again it would all depend on her shift and flight schedule. It won't be a case of her being away on overnight stays every night of the week.



Yeah of course. That's all it could be. :rolleyes:

Chances are after it happened he had time to think and realised what a complete dick he'd been. He may also have discussed the situation with someone when it happened, friends or family maybe, and anyone with an ounce of sense would have told him he was being a tool and shouldn't have stood in the OP's way.



OP, I wouldn't go down this road. He's trying to support you now. Yes he messed up badly last time but I have to be honest and say that you're just as bad on that score. He essentially told you not to take the job you really wanted and you said ok and let him have his way. It's no wonder he's selfish if you let him have his way all the time, and I'm going to assume you do if you'd let him dictate something as important as your career path.

Take the job and if it comes between you it'll be on account of any insecurities he has.

Best of luck with your new career. I hope it all works out for you.

Hey Chinafoot, just wanted to say thanks for your reponse to my situation and for your advice. You echoed my feelings exactly. I was starting to have doubts about taking the job and I even let myself believe (just for a sec!) that maybe Air Hostess's are just glorified Waitress's even though I've never thought that because it's not true. Reading your post gave me confidence so I just wanted to say fair play to ya for giving such an educated and objective opinion on the topic!! Nothing could stop me taking the job now!!'

Zulu

Sounds to me like you aren't too sure about taking the job (changing careers is never an easy choice).
Frist time, he acted poorly (out of insecurity) but provided you an out, and made up your mind for you.
Second time around, he's had a bit of time to think and has copped on and is now supporting you. All of a sudden you have to make the decision, and thats a hard thing to do.

Don't pick a fight with him over the first time 'round, to force a decision.

opa01_2000

As long as it's not Ryanair - tough company to work for !!!

LegacyUser

'

jetset wrote:

'He knew the first time round how much i wanted it ad knew I was going to interviews etc. He wasn't pleased about it but I had to follow my heart an dgo after the job i wanted. Then when I got offered it, he freaked out.
This time round, he didn't know but either did I. They just called me this morning to offer me a position, I didn't have to interview again so it was a surprise to both of us..'

take the job girl. He'll get over it. As for twisting things around in his favour (saying you were selfish and not him), guys do that all the time. I do with my girlfriend anyway - not all the time. If I am being a complete prick I will back down and apologise.
Seriously you should take the job.'