Feeling hopeless and worthless

LegacyUser

Sorry in advance for this long post

Basically my world has crumbled to pieces within the last few months. I broke up with a long-term boyfriend in May, it wasn't over anything major but a few little arguments built up and we needed to call it a day. We lived together, were best friends and really thought I had found my soul mate. I moved on pretty quickly, well at least kept telling myself that, lived the single life for a few weeks while he was grieving and upset. He didnt like the way I had semi-moved on. Weeks passed by and bang it hit me what had gone on, we arranged to meet up and we had a great time and considered giving it another shot. Passion, respect and love was still there. We couldnt come to a conclusion that weekend due to various reasons so we said we would leave it another month and decide if this is what we really want. My desire to get back into this relationship and give it 100% grew more and more each day but sadly his desire to give it another shot disintigrated. He never said he fell out of love for me but he looked at it realistically and said he couldnt see it working,whereas I had my hopes up so high and wanted it to work. Since then he had still admitted massive feelings for me, admits they are not gonna go away any time soon and texts me non stop, yet cannot give it another shot. Without sounding big headed he and his family have said im the best thing to happen to him, ive transformed him into a mature man and he is a better person because of it. I feel completely fcuked over.

Since the relationship has ended my confidence, outlook on life, and everything has generally deteriorated to peices. I had vision of a life with him, travelling with him and so on. We always talked about engagement, and the future now all that is shattered. My friends are all pretty much settled down now but we do have our nights out, nothing seems good or worth it without him but he is not willing to see or want that.

Ive arranged to go to a counsellor, not to look for answers but because I dont know what to do. The way im feeling has affected my relationship with family members, and its affecting my work. I want me back.

monaghanbiffo

Well that's a good start anyway go and talk it out and you may fell better.

It does seem really unfair that he keeps texting you telling you he has all these feelings, yet doesn't want to give it another go. don't know anything bout the situation but that stringing you along seems really really unfair

How Strange

OP, you're depressed. Your world has come crashing down around you so its no suprise that you are completely lost. Everything you had built up as certainties are now gone. It sounds like you have to move on because he wants to.

I went through a similar reaction to a break-up a few years ago (the relationship wasn't anything as serious as yours) but when it was over it felt like my world fell apart. I took it very badly and was so annoyed at myself for getting depressed over it and letting it take over my life so much. Gradually things improved and I started to put perspective on things. I am a great believer in the therapeutic benefits of sport so I would say get out and go for a jog, walk, cycle. Whatever it is as long as you are exercising.

Going to a counsellor is a good idea too as long as you focus more about your own life/reaction to the breakup and subsequent relationships with those around you.

Best of luck. Its tough.

Edit
I would also say you should cut contact with your ex while you are going through this period of re-adjusting. You will never get over him and get on with your life as long as he is playing silly beggers with text messages etc. You need time free of him and although that is hard it is the only way things will get better for you.

Knockoff Nige

I think 'YOU' is a person who has long gone. The new 'YOU' is coming to the fore though. You seriously need time to think about why your not with him and reasons why you think it wouldnt work. When you start being sure as he is that things are unchangeable, then you're ready to start dating again. Dont do it before that though. You're about to change into someone different. This experience will make you stronger and more capable of dealing with other peoples differences.

First thing though, go shopping.

CathyMoran

Although I am a girl I acted like your ex in this situation I am ashamed to say. What you SHOULD do is move on with your life, ignore his texts and start to build a life up for yourself. Maybe he will see that you are strong without him and want you back, either way, it is better than your current situation. In my case we got back and are happily married and I deeply regret how I treated him, but I feel that our case was the exception not the rule. Councelling is a great idea to help you to see where your head is, there is no magic switch unfortunatly to get the old you back, it just takes time. I wish you all the best at this difficult situtation.

LegacyUser

'Thanks lads, and your all right I know that.

I have told him this week I want to cut all ties, he wasn't happy and asked me to reconsider. Apart from the relationship issues we were best of friends and we ill both miss not being able to drop an email or text to each other. I know it has to stop though. I do feel like i have lost a boyfriend and a best friend, the latter being the hardest to deal with.

I cant see past tomorrow though right now, and I cant see any kind of a future without him. I know, as with other exes I will look back in a year or two and laugh at myself for feeling this way, but the waiting period is hell.

Im sad, angry, remorseful.. everything -that he has moved on quicker than me. It was his first proper relationship and my third. Yet i obviously haven't learned anything from my previous ones. I feel like I will be in spiralling relationships like this forever.'

Knockoff Nige

Feelinghopeless wrote:

'Thanks lads, and your all right I know that.

I have told him this week I want to cut all ties, he wasn't happy and asked me to reconsider. Apart from the relationship issues we were best of friends and we ill both miss not being able to drop an email or text to each other. I know it has to stop though. I do feel like i have lost a boyfriend and a best friend, the latter being the hardest to deal with.

I cant see past tomorrow though right now, and I cant see any kind of a future without him. I know, as with other exes I will look back in a year or two and laugh at myself for feeling this way, but the waiting period is hell.

Im sad, angry, remorseful.. everything -that he has moved on quicker than me. It was his first proper relationship and my third. Yet i obviously haven't learned anything from my previous ones. I feel like I will be in spiralling relationships like this forever.'

But you're talking as if there are no reasons for YOU not wanting to be wuith HIM. There are always some and I think this is where you should start. Does he text too much? Did he do his bit around the house? TYhink of things and focus on them. Its how i have dealt with a breakup in the past and it worked perfectly. Its not used to try and create something false but to bring you in touch with reality of how things were.

LegacyUser

'Oh ive done that! Tried to think of parts of his body I didnt like, traits etc but its not working. Its probably because I went wild for a few weeks after we broke up ( he doesnt know obviously) and I realised what I wanted was right in front of me. Typical.'

Colonel_McCoy

I hear you I have broken up due to similar circumstances last month. She says she loves me and in my opinion it ended over nothing in particular..........I had to tell her to not text me as this would lead to me getting "false hope", maybe that is what you are experiencing. ...............check out a film called "the secret", should be able to download it from pirate bay or any torrent site (google it for more information). You tube has the first 20 mins, its inspirational stuff, believe me I was very skeptical about it but it makes sense. My friend told me about it, I thought it was some rubbish but I gave it a chance and it helped me.