How to leave go?

LegacyUser

This si probally going to be a long post so i appoligise in advance.
The problem is my ex, we met when we were really young, it was first love and all that, he knows me better than anyone he was my best friend.
We broke up over four years ago so you think we could just move on, but it seems impossible when we broke up which was a mutual decision i told him id always love him that i could never have with anyone else what i had with him.
Since its been off ive moved on and met other people, so has he then we'd met up and all the old feelings would stir up again he would tell me he loved me that i was the only one for him.
The thing is because we were together for so long at such a young age that we decided to take some time apart, i was starting Uni ect, but we always said we would get back together, but everytime we started meeting up again something would happen to stop us getting back together.
So i decided that we shouldnt be friends and we should both just move on with our lifes, we havent seen each other in a year, but i still think of him every day i dream about him everynight, i imagine us getting back together and spending the rest of our lifes together, everytime i pass him in the street my heart stops and we just stare at each other
The thing is he feels the same he cant move on either but because of our circumstances we will never be able to get back together.
If the love was unrequited it would probally be easier to get over but its not.
I just dont know how to forget about him forever, i want us to be strangers i want to forget about everything we ever had so i acn focus on my relationship and he can focus on his. What should i do?

How Strange

OP, what were the reasons for the break-up? It must've been a big deal if you two can't get back together but you clearly can't get over each other

Maple

what are the circumstances preventing you two from getting back together? IMO if feelings are that strong on both parts then you two should definitely give it a go. Life is too short.

Maynooth

maple wrote:

what are the circumstances preventing you two from getting back together? IMO if feelings are that strong on both parts then you two should definitely give it a go. Life is too short.

I agree....suppose we don't know the whole story though...

LegacyUser

Take it from someone who's in a very similar boat, in some ways, different boat in others - if you're lucky enough that it's requited, sort it out TODAY with a simple phone call and a meet. Life is too short to be pondering these things.

You gotta make it happen.

Wibbs

I agree sod circumstance and go for it. I know more than one person in very long term relationships, even marriage and kids in one case that wished in unguarded moments that they were still with someone from their past. These aren't over emotional fruitloops either. Unless either of you are married with kids circumstances can be overcome. Life is too short.

comongethappy

I married when I was 18 - married for 3 years now, and I had to move country to be with the man I love. I have no regrets, and he is the best thing that's happened to my life. So what if you're young? If you find your partner when you're young - you'll just get that much longer to spend with him for the rest of your life (if it's meant to be). If you both can see a future together, then just do it. The rest will sort it's self out.

LegacyUser

'Thanks for the replies sorry it took so long to respond.
As i said the reason for the break up was that we were young and pretty serious,we thought we were goin end up together anyway so we decided to take a year to ourselves to be young and free.
Then i met someone and i was in a relationship for a year, myself and my ex use meet up everyday txt and ring and sometimes we would end up sleeping together, then we decided to get back together and i ended my relationship(if you could call it that).
then a friend of ours passed away suddenly, i thought that it would bring us closer together, but it didnt we were both dealing with our grief i needed him but he needed to be by himself, we had a massive falling out about nothing, things were said in the heat of the moment. I stopped all contact with him and moved away met someone else and i thought id just forget about him.
But one weekend i was home we bumped in to each other, we had a big chat he appologised told me he missed me ect, i told him he really hurt me that it would take time to get back to the way things were, but we started talking again and within a few months we couldnt denie our feeling. I never cheated on my partner i do love him but every time i met my ex he would just hold me in his arms tell me he loved me but i just thought it wasnt the right time, i still couldnt forgive him for the things he said.
After a few months we were getting really close again and i said id may aswell give it a go but then i found out i was pregnant with my beautiful daughter, my ex was crushed he said that was it between us, i said we should stop all contact and just try get on with oiur lifes. In the meantime he has had a son aswell.
And we did, but recently when i was home i drove past him in traffic, he waved and my heart stopped, when i got home there was a txt on my phone saying it was great to see me if only it was briefly, i txt back i know i shouldnt but i was just so happy to hear from him again.S o for the last week we have been txting, he asked could we be friends again.
I dont know what to do, as i said i never stop thinking about him even when we are not in contact, im trying to get on with my family and my partner who i love, if he knoew i was txting my ex he would go mad.
I dont know what to do now that he is back in my life again i dont want to leave him go, but we cant be together.
This has been going on for 11 years'

LegacyUser

'Op if you can try and make this work at all please do.
We deserve to be with the ones we love, and there is no worse feeling in the world than regret.
It haunts me to this day...I still love the most special person in my life..but because of geography and a few other things, i'm not going to be able to be with him for the foreseeable future.

If theres a chance at all, do try make it happen.
You won't regret it.'

How Strange

OP, could it be that you are in love with the idea of who your ex was when you were younger and who the two of you were in your mid-late teens? You experienced some very traumatic things together which bonded you together very strongly and rather than breaking up because the relationship ran its course or one of you wasn't in to it anymore you both separated with unfinished business. And it seems you made a few unsuccessful attempts to get back together. Ask yourself why you didn't get back together when you were younger?

Maybe I'm way off the mark but it seems to me that a part of your heart is stuck in the past and if the two of you were to get back together now as adults then it wouldn't necessarily live up to the ideal you have in your head.

I disagree with Unreglostlove on the basis that this has been going on for 11 years, you both have children now and other people are involved. There may very well be a spark between you that you have never felt with anyone else since but is that spark enough? After 11 years you are completely different people and if you get back together and the spark turns into every day mundanity will it have been worth the upheaval caused to the other people in your life?

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

LegacyUser

'I married who I thought was the love of my life, turns out she didn't have the same intense feelings for me. Now I'm stuck married with no affection from her, four children and financially trapped.
My advice to you is if you are not married but just living with a partner, then go and meet your ex and sort this out! You are being unfair on everyone involved if you have a secret affair, you are being unfair on your partner if your emotions for someone else are running so high, so sort it out and if that means setting your partner free he will thank you in the long run. If you marry your current partner and have children with him you will end up regretting it for the rest of your life. Take it from someone who knows before it becomes too difficult to get out!'

Colonel_McCoy

Simple............sometimes you only get one chance in life and there is no point living with regrets. Call him ..........talk to him, tell how you feel. There is nothing guaranteed in life, take a risk. I had a similar situation (I dont want to fill you with trepidation) we got back together and it didn't work out, but I am still glad I made the effort. You are probably thing why? I now have closure and if I didn't make the effort the second time there would always be something in the back of my head saying..........what if you tired again. This time I know and have no regrets............Laugh now cry later

CathyMoran

I would say go for it, you are not married, yes, I know that children are involved but love deserves a chance. Once you meet that special someone you can not just give up on them if it is reciprocated, it will eat you away. Let us know how you get on.

LegacyUser

'OP, I'm in a similar boat to you..kinda.. I met a girl back in October last year and well we both fell for each other but she lived at the other side of the country and we were in different colleges so we never saw each other, anyway back in Januray she said she cudnt do it anymore and that we sud just be friends and move on so we did but she stopped talking to me.. i still tink about her everyday and still dream about her.. it hurts me that she wont even talk to me anymore.. i was down in her college visting my friend back in may and when i saw her my heart just dropped and i got realy down..

I just wanna forget her and move on but its soo hard..'